Somewhere, far away from any inhabited world, the Escher silently cruised through interplanetary space. Sleek, fast, and deadly, the re-fitted Fer-de-lance class ship had but one mission: To MST bad Tenchi Muyo fan fics. And to make some dough, her captain reflected. A cynical young man, Loden realized that, while MSTing was a noble pursuit, it didn't exactly pay the bills. Thankfully, running guns did. Or, rather, it would've, if Kiyone hadn't been such a stickler for following the law. "No! No restricted trading!" She had said, crossing her arms. She had been quite adamant on that point. "But, Kiyone, you can't expect to get anywhere in this part of the galaxy without a little bit of inside dealing. I mean, you don't even let me go bounty hunting! How are we supposed to make a living?" "Just find something else to trade. Something not illegal." As a result, Loden had been forced to go with a less lucrative, but legal, cargo. Two tons of radioactives. Needless to say, Kiyone wasn't as pleased as Loden thought she'd be. But enough of such musings. It was time to take on another bad fan fic. Summoning his crew, Loden left his quarters for the theater. ------------------------ Loden Taylor presents: An MST of "Euphoria" Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo!, and it's characters, are the property of Pioneer and AIC. Gordon Freeman is the property of Valve software. Urania, on the other hand, belongs to the world. I'm not making any money off of this, so please don't sue. As always, I'm open to C&C. My e-mail is loden_t@hotmail.com. CORRECTIONS: In my last disclaimer, there was a misprint. I'm afraid that I referred to the JEDRI as the "JERDI." The author apologizes and regrets any inconvenience. And now, on with the MST! ------------------------ Loden: Where's Urania? Kiyone: She said she had to grab a few things before we started. Something about coming prepared. Urania: Ok, all set. Loden: So...what's in the bag? Urania: Oh, just a few basic supplies. Eye blinds, earplugs, aspirin, stress ball... Loden: Sorry. The blinders and earplugs will have to stay here. You might want to hang on to the aspirin and stress ball, though. Urania: Damn! Freeman: What's the piece this time? Loden: It's called 'Magical Girl Pretty Noboyuki,' and it's one hell of a screwed up fic. Urania: Great. Remind me to thank you later... Kiyone: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Loden: THAT'S THE NEW 'MOVIE SIGNS' EFFECT. IT STAYS ON UNTIL WE GET INTO THE THEATER. ACTS AS AN INCENTIVE. Freeman: WHAT? Loden: I SAID IT STAYS ON UNTIL WE GET INTO THE THEATER! Freeman: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF IDIOT IDEA IS THAT?!? Loden: WHAT? Freeman: I SAID...OH, FORGET IT! JUST GET IN THE DAMN THEATER! ------------------------ Urania: Finally, I can hear again. If you hadn't taken away my earplugs... Loden: Look, if it makes you happy, I'll tone down the klaxon. Freeman: I know that'd make ME happy... Kiyone: Ohboy. It's starting. Magical Girl Pretty NOBOYUKI!!! A senseless fic from a senseless person, AAA-PhuckNut !! Freeman: Wow. With a name like "PhuckNut," you KNOW it's going to be good... Disclaimer: I dont own these characters, but AIC and Pioneer do. This fic contains sex so you have to be 18+ to read it. Tenchi and Ryoko lovers rejoice!! This isnt really related to the Pretty Sammy series, but Noboyuki goes insane, and I needed a funny title :P Kiyone: ...to offset the utter badness of the story. ___________________________________________________________________________ Freeman: Hey, lines. Urania: Which do you suppose they are? "Minus," or "underscore?" Kiyone: Underscore. Minus has little spaces in-between them. Loden: Wow. You learn something new every day. Yet again it was just another normal day at the Masaki household. Tenchi just woke up to the sound of Ayeka and Ryoko fighting over him outside of his door, Urania: You marry the wimp! Kiyone: No, you marry him! Urania: No, you! "God... Not those two fighting again!" complained Tenchi. "I know they're fighting over me.. Freeman: Wow. How long did it take you to figure that one out? I love them