Loden: Hello, and welcome to my first MST. I'm Loden Taylor, and I'll be your host for tonight. First off, I'd just like to give a little background on why I decided to start writing MST's. Loden: Now, as I'm sure you all know, there's some pretty sick and disturbing stuff out there. I mean, when you enjoy something like Tenchi Muyo as much as I do, there's nothing worse than coming across an incredibly poorly written or disgusting fan fic. For me, it feels something like this... Loden: My mind as normal. As you can see, it's perfectly happy, basking in the sweetness of well written fan fiction. But, when we introduce it to one of these previously mentioned bad fan fics... Loden: As you can see, it feels like someone is raping my mind. The sheer badness of it all makes my eyes hurt, not to mention my brain. And if it's REALLY bad... Loden: Now THAT'S deep hurting. Eventually it was all too much. And so, I decided to take up the quest that so many before me had chosen...I decided to become an MST writer! Loden: Right. Anyway, on to the format. We all know how it works; a group of people lampoon a bad fan fic. If you want to be a traditionalist, you put them in space. Loden: I don't really care about being a traditionalist, I just like the idea of crusin' around space. Now, what kind of ship shall I choose? Most would probably want a bigger, more powerful ship than everyone else has. I, however, being a humble soul, will go with something more modest. Also, since Star Trek seems to be the most popular continuity to base ships off of, I think I'll choose one from somewhere else... Loden: I'm not sure how many of you remember the old "Elite" games (I used to play the original on my C64), but this is one of the ships from that game. It's called the Fer-De-Lance. Just in case you're interested, here's the stats. Dimensions - 85/20/45 ft Cargo Capacity - 2 Tonne Canisters Armaments - Ergan Laser System; IFS Seek & Hunt missiles Maximum Velocity - 0.30 C Inservice Date - 3100 AD (Zorgon Petterson) Maneuverability - Curve Factor 5 Crew Number - 12 Drive Motors - Titronix Intersun Ionic for LT Hull Stress Factor - T Ji 10 Hyperspace Capability - Yes Loden: I suppose that I'd better mention that I don't own Elite, or the idea, concept, rights therein, etc...please don't sue me, because I'm really, really, REALLY poor (paying tuition does that to a guy). Anyway, now that I've got a ship, I'll have to christen her with a suitable name. Let's see..."Retribution" has a nice ring to it, but it's not quite right. So does "Sinfonian," but I don't think it's quite right, either. Well, when in doubt, name it after someone else. I think I'll call her the "Escher." Loden: But what is a ship without a crew? Here, then, is the tricky part. One must choose a well-balanced crew, one that will work together. And, of course, one that I can have a bit of fun with. Well, to begin, why not pick one of the Tenchi Muyo cast? It never hurts to get an inside perspective, especially in this business. And while I'm at it, why not pick someone who (to my knowledge) hasn't had a lot of previous appearances in MST's. So I think that my first crewmember will be... Kiyone Makibi! Kiyone: Erm...hi. Loden: That's one. Who next...how about a choice straight out of left field? Someone that nobody expects. And so, my second crew member...straight from the Black Mesa Research Facility, Dr. Gordon Freeman! Freeman: I don't always wear this suit, you know. Loden: Hey, that's great. Anyway, for my third crew member, I've drawn from ancient Greek mythology. You all remember the nine muses, don't you? (silence) Hmmm. Well, at any rate, allow me to present Urania, the muse of astronomy! Urania: Wait, what is this all about again? I really don't think that this is my sort of thing... Freeman: You're telling me. I've got a Ph.D. for Christ's sake. Loden: And there you have it. My crew. Although, looking at them now, I realize that they have absolutely nothing to do with each other, or with me... ...but, hey, if it doesn't work out, I can always just fire the lot of them and start over again, can't I? Loden: Ah...good times. But getting back to business, now that we're all set to go we can begin our very first MST. What an exciting moment! Loden: And so, I invite you to join us on our maiden voyage as my crew and I MST the lemon fic "Euphoria." ------------------------ Loden Taylor presents: An MST of "Euphoria" First, the disclaimer. I don't own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters. Pioneer & AIC do (I think). Gordon Freeman is the property of Valve software, and Elite is from Ian Bell and David Braben. Urania, on the other hand, is part of the public domain. As are "Amazing Grace" and "In the Hall of the Mountain King." Not that I'm planning to use either of those two songs, but it just gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that I could. If any legal-types have any serious problem with this being on the web, don't sue. I'll be sure to take it down, if I'm asked, etc, etc...