Disclaimer: The characters of Tenchi Muyo are the property of AIC, as 
are the characters of Lost Universe. The characters of Ranma 1/2 are 
owned by Viz Video, the characters of Cowboy Bebop are owened by Bandai 
entertainment and Emotion. The characters of Irresponsible Capitan Tylor 
are the property of Right Stuff international. The characters of Patlabor 
are the property of U.S. Manga incorporated. The characters of Legend of Zelda 
are the property of Nintendo.  All these characters are belong to them. So 
please dont sue me, as I have no money.

Aknowedgements: Little Masa-Ouki and Rurouni Ken-Ouki helped me write this one.  
they are co authors, but It appears under my name for expidience.

Canal MSTs Part 3: Bastard of Jurai
By Paul "IrrCapT" Bernard, Owen "Little Masa-Ouki" Kuhn, and Brook "Rurouni Ken-Ouki" Kuhn

(In the theater of the Canal)
Spike: (chasing after Ota) I AM GOING TO KILL YOU OTA!!!!
Sgt. Ota: (running away) Look, that was three weeks ago.   Couldn't you just get over
it?
Spike: NO!
Lt. Yamamoto: Look, since Kain didn't put any girls in this MSTing crew, it's
obvious that all of our guest MSTers are going to be girls.
Kane Blueriver: Actually, today the guest MSTer is a boy.
Spike:Dammit!  Can't you get another girl?
Kain: No.
Spike: OTAAAA!
Ota: WHAT?  I didn't do it!
Kane: Anyway, Link Kokiri, come on down.
Ryoga: Your the next contestant on, "This Fic Sucks!"
(A dimensional portal opens and deposits Link)
Link Kokiri: Wha? Where am I?
Kain: you are in the Canal to MST a fic.
Link: Take me back!  I only have 3 days to save the world!
Kain: Too bad.  Sit!

The seating order is:  Lt. Yamamoto from Irresponsible Capitan Tylor, Ryoga from
Ranma 1/2, Sgt. Ota from Patlabor, Link from Legend of Zelda games, and Spike from Coboy
Beebop.  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Bastard of Jurai, Part 1

Disclaimer:
Tenchi Muyo characters belong to AIC and Pioneer, elements from the book
"The Woman Who Loved Reindeer" 

Spike: (as Jerry Springer) Our next show is: Women who love reindeer and the men
who love 
them.
Yamamoto: Wait.  Do the men love the women or the reindeer?
Ryoga: Loving an animal?  That's sick!
Spike: Doesn't that suck for you?
Ryoga: Grr!

belong to Meredith Ann Pierce and Tor books,
and I’m not in this to make money.

Part 1

Ryoko snapped 

Ota: And went on a murderous rampage, killing the entire Masaki house and
various passerby's until forty state troopers brought her down.  The End!
All: Yay!
Link: That was short.  I just got here. Can I go save the world now?
Kain: No.  It's not over!  Sit down!

fully awake when the door-chime rang.

"Go away," she suggested to whoever was at the door this early.

Spike: Okay, I was going door to door selling my best seller "How to Win
the Heart of Lost Crown Princes/Farm Boys Even Though You're a Violent Demon," but apparently I'll take my business elsewhere.
Ryoga: I'd imagine that'd have a really targeted audience.
Spike: It sells surprisingly well.

It rang again, and in fact twice more before she got up to answer it.

Ryoga: (doing a startling impression of Ryoko) Die you damn salesman!
Link: What? Was that Ryoga?
Spike: Yes, frightening, isn't it?
Ryoga: I can do Zelda, too.
Link: Please don't.

Ryo-Ohki squirmed and pawed at something in her sleep.

Ryoko put on her robe 

Ryoga: Nuts!  No fan service!  I was hoping for some breast action!
Link: Huh?
Yamamoto: (whaps Ryoga) No hentai in front of the kid!

as the chime rang a fifth time, and went to the door.

Yamamoto: (as the chime) If you're not going to open the door then I will!

It was the first time Ryoko had seen Aeka since the wedding a year and a
half before.  

Ota: Wedding?  When'd that happen?
Spike: Apparently a year and a half ago.
Ota: Isn't that important enough to deserve some screen time?

Aeka stood on Ryoko’s doorstep, holding two packages;

Ryoga: (as Aeka) Hello, Juraian delivery service.  I have two packages for you. 
Sign here.
Spike: (as Ryoko) What happened to being princess of Jurai?
Ryoga: (as Aeka) It didn't work out.

one an overnight bag that rattled when she set it down,

Link: It's a bomb!
Ota: Everything's a bomb with you, you juvenile delinquent!
Link: I just find bomb's to be useful in my line of work.

and one a silk-wrapped
bundle.  Ryoko realized that the bundle Aeka cradled so carefully was a
child, lately come into the world.