both equally though.. or do I? I seem so attracted to Ryoko for some reason. Loden: It's the breasts. Definitely the breasts Urania: Pig! Loden: You know, I'm starting to notice that I GET SMACKED FAIRLY OFTEN BY ANCIENT MUSES NAMED URANIA! Urania: You picked up on that? Good for you. Maybe its because she never had anyone to love her, and I feel like it is my duty to show her affection, a feeling that no one has ever given her before." Tenchi said to himself. Kiyone: Woah. If you love someone just because you feel obligated to, then it isn't really love. Freeman: Yeah, this isn't exactly the best inner monologue ever written. "Hmmmm..." Tenchi sighed. Loden: Hmmm... Freeman: Moo... Kiyone: Oink... Urania: Gorp... Loden: Gorp? Urania: Yeah, gorp. You know, trail mix? Loden: Oh yeah. Gorp... "Thats it! Today im going to show her that I truly love her and end this silly fighting!" exclaimed Tenchi. Kiyone: Wow. That was easy. Urania: No kidding. Almost TOO easy... Tenchi then got dressed and snuck past Ryoko and Ayeka who were too busy fighting to notice Tenchi. On his way down to breakfast, a scary thought popped up in Tenchi's mind, Freeman: Oh no! If I choose Ryoko, then there won't be any more humorous competition between the girls, and the series will end! Loden: Gasp! That means that he can never choose ANY of the girls, lest he negate his own existence! Urania: Wow! This author is deep! I never realized that he was into philosophy. Kiyone: Well, just because his name is "AAA-PhuckNut" doesn't mean he's an idiot... "Oh no! That bitch Sakuya still thinks I love her!! AARRGG!" Tenchi thought to himself. Loden: ... Kiyone: Wow. We were way off... "Oh well.. HEHEHE I have the perfect plan!!" Tenchi said to himself as an evil smile crossed his lips. Loden: EVIL! Just then, out of the blue, came Noboyuki wearing a pink tutu and holding a paper mache wand, Urania: Uh oh. This can't be good... "AHAHAHAH!! I AM MAGICAL PRETTY GIRL NOBOYUKI!!!! AHAHAHAHAH" screamed a very deranged Noboyuki. "I WILL MAKE EVERYONE LOVE EVERYONE!!!! AHAHHAHAHA!!!" screamed MPGNoboyuki as he skipped out the front door and headed to the bus stop. All: -_-" Freeman: Oh, man... Loden: I think we've just started the downward spiral. Kiyone: This isn't going to be pretty, is it? ((MPGNoboyuki stands for Magical Girl Pretty Noboyuki, incase you didnt know :P) -AAA-PhuckNut) Urania: WOW. THANK YOU, PHUCKNUT. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT STOOD FOR. Freeman: Woah. Sarcasm. "Oh Great!! There goes dad acting insane again!! That dirty bastard!" Tenchi yelled. Freeman: HA! Loden: Dirty bastard, indeed. Tenchi ran to the kitchen and yelled to Sasami, "Sasami! Quick call the Shady Oaks Insane Asylum!! Dad thinks he's Magical Girl Pretty Noboyuki again!!" Tenchi beamed. Urania: Tenchi beamed? So, he's proud of his Dad for being insane? Kiyone: And for being a dirty bastard. "NOO!! Not again!! This could be dangerous!!" Sasami said. Sasami then called the Shady Oaks Insane Asylum, "Hello! and welcome to the Shady Oaks Insane Asylum automated commiting a person to the asylum hotline!" said a robotic recording. "If you are being murdered by an insane criminal, please press 1 now." said the recording. "If you are the insane person, please press 2 now." said the recording. "If Magical Girl Pretty Noboyuki is on the loose again, please press 3 now." said the recording Freeman: So, what do you press if you're in an insane author's fan fic? Loden: Maybe you press 4, for a tactical airstrike of the author's home. Sasami then pressed 3, "Thank you for choosing 3, please hold for an operator!" said the recording. Sasami waited patiently while some elevator played over the phone. Finally a operator came on, "MGPNoboyuki is out again!!!" screamed the operator sounding very scared. "Yes he just came out!! He left the house and headed for the bus to Tokyo!" yelled Sasami. "OH GREAT!! THIS IS TERRIBLE!! Has he raped any small animals yet?!" said the operator. Urania: Small animals? Oh God... Loden: Yep. Definitely going down the spiral. Kiyone: I'm afraid of what's at the bottom. Freeman: We all are, Kiyone. We