"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSS!" "Will you cut that OUT!" Glyph wailed, "You know that creeps me!" The Cybertronian and Changeling halted. "Yeah, that's why we do it!" REBB01 laughed. "Ayai," Glyph growled, "What did I do to deserve this?" "You want it in alphabetical or numerical order?" "SHUT UP!" The JEDRI was moving along at a smooth pace, for once not being shot at. Ukyo sat at the communications, Cypher at the collecting computer. Glyph was downloading e-mail, grumbling over the messages that clogged up; Mew looking over her shoulder. Andrew piloted, resting after his papers in college. REBB01 took a few pot shots at some passing asteroids with the weapons systems. "Hey, guys, we got a bogey at six o'clock," Cypher called. Then: "Five...four... three..." The others looked at him puzzled. Then the bogey hit...Cypher stared at it, really strangely. The crew of the Jedri-MST log 4: Lemon Fighters: Best in the Biz (cause everyone else quit) Cypher: Agreed. They felt a slight jar, but it was nothing compared to the usual shaking that occurred. Glyph stood up. "That was awful gentle...and that's what worries me." She turned to a console. "Hey, Pathy-hon, we got a bogey, transfer it to the holotheater, then tell us when it's ready, all right?" Shara, the computer, spoke up. "Well, from what I read, they may be on our side..." "HUH?" the whole group asked puzzled. Glyph uncrinked her neck. The group met before the theater. Washu had waited patiently, which now really worried the two oddballs. Cypher skirted her. "Never had a fanfic be quiet before..." Glyph muttered. Then aloud: Okay...Dialog on? The others responded. Glyph Bellchime [singing, VERY off key]"Chaos, the mass confusion... like bad fanfics." REBB01 "Ready flamethrower." Cypher Katchuketsu "Like a boomerang, back at yah!" Washu Habuki "It's Washu-CHAN, thank you very much." Ukyo Kuonji "No comment." Mew ##Yeah, yeah, the signs. Read em'## Recorder and Projectionist: Pathos, the cat-boy. Glyph: Okay, please turn off all cell phones, and when the flight is over please place your seats in an upright position. Rest: YES, MOTHER! Glyph:............ They wait in a moment of silence. And keep waiting... Glyph: Hey, Pathos, you got a problem in there? Pathos: The begin signal not work. Not know. It load okay. Have to do by hand. >Disclaimer: Hello and welcome to the official boring dribbly bit. Cypher: Boy, he gives you a warning, right off the bat, don't he? >First off I >don't own anyone in this fic apart from the character Agent Grey. Glyph: BAAAAAADDDDDDDD sign. REBB: What about Agents Blue, Green, Red? >Every Manga- >related thing in here doesn't belong to me at all but I'm borrowing it all just >for laughs. Also, the writing ('Cept for the fics that are kindly donated to >this cause) belongs to me. Please do NOT distribute this for cash without the >author's permission. Ukyo: Eh, you guys sure this is about Lemon-fics? >*Warning* this is a self-insertion fic, meaning that I'm in it. Mew: ##In what? ## Cypher: Means he's in a pile of sh- Glyph: Cypher... Cypher: [muttering] Racken fraken... >(Ducks as a few >tomatoes and loud booing is thrown in his direction.) Ukyo: Hey! I gotta use those later! REBB: Besides, you MISSED him, you gotta throw like this! >But this is supposed to be >just for laughs anyway so I don't care. Cypher: (as Author) YOU HEAR ME! I DON'T CARE! [SPLUT!, in the face] ALL RIGHT, WHO THREW THAT?! Rest of the group:[whistles innocently] >It will hopefully contain everyone I >know in Tenchi ff and a few other chat rooms eventually, but this is just kinda >like a pilot episode so I can see where I can go with this. Mew: ##Can we tell him? Huh? Huh?## Glyph: Mew. Mew: (weakly) mew. >This is something I >thought up as an alternative to the normal MST's. >Many parts of the story do not >belong to me and the true owners will be mentioned at the end after I decide >what goes in or not. This idea came around when I thought how badly some >characters in MST's are shown wanting to stop lemons from happening, so what if >a certain group did stop them? Glyph: HELL-OH! Already been done . . . REBB: Been there, done that, killed the son-of-a... Glyph: REBB! REBB: WHAaaaaaaAAAT? We did! >Well I think it'll be fun and if insult anyone Cypher: Can anyone guess who's narrating the fic? Ukyo? Ukyo: Yeah, I know, I know. Mew: ## Pathos? ## Ukyo: NO! >I'd like to say I'm sorry now...but of course we all know that would be a bald >faced lie. ON WITH THE FIC! >P.S. Ukyo: Anyone wants to guess what that stands for? Glyph: Keep it clean guys! [the other guys think about it] Rest: NAAAAAAHHHH! >This starts off in the fanfic 'magical pretty taboo' (but 'tis neither magical >nor pretty) Glyph: (short) A-men! >and was written by H_pinoy. Thanks for letting me ridicule this. >In the middle of space and time, this is where most stations that are at least >respectable in the galaxy are placed. Hundreds of stories say so. But the >station we are looking at is not very respectable at all, so instead of being in >the middle of time and space...it's just to the left to it. Glyph: Which is why we use a ship... and for faster get-a-ways. Cypher: To quote an authority on the subject, 'If we move any faster, we'll crack like an egg!' >It is also in- >between two moons REBB: Hey dudes! PULL your pants back up! >that shouldn't exist, Washu: Anyone wants to go into temporal mechanics here? >but do so as to hide this embarrassing >mistake from the rest of the universe. REBB: So that's where the Tank Cop Website is stuck! >This happens to be most advantageous to >the station and its inhabitants. This is called The Nexus. >Where the other stations all go to save the galaxy on a physical basis, Nexus >are dedicated to save everyone on a physiological level. Glyph: We're in trouble... >Save them from the >thing that drives most men crazy Cypher: (grunted) Women. Glyph: 'scuse me, Ukyo. [She takes the large spatula, just as Cypher is looking at her, and...