"Ryoko," Aeka said without preamble, 

Yamamoto: What do you want?  'Four score and seven years ago'?

"I need you to take this baby."

"Whose baby is this?"

Spike: (as Aeka) I've kidnapped the prince of Mollidon, I need you to hold onto
him until they deliver the ransom.

"My baby."  

Ota: (as Aeka) Duh!

Aeka’s eyes were swollen and her face was flushed, as if she had
wept for days.  Her kimono was stained on the front in two places from the
milk in her breasts.

Ryoga: Aeka doesn't wear a bra?
Spike: Who would notice?
Ota: Shut up!

"Why are you and Tenchi giving me your..."

"Not Tenchi.  Just...just me."

Spike: Wow! Juraians can reproduce asexually! Cool!
Ota: WHAT?
Link: Huh?
Yamamoto: Ixnay on the ex-say.

It took Ryoko a moment to realize what this meant.  "It’s not his kid, is
it?"

Ota: No build up or explanation for this either?!....  That's it!  Where's my
Patlabor, I want to kill the author!
Spike: You can't if I kill you first! (Chases Ota around the theater with his
shiv)
Link: Does Spike want to protect the author?
Ryoga: No, he just wants to kill Ota.
Link: Oh.

Aeka swallowed hard.  "It isn’t his concern what I do with this
child."

Spike: (sitting down) My bad plot sense is going off!
Link: You have a bad plot sense?  Where was it five minutes ago?
Spike: Okay, so it needs a tuneup!
Ota: (grabs shiv) Give me that!
Spike: Hey, I was going to use that to kill you.
Ota: I know!

Ryoko studied the child’s pale, soft features, so dissimilar to Tenchi’s.
She was numb with outrage.

Ryoga: (as Ryoko) Aeka, help!  I can't feel my toes!

"How old is this kid?" Ryoko demanded.

Link: I'm eight.
Spike: Not you, pipsqueak.

"She was born two months ago," Aeka said softly, another tear slipping
down her face.  "While Tenchi was away with the Royal Juraian army.  I kept her
as long as I could.  But I can’t hide her any longer, and I cannot keep
her."

Spike: You could hide the pregnancy, but not the kid?...
All: RRRIGHT!

  Aeka picked at the silk wrapping the infant.  The baby sighed but
didn’t wake.

Spike: (as Ryoko) Geeze, how much chloroform did you use?

Ryoko sighed.  "Did Tenchi know you were pregnant last spring before he
left?"

Ryoga: (as Aeka) Bye Tenchi!  Have a nice trip!  Oh, by the way, I'm pregnant
with someone else's child.
Ota: (as Tenchi) What?
Ryoga: (as Aeka) Bye!

"No.  I don’t know.  I didn’t tell him.  If he guessed, I’ll tell him I
lost the child."

"Who else knows about the baby?"

"Lady Funaho, and Sasami.  

Spike: (as Aeka) and the Juraian tabloids, so no one will believe it.

They are sworn to secrecy.  No one else knows,
not Washuu, and certainly not Mihoshi.  Not even my mother."

"How did you manage that?"

Ota: That's what we'd all like to know.

Ryoko thought about Misaki, enveloping Aeka in
hugs and drowning her in tears,

Ota: That can't be good for the baby.

and beaming all over town with pride that she was going to have a grandbaby.

"Sasami got her out of town when I started to show.

Link: Town?  Clocktown is a 'town.'  I'd imagine the capital of Jurai would
qualify as a 'city.'

While they were gone, I pretended a long illness.  Lady Funaho delivered 
the child,

Spike: Lady Funaho being a registered nurse for Juraians!
Ryoga: (as Funaho) I'm sorry, Aeka, but I'm not in your HMO.

and helped me hide her until now."

Ryoko stood silent.  She was thinking of Aeka, defying her family to marry
Tenchi, risking everything for a man she said she loved more than her
throne.

Ota: So the author ADMITS that having Aeka cheat on Tenchi is out of character! 
Why'd she write it this way then, the stupid-
Yamamoto: PG rating, Ota.
Ota: Dork!

And you dishonored him, Ryoko thought.  Within a year you screwed around on him.

Yamamoto: Well, assuming it's been exactly a year and a half since the marriage,
and that Juraian's have a nine month pregnancy, then for the kid to be two months old,
she'd have to have slept with the father seven months after her wedding.  So it was only half a year.
Ota: (Cries)
Spike: (Tries to stab Ota)
Ota: (suckerpunches Spike)
Ryoga: Apparently Tenchi wasn't much on the honeymoon.
Link: What?
Yamamoto: (hits Ryoga) Shut up!