all are. "No, not that I know of.. But you better hurry before he does!!" Sasmi said. Freeman: "Sasmi," eh? Urania: I think the other "a" ran away. Loden: Maybe it fused with the first "a." Kiyone: Ok, so that was pointless... (But it was too late) _________________________________________________________________________ Loden: Hey, more lines. MGPNoboyuki skipped along through the woods until he ran into a squirel, "HELLO MR. SQUIREL!! I AM MAGICAL GIRL PRETTY NOBOYUKI! I WILL SHOW YOU LOVE!!" screamed MGPNoboyuki. Urania: Here it comes... Kiyone: This is going to hurt. Loden: Hurt us, or the squirrel? Freeman: Both. The squirel shrieked in terror as MGPNoboyuki grabbed onto the squirel, then he lifted his tutu and rammed his hard cock into the squirel's ass, "HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" yelled MGPNoboyuki. All: AHHHHHHHH!!!! Loden: Quick! Give me the aspirin! Urania: Wait until I'm done with it! Kiyone: Oh no! There's more! MGPNoboyuki's penis ripped through the squirel's entire body and popped out of the top of the squirel's head. All: AHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOO!!! Then the squirels body split in half and squirel blood covered MGPNoboyuki's cock. MGPNoboyuki then took the squirel's body and happily ate it, Kiyone: It hurts... Loden: Here, have a few of these. Freeman: Oh man. Where's the booze? I need a drink... "IT IS MY DUTY TO SHOW LOVE TO ALL THE CREATURES OF GODS PLANET!!" screamed MGPNoboyuki. He then skipped off down the trail to the bus. Urania: Is this hell? I mean, really? Did we die and go to hell? Freeman: No. If this were hell, Nobuyuki and Sasami would've... Loden: DON'T SAY IT! It just might happen! Kiyone: Just think happy thoughts. It might not. There's still a chance... Freeman: Whoops. Prep for lines... __________________________________________________________________________ Freeman:...and there they go. "Well, I guess we shouldn't worry too much now, Sasami." said Tenchi. "Yeah, I guess so.. The insane asylum should take care of everything." said Sasami. Loden: Did you catch it? That was called "foreshadowing." Urania: It had better not be foreshadowing what I think it is... "But dont you remember what happend last time?" said Sasami. "Yeah I know, it took 15 men to stop him from raping all those people in Tokyo, they practically beat him to death with night sticks." said Tenchi. "Well I hope they can fix him permanently this time!" exclaimed Sasami. Freeman: "Fix" in what sense? Kiyone: Any sense would be good...but I'm leaning towards physically. "Me too. Well I have to go take care of some business, Ill see ya later Sasami." said Tenchi. "Ok Tenchi see ya later!" Sasami said. Loden: They seem to be taking this in stride. It must happen pretty often. Kiyone: Hell, ONCE is too often for me... Tenchi then left the kitchen and headed up the stairs to Ryoko's room. Tenchi arrived at her room and opened the door, and she wasnt there, "Hmm, she must be at her favorite tree, ill go there." Tenchi said to himself. Freeman: THRILL as he goes to her room and doesn't find her there! Look on in AMAZEMENT as he decides to go to her favorite tree! Tenchi then went downstairs and headed out the door, avoiding Ayeka, who was sitting on the couch watching TV. Tenchi got outside safely and went to Ryoko's favorite tree, and he saw her laying up there on a branch, Urania: WOW! He was right on with that one. Loden: I know. He thought to himself, "she must be at her favorite tree," and she was! Damn, he's good. "Wow, she is so beautiful." Tenchi thought to himself when he saw her. "Hey Ryoko!" yelled Tenchi. Ryoko turned her head towards him, and then she saw it was Tenchi and she said, Kiyone: What did she say? Loden: You'll be a dentist! You have a talent for causing things pain! Freeman: Little Shop of Horrors. Good one. Loden: Ain't it, though? Love the music... "Oh hi Tenchi!" then she teleported down next to him. "What brings you here?" asked Ryoko when she got next to him. Freeman: Well, since it didn't look like this was going to be a Sasami lemon, I thought I'd come and see if you wanted to get