(except for those lawyers that I know personally and hang out with. You guys can all go screw yourselves). And , before I forget, the previously mentioned "Brian Drummond" is the intellectual property of Bryan Weber, and the "JERDI" is Glyph Bellchime's. Go read their stuff, it's quality shit. I enjoy it... Second, I'm all for feedback, so tell me what you think. Like it, hate it, think I'm the Antichrist...e-mail me at loden_t@hotmail.com. If you think it totally sucked, though, try and stick to constructive criticism. I'm looking to IMPROVE my writing, not keep writing poorly because I never get any suggestions. Right! On with the show! ------------------------ Somewhere, in the vastness of space, the Fer-De-Lance class ship 'Escher' cruises silently through the eternal night. As her captain monitors her progress on her maiden voyage, her crew sit in the lounge attempting to make small talk, find out more about each other, and figure out what the hell is going on. Kiyone: So...what do you do, Gordon? Freeman: Oh, nothing. All I do is save the earth every other week. But do I ever get anything for it? Oh, no, of course not. Not that I should expect any - I've got a freaking Ph.D., and they had me pushing crystal samples into a laser. The least they could've done is called me "Doctor Freeman" for crying out loud... Kiyone: Uh, right. And what do you do? Urania: You mean you don't know? Haven't you been to school? Kiyone: Um...well... Urania: You know, ancient Greek mythology? Inspirational Muses, and all that? Kiyone: Well, see, I'm not actually from earth, so... Loden: How's everyone doing? Getting acquainted? Aa...heh.. ...yeah. What's on your minds? Freeman: I'd just like to hear, again, what we're doing. Loden: You were in the theater. Didn't you hear the presentation? Ok, here's the deal: we watch and make fun of really bad Tenchi Muyo fan fics in an attempt to lessen their horrific badness, thereby sparing the rest of the fan fic community a good deal of angst and loathing and...stuff. Freeman: Uh-huh. It sounds like this job sucks. Loden: Hey, you accepted it. Besides, for a guy that was just running around Black Mesa, fighting for his life, I'd think this would be a nice change of pace. Freeman: Well, now that you mention it, yeah... Urania: I've got a quick question. Loden: Shoot. Urania: Are we ever going to watch any GOOD fan fics? Loden: Eh, no. There's union regulations about that sort of thing. You can watch whatever you want on your own time, but I can only show you the bad stuff. Urania: Really? Loden: Well...no, not really. But what'd be the point? I can see by the look on your face that you'd love to answer that, but I'm afraid that it's time to take our places in the theater now. So...if you will... ------------------------ Kiyone: Nice seats. Loden: Thanks. I had them custom made. Urania: That's SOMETHING, at least. Freeman: Hey, it's starting. Euphoria - By Ryo-ohki Warning : this is a lemon fanfic, this means that it has adult content, throughout. Even though I believe in the abolishment of censorship I don't believe that minors should not be reading this kind of material. Freeman: I suspect that NO ONE should be reading this material. If you are under the legal age of your country, district or state, please exit this site immediately. Urania: Right. That's us. Loden: Sit down. I've locked all the doors. Besides, Urania, aren't you over 2000 years old? Urania: None of your business. Note : this is the sequel to my earlier story, "At the Carrot Patch", so if you like this story, please read the other one(s) that I have written. So far, I've only written for the Tenchi series, but when I get enough information about others I will write about them too. Kiyone: Can't wait. Urania: I think I can. Special Notice : If anyone is interested in working together on a story with me please contact me at Mike_Forever@hotmail.com. All other comments and suggestions are welcome also. And now on to the story.... The day began as any other day, but today was no ordinary day for Ryouko. Loden: Today she was eating cubes of mescaline Jell-O. Freeman: Way to rip off the original MST3K. Loden: Hey, I'm trying to bring on the funny, man. She was had a lot in store for Tenchi so that he would be hers forever. Kiyone: I remember once when I was had a case of mono. Freeman: What did you do were have about it? Urania: Typo jokes. Funny. She left the house shortly after lunch and told everyone that she wouldn't be back until late in the night. Everyone naturally assumed that she had gone on a date with some other man after getting tired of pursuing Tenchi. Loden: Naturally. Because, you know, she does that kind of thing a lot whenever she gets tired of pouncing on Tenchi. Urania: Right. SATIRE! Kiyone: It's plausible. Ayeka thought that she would take advantage of the situation by making a romantic dinner that would capture Tenchi's heart Urania: ...and suck the life out of it. and make him notice her. What nobody didn't know was that Ryouko hadn't actually left the house but was secretly sitting in the basement to wait for the right time. Freeman: "What nobody didn't know." So everyone knew it? Kiyone: Not very sneaky, is she? Ayeka cooked two separate dinners, one for Tenchi and herself and one for everyone else. Loden: Wouldn't that really be three dinners, then? Urania: Maybe she'll dump it in a trough. Freeman: Actually, I think it means she's cooking two sets of dinners. Loden: Hey, I don't see you doing much over there, Gordon. Try and get in the spirit, here, would ya'? Kiyone? Anything you wanted to say? Kiyone: I just always thought her cooking sucked. Ayeka also set up another table in a separate room, away from everyone else so they wouldn't be interrupted. Everyone came to the table sat down, and began the meal. Ryouko turned intangible so that she was now able to come up through the floor. After poking her head through the floor she saw that neither Tenchi nor Ayeka were at the table or Ayeka at the table anywhere. Urania: Or Ayeka. Kiyone: Or the table. Freeman: Or Tenchi, the table, or Ayeka anywhere. Loden: Or the Ayeka. "That wench, Ayeka, she took MY Tenchi" exclaimed Ryouko "I hope she's not planning to take MY Tenchi away from me because he's MINE. Loden: Yeah, I think we got that. "If I find that she's with MY Tenchi Freeman: ...I'll have to get out MY can of whoop-ass to open on her for stealing MY Tenchi, who is MINE, and did I mention he's MY Tenchi? Loden: That's the spirit! Loden: Heh...I'll just sit over here... I'll give her a beating that she'll never forget. Maybe then she'll learn not to steal my man, ever again. Kiyone: Or Ayeka anywhere. Ryouko sunk back under the floor to continue her search for Tenchi. The first place she check was the bedrooms but found that they weren't there, which greatly relieved Ryouko. Loden: Next, knowing Ayeka's penchant for fecophelia, she checked the bathroom. Urania: Disgusting! Loden: Owww... Urania: Behave. She finally found them in a dark, secluded room that was connected to Ayeka's bedroom that only Ayeka had access to, until now. Urania: The Room! Freeman: Call me crazy, but I don't find whips and chains a comfortable dining experience. Loden: Hey, the kid's kinky. Kiyone: Tenchi? I sometimes think that he wouldn't know kinky if it bit him in the ass. Ryouko came up through the floor, under the table and crouched under it. Freeman: Knowing Japanese tables, that's quite a feat. She became solid again and was careful not to alert Ayeka of her presence. Luckily Ayeka had used a long tablecloth that reached the floor so she wouldn't be interrupted from her plans. Slowly she knelt in front of Tenchi but didn't touch him yet, she had to carefully plan this so that Tenchi wouldn't be too alarmed so that she wouldn't alert anyone of her position. Loden: She rigged for silent running as a destroyer passed overhead. Rising to 30 meters, she... After much thoughtful planning she brought her plans up to Tenchi's lap and lightly caressed the front of Tenchi's pants. Kiyone: Groping Tenchi took a lot of thoughtful planning? Freeman: I guess she likes to cover her bases. Loden: Speaking of bases, it looks like Tenchi's going to get to 2nd, at the least. Tenchi looked up at Ayeka at turned a bright shade of red. "Oh Tenchi did I make your food too spicy for you?" inquired Ayeka Urania: Oh, no, it's just that Ryoko is groping...uh...I mean... Tenchi shook his head Loden: ...eh heh... and returned to his meal trying not to give anything else away. Ryouko paused for a moment to see if Tenchi had given away her position. Freeman: It was the later years of the war, and spies were everywhere... After