>>WHANG<<...leaves a pretty good dent. In his head.] Washu: (sharp) Thank you! >...BAD FANFICTION. Glyph: So he's trying to put us outta business. Washu: That might be a good thing. Rest: WAA-SHUUUU! REBB: What do you want, this or ennui? Cypher: OOOO! Which is the lesser of two evils? >Unfortunately there is a lot >of fanfiction so they cant go as far to stop bad publication, though they do >make an exception for Mills and Boons books. And before you think they haven't >succeeded very well there, you would hate to see how many would come out if >they >didn't stop what they do. But this fic is concentrating on one section of the >station. The L-fighters (Hence the title, clever that ain't it? Glyph: (bored) No. >...What do you mean No?), Glyph: Do we really need to answer that? Ukyo: Good call, Glyph! >this group deal with Lemons that don't meet with decent standards, Washu: Does any Lemon HAVE any decent standards? >underage stuff, rape, sick shit like that. Well these guys stop it before it >can >happen. These brave men risk life and sanity to stop these fics. REBB: They should have lost it before they began, it would have made things easier. > Of course most >of the group don't have any sanity to begin with All: AS WE GUESSED! >so that narrows down the list >of bad stuff that could happen. Now watch and be Amazed/Appalled/indifferent >(cross out the two that don't apply to you) Glyph: Too bad annoyed or real bored isn't on the list. >Lemon Fighters: Best in the Biz (cause everyone else quit) Cypher: Not enough hazard pay! >Written by: Agent_grey >"Tenchi!" >"Tenchi-sama!" REBB: Hey, man, that's your cue! Ukyo: (as Tenchi) Huh? >Tenchi quickly turns the corner and presses up against the wall. He >breathes a sigh of >relief as he sees Ryoko and Ayeka run past him. Ukyo: Apparently, they are still trying to off em with their cooking. [suddenly there's a lighting bolt that just whizzed by their faces.] Yeow! [the JEDRI crew suddenly looks around for someone, but luckily for them she isn't there] >"Everyday after school we go through this, Glyph: It's a door, right? Please say it's a door. >I >wish they would let me go home in peace for once. >Oh no, it's already 6:30(PM), >Sasami probably prepared dinner already. She's gonna kill me." All: Sasami killing Tenchi? [beat] NAYAHHHHHHH! Washu: Although, it's usually the ones you least suspect. . . [All of the crew suddenly turns to Mew, who wasn't paying attention.] Mew: ##What?!!!!! ## >Tenchi pokes his head out of >the corner to check >if the coast is clear. Since it is, he starts running towards home. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Grey looked though his binoculars down onto the streets below. "Com'on you >inconsiderate git, Glyph: You have three guesses to guess where this guy is from, and the first four don't count... [beat, confused] Did that make any sense to you guys? Cypher: Probably compared to this story, yes. >your late he muttered to himself quietly. Glyph: Okay, who took the quotation marks? >Adam was sitting a >few feet away crossed legged Ukyo: I think it's 'cross-legged'. >with a tub of warm water with washing powder in >front of him. He had pulled off his shirt and was scrubbing hard on a washing >board. "Goddamn blood just wont shift!" he complained to his partner who >completely ignored him. "Any minute now," Grey mumbled. Cypher: (muttering) Have you got a lock on them two yet? Glyph: Stow it until we learn their intentions. . . >Adam continued having failed to notice the lack of attention. "It's just really >pisses me off that we have to wash the stuff out our selves, I mean every other >department has THIER own laundry service. why not us?" Washu: I thought in the title they said that everybody quit. >Because," said Grey, adjusting the focus on the lenses. ",we don't have that >much of a success rate." Mew: ## At least they're honest. ## >Adam nodded slowly "yeah well...don't we get point for enthusiasm?" REBB: Maybe I should give this guy target shooting lessons. He's missing letters left and right. >Grey shifted >around to face him. "bludgeoning someone to death with a huge spanner does not >count for 'enthusiasm'" Glyph: Okay! Dead giveaway! England English! Cypher: What's the difference? >he told his partner before returning to the task at >hand. "Yeah well I'm sure Tenchi would have preferred me to kill that version of >him," he said defensively. "sides I should have got a medal for killing that >sashimi Tenchi." REBB, Washu, Cypher: Okay, THAT was justifiable homicide. >Grey shook his head. "just finish doing your shirt will ya?" Adam started to >pick off small pieces of wet paper that had been in his pocket from his shirt. >all the while mumbling under his breath. "you ain't the boss of me asshole." Glyph: [gritting teeth] NO COMMENT, GUYS. Rest: [muttering, under their breath] You ain't the boss of me. >but >found himself compiling REBB: I think, it's supposed to be, complying. Cypher: (Max) Compliance! ^_^ REBB: (David) I didn't mean up here! Glyph: (groaning) You guys are forbidden to watch that old movie any more. >none the less. he tried reading the strange words on >some of the pieces put couldn't understand them. Mew: ## . . .And so it was written, seven socks, one shirt. . . ## Glyph: Mew, I told you not to watch 'Red Drawf, anymore! >"THERE HE IS!" Grey yelped excitedly. "Finally we got the guy way before the lemon scene is due." Ukyo: Somebody needs to buy these guys a watch. >He smiled as wide as possible and put an outstretched hand in the direction of Adam. "Right, Give me the spell." Adam blinked and looked down at the wet paper pieces. "um...spell?" he asked >Boom!