nasty. Urania: Hmmm...no, not today. I think today is a threesome for you with Mihoshi and Kiyone. Kiyone: YEESH! I really don't get those. I mean, Tenchi's a great guy and all, but he's not my type. And he's too young. Loden: But you and Mihoshi...that's ok? Kiyone: I'm not even going to dignify that one with a response. "Well, I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk with me, because I have to tell you something. "Ok, sure." Ryoko said, sounding a little bit suprised. They started to walk down a trail that leaded into the forest, then Tenchi spoke up, Loden: Dad's gone nuts again. We think it'd be for the best if you killed him. Urania: Terminate your father? Loden: Terminate...with extreme prejudice. Freeman: Yeah, yeah, I've seen "Apocalypse Now" too... "Ryoko, what I wanted to tell you was that.. umm.. I..." Ryoko's heart started to flutter when she heard him say this, Kiyone: Oh oh! She's fribulating! Get the defribulator! "I love you!" exclaimed Tenchi. "Oh Tenchi!! You dont know how long I have waited for you to say that!! I love you so much too!!" exclaimed a VERY happy Ryoko. Freeman: How happy was she? Very. They then hugged each other and gazed into one another's eyes. Kiyone: Tenchi, you've got eye gunk. Their faces slowly came closer and closer together until their lips were touching, then they went into a deep kiss. As they kissed, Ryoko moved her hands all over Tenchi's chest, slowly moving downward untill she put her hands into his pants and massaged his growing erection, Urania: Right, right...ham-fisted seduction scene, etc. Just get on with it. Loden: Really. If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. "Oh TENCHI!! I want you so bad!!" exclaimed Ryoko. "oh umm.. HEHE.. umm HEH." said a very nervous Tenchi. Loden: Suddenly, a deer bounded out of the woods and consumed Tenchi. Ryoko killed the deer, and offered it as a sacrifice to Odin. Odin was much pleased with the sacrifice, and did smile upon Ryoko. Kiyone: And what, exactly, was that? Loden: Just trying to add a bit of flair to another boring sex scene. Ryoko then teleported them both to Tenchi's room, and she layed him down on the bed and she started to strip, Freeman: But did she toss her clothes gracefully? Urania: You're still on that kick? "mmmmmm.." Ryoko moaned as she stripped her clothes off. Loden: She must have fun undressing before bed every night... "My god.. she is so fucking gorgeous!!" Tenchi though to himself. Ryoko finished taking her clothes off and started to take Tenchis off. She took his pants off and then got on top of him, stradling his waist. She then slowly sat on Tenchi's cock, sliding it up her wet, tight, virgin pussy. Kiyone: You know, there's not a whole lot to make fun of. I mean, the writing sucks, but they're not doing anything really freaky. Freeman: I'm just enjoying the peace while it lasts. "oooohhh Tenchi, ive always wanted my first to be with you." said Ryoko. "Ive always wanted my first to be with you too." said Tenchi. Loden: That's super. "Wow she's a virgin?? I never would have guessed that by the way she acts!" Tenchi thought to himself. Ryoko started to bounce on him faster and faster, Urania: Boingy, boingy, boingy... "RYOKO!! YES!!!" screamed Tenchi as he blew his load into her. Freeman: HAHAHA! There's the great writing we were looking for! Urania: Woah. Nothing's quite as sexy as when someone "blows their load." Loden: Sarcasm, yeah. "OOOOOHH YESSSS TENCHIIIIIII!!" screamed Ryoko as she orgasmed shortly after Tenchi. Then they slowed down and got off each other and went into a deep kiss, "I love you so much!" said Ryoko. "I love you too Ryoko, that was soooo good..." said Tenchi. Then they kissed each other some more and eventually fell asleep... Kiyone: Meanwhile... ____________________________________________________________________________ MGPNoboyuki neared the bus stop, he had already raped 3 squirels, 2 dogs, and a goat, Urania: Oh, good. It's nice to see that he's stayed busy... "NOW I WILL GO TO THE CITY AND SHOW LOVE TO EVERYONE!!! AHAHAHHAHAHA!" screamed MGPNoboyuki. Just as he got close to the bus stop, he saw the