a couple seconds she continued to caress Tenchi's slowly hardening pole. Soon Tenchi's dick was at full mast and bloated with blood. Kiyone: Oh, THERE'S a nice description. Urania: I just don't find "bloated" to be a very sexy word. His prick was becoming sore so Ryouko decided to undo his pants for him. She was almost hit in the face as his full length came flying straight at her face. Loden: LOOK OUT RYOKO! Ryouko caught the bloated shaft Loden: They say that cat Shaft is one bad mother... Sorry, I had to. Urania: The author seems to be hung up on "bloating" Freeman: Maybe he's retaining water. Kiyone: Oh, he's bloated with something, all right... at the base with her left hand and softly started to run her fingers up and down his entire length. Tenchi tried hard not to moan, whimper or start breathing heavy as it would give away what was going on and he definitely didn't want this to stop. The danger of the situation was very arousing for Tenchi. In an effort to release the tension, Tenchi curled his toes upwards. Kiyone: Because that's the universal way of relieving sexual tension. Loden: Hey, whatever works. He accidentally stuck his toe of his shoe into Ryouko's groin. Ryouko was surprised at this and started to take her plan further. Freeman: Phase Two of her plan would require her to assume the identity of 'Duchess Cobblebottom'... Urania: I thought Tenchi wore sandals. Kiyone: Eh, who cares about logic this late in the game? Ryouko once again turned intangible and sunk back trough the floor. Kiyone: "Intangible?" Is that the right word for this situation? Urania: Close enough. If we started checking for grammar we'd be here all day. "No, please don't leave me now, not when it was just getting good." Tenchi thought to himself Freeman: Why would Tenchi be leaving himself? Once in the basement Ryouko stripped herself of all her clothing but hadn't yet become solid. Loden: I can only assume that the fact that she hadn't yet become solid is of major importance. Urania: Really? Loden: No. When she was totally naked, she returned to the underside of the table and resumed her caresses on Tenchi's upright dick. Tenchi exhaled a sigh of relief and contentment, Ayeka congratulated herself on her meal as she thought Tenchi was merely enjoying the meal. Loden: Woah. Try diagramming THAT sentence. Freeman: I'd rather not. After Ryouko was sure that Tenchi was completely aroused, she slowly licked the underside of Tenchi's cockhead. Tenchi fought desperately to hold in his moans of pleasure. Urania: I'm fighting desperately to hold in my lunch. Freeman: I'm with you on that one. Kiyone: Loden: HA! I've got a stomach of STEEL! Tenchi knew what Ryouko was thinking and removed his shoe and sock off of his right foot. He once again stuck his foot back into Ryouko's groin and started to massage her swollen clit with his big toe. Kiyone: Gah! What the hell? Ryouko pushed downward with all her weight and forced Tenchi's toe into her love-canal. Tenchi began to move his toe around within Ryouko's womanly depths. Loden: Oh, stomach of steel, you have deserted me! Urania: Good thing there's grating under these seats. Freeman: I'm starting to think that's what it's there for. Ryouko began to suck wildly on Tenchi's throbbing cock as Tenchi's half-kicked his foot upwards in an effort to get more of his toe inside Ryouko. Urania: OW! That sounds both painful and disgusting. Hope Tenchi keeps his toenails short and clean. Kiyone: OW! Jeez! I'm not sure that one was called for. Freeman: Say, Loden, you going to be all right? Loden: Yeah...it's just that I suddenly thought of something... Kiyone: Uh oh. Loden: ...what if Tenchi's got some kind of foot fungus? All: GAK! Kiyone: That one was DEFINITELY uncalled for. Ryouko swirled her tongue around the head as a way of thanking Tenchi. She moved her hips up and down in the same rhythm as Tenchi's upward strokes. Ryouko bobbed her head down everytime that Tenchi's foot came up and pushed down with her cunt lips in an effort to swallow Tenchi's toe. Freeman: Oh, man... Kiyone: Who thinks up this stuff? Urania: All I know is, someone has a serious foot fetish. Loden: I think I feel better now... Oh God! Meanwhile everyone had finished their dinner and had gone about their regular activities. Washuu was in her lab. Loden: Heh. "WASHU IS SPELLED WITH ONE "U" DAMMIT!" Kiyone: God, no. Don't start with that. Loden: Don't worry. We won't get into the heavy stuff for a while yet. Sasami and Ryo-ohki were off playing outside as they always do. Urania: KEEP