Ryoko could feel very little pity for either Aeka or her child.

"Why don’t you tell him the baby is his?" Ryoko said finally,
cold-bloodedly.

Ota: I knew it!  Ryoko's a reptile!  That explains everything.
Ryoga: Hey!... wait a second... it does!

"He’d know."

Ryoga: (as Aeka) Considering it doesn't LOOK like him, stupid!

"He wouldn’t care."

Ryoga: (as Aeka) I'm sorry, Tenchi, I cheated on you.
Ota: (as Tenchi, cheerfully) That's okay, just don't do it again.

It was almost the truth.  But Ryoko knew Tenchi would care.  Aeka’s
faithlessness would 
cut him to the bone, 

Spike: If my wife cheated on me-
Ota: You don't have a wife, and you probably never will!
Spike: Shut up!

but it would make no
difference in the end.  Ryoko closed her eyes and desperately wished Aeka’s
faithlessness could matter.

She pictured Tenchi leaving Aeka alone in the huge palace with the baby.
She couldn’t help the wish.

Ota: Just like she couldn't help being a bitch!
Ryoga: Hey!
Ota: Aeka's crying on her doorstep, and she's thinking about how she can steal
Tenchi!
Ryoga: (sighs) You're right.

With Aeka out of the way, Tenchi could come
back to her and they could go to Earth together to live.

She opened her eyes and sighed.  Hoping was no use.  Tenchi loved Aeka, and
he’d never forsake her.  Ryoko angrily wished Aeka would go away so that she
could go back to bed.

Ryoga: If Ryoko was in this situation, she'd just tell Aeka to leave.  Ryoko
doesn't really have patience.  I like her that way.
Ota: So you like her being a bitch.
Ryoga: No!

"Show him the baby.  He’ll forgive you."  Bitterly, she continued,
"He’d forgive you anything."

Ryoga: (as Aeka) Tenchi, I just killed five men.
Ota: (as Tenchi, cheerfully) That's okay, just don't do it again.

Aeka gnawed on her lip.  "I’m afraid."

Ryoga: (as Aeka) Hold me mommy (hugs Spike).
Spike: Get off of me!

Ryoko was surprised.  "Tenchi would never hurt you."

"Not of Tenchi," Aeka said slowly.  "Of the child’s father."

Ota: Okay, She cheated on Tenchi with someone abusive? (bangs head 
against the wall)
Spike: Probably a drunkard, too. (Ota slams his head harder)
Yamamoto: Just put up a fake rape charge and have the sucker executed for
treason.
Link: What's 'rape'?
Ryoga: (hits Yamamoto) Quiet!

"Who is the father?" said Ryoko sharply.

Aeka hesitated.  "No one you know," she said.

All: RRRIGHT!

Ryoko sighed with relief.  "Did anyone see you and the father go off alone,
or anything?"

Ryoga: (as Aeka) Just that nice reporter from the Juraian Star.

"I don’t know.  I don’t think so."

"Why are you afraid of him?"

Spike: Because he's an abusive drunk, duh!
Ota: Please stop saying that, Spike.
Spike: No.

"I fear for the child."

"What is that kid to him?"

"He said...that he would come back and take the child."

Spike: You know he just wants the child support payments.
Yamamoto: I think the Empress of Jurai could probably win custody of the child.

Ryoko shifted on her feet impatiently.  "If the father wants the kid, why
not give him the kid?"

"You don’t understand, Ryoko...this child could have the Jurai power when
she grows up.  I don’t know what the father might do with her.  I don’t
trust him.  You, I trust, Ryoko.  You’ve been my sister all these years."

Link: I thought Aeka's sister was Sasami.

Aeka’s tears were falling faster.

"How did this stranger know you’d get pregnant?"  Ryoko wanted to
know.

"He said so, afterward," Aeka said.

Ota: How?
Spike: Because he called the psychic friends network.
Ryoga: Because he's my gyn- (looks at Link, then Yamamoto) my doctor.
Yamamoto: Because... he's Tarot!... even though he can't read the cards.
Link: Maybe he drew the Master Sword and traveled seven years into the future 
to check it out!
All: (Stare at Link)
Link: What?

"Maybe he won’t come back," Ryoko suggested.

"I saw him, Ryoko.  I saw him at Startika, the fourth day.  While I was
still pregnant."

Ota: I thought she was in hiding!  What was she doing out at a Startika
festival!

"Did you talk to him?"

"No.  

Yamamoto: Then how do you know that he knows your pregnant and wants the baby?