all to common sight, to him, of the white paddy wagon with its sirens on speeding his way, "THE ANTI-LOVE MEN HAVE COME TO STOP MY LOVE!! I MUST RUN!!" screamed MGPNoboyuki. Kiyone: Yeah. You do that. Freeman: Why do I get the feeling that this can only get worse? He then ran back as fast as he could to the house. When he got to the house and came to the front gate he saw Azaka and Kamidake. "AHAHAHA!! I MUST SHOW MY FRIENDS LOVE!!" screamed MGPNoboyuki as he headed right towards Azaka. Loden: Uh oh. Urania: This won't be pleasant. "Ah, greetings sir!" said Azaka as MGPNoboyuki headed towards him. "Um sir? May I ask why you are wearing that womans dress?" asked Azaka. "I WILL SHOW YOU LOVE MY LOG FRIEND!!" screamed MGPNoboyuki. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Azaka screamed. MGPNoboyuki quickly grabbed ahold of Azaka, and plunged his penis into Azaka's little electric eye thingy. Kiyone: Well, great. That just made my day. Thanks AAA-PhuckNut. His penis shattered the glass eye, and destroyed all the electronics inside. MGPNoboyuki was in pure ecstasy as the broken glass and sharp electric components ripped up his penis. Blood started pouring from his penis, All: NO! Loden: What the hell?!? Freeman: I didn't need that. I really didn't. "AHHHHHHHH-----" was all Azaka could say before he lost power. Kiyone: I know what you mean. Kamidake was smart and already ran away when MGPNoboyuki attacked Azaka. Urania: Hey, aren't those things supposed to be practically indestructible? Loden: I'm guessing that their designers never anticipated an attack quite like this one. MGPNoboyuki pulled his penis out of Azaka and cried at what he saw, "NOOOOO MY LOVE STICK HAS BEEN DESTROYED!! HOW CAN I SHOW LOVE TO EVERYONE NOW??!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed MGPNoboyuki. MGPNoboyuki's penis was a bloody mangled mess of shreds of skin and stuff. All: Kiyone: Blood and skin and stuff. That's great. Freeman: I still have a feeling that it's going to get worse. "I GOT IT!! I WILL JUST MAKE MYSELF BECOME REBORN SO I WILL HAVE A NEW LOVE STICK!!!!" exclaimed a very happy MGPNoboyuki. Freeman: See? Urania: This can only end badly. MGPNoboyuki then ran into the house and into the kitchen, where Sasami was, "Oh no!!!! HES HERE!!!" screamed Sasami, unfortuneatly no one heard her. Loden: No! Don't even think about it! No! Kiyone: We may have to kill Nobuyuki. Urania: Or the author. Freeman: Hell, I say kill 'em both. "YOU WILL HOLD MY REBORN FETUS!!!!" screamed MGPNoboyuki. Loden: NO! Dammit, what did I just say?!? He then grabbed a knife and sliced his scrotum off. All: GAH! Freeman: Bad! Wrong! Loden: Don't... He took his nuts and broke them open Loden: NO! and grabbed onto Sasami and shoved them up her pussy, Loden: GOD DAMN IT! WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!? NO! Freeman: That's it! Kiyone: Son-of-a-bitch must pay! "OH GOD HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" screamed Sasami. Urania: Oohh...he is SO dead. "AHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA!!!!! NOW TO GO BECOME REBORN!!!" screamed MGPNoboyuki. MGPNoboyuki then ran out of the house with the knife and stabbed himself in the head so that he could be reborn. Then knife punctured the side of his skull and went straight through his brain, he died a few seconds later. Of course, he was insane and he wasnt reborn.. Freeman: So, all in all, no great loss. Now, as for the author... Loden: Let's see how HE likes having HIS nuts cut off and inserted into a particular orifice. _________________________________________________________________________ Urania: Here, have a few more: _________________ Loden: Take a few of these, too: ~~~~~~~~~~~ Tenchi woke up and looked over to see Ryoko still asleep. Just then Ayeka burst into the room and saw a naked Tenchi and Ryoko hugging each other in bed. "YOU DEMON!