RUNNING, SASAMI! GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THE SEX AS POSSIBLE! Freeman: I'm thinking we should call a cab to pick her up and take her out of the story. Kiyone: Amen to that. But, Ayeka was eating as slowly as possible in an effort to savor her time with Tenchi. "Why aren't you eating your dinner Tenchi?" Ayeka asked inquisitively, "Don't you like the meal that I made for you?" Loden: Oh, what I'm eating isn't the problem. It's what's eating ME. Urania: Loden: OW! Again... Urania: Y'know, for a guy who was just clutching his stomach in pain, you say some pretty sick things. Loden: You should talk. What was that about the toenails earlier on? Tenchi scooped up some of what was on his plate with his fork and swallowed it. He followed it up with a weak smile to make dissipate Ayeka's suspicions. Freeman: "...to make dissipate Ayeka's suspicions," eh? Loden: I think the author's brain is misfiring Urania: Isn't this story proof enough of that? It didn't work however, as she was beginning to suspect something was wrong. Kiyone: Wait, wait...BEGINNING to suspect? Freeman: Ayeka must be blind today. Urania: And deaf. "Oh, yes!!! Here it comes, I'm gonna cum straight down Ryouko's sweet throat" thought Tenchi. Freeman: Oh, GREAT. I needed to hear THAT... Loden: No, wait, it gets worse. He put everything he had into bringing Ryouko over the edge of orgasm also. Tenchi increased his pace without making it obvious. Kiyone: Ok, I've just got to ask...HOW IN THE HELL ISN'T AYEKA NOTICING THIS? Urania: Hey, it's a lemon. Logic has no place here. Freeman: The hell with logic. It's starting to look like common sense doesn't exist here, either. Under the table, Ryouko's head was bobbing madly up and down on Tenchi's fully aroused prick. Tenchi brought his hands down to his lap and placed them on the back of Ryouko's head. He brought Ryouko's head down faster and harder on his dick. He felt the head of his cock hitting Ryouko's the back of Ryouko's throat. Urania: Thank you, author, for describing the disgusting (and impossible) situation is such detail. Loden: You'd think that, just maybe, Ayeka would've noticed that something odd was going on. Freeman: Well, maybe not. I'm sure the table jumps, moves, and makes strange noises all the time. Kiyone: And Tenchi? Freeman: He could just have a cold... Both: SATIRE! Finally Ryouko rammed her lips down to the base of Tenchi's hard cock and savored the flavor of Tenchi's sweet jizz. Urania: Ok, here's something that always gets me. These perverts always assume that their...eh..."liquid manhood"... Kiyone: Ungh. Nice description. Urania: ...is the nectar of the gods, or some damn thing. I mean, really, who the hell wants to drink THAT? Freeman: It's just one of the many bizarre ideas that lemon writers have. Loden: Oh, like "all women are, at the very least, bisexual," and "a woman will enjoy any sort of sexual abuse, if it's done long enough?" Freeman: Exactly. At the same time, Tenchi kicked his foot up and lifted Ryouko up off the floor with one foot and jammed his foot as deep as he could into Ryouko's dripping cunt. She tightened her lips around Tenchi's huge dick and barely managed to keep all of his cum in her mouth, without spilling any of it. Loden: Uhhh...good to the last drop... Urania: I'd hit you again, but I think you're in enough pain as it is. Kiyone: God, we ALL are. Ryouko let it sit for a while and then swallowed it slowly so she could feel it slipping down into her throat and into her stomach. All: EWWWWWW!!! Loden: Urrrp! Oh God... Kiyone: I'm about three seconds from doing the same. Freeman: What the hell would possess someone to write something like that? Urania: I don't know, but if I ever find him... Loden: You know, the worst part is that I just can't stop thinking about what this one girl I knew in high school said... Kiyone: Do we really want to hear this? Loden: She said it tasted like cre... Urania: Oh, no you don't! Freeman: Where did you get that? Urania: When you've been around as long as I have, you pick up a few tricks. Ryouko put Tenchi's sock and shoe back on, then sunk back into the basement where she got herself dressed again. She then teleported herself outside and acted as if she had just arrived home from the perfect date with the perfect man. Kiyone: I feel perfectly ill! Loden: Ow...that's the THIRD time... Urania: Serves you right. Loden: What? I wasn't the one who mentioned "liquid manhood!" Urania: Hey, there's enough sick stuff on the screen. I don't need more of it sitting next to me. Besides, why do you bring this stuff up if