Disclaimer: Washu and Vegeta don't belong to us, also these fanfics don't belong to us. There's your disclaimer, don't sue! WARNING: Beware the lemons they are scary and you read them at your own risk we hold no responsibly for any lunches lost during the duration of this MST! Except ours, but as I say it our own fault! And since someone * glares at Vegeta * broke the censor there is also bad language in this MST. Read on, good friends, read on. Extra Warning: We can't spell! It was a week since two girls, a mad scientist, a saiyan warrior and... well Carl, started their lives on the H.M.S. Hades Void. There was a great deal of giggling coming from the girls quarters, Libby and Katy had become quite good friends with Washu and had found out why she was subjecting them to the horror of fan fiction, they didn't understand the reason but, hey, at least they knew. The giggling was coming from Libby and Katy, they were playing Tequila battleship, for the second time. It was simple ordinary battleship rules but every time you hit the other persons battleship you drank a shot of tequila. Katy was winning. Katy: B,8! Libby(laughing): Hit! You're cheating come on let me have a lookie-poo! Katy: Fuck off! * Pushes her away while squinting and trying valiantly to place a red tack into the "B,8" hole * In the improved room across the hall the half of the blue walls were covered with Playboy centerfolds, Carl sat on his bed flicking through his XXX Magasines. Vegeta takes one look at him and leaves Vegeta: Fucking Gimp! Carl: Hey that's MR. Fucking Gimp to you! Vegeta goes past the room with the crab on the door quickly and soon arrives in the living room he sits down on the sofa and fics up the remote just as a loud disembodied voice boomed "FANFIC ALERT, PLEASE REPORT TO THEATRE ASAP" A few moments later Vegeta and Carl walked into the thater followed by a cabbit and the two girls, leaning on each other and staggering. Washu: Could you seperate those two please? * they sit down in this order ((its important, we wouldn't be telling you if it wern't-Katy)) left to right Libby, Carl, Vegeta, Katy * Katy:* Glomps Vegeta * Ha ha, I got Veggie and you got the wart! * sticks out her tounge at Libby * Libby: Bitch! Katy: Cow Libby: Mooooooooooo * they both collapse into laughter * Vegeta: * Pushes Katy away * Get the fuck offa me! Carl: * runs over and starts hitting his head on the wall * why the hell did I start this in the first place! Washu: Shuddup and watch! What if Tenchi was American? Katy: He'd be even more spineless and stupid that he already is! Carl: He'll be saying FUCK a lot too. Libby: The girls in that house would have been fucked by now! Vegeta: * keeps trying to push Katy away * Damn, what the hell is wrong with me! This should be easy! Katy(Laughing): You don't know much about women do you Veggie? Another fucked up fic from the fucked up mind of All: AAA-Phucknut! WASHUUUUUUUU???? Vegeta: Holy shit, a lemon! AAA-PhuckNut All: BOOOOOOO! Disclaimer: The characters in this fic are the property of AIC and Pioneer, I make no claims to them. This fic looks at Tenchi's life if he was American. _______________________________________________________________________ Ahh, another normal day in the Masaki household in Tampa, Florida. Katy: * snorts * What are they all old people now? Vegeta: What do you mean? And get the fuck off me! Libby: Everyone knows only old people live in Tampa! Tenchi is just waking up at 11 a.m. "Arg... My fucking head... I gotta lay off the booze.." All: Ahahahahahahaa Carl: I FUCKING told you said Tenchi very grogily. "OH TENCHI!!! Wake up my sexy Tenchi!!" said Ryoko as she jumped on top of Tenchi. Libby: Score one to me! "God dammit!! Would you get the fuck off me!! You always do that!!" yelled Tenchi. "Damn, calm the fuck down.. Im just trying to love you Tenchi." Vegeta: No she's trying to Fuck you, run like you always do, please I don't want the lemon so soon I haven't managed to form a defence yet * Katy whispers something in his ear his eyes go wide and he starts struggling * Fucking hell get her outta here! Washu: Sorry, no can do! pouted Ryoko. "Ya well I dont have fucking time for it now." said Tenchi as he walked out of his room and headed down the stairs. Carl: What about the rest of his body. Vegeta: Was that a bad attempt at being dark? * Carl nodds sadly * Ryoko just sighed and then phased through the floor and headed into the kitchen. "Tenchi!! You finally woke up you lazy ass piece of shit!!" said Sasami All: Sasami??? as Tenchi walked into the kitchen. "Lay the fuck off, my drunken ass didnt even go to bed till 4 a.m." said Tenchi angrily. "Well now that your up, get your sorry ass movin and go tell everyone its time for lunch, and hurry up cause I dont got fuckin time to