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO TENCHI!!" screamed Ayeka. "AYEKA!!" Tenchi yelled. Loden: Janet! Kiyone: Brad! Freeman: Janet! Kiyone: Doctor Scott! Urania: Rocky! "Its.. its not her fault Ayeka.. I love her Ayeka.." Tenchi confessed. Ayeka ran out of the room crying and ran out of the house past Noboyuki's bloody corpse, not even caring about it. Urania: Oh my God! They killed Nobuyuki! YOU BAST...oh, wait, that's a good thing. Ayeka headed out into the woods and found a tree and sat by it. Loden: Whoops, be careful! That's an Ent you're sitting by. Freeman: Huroom. "WHYYY!!! WHY DOES HE LOVE HER!!!!!!" screamed Ayeka. Urania: Here, have some more. It'll make you feel better: !!!!!!!! Kiyone: Feeling generous today? Urania: You know me. I'm just a giving person. "How could he fall in love with that... that.. Freeman: Demon? that DEMON!!" screamed Ayeka. Freeman: There you go. Ayeka cried some more, then decided that she didnt belong here anymore. "He doesnt love me.. he loves HER.. I dont need to stay here.. IM LEAVING!!" yelled Ayeka. And at that she went back to the house and found Sasami balled up in a corner crying her eyes out, Kiyone: Now that's just mean! How could the author do that to her? Freeman: He won't be able to, once I get to him. "Sasami!! Lets go we are leaving!!" yelled Ayeka. Ayeka then grabbed Sasami and they left, never to return. Loden: Here they come again... __________________________________________________________________________ Loden:...ok, they're gone. "Theres still one thing I have to do, my love" Tenchi said to a sleeping Ryoko. "I must KILL THAT SAKUYA BITCH!!" screamed Tenchi, almost waking Ryoko up. Kiyone: No, you don't. Really, trust me on this one. Freeman: And here I thought we'd reached the bottom of the spiral. Urania: Oh, the spiral never ends. It just keeps going...and going... Tenchi then went to the phone and called up his 'old friend'. "Hello? God father?" said Tenchi. "hmm Tenchi is that you?" said the voice with a heavy italian accent. Loden: Oh, Lord. Here we go... Freeman: Can't wait to see how THIS is going to turn out. Urania: Yeah, no kidding... Loden: You know, the reason he speaks like that isn't because he's Italian. It's because he got stabbed in the throat once. Kiyone: Really? Loden: Yep. They never mentioned it in the movie, but Marlin Brando read the book and decided to incorporate it into his performance. Freeman: I guess you really do learn something new every day... "Yes, it is I, I need you to 'take care' of someone for me." Tenchi then told what he wanted to his Italian friend. Loden: Ok, first off, you don't discuss that kind of stuff over the phone. Second, the mob doesn't exactly go out of their way to kill someone who isn't in the mob. Urania: What's with the obsession with the mob? Loden: Well, a few of my great uncles were...you know...IN. Urania: Ah... ___________________________________________________________________________ Sakuya sat in her shitty little hovel she calls home, Kiyone: Wow. Apparently SOMEONE doesn't like Sakuya. thinking about Tenchi, when she heard a knock on the door. Sakuya went and answered the door and saw 2 tall, strong looking, italian men wearing very expensive looking suits, and black sun glasses. Loden: Cliche, anyone? "Good day miss, you must be Sakuya?" said the first man. "Yes my name is Sakuya. May I help you?" said a puzzled Sakuya. "Would you please come with us? A man named Tenchi would like to see you." said the man. Freeman: What is the mob doing in Japan? Urania: Don't ask. The answer is probably dumber than the concept. Sakuya didnt want to go.. but then she heard him say Tenchi wanted to see her, so she went with them. They arrived outside and they went over to the shiny black car, with black tinted windows. She got in the back and noticed there was a driver already waiting in the car. The ride was totally silent untill they reached their destination, but Sakuya was puzzled.. "Why are we at the docks?" asked Sakuya. "Your friend Tenchi is waiting for you on a yacht out at sea, we will get on a boat and head out to him." said one of the men. "Oh ok." said Sakuya. Kiyone: Gullible girl... Urania: Stupid author. They hopped on a motor boat and headed out to the yacht. They finally arrived at the yacht. "Come, your friend awaits you." said one of the men. Sakuya and the men stepped off the