it makes you sick? Loden: Thinking it isn't the same as SEEING it...I'm starting to regret that I went with such a big screen. After cleaning up all the dishes from dinner, Ayeka turned her attention to Tenchi. "Are you alright, Tenchi?" inquired Ayeka "You were acting very strangely during dinner and I think you might be coming down with something." Loden: Or maybe something went down on......just kidding. Freeman: I don't know...I still think "liquid manhood" was pretty bad. Urania: That was to illustrate a point. Freeman: And the toenail thing? Urania: Shut up. She put her hand to Tenchi's forehead, but felt nothing strange. "Maybe you're feeling lonely because Ryouko left you tonight. Well you can forget about that slut, because I'm the one that really loves you. Forget about that slut, she left for her own personal needs without a second thought." Kiyone: Ok, I'm forgetting about that slut. Freeman: Maybe "forget about that slut" is the refrain of a song. Urania: Right... Ayeka closed her door and then turned around and gave Tenchi a lust filled gaze. Loden: NEW! LUST FILLED GAZE! Now with 50% more LUST! She began to bring herself closer to Tenchi's body and pressed herself softly against him. She rubbed the tips of her tits against Tenchi's chest until her nipples became fully erect and were visible through her kimono. Urania: A romance writer, this guy ain't. Loden: Oh, I don't know. I think "tips of her tits" has a certain marketability to it. Urania: Don't start. Tenchi couldn't help but look down Ayeka's kimono as he hugged her close to him. His dick raised up and poked Ayeka in the stomach. "Oh, Tenchi!" exclaimed Ayeka "are you getting turned on due to my actions?" Freeman: BWAHAHAHAHA! What the hell was that? Kiyone: Maybe Ayeka is poorly translated in this fic. Urania: Or poorly written. Loden: A winner is you! This wasn't one of the questions that she was going to let Tenchi answer. Urania: I'm STILL trying to figure out how to answer that one... Ayeka reached out and began to slowly stroke the front of Tenchi's slacks with her right hand. With her left hand Ayeka reached for Tenchi's zipper and brought it down slowly so that it made a long buzzing sound. Loden: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... Freeman: Everyone got that? Left hand unzips, right hand gropes. Urania: I'm sure it's important that she gropes with the right, or else the author wouldn't've written it. Kiyone: Sarcasm. Yeah. Tenchi brought both of his hands to Ayeka's shoulders and slid her kimono down off of her shoulders. Freeman: His writing style is a little awkward when he writes awkward. Urania: Yes, but his style of writing really is a good style for a style of writing style awkward. Loden: Shoulders. Kiyone: Or Ayeka anywhere. Tenchi found that Ayeka had planned all of this by the fact that she wore no bra and was completely bare under her kimono. Urania: He's a bright one... Tenchi let the top half of Ayeka's kimono hang down and brought his hands to Ayeka's fleshy breasts. He gently kneaded the flesh that was Ayeka's tits. Loden: NO FLESH SHALL BE SPARED. Kiyone: You lost me on that one. Loden: Sorry. Obscure game reference. He started around the soft edges and worked his way in towards her erect nipples that stood out a full half-inch from the rest of her tit. Urania: Half-inch, eh? Kiyone: What can I say? Ayeka began to moan audibly as the sensations ran from her nipples from her nipples to her sensitive clitoris. Loden: Ok, as we can see, the nerve runs from Ayeka's nipples, loops back, then proceeds straight to her sexual organs. Kiyone: Maybe Juraians are built differently... Freeman: Where did you get that diagram, by the way? Loden: Well, as Captain, I can summon just about anything. Watch. Freeman: And what's that? Loden: Beats the hell out of me. But I can make as many as I want. Tenchi took each nipple between a thumb and a finger and began to rub it back and forth between them. He leaned forward and took one into his mouth, Tenchi ran a lap around the sensitive nipple with his tongue. Then he took the fully erect nipple between his teeth and began to nibble on it slightly, while nibbling he kept licking the tip with the end of his tongue. Urania: Anyone want to comment? Kiyone: Bad writing. Let's move on. Ayeka slipped Tenchi's full cock out through the fly in Tenchi's pants. It stood out a full eight inches from his hips. Loden: Uh-huh. Sure. Ayeka was mesmerized by its length and width that she never knew possible. She kneeled down on the ground in front of Tenchi and pulled him