waste!" said Sasami. Veheta: Whats up with Sasami, surely all amercans aren't bad tempered as fuck! "Stupid bitch Sasami..." Carl: Don't dis the kid Katy: Dis Me! Libby: Dis yourself! Vegeta: But don't dis the kid! Tenchi mumbled as he walked out of the kitchen and passed by Ryoko. "What the fuck is wrong with him?" Ryoko asked Sasami as she got in the kitchen. "I fuckin told him to go get everyone for lunch, and I guess he's just being a fucking dick.." Katy(Ryoko): He may be a dick but he aint got no balls. Vegeta: * finally manages to pry Katy off him * Hey Washu! These two arnt funny when there pisse... * he is cut off when Katy kisses him. Washu presses a button in the projection room and Katy pulls away spitting on the floor * Katy: EEEEEEEW Vegeta lips! Eew eew eew! Libby: Ah shit my head. Vegeta: Thank, fucking, god! said Sasami. "Well Im fucking starving!! How much longer dammit!!" Ryoko blurted out. "As soon as everyone walks their happy ass'es and sits the fuck down then we can this dirty shit I call food." Katy: Did she just say, We can this dirty shit I call food? Carl: rewwinds a bit the fuck down then we can this dirty shit I call food." All: Yup! Sasami said. "Well Im gonna go find Ryo-ohkie so it will go faster.." Ryoko said. "I wouldn't fuckin bother if I were you.." Sasami said. "And why the fuck is that?" Cabbit: Oh god no! Carl: Kiyo-Ohki? You can speak? Kiyo-Ohki: Miya! asked Ryoko. "Because Ryo-ohkie is what we are fucking eating!" All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Carl: Hey Kiyo-Ohki * he notices that Kiyo-Ohki is hiding under his seat and shaking in fear * aww I don't have the heart to. said Sasami. "Oh ok.. well thats just one less fucking mouth to feed." said Ryoko. Vegeta: no way would Ryoko say that! Katy: This is so OOC I think they need new names "Exactly." said Sasami. _______________________________________________________________________ Tenchi approached the shrine to get his grandfather Yosho to come to lunch, "Grandfather!" Tenchi yelled. No one responded.. "Hmm thats fucking odd, he must be really busy doing something." Libby: I smell a lemon! Katy: * drops the wedge halfway to her mouth * That's me sorry * everyone stares at her weird. * Katy: What? I like the taste of them! Tenchi said to himself. Tenchi then walked into the shrine and he heard a noise, sounded like heavy breathing, All: Holy mother of... Katy: cabbits! "Whats that wierd ass noise?" Katy: In that sentence, ass, would be the operative word Carl(ignoring Katy): Someone farting said Tenchi. Tenchi walked into the office inside in the shrine and found his grandfather jacking off to a gay porno movie. "EWW Grandpa!! What the fuck are you doing you senile old bastard!!" beamed Tenchi. Vegeta: Another misuse of the word "beamed" by Phucknut! "Yo whats up Tenchi? Care to join me in a gay orgy?" Katy: HIT THE DECK! asked Yosho. "No you sick fucking prick!! All: Horaaaay! Katy(singing): Celebrate good times, come on! Do do do do do do do do, ow wow! Just come to lunch you fag!!" said Tenchi. "Why are you acting so fucking suprised? You weren't suprised last night when you were drunk and I was fucking Noboyuki in the ass." Carl: Mother of god, mother of god, mother of god, mother of god, mother of god... Katy: I did not need to know that! * Carl's eyes turn red and his head slowly spins* Carl: Tenchimuyou, as one word, is Japanese for "This side up". * Carl's feet explode * Vegeta: What the fuck? * Carl goes back to normal as his feet regenerate * said Yosho. "You fucked dad?!?" questioned a suprised Tenchi. "Uh yaaaa... What the fuck has this world come to?? A man can't even have sex with his son-in-law anymore.." Vegeta: And if I have anything to say about it it'll stay that way! said Yosho. "Ok just shut the fuck up.. this is getting wierd.." Libby: True, true! said Tenchi. Tenchi then left and headed back to the house and went to the kitchen. 5 minutes later everyone else showed up, "About fucking time everyone got here.." said Sasami. "Just shut up bitch, and give us our fucking food" said Ayeka. Vegeta: and more OOC by the second! "Ya you little slut, stop bitching and give us our god damned food" said Noboyuki. "Why dont you just pull your penis out of your ass and shut your damn mouth." All: Yeah! Sasami said to Noboyuki. "My penis isnt in my ass, Yosho's is." Katy: If I've told ya once I've told ya a million times! I don't want to know! All; Neither do I Noboyuki said. "Figures.." said Ryoko. "You people are so fucking annoying.. Im going to the mall." said Tenchi. Tenchi then left and hopped into his Honda Civic V-TEC, put on Rollin by Limp Bizkit and blasted his stereo and headed out to the mall. Libby: At least the music's not as bad as the fic. Katy: too right! Vegeta: This