< Cypher (as Grey) Puh! I meant, >hack< HAND, me the, >hack< the spell! >Grey sighed. "Yes, you know, the spell on the piece of paper we were gonna use to send this guy into a coma with, remember?" Ukyo: Ah, just flash his some chest, that'll pass him out... Washu and Glyph [who both look at her quite surprised]: I can't believe you said that! Ukyo: I have been hanging around Happy too long! >Adam licked his lips. "Uh..you mean the one with words that don't normally look out of place when read though the eyes of a doped up hippie?" REBB: (as Grey) Yeah, and did you remember those as well? >Hitting the binoculars down in frustration Grey said very slowly. "Yes, do you have them?" Glyph: Uh, wouldn't that have been on ONE sheet of paper? >Adam hesitated. "Uh...um...yes..," he finally got out. Relief finally spreading >though him Grey reached his hand out again. "good , now just," >",..And no" Adam cut in finishing his sentence. Grey spun round at an >alarmingly >fast rate. "What do you mean?" REBB: (as Adam as Horton) I meant what I said, and I said what I meant... Glyph: Eessh. An elephant is faithful, 100%! REBB: I wanted to say it! >Adam held up the handful of wet paper >Grey stared at the paper and his left eye twitched. "You...you..." Adam nodded. >"Yup, s'pretty funny when ya think about it." >Grey turned red and screamed at Adam "WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO WITHOUT THE SPELL!?" REBB: Well, you got several options, kidnap him, clunk em, the aforementioned showing him some chest... Glyph: Mace him! Ukyo: Ain't that a little lethal? Glyph: I meant REBB! >Adam backed off a little. "Okay stop already and clam down Cypher: The opposite of clam up, which is what I'd wish they'd do. >.....the vein in your >fore head is scaring me." Grey was ready to lunge at him. "Now, now, I have an >idea!" Glyph: Do you smell something burning? Washu: THIS is bad. >He turned away from Grey and some tearing and pasting could be heard. Then he >spun around once again and showed Grey the fruits of his labour. "there all >better." he told the twitching agent. REBB: Hook him up to clock and see if he's more accurate than Big Ben. Ukyo: Anything is more accurate... >"You honestly think that would work?" Washu: That's what everyone says about my inventions. >Grey asked starring at the parchment that >was soggy and held together by tape. "no idea," Adam said shaking his head. "try >it." Grey gingerly took the parchment and brought it to the edge of the roof. >aiming carefully at Tenchi. Cypher: (as Tenchi) All right, who's throwing spitballs?! >"here we go!" he said cringing as he recited ancient incarnations. Glyph:[snort] Great, he's bringing up the dead! >True to his training ,by the holy order of Python M, after every >couple of chants he hit himself with a wood plank. soon a great aura surrounded >him. "Its working, Its working!........I never thought that would happen." >Then the aura concentrated into a ball in front of Grey . the pink ball floated >in front of his face and waited for some sort of direction. A couple more hits >of the plank and the ball chased after Tenchi and exploded near by. REBB: (Bugs Bunny) If he doot it he git a whoopin'... >"AH HA WE DONE IT WE DONE IT WE......" REBB: They git a whoopin' Washu: Nothing is ever that simple. >Both of the agents stared at the startled Tenchi who wasn't in a coma of any >sort. "Wha..what happened?" stuttered Adam. Before Grey could even have a chance >to throttle him, a man who had a disfigured face and brownish green skin chased >two men in Armani suits. he was closely followed by a man in an ornate kabuki >dress and sword, also chasing the men. >Adam slapped a hand to his forehead. "Oh I get it. Instead of sending him a coma it sent him a...." Mew: ## . . .to another dimension! ## Rest: [facefault] >"TROMA!" Grey yelled "IT SENT HIM CHARACTERS FROM TROMA FILMS!!!" >He was holding onto Adam's collar. "He's gone now but we still have a chance. >We've got to hurry to the rental car." Glyph: You mean THAT rental car. . .the one that is now currently being towed. . >Adam struggled slightly more as a look of nervousness appeared on his face. "Ah well you see um..." >"WHAT!!" yelled Grey turning red again. "Its...really quite funny when you think about it." He held up the soppy remains of the parking ticket Ukyo: Something tells me Adam's @$$ is grass. . . Cypher: And Grey is the lawnmower! , which then >slopped out his hand and onto the floor in an unceriomial pile. Tenchi ran all >the faster as Grey's scream filled the skies. Ukyo: To paraphrase Akane: ADAM NO BAKA! [mallet sound] ################################### >"He's late isn't he." REBB: Okay, let's see the last time it was the fourth, and it's now the twelfth, yeah, I'd say he's a little late. Ukyo: Tenchi Masaki is NOT related to Ryoga Hibiki! >Adam laughed at the small girl's statement as she paced to and fro across the >room on the screen in front of him. "Thanks Sasami I might not have noticed the damned obvious if you weren't here." Washu: (as Sasami) And who the heck are you? Cypher: (As Adam) Whoops, said that aloud instead of thinking it. . . >the screen was tinted blue and gave a view of the entire living room and the >kitchen that was adjoined to it. the screen itself was only a portable 10-inch >tv set, but in his cramped hiding place in the cupboard under the stairs it seemed way bigger than he really wanted. Cypher: Uh, Washu, wait a minute, there isn't cupboards under the stairs, your lab is. . . Washu: This is Pretty Sammy. . .I don't live with them. Cypher: Oh yeah, ([then realizing what she had said] OH MY GOD, WHY THIS UNIVERSE?! >despite this he had managed to bring in a whole box of popcorn , three coke cans >and a bag of Twinkies. He munched on them contentedly, confident in the fact >that if the Americans where only able to exceed above everyone else in the >universe in one thing, it would be high in fat, sugary candy and snacks. and he >wouldn't have it any other way. now all he had to do was wait. Glyph: (as Adam, whispering) Man, I gotta piss. >Grey had gone to >try to stall Tenchi so Adam could get there first . and now he had reached the >elusive position he had only to wait for Sasami to get to the next scene. So he >waited...and waited....and waited.... Glyph: (as Adam, whispering, a little faster paced) Man, I really, REALLY gotta piss. [All the other characters look at her nervously.] >"Godsake I've been here for what?," he asked himself in disbelief as he stared >down at his watch. ", Five minutes now" he tutted in disgust. Grey bloody well >takes his time don't he, he thought bitterly to himself while biting into a >Twinkie. REBB : [starting to munch on a Twinkie] Hey, these are good. . .but crunchy. Glyph: (sigh) REBB, you're supposed to take the wrappers off! >What the hell could he be doing? ############################## >Across town..... >"I swear to you I'm a Sayjin." said Grey his arms across his chest and a stern >look on his face. "You are not." said Tenchi scowling "They don't even exist." Glyph: Boy, Vegeta would have a field day with that one. Washu: Yeah, but we'd have to turn that field into a burial plot. >Grey was getting desperate. The guy who could never decide on >anything..........had decided to go home. the one time he been relied on to be >indecisive and the stubborn bastard was suddenly very decisive about one thing. >Home. Washu: HEY! That's our indecisive, stubborn bastard, thank you! >He had tried everything. >he tried getting him involved in following Happosi Ukyo: KINDA hard, considering there's A DIMENSIONAL barrier between my world and this Tenchi's! >and tramp on him afterwards >for stealing undergarments. REBB: (sing song) Stomp the pervert, stomp the pervert. . . Cypher: I know that's from 'What's Opera, Doc?', but I can't think of what it's called! I>t just turned out that Tenchi thought 'well, the >guys old let him have his fun' Washu: He's possibly the only guy as old as Yosho. >he had tried getting him to run the other way by pulling in a favour from Godzilla. >but he never even saw the lizard as it turns out that not only does Tenchi wear >contacts, but that he managed to lose one just as Godzilla rampaged though, and >then everyone ran past and blocked what little he could have seen of the >monster. Washu: He does NOT! With me in the house, everyone there has perfect 20/20 vision. >And before now he had tried sending him to another world. >But as luck would have it, a lost boy with a bandanna appeared from nowhere on >the same spot on the same other planet. And when Tenchi followed him around a >corner he ended up right from where he was teleported from and the lost boy had >effectively got lost again. where the bandanna boy had gone was a mystery. Ukyo: Kindly, KEEP my continuity out of this, PLEASE! >*interlude* >Across the globe in a huge robot machine of tacky justice, there sat five >colourful superheroes.........all arguing over who got to drive. >"I'm the leader I'll drive." the red ranger said proudly. the blue ranger whined loudly, " But I wanna drive, you always drive." the red ranger nodded. "Cause >I'm the leader." >The girls 'hmmped' in unison. "Well what if a girl was the leader" said the pink ranger "I'm sure id be a great leader." the yellow ranger swirled angrily "And what about me?" >The pink ranger laughed cruelly. "Oh shut up little miss 'My breasts dissaper when fight scenes happen cause I'm played by a guy in the Japanese footage'!" >Unveiwable from under her helmet the yellow rangers lip wobbled pathetically. "I do not!" she shouted angrily. Glyph: [holding her head] Maybe if we're real quiet, they'll go away. . . >"Boom ba phoosh ba boo boom!" the black ranger sang (sort of) along to the music coming from the huge earphones on the outside of his helmet. >"Shut up!" everyone yelled. >Ryoga never said a word though out this but only wondered whom these people where and how the hell had he got there. he raised a hand slowly. "Uhh can a ask a question?" he asked nervously. >everyone spun around. "NO!" well...everyone apart from the black ranger. "boom >boom crish! BOOM KRANGGG!!" Mew: ## Any comments, Ukyo-sama? ## Ukyo: He got himself into it; he can get himself outta it. >Mean while one of Rita's monsters sat next to a huge insect-like creature, a beer in one hand and one of the other hands running up the other monster's wings. "You know Mothra? my wife doesn't under stand me." All:. . .