boat and onto the yacht. "Please wait here while I go and get him." said one of the men. The man walked around to the other side of the captains area. "Please follow me." said one of the men standing next to Sakuya. "Ok." said Sakuya as she followed him. Loden: CHRIST! Is the author going to detail EVERY MOVEMENT she makes? Freeman: Wait! He didn't tell us a thing about where Sakuya sat in the boat on the ride to the yacht! That's vital information! They headed around to the other side where the other guy had gone, then Sakuya noticed a box with what looked like wet cement inside it. "What is that? It looks like cement." asked Sakuya. Urania: You think? All of the sudden one of the men grabbed Sakuya and shoved her feet into the wet cement. "AHHHHHHH!!! what are you doing!!" screamed Sakuya. Loden: Putting your feet in the wet cement. What does it LOOK like we're doing? Then one of the guys stuck duct tape over her mouth. Then all 3 of them pulled out their pistols and started shooting her in the legs, filling her legs with hot lead. "MMMPPPPPHHH" Sakuya screamed in pain. Kiyone: And the point of that was...? Freeman: I don't know. I don't care. Just let me know when it's over. Blood poured from her legs, then one man grabbed a crowbar and started to beat her in the spine with it. The sound of bones cracking could be heard very clearly. Urania: Can you say, "overkill?" Loden: Wait, there's more. Then they strapped a bomb to her that was set to detonate when her heartbeat slowed almost to stopping, but not quite. Urania: Which they just had lying around, I'm sure. They shot her in the arms some more, Kiyone: Wonderful. And somehow, she's still alive. then threw her into the ocean once the cement dried. Loden: Wait. Do you know how long it takes cement to dry completely? Freeman: Maybe there was a lot of rebar. Loden: Or maybe they used a lot of quicklime. Urania: Maybe you two should shut the hell up about the stupid cement, already. She sunk like a rock, screaming all the way down, she started losing oxygen quickly, and her blood filled the water, her heart slowed way down and then the bomb detonated filling the water with blood and chunks of her body. Then extremely hungry sharks arrived and ate her remaining body parts. That was the end of Sakuya!! ((YES AHAHHAHAHAHAAH!!! SAKUYA THE BITCH IS DEAD!!! HAHHHAHAHAHA) - AAA-PhuckNut) All: Kiyone: Just end the stupid fic, already! End! ____________________________________________________________________________ Tenchi and Ryoko were married and lived happily ever after, having 8 kids. Freeman: Which makes everything all right, somehow. Urania: Whatever. ____________________________________________________________________________ THE END All: YAY! Urania: ARGH! That sucked! Dont forget to join my chat room if ya want!! All: WE DON'T! Just connect to a DAL.net server and join #Ryoko See ya there! Send all comments to: viperz00@winfire.com Kiyone: That hurt. I mean, a lot. Freeman: I hear you. Loden: Let's just get out of here... ------------------------ Loden: Ok, time to rate it. How stupid? Freeman: 5. Definitely a 5. Kiyone: 5. Urania: 10. My brain hurts. Loden: I'll just put down a 5, then. Right. How disgusting? Kiyone: For the most part, it was just stupid. But the whole "reborn" thing...I'd give it a 4. Freeman: 3. He could've done worse. Urania: 5. The author must die. Loden: Woah. Ok......and how disturbing? Freeman: 3. Kiyone: 3. Urania: 5. Loden: Ok then......so, adding my scores in, we get a 5 for stupidity, 4 for disgustingness, and a 4.7 for disturbability. Kiyone: What do you do with these scores, anyway? Loden: Well, my dream is to one day have every bad fic and lemon rated using a standardized system, thereby warning unwary readers. Urania: Sounds great. But I've got a question. Loden: What's that? Freeman: Wow. What was that for? Urania: THAT was for taking away my blinders and earplugs. And so, another bad fic has been MSTed. Tune next time for the continuing adventures of the crew of the Escher! ------------------------ Stinger: "Oh Great!! There goes dad acting insane again!! That dirty bastard!" Tenchi yelled.