is mild for a Phucknut, just be lucky you didn't get something like "Tenchi on a plate of Sashimi" * he and Carl shudder * Libby: That bad? Carl: * sounding traumatised * and so much worse! _______________________________________________________________________ Tenchi was so sick of his life, he just wanted to kill everyone in his house. Vegeta(cheerfully): if he did that the fic would end! All(chanting): Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it! While he walked around the mall he formulated the plan. He would go the hobby store and buy some chemicals and make a nice little pipe bomb and blow all his friends and family to hell, where they all belong. All: Horaaaaaaaaaay _______________________________________________________________________ Tenchi acquired all the supplys he needed, and as he was walking out of the mall, he saw that bitch sakuya. Vegeta: Uh oh! Libby: What? Vegeta: Phucknut has two hoobys, writing fanfics that make people spew and killing Sakuya in vivid and horible detail. Libby: Uh oh! Vegeta: My words exactly "HI TENCHI!!" screamed Sakuya as she ran towards Tenchi. "Oh great.. not this fucking bitch again.." Tenchi mumbled to himself. "hey Tenchi whats up?" asked Sakuya once she got to Tenchi. "Nothing really... I got something to tell you." said Tenchi. "Ive been calling you and you still haven't called me back yet!" said Sakuya. "Thats what I wanted to say.." said Tenchi. "Oh thats ok Tenchi theres no need to apologize, I still love you!" said Sakuya happily. "Well you see, If you would just fucking listen, Im not apologizing to you because I think your an anoying bitch and I deliberatly didnt call you. Now just leave me the fuck alone." said Tenchi. Sakuya just stood there stunned and a tear rolled down her cheek as Tenchi left the mall. _______________________________________________________________________ Sakuya left the mall to run home and cry, she was so busy thinking of Tenchi Vegeta: And it begins! ((God my English teacher would kill me if she saw that!-Katy)) that as she ran she didnt notice the 20 ton Mack truck headed right for her. The trucker hit his brakes, but then he noticed that the girl looked like that Sakuya character on one of the animes that trucker watched. "Hey thats the Sakuya girl from Shin Tenchi!!" said the trucker. "I hate that FUCKING BITCH!!" screamed the trucker as he slammed on the gas. The truck slammed right into Sakuya's side with the force of a nuclear bomb detonating inbetween your legs. Sakuya's body was just splattered all over the front of the truck as the trucker drove away laughing hysterically. Katy: So he murdered someone because he thought she looked like and anime charicter. Holy shit! Screwed up fucker! _______________________________________________________________________ Tenchi got home and went straight to his room to start work on his bomb. "Its about fucking time you got back Tenchi!" said Ayeka. "Back off bitch, I have work to do." said Tenchi as he passed by Ayeka. Tenchi made his pipe bomb and taped nails all around the outside of it for maximum killing effect, * all sit in raptured silence, Carl is taking notes * then he stuck a 10 second fuse out one end of it.. Carl(mumbling): Where do you buy a ten second fuse * everyone moves away from him * "Ah finally all fucking done!" beamed a proud Tenchi. Katy: It's a miracle Phucknut used beamed in its proper context! All: Alleluia, Alleluia! Tenchi then headed out to the living room and taped the bomb to the bottom of the center table, then he called everyone into the room. "Everyone get the fuck in the living room! I have something to say!" yelled Tenchi. After everyone arrived Tenchi lit the bomb under the table so no one noticed, "Shit wait one sec, I forgot something." said Tenchi as he ran up into his room. "I wonder what the fuck this is about?" asked Ayeka "I dont kn" was all Sasami managed to say before the bomb exploded sending speeding nails into their bodys. Tenchi came back down after hearing the explosion and snickered when he saw all their mangled bodys lying all over the place. Vegeta: Did he just do that? * Katy just nods * _______________________________________________________________________ Tenchi thought he had gotten away with this, but the police found out and arrested Tenchi. He was sent to a maximum security prison where he was anal raped by a fat black man named Butch. * Carl shudders * _______________________________________________________________________ THE END Well how did you like it? Some of you may disagree when these "americans" cuss so much.. well the talk in my family sounds just like it does in this fic :P I know it wasnt very "american" like for Tenchi to murder everyone, but I had to end this fic somehow!! PLus he suffered an "american" punishment when he was arrested! :P Send all comments to: viperz00@winfire.com Everyone leaves the theatre and goes to bed. The next morning they wake up to the smell of something cooking. Carl walked into the girls room and handed Katy a bowl of small yellow balls in yellow sauce. Katy: What the hell is this? Carl: Breakfast. Katy: I am not eating that shit! Where'd you get the recipe Carl: From my cookbook. Katy: Called... Carl: "Akane's kitchen of pain!" Katy proceeds to frog march Carl to the door throw him out and throw the bowl of goo on top of him. Katy: Take that Buttmunch! Carl: * yellow and dripping * That's MR. Buttmunch to you! Just the... Voice: THIS IS THE FANFIC WARNING PLEASE ENETR THE THEATER AND BRACE YOURSELVES! Katy: Holy shit, that sounds bad! All enter the theatre and sit down. It occured to me that Kagato never got his revenge on Tenchi and the others for his defeat. Here now is the continuing saga of the evil space villain Kagato..... KAGATO'S REVENGE by Washu 6/10/97 _________________________________________________________________________ It was a beautiful spring day and Ryo-ohki was bounding through the carrot patch with cheerful meows for everyone. Tenchi was busy shovelling dirt for the new vegitable patch. Sasami and Mihoshi were planting seed in the freshly hoed rows of dirt. Sasami looked up from her work and wipped Carl: AARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH THE S&M HAS ALREADY BEGUN! her brow. She took a moment to survey the day's accomplishments. She watched Tenchi on the far side of the field. He was busy digging. Off in one corner of the garden, Ryoko and Aeka were having a screaming match. Sasami sighed. So what else is new? she thought. Ryo-ohki hopped up with a fresh carrot in her mouth. "Meow, meow, meow!!!" she said loudly. Sasami looked down and frowned. "Have you been eating the fresh carrots again Ryo-Ohki?" Tenchi won't be very happy about that pleased Vegeta: Oh god it doesn't even make sense! . Ryo-Ohki looked at her forlornly. Suddenly, a dark shadow loomed above their heads. Everyone looked up to see a giant spacecraft hovering over the field. Without warning, a blast of green light engulfed them all. Tenchi yelled out Sasami's name. It was the last thing that Sasami heard before she lost conciousness.... Sasami awoke with a start. Her head was spinning and she felt dazed. She was lying on her back, strapped securely to an operating table. All: oh shit! Katy: HIT THE DECK! When she tried to move her arms, they wouldn't budge. She looked around the room in terror, trying to make sense of her predicament. The room was large and white like an operating room. She was confused and desperately tried to free her hands. Suddenly, a voice echoed through the room. "Well Sasami, it seems that I will have my revenge at last!" Sasami recognized Kagato's cruel and evil voice. She looked around the room in terror and confusion. A heartless laugh reverberated through the room. "I've been waiting for you Sasami..." Kagato cackled. "I've been so looking forward to our next encounter!" Sasami was terrified. She squirmed and strained against the strong clamps that held her wrists and ankles to the table. A huge screen descended from the ceiling. On it was as taunting image of Kagato's face. His evil glare looked down at her from above. "Now you can see me watching you little one!" he grinned "You will be able to see the joy in my face as I submit your young body to HELL!" * the MSTers are hiding behind there seats * Kagato touched a button and his image was replaced by a mirror reflection of Sasami clamped to the table. "See how pretty you are my dear?" he said with a sarcastic grin. "You can see absolutely everyting that is happening to you." Without warning, the wall at her left opened up and a cluster of evil looking machinery slid forth from the darkness. The mechanical nightmare hummed to life as Kagato pushed the buttons on his controller madly. Sasami gasped in horror as she watched metallic tentacles writh and twitch as the machinery unfolded above her. Silvery metal tentacles * Vegeta sticks his head over the seat * Vegeta: Shit there's tentacles out there * everyone screams * Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles Silvery metal tentacles... * everyone sticks there heads ups* Carl: whats going on Voice: FANFIC TOO BAD, PROOOOGGGGGGGEEEEEECCCCCCCCTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR BRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOKEEEEEEEEEEN All the lights go out. Well that was it the third MST by us, well I did most of this by myself since noone would help me that's why it isn't as good as usual, plus I'm shattered, I feel like I haven't slept for a week-Katy Oh by the way the Wart says bye too