(-__-)" Washu: Okay, THAT was disturbing. >*End interlude* >But this had to work Grey had decided. "Fine prove it then. Change into your ape form and I'll believe you're a Sayjin." Tenchi said, exhaustion seeping in. >Grey smiled. "Alright close ya eyes and count to ten." REBB: Don't they need a full moon for that? >Tenchi raised an eyebrow. "What?" Cypher: [bemused, as Tenchi] ...are you? >"SHUT UP AND DO IT!" Grey yelled. Tenchi did as told and started to count with his eyes closed. "One, two....." >With that Grey ran around the corner of a building. "six, seven....." >A huge purple ape wondered on slowly and stopped short of the boy. >"Nine ten. Ah ha I knew you couldn't....." He looked up and stared at the ape in front of him. "Wha?" he asked, his jaw hanging in shock. "GRAPE APE" it bellowed down on him and blew Tenchi over. All: That was unexpected. >Without a second look Tenchi picked himself up and ran the other direction in the longer route home. >Around the corner Grey was snickering suspiciously like a well-known cartoon dog. "Thanks Beagly." he told the dog standing next to him dressed in hat and vest. >"Your welcome, That'll be three hundred dollars." Ukyo: He'd make the perfect pet for Nabiki. >"What?!" Grey yelled. >the dog's expression hardened. "you want to take it up with ape here?" Grey looked behind him and saw a evil grinning grape ape cracking his knuckles. >"Alright, alright, I'll pay" Grey told him irritably while pulling out his wallet to retrieve the money. "but I'll need a receipt." >Clutching a receipt and walking off in the direction to Tenchi's house Grey was heard mumbling something very much like "Fucking pirates, daylight robbery, that is, that!" ####################### >"He's half an hour late this time, Ryo-Ohki." Sasami still staring at dinner, her face looking angrier and angrier at each passing minute. Finally fed up from >waiting, Sasami gets up and stomps away from the table. >"Sasami, where are you going?" >"Yeah, where are you going Sasami?" Adam asked more himself than the girl. He took another piece of popcorn and threw it into his mouth. Cypher: . . .and proceeded to hit himself in the eye. REBB: (as Adam) Gotta work on that coordination. >"I'm going to take a hot bath. Hopefully that will cool me down until baka- niichan gets home!" She then stomps here way upstairs up to the bathroom. >Adam spat out his cola all over the small screen. "That's what I've been waiting for." All: ...And what we've been dreading. >Quickly he started rummaging around himself. "Where the hell is that...." Adam picked up a small black device which was fizzing small electrical sparks left and right, globs of sugar and butter covered it and coke dripped of it also. "...Communicator" he finished. REBB: Boy, they do have cheap-ass equipment, don't they? >"Man, she's pissed. I'd hate to be Tenchi when he gets back." Ryo-Ohki hops his way up the stairs to Sasami's room to go take a quick nap. >Adam tucked the communicator away in a pocket and tried the door. It didn't move. He tried it again. Nothing. Chosing his words carfully he decided upon the ones that would definitely sum up the situation. "Oh bollocks." Glyph: Oh come on, even fuckin' Lister can come up with something smeggin' better! >Sasami enters the bathroom and slams the door behind her. She now turns on the water to take a quick little shower before she goes and relaxes in the tub. ***************************** >"Adam, are you there? Goddamit answer me!" Washu: BEEP, Beep, beep, We're sorry but your call can not be completed as dialed. If you like U S to keep trying. . ." > Grey yelled in frustration at the communicator. It crackled and fizzed but nothing else happened. Grumbling, he turned it off and pulled his print out of the fic from his jacket. He traced a finger down a few pages until he reached the desired place. "Okay, she should be heading to the bath now," and as if on cue, the bathroom light went on. "Right then, now I have a few minutes before Tenchi comes back." He raced up to the door and tried the handle. "Adam was meant to open the door." He growled giving the offensive door a swift kick. He looked for any open windows and his search turned up nought. He settled on a different tactic and shuffled into a hiding place in the bush by the door. Now he had to wait for Tenchi. >Five minutes later..... Ukyo: Across town. . . >Almost out of breath, Tenchi is still sprinting so he doesn't make it home too late to have dinner. Tenchi finally make it to the front steps of his house, but sits down first to catch his breath before he goes inside and faces Sasami. "*huff*huff* I wonder...*huff* ...what Sasami-chan...*huff*... is doing...*huff*?" After a few minutes, Tenchi finally gets up and opens the door. >Tenchi slowly pokes his head through the door to see if Sasami is right there waiting for him. Seeing that the coast is clear, he finally enters the house, takes off his shoes, REBB: [sniff, sniff](as Sasami) Waitaminute, I know that smell! TENCHI! Cypher: (as Tenchi) Ah, shit! and >slips into his slippers. >As the door slowly started to close, Grey's hand shot out and grabbed hold of it. Cypher: (as Grey) YEEEOOOOOOWPE! Glyph: (as Sasami) Tenchi, did you hear something? >Smiling he rose out of the bush. His smile dissapered and he felt the sharp pin pricks of the bush's thorns dig into his rear. As he steeped though the door and pulled out the thorns he made a mental note of hurting Adam REALLY bad when he found him. He kept up close to the door and waited for Tenchi to play out the fic. >Tenchi finally makes his way to the living room and dining area and notices that dinner is still set out. He looks around, steps into the kitchen really quick and sees that Sasami is not around. He steps back to check upstairs and notices that the door to room is closed. Thinking that she has locked herself in there to cool off, Tenchi decides not to go up to her room but to take a nice shower. So Tenchi quickly makes his way upstairs to the bathroom but being careful not to make any noise so Sasami won't hear him. >"Alright you twisted git," Said Grey quietly loading his Nexus issued tranq pistol. "Let's finish this," REBB: Heck, that ain't a tranqgun, THIS is. Ukyo, and Glyph: REBB, we need to talk about your hobbies. . . Washu: What? It's the same thing that I do. >He quietly started to follow Tenchi up stairs. >*TAP* *TAP* All: [humming Taps] >Grey stopped abruptly. His brain raced, full of questions. Had he been discovered? Glyph: Not yet, but luckily for us, soon. >What would he do if he failed? Ukyo: (hopefully) Sipoku? >What if Adam had been caught? Cypher: He is. >What is the meaning of life? Glyph: No, that's the quality of plants and animals, which makes it possible for them to take in food, get energy from it, grow, adapt themselves to their surroundings, and reproducing their kind. [Rest of the group look at her, staring] Rest: Do we want to know how you knew that? >Is it really 42? Washu: No, that's the answer to life, the universe, and everything. >What was the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? Mew: ## 4.2 meters per second. ## [then noticing the stares] ## What? ## Ukyo: That was unexpected from you. >Is there really no need for Tenchi? REBB: Then who would cause the conflict? >If there isn't then why is the show named after him? REBB: Because he's the hero, believe it or not. >Why do the sailor scouts have such short skirts? Cypher: FANSERVICE! [the girls look at him, angrily] What, it's the truth and you know it! >Why is Pokemon so annoying? Mew: GRRRR! Glyph: HOLD HIM BACK! Hold him BACK! Cypher, and REBB: WE'RE TRYIN'! WE'RE TRYING! [Suddenly, there's short pop. And the Pokemon settles] Cypher: Whew! That should hold him. REBB: And that's one reason I carry such a LARGE tranq gun. >Why is it they cant ever do anything with out Goku? Cypher: We'll have to ask Vegeta on that one. >Where the hell did most of these questions come from? Glyph: Dahhhhh, the author. Cypher: Somebody that has too much time on his or her hands. >And other such various thoughts. >"Grey? Izzat you?" Cypher: (as Grey) NAH, IT'S THE BLOODY TOOTH FAIRY! OF COURSE, IT'S ME. >Adam's voice asked though the wooden door next to the staircase. Grey stepped towards the door and gingerly started to talk to it. "Um Adam?" He tried. "Yeah Help me out will you? I'm stuck." He pleaded. Greys eyes narrowed. "Where were you earlier? Why weren't you out of there?" Glyph: Oh-kay, we got dumb and dumber, here. Ukyo: They're that intelligent? >There was an intake of breath from Adam's side. "Well you know...its quite nice in here, not too hot not to cold, and..Oh yeah, IM STUCK!" He yelled as loud as he dared angrily. Grey scratched his head in thought. "Um well I have one idea but..." "Well do it!" Adam yelled again "okay then" said Grey slowly. "it's usually times like these that HE turns up," Behind the door Adam also scratched his head. "Who is, HE?" He asked his co- worker. Grey laughed nervously. "Just trust me on this, when he turns up just follow him out." >Adam Blinked. "...okay" Ukyo: Oh no, not again. >Five minutes passed Washu: Aren't they supposed to be watching somebody? >"Grey are you sure about this?" Adam asked, boredom present with his voice. Grey nodded "Positive, just wait." >Adam shrugged in his cramped space, he was covered in sticky sweet wrappers and somehow had managed to end up sitting on the TV screen. >"Well okay Grey but I..." >"Akane? Are you there?" came a voice. Ukyo: (groaning) Oh no. >Startled, Adam span round as much as he could. "What th...'ere, who are you?" Cypher: Ryoga Hibiki, who the hell are you? >He was staring at a boy with a yellow bandanna with black spots plus a huge umbrella stuck to his back. Ukyo: Note to self: do not let Ryoga handle glue, alone. >Most interesting of all he was standing upright. Adam found that he now also could stand up right and that the cupboard door had gone. "Where did..." Adam began pointing towards where the door should have been. The boy rudely interrupted him. "RANMA I WILL KILL YOU!!" With that he ran off in another direction in what seemed like a cave. Slightly taken aback Adam gathered himself and ran after him. >Within a minute he found himself once again out side the house and Grey was standing at the door. "You took your time didn't ya?" Ukyo: Well, considering he was following RYOGA, that happens. Cypher: And Adam is currently putting away his souvenirs of the Eiffel Tower, the Great Wall of China, Mount Rushmore. . . Washu: Mount Rushmore? They took the SHORT route. >Grey commented as Adam peeled a Twinkie wrapper of his shoulder. "Whatever" Adam shrugged re-entering the house. *********** >Tenchi slowly opens the door to the bathroom and gently closes it behind him. As he begins to undress, he notices that Sasami's clothes are in the basket next to him. Thinking that after she took her shower, she went to her room for a nap, he continued to undress. Now fully undressed, Tenchi puts his clothes aside and begins to open the sliding door to the bathing room. Barely even opened, he quickly closes the door. With his eyes wide open, he takes a big gulp and assures himself that it couldn't be and gets ready to open the door again. He slightly opens, but then quickly closes the door as he finally realises that Sasami is still in the bathtub. Tenchi's heart begins to beat faster and faster at each second, Tenchi checks and notices that she is only sleeping. So he takes a big sigh of relief as he leans against the wall. REBB: (as Tenchi) Whew! She didn't see me, I can get outta here. >Tenchi takes another look. "No, stop! What am I doing, this is my own little sister!" he whispers to himself as he hangs his head low in shame. But still out of curiosity he raises his head up to look some more. All these different thoughts begin racing through Tenchi's mind of what he would and could do to Sasami right now. Washu: All right, who did they replace Tenchi with? >The images become too much for Tenchi to handle, Mew: [waking up] ## ...and his head explodes. ## Rest: REBB! REBB: What? I didn't say it. . . Glyph: [to Mew] Have you been hanging around Xelloss too much? >he slowly closes the door to the