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Disclaimer:  Tenchi Masaki, Kagato, Kain, and Ayeka are all property of
Pioneer.  As much as I want them to belong to me, they do not.  The Dating
Game is also not my property.  I don't really care about that.  I just thank
God I don't have an affiliation with Kevin Costner.  Ok, then, on with the
story.

(Music plays.  Applause.  Host walks to podium)
Kevin:  (In boorish monotone) Hello.  Welcome to The Dating Game.  My name
is
    Kevin Costner.  I will be your guest host today.  You may know me from
such    exciting films as Waterworld and The Postman.
Audience member:  (Tossing beer can) You suck!
Kevin:  Okay.  Let's begin by introducing our contestants.  Bachelor #1 is a
student     from Japan.   He spends much of his time working in a garden and
fighting evil   with his Juraian powers.  Say hello to Tenchi Masaki.
(Applause.  Tenchi walks on, looking displeased)
Tenchi:  Aw, man.  He's the host?
Kevin:  Hello Tenchi.  How are you?
Tenchi:  Leave me alone, Robin Hood.  I didn't know you were hosting.
Kevin:  (Not catching the comment) Okay, Bachelor #2 is a space pirate.  He
enjoys pillaging planets and seeking absolute power.  Give a warm welcome to
Kagato.
(Applause.  Kagato walks on, smiling evily.  Tenchi looks nervous)
Kevin:  Welcome to the show, Kagato.
Kagato:  With the exception of your presence, it is a pleasure to be here,
Kevin.
Kevin:  (Still oblivious) All right, Bachelor #3 is a mystery man of sorts.
He says his     idea of a romantic evening is destroying a few planets and
absorbing his date.     Come on out, Kain.
(Kain materializes on a chair.  Tenchi wets himself)
Kain:  Do not speak to me, Costner, or I will strip the flesh from your
bones.
Kevin:  Right.  Now, let's bring out the lovely bachelorette.  She's a young
lady who    belongs to the royal family of Jurai.  Everyone give a warm
welcome to Princess     Ayeka.
(Thunderous applause as Ayeka strolls out)
Tenchi:  Ayeka?  What are you doing here?!?
Ayeka:  Hello, Lord Tenchi!  I heard you were coming on the show, so I took
the     original girl's place.
Kain:  Yes, that would explain the unconscious girl I ingested backstage.
Kevin:  All right, let's begin.  Ayeka, take it away.
Ayeka:  Very well.  Bachelor#1, if you were a tree, what kind would you be?
Tenchi:  What kind of question is that?  A tree?
Kevin:  Please answer the question, Bachelor #1.
Tenchi:  Um…all right…I would be…the, uh, Tree of Light?
Ayeka:  Oh, what an excellent answer!  Kevin, I choose Bachelor #1!
Tenchi:  YAAAH!
Kevin:  I'm sorry, Ayeka, but you need to ask questions to the other
bachelors and   fill up a half hour.
Ayeka:  (sigh) Very well.  Bachelor#2, what is your ideal first date?
Kagato:  (laughs in a sinister manner) My ideal first date…Well, I would
begin by    placing you in stasis.  I would study your wavelength patterns
very carefully.  If     possible, I would imbue myself with your power.
Either way, I destroy you in the    end.
Ayeka:  Um…of course.  (pause) Okay, Bachelor#3.  If I were a food, what
would I     be?
Kain:  You, of the house of Jurai, would remain as you are.  I would devour
you     voraciously and without remorse, for no one can overcome the power
of
Kain!
Kevin:  Sorry, Bachelor#3.  I'm afraid you can't reveal your name to Ayeka
unless  she chooses you at the end.
Kain:  FOOL!  Did I not warn you not to speak to me?  For this insolence,
you
pay     with your life!  (Kain opens himself up and draws Kevin into him)
Kevin:  YAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!
Kagato:  Very clever.  You've won, Kain.
(Audience cheers.  Tenchi, Kagato, and Kain exchange high fives)
Tenchi:  Nice job, Kain.  You're the honorary winner for your outstanding
work.
Kagato:  Indeed.  You saved me a lot of trouble.  (Holsters the blaster
concealed in    his hand)
Ayeka:  Wait a minute!  This is supposed to be my choice!
        (Offscreen Yooh!)               THE END