down onto her mattress with her. Tenchi lay down on the bed to see what she was going to do. Freeman: Gee, take a wild guess. Urania: Not the brightest, is he? Ayeka was at his feet, kneeling at the edge of the bed. She undid the button on his pants and pulled them off his muscular legs, and gracefully threw them into a corner of the room. Loden: Now, maybe it's just me, but I never really cared how gracefully a girl could toss clothes. Urania: Wow. You don't know what you're missing. Loden: Really? Urania: No. Tenchi took of his shirt and threw it into another corner of the room. Freeman: But did he do it gracefully? Did he?? Kiyone: And into the opposite corner. That must be important. Urania: Actually, it just says "another corner." That leaves three possibilities. Loden: Will we ever know which corner Tenchi's shirt ended up in? Or how gracefully it got there? Please, author, don't leave us in suspense! Ayeka crawled forward so that she had her soft lips positioned above Tenchi's upright dick. She licked all around the tip, lubricating it with her saliva. She bobbed her head down all the way to the base a couple of times so that the entire thing was lubricated up. Loden: All the way down eight inches? Kiyone: Don't want to think about that. Ayeka stood up on her knees Freeman: ...so she didn't stand so much as she did kneel... and walked Freeman: ...crawled... forward until she was directly above Tenchi's cock. Tenchi placed his hands upon her hips and looked deep into her eyes. He could tell that she wanted him badly because her womanly moisture was dripping down and lubing his dick even more. Urania: Lubrication seems to be a major thing with this guy. Kiyone: I'm not commenting on that one. They both smiled at each other which signaled that they were both ready. Freeman: Good thing they got that signal worked out ahead of time! Tenchi forced Ayeka's hips down as she dropped all of her weight downwards. Loden: Let's draw a vector diagram of that, shall we? Urania: No. Tenchi's huge prick drove deep into Ayeka's warm depths. Tenchi pulled down until Ayeka's pussy lips had come all the way down to the very base of his manhood. He held Ayeka down so that they could both enjoy the pleasure of their first sexual experience together. Kiyone: So just kinda sitting there like that is thrilling for them? Loden: That's not what I learned in biology class... Urania: "...enjoy the pleasure of their first sexual experience together?" Isn't that the general idea? There's two of them there, right? And one would assume they're doing this for the pleasure... Freeman: Don't ask me. I'm through trying to make sense of this fic. Tenchi pushed up on Ayeka's hips, her cunt made a delightful squishing sound as Tenchi penetrated her pussy. Kiyone: THANK YOU FOR THE SOUND EFFECTS. I know MY life has been enriched by that. He stuffed himself into her inch by inch. Once he had totally buried his meat inside his lover's hole, Urania: Another beautiful description. He makes it sound so romantic. he brought her back up so that just the head of his dick was left inside her, slowly brought her back down to the very base of his dick. Freeman: And, thus, the basic mechanics of sex are explained. Thank you, author. "Oh! Dearest Tenchi, you feel so good inside me. Pump you dick into me harder, faster, oh yes!! Doesn't this make you feel better after that wench, Ryouko, left you for another man?" Freeman: HA! More great dialogue! Kiyone: It's kind of in character...well, no, it's not. Urania: Is the author even trying? Ayeka began to raise and lower herself on Tenchi's cock faster and faster until they both had gotten into a pounding rhythm. Loden: MORE basic mechanics. This is better than sex ed. Tenchi looked up and saw Ayeka's tits flopping up and down in front of his face. All: 0_0 Freeman: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Loden: Oh, man... Kiyone: Is this going to turn into "Dick and Jane?" Urania: "See Tenchi. See Ayeka. See Ayeka's breasts flop. Flop, breasts, flop!" He couldn't resist, so he reached up with both hands and grabbed them. He pinched both nipples and began rolling them between his fingers. He leaned forward and buried his face between Ayeka's beautiful, round tits. Loden: And then he went "PTHHHHPPPPPPP!!!!!" Kiyone: Ok, that was just kinda weird. Tenchi rubbed his face up and down between her tits, trying to get more of that wonderful, musky odor into his nostrils. Tenchi licked the flesh between the fleshy mounds. Urania: I think this guy needs a thesaurus. Freeman: What do you mean? I could