bath, picks up his clothes, and runs towards his room, slamming the two doors behind him. ********************* >Downstairs >"Crap, the door just slammed, were running out of time," said Grey though his gritted teeth. Adam nodded. "Yeah we have to..." >"What are you doing here?!" Asked a high pitched voice. All: BUSTED! >"Huh?" Both agents said in unison. There was an exhausted sigh and then, "Down here." Cypher: Oh, smart, call attention to yourself. >Simultaneously they both looked down. Ukyo: And noticed "Mr. Turtle". REBB, and Cypher: (as Grey and Adam) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! >This fics version of Ryo-ohki looked up at them. Adam's left eye started to twitch. "Grey I know we shouldn't but," >"Kill it now, for all our sakes." Grey said plainly , much to the distress of the cabbit. "Now wait a minute!" Ryo-ohki protested. Washu: [gives a twitch] >Grey ignored it and turned to Adam. "You kill it and ill subdue the others." Adam Smiled. "Agreed" Ryo-ohki looked left and right frantically for a way out as Grey marched up stairs. He then stopped and looked up as Adam's shadow was cast over him, a manic smile on his face. "This is the part where I give you a head start of ten seconds right?" He asked the brown quivering thing as he pulled out a long stick from his jacket even though it was impossible for it to fit in it. It had a handle at one end and a very large piece of metal on the other. Washu: Now, waitaminute, here, he's going to try to use a SHOVEL to kill Ryo- Oki. [she starts laughing uncontrollably] REBB: Hey Ukyo, can I borrow one of your Adamantium Battle Spatulas? Ukyo: Uh, sure. REBB: Washu, do you have one of those Ryo-Oki crystals? Washu: Yeah, why do you need it? REBB: Just a little experiment. Pathos, can you pause the fic for a moment? [ there's a call of yeah, and Grey halts in mid-motion.] Okay, Ryo-Oki strength test. Now, Ryo-Oki has more power than these guys, right? Washu: Yeeeaaahh. REBB (to Ukyo): As far as you know, Adamantium is indestructible, right? Ukyo: Right. REBB: (to the Crystal) En garde! Crystal: Miya? REBB: Washu, tell her what's going on. Washu: Crystal? [she pauses, as the crystal responds] He's attacking you, you deal with it. Crystal: Miya. REBB: Hai! [Suddenly, there is the sound of a ripsaw revving up on steel] Uh, guys, a little help here! Help! >Rink!< [REBB pulls back, the battle spatula is cut off bout two inches short of his hand.] Damn! Glyph: Damn, dude, you owe her some money! Ukyo: Nah, why do you think I put so many in storage? Glyph: Okay, Pathy, put the fic back on. >"Yeah ten seconds that's right," said the cabbit as it started to move away. And abruptly stopped when the end with the metal came crashing down next to him. "HEY!" He yelled angrily at the agent. "You said ten seconds!" >Adam nodded "Yup, and one of these days I really need to learn how to count." The manic grin grew larger and then he gave chase after the small creature that was now fearing for its life. **************************** >"Huh, nani? Who slammed the door so loud? Must've been Tenchi, good he's finally back." Sasami steps out of the tub, dries herself off and covers herself and her hair up in towels and makes her way towards Tenchi's room. Out side the door.... "Right now I just need to find Sasami and..." Grey didn't get to finish his line of thought as the bathroom door connected to his face. Sasami bounced out the door, her towel wrapped around her and carried on down the corridor. As the door swung shut Grey was left standing in a startled condition with a very sore nose. "Owie." He slumped down and landed on his rear. "well at least I know where she is now." He then fished around his jacket for his copy of the fic. "Now then what's going to happen nex...OH SHITE-HAWKS!" Grey quickly got up and raced down the corridor. >Sasami reaches the door to Tenchi's room, she starts to go for the doorknob and burst into Tenchi's room to give him a piece of her mind. She hesitates turning the knob when she notices moaning coming out of his room. Ukyo: Oh god, he's eaten Akane's cooking. Someone get a stomach pump, quick. >Sasami's eyes widen and gasps as she may be thinking that Tenchi may be getting some. [The MSTers think] All: NAAAAHHHH! >"Oh Sasami. Yes!" >Downstairs.... >Adam surveyed his handiwork. The room was a mess, furniture was upturned, pictures were smashed, and there was a small brown and red splat on the carpet in front of him. Glyph: EEEEWWW! REBB: Cough, cough, bullshit, bullshit. Cypher: Uh, REBB, for that to work you don't say 'cough,cough', you actually do. >He raised a hand to his chin and scratched. "Odd" he commented "I would have thought he'd make more of a 'splut' sound." Shrugging he heaved the long stick onto his shoulder and made towards the stairs. She becomes puzzled as to why Tenchi is calling out her name. She thinks to herself, but then thinks not. She slowly opens the to take a peak. Cypher: Opens the what? OPENS THE WHAT? S>asami sees that Tenchi is by himself and takes a sigh of relief, but still wonders why he is still moaning. Washu: (as Tenchi) Oh, my stomach! Where's the Pepto? > She opens the door a little more but then quickly looks away when she notices that he is touching himself down "there". "Oh my gosh, what's he doing to himself?", she says quietly to herself. >"Oh crap there's not much time left." Grey panicked as he peered around the corner seeing Sasami looking though Tenchi's door. "Think Grey think," Suddenly the light bulb that appears in these circumstances...Didn't appear because it thought this story was too crap ,complained to its agent and left the set. All: OH-KAY! >But Grey did have an idea. >She turns her head once more and begins staring at what Tenchi is still doing. She catches herself looking. But she can't stop herself from looking, her heart begins to beat faster and faster. "I have to do it," she thinks to herself. Mew: ## (as Sasami) I have to get outta here! ## >So Sasami opens the door wide into Tenchi's room. Cypher: Wrong direction! Ukyo: Again another Ryoga reference. >Tying on the football helmet Grey quickly followed, bursting into the room while holding a large piece of card. "WHAT THE HELL!?" Tenchi asked quickly zipping himself up [Everyone crossed their legs, even the girls] Glyph: I'm no expert, but shouldn't he have tucked it in first? Cypher: All I can say is, OW! REBB: [puppy like whine] Ukyo: I'd say, yeah. Washu: Looks like I got some reconstructive surgery in the morning. . . >and looking from his sister to the strange guy who had burst into his room. "Quickly tell me what this is." He then presented the picture on the card to Tenchi. "Wait you're the Sayjin!" Tenchi cried pushing back against the wall. "Tell me what this is or I'll go Dragonball Z on your behind!" Gulping Tenchi looked at the picture. "Well?" asked Grey presenting a picture of a large orange orang-utan wearing scruffy green robes. "It's a monkey." He said nervously. "Now why are you..." "OOK!!!!" the orang-utan pounced on Tenchi from the windowsill and started to attack and bite him ferociously. This carried on for five minutes every now and again something would fly at Grey's head and bounce off the helmet. Sasami meanwhile tried her best not to cry. "Well my work is almost done." He pronounced to the world. "Well I'm finished." Said Adam as he walked up to Grey, the stick with the long metal end resting on his shoulder. "You killed Ryo-ohki with that shovel?" Grey asked pointing to the shovel in Adam's possession. "Yup, it's a snow shovel to be precise. A Ryoko from one of Davner's fics lent me it." Grey looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Okay then." Sasami grew wide-eyed and teary "Ryo-ohki is dead?" she sniffled. "Uh huh." Said Adam presenting the shovel end of the stick to the girl, fur was stuck to it in various places by blood and an eyeball hung loosely of the end by some nerves. Glyph: REPEAT! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW! >"This is a dead cabbit, it has ceased to be." Sasami fell to her knees and cried, Anime waterfalls fell from her eyes. "WWWWAAHHHH!!" She screamed. "Okay then Adam break out the anti-hentai injections, and the memory block tablets." Grey announced to his partner. "Will do." He saluted in mock formalness and went to fetch the items, leaving a smug agent, a crying girl and a boy and orang-utan in mortal combat. >A few minutes later >"Right everyone is injected and has forgot everything lets go before they notice us." Said Adam packing up Ryoko's shovel. "Okay just a sec." Grey ran off upstairs then came back down with the librarian who was communicating with a series of OKK's and OO's. "OOK?" He asked "Sure I think you would be a great nexus agent." >"OOK?" >"Really" >"OO OOk." He said proudly. >"Ready Adam?" he asked as he pulled a few orange hairs from his suit. "Ready and rearing to go" he zipped up his jacket and they all left the house. "where did you park the rental Adam?" Grey asked while looking down the road. "Just ahead, ill go get it." He then raced down the road. "OO?" Grey shook his head "Nope, sorry, I'm driving" The librarian orang-utan sighed a little sulkily. Adam and the van rental came up and parked next to them. "All Aboard!" he yelled patting the side of the van though the window. "Okay hairy guy you'll have to ride in the back the front is too small for you." Nodding the librarian walked up to the back and jumped in. "Well then that was an okay days work was it not?" Adam asked happily. Grey met this with an icy stare. "Well I thought it was." He said to himself as he returned to looking at the road. Ukyo: That can be debated. Glyph: Well, aren't they gonna miss the cabbit, and wonder what happened to the house? The end...Till I feel nasty and vindictive, then ill write some more. Cypher: Boy, ain't he a pile of. . . Glyph: CYPHER! Cypher: I was going to say 'roses. And like you could stop me from saying the other. . . Glyph: No, but I know your weakness, pal! >Well that was fun. So guys tell me what you thought, was it crap? was it pathetic? was it goo..crap? REBB: Iceburg Power Dump...think about it. >Whatever you thought it was tell me by dropping me a line at Eskar_the_pirate@yahoo.co.uk Washu: Definitely English. >Adam Asskicker was dragged kicking and screaming into this fic and didn't actually write any of it. but who cares, I found it fun to write. I um...sorta borrowed Ryoko's shovel from Tomas "009" Doscher (Davner)'s story 'Tenchi Makes His Choice' But this is more of a tribute than using with out permission. (Yeah that ought to work) special thanks also to H_pinoy for letting me take the piss out of his work. Hope ya enjoyed it bye! Glyph : (growling) YOU KILLED OFF RYO-OKI! Sure he was pathetic and all that, but you killed off Ryo-Oki! Washu: Well, doesn't this sound like the revenge off Kanashi No Imi? Cypher: Yeah, but that was an author created character, a SI if I remember right. Ryo-Oki is a regular. Glyph: Don't you'd think they'd miss him? REBB: Okay, I'll give you guys that. Anyway, the explanation as to why we haven't done an MST in a while...heck, anything new for a while. Glyph: College classes, Graduation is coming up for both of us. REBB: Other projects, work...not able to meet for more than a few hours each week. Ukyo: And that's bad when you live in the same house! Glyph: Anyway, that's the update on the JEDRI crew, We'll see you later. All: Bye-EEE!