listen to him say "flesh" all day. Kiyone: Sarcasm. He pressed both of her pert breasts together close enough so her could get both nipples in his mouth at the same time. Tenchi bit them gently between his front teeth to keep them in his mouth, at the same time he tugged on them slightly. Loden: Bad, bad! Drop it, boy, drop it! He began to flick his tongue across the both of her nipples. Ayeka moaned out loud and continued to pound herself on to Tenchi's slick meat. "Damn, your cunt is so tight Ayeka!" Tenchi managed to moan Urania: That's...that's great. I'm really glad that someone wrote this fic. It really brings light to the dark void that is my life. Loden: Oh, I know. Before I saw this, I never knew how to love. But seeing this has changed my life. Kiyone: Would you say that you've been changed due to this fic's actions? Loden: Oh, definitely. Urania: No question about it. Freeman: Wow. We're a family again. God bless us, every one. All: SATIRE! Tenchi grabbed either side of his lovers' hips to slow her down as they both approached orgasm. Finally Tenchi rammed his cock as far as it would go into Ayeka's warm depths as he shot his searing load of jizz up into her womb. Her cunt muscles contracted in an effort to milk the cum out of his balls. Freeman: Anybody want to comment? I'm drained. Kiyone: No, I think we've already said just about everything that has to be said about this fic. "Thank you Tenchi, you have proven to me how much you love me. Now Ryouko can't take you away from me, ever! You belong to me now. Loden: You are MINE. MY Tenchi. I just hope Ryoko doesn't try to take you, because you're MINE! And so are your clothes, they are also MINE! But for now you must rest. From the way you were acting earlier on in the evening, I'd say you were sick. I'll be back to check on you later, to see that you are alright." Urania: And also to make sure that Ryoko isn't doing anything really weird, like groping you from under a table. ******************************************************************************************************************* THE END ******************************************************************************************************************* All: YAY! Kiyone: Thank God... Urania: Which one? Kiyone: Whichever one ended this wretched fic. Loden: Wait, he's not done yet. Well, that's all I have this time around. If I can get enough ideas for a part 3 I'll do it. All: DON'T! If not I'll try doing another series. Freeman: Don't do that, either. Stay tuned and feel free to send your comments and/ or ideas to Mike_Forever@hotmail.com. Loden: We'll do that, Mike. We'll do that. C'mon, let's go. Kiyone: I'd like to say that I've seen worse...but I haven't. Freeman: Oh, don't worry. I have a feeling that we'll see MUCH worse before long. Urania: Just keep moving towards the exit. I suddenly feel the urge to scrub myself with a Brillo pad. ------------------------ Loden: So, what do you think? Kiyone: It sucked. Freeman: Big time. Urania: I feel dumber for watching it. Loden: Hmmm. How would you rate it using this three variable radar plot graph that I just happen to have? Freeman: Where did you get that? Loden: It was lying around. So, c'mon, rate the sucker. Freeman: Lets see. What are the categories? Stupidity, Disgusting, and Disturbing? Well, I'd give it a 4 out of 5 for Stupidity. Kiyone: I'd give it a 4. Urania: 5. Definitely a 5. Loden: Ok......and how disgusting was it? Kiyone: Hmmm...It had its moments, but it wasn't as sick as most. I'd give it a 3. Freeman: 2. When you've seen the things that I have, this just doesn't seem quite as bad. Urania: 3. There's sicker stuff out there. Loden: Right. And how disturbing was it? Freeman: 1. Kiyone: 1. Urania: 1. It sucked, but it didn't make me want to crawl under the blankets and not come out for a few days. Loden: Ok! I, myself, will give it a 4, 3, and 1. So, overall, this piece gets a 4.25 for Stupidity, a 2.75 for disgustingness, and a 1 for disturbability. Urania: Disturbability? Is that even a word? Loden: Probably not. Kiyone: Whatever. Can we get some food, here? I'm starving. And so, their righteous duty done for now, our heroic crew proceeds to stuff their faces. But their job will never be complete, as long as stupid and idiotic fan fics exist in the universe. THE END (for now...) ------------------------ Stinger: Tenchi couldn't help but look down Ayeka's kimono as he hugged her close to him. His dick raised up and poked Ayeka in the stomach. "Oh, Tenchi!" exclaimed Ayeka "are you getting turned on due to my actions?"