But our eyes met, and he knew.  And I knew he meant to come back and
take the child."  

All: RRRIGHT!
Ota: Aeka being psychic and all.

Aeka held the baby out to Ryoko again.  "Please.  For
Tenchi’s sake."

Ryoko’s patience broke finally.  "Why should I do you any favors?  How do I
explain when people ask where the kid came from?"

Link: Just tell them the truth: the stork brought it.
Everyone else: (looks at each other and shakes their heads)

"You have nothing to lose, Ryoko!" Aeka sobbed.  "Everyone knows
how you are with men.  

Link: What? (Yamamoto hits Ryoga)
Ryoga: I didn't say anything!
Yamamoto: Right.  Reflex.
Ryoga: What kind of Ryoko-centric fic is this?  All it's done is portray her as
a heartless bitch, and a complete slut!
Link: What's a slut?
Yamamoto: (hits Ryoga) This time you did!

No one cares if you have a child without a husband.  Say the
child is yours, or that you adopted her.  But don’t say she came from me."
Aeka held out the bundle.  "Please, Ryoko."

Ota: (as Aeka) Please be a suffering martyr, a beacon of kindness and compassion
to us all, as you are in so many stupid fics.

As if I owe you something...for Tenchi’s sake! Ryoko fumed.  And now she
wants me to take this bastard and save Tenchi the shame of having been
betrayed.

Ryoga: Is Ryoko channeling bitch-Aeka?
Ota: No, then bitch-Aeka wouldn't be in the fic.
Ryoga: Good point.

"What would I do," Ryoko said quietly, "with a baby?"

Yamamoto: (as a cheesey comercial) Changing diapers and regular feedings are a
must!

"Raise her, care for her."

"For Tenchi’s sake?" Ryoko said.

Aeka fell silent.

"I hate you for this, Aeka."

Ota: I hate Loretta James for this.

Aeka nodded.  "I thought you might."

Spike: Really!
Ota: See!  She IS psychic!

Ryoko reached out for the child, and cradled her in the nest of her arms.
"What’s her name?" Ryoko asked, almost gently.

Ota: Almost gently, but not quite.
Ryoga: Ah, the old 'Ryoko is good with children, despite episode 8' routine.

"I have been calling her Sayuri."

Ryoga: (as Ryoko) Then that would be her name, now, wouldn't it?

Ryoko nodded absently, looking into the child’s tiny face.  Sayuri was
awake, and she had golden, catlike eyes, just like Ryoko’s.

Link: I thought it was Aeka's kid.

Ryoko looked into those eyes for a long time.

Ryoga: (as Aeka) Um... can I have an answer?  I do have a schedule to keep...
hello?

When Ryoko looked up again, Aeka was gone.

Ota: She said she had a schedule.

So was her ship.  She had run
away as soon as Ryoko had given her a chance.  That was just like her.

All: Bullshit!
Yamamoto: Link!  Watch your language!

With her free hand, Ryoko picked up the overnight bag that Aeka had left,

Ryoga: (as Ryoko) Wait!  You forgot your suitcase!

carried the baby into her house and shut the door behind her.  She snuggled
Sayuri next to her and Ryo-Ohki in bed and they all went back to sleep...it
was, after all, not even noon yet.

Ota: She oversleeps a lot, doesn't she?
Ryoga: Hey, the more time I get to see her in bed, the happier I'll- (Yamamoto
hits Ryoga) Ow!

Ryoko worked out her story when she woke up later that day.  Aeka hadn’t
been exaggerating when she said Ryoko had been around with men...after
Tenchi had married, Ryoko had indulged many a tryst to alleviate her
depression.

Ryoga: (cries)
Yamamoto: Don't worry, Ryoga, it's just a fic.
Ryoga: Why couldn't I have been in town! (Yamamoto hits Ryoga)
Ota: You know, there are medications you can take for depression.

It hadn’t worked; no one else was Tenchi.

Spike: And that's a bad thing?

She easily drove servants out of the house

Spike: Ryoko has servants?  How does she pay for that?
Ryoga: How do you think? (Yamamoto hits Ryoga)
Yamamoto: I just can't take my eyes off of you, can I?
Ryoga: (suggestive) Well... (Yamamoto hits Ryoga... again... hard)

with her impatience and her tendency to pop in and
out of rooms unexpectedly, so no one worked for her.  She had been a recluse
for the past year.

It would only be a matter of explaining; she would say she hadn’t started to
show her pregnancy until the last few months.  With her long angular body,
and the latest fashions being so bulky, that was possible.

All: RRRIGHT!

Sayuri had been
born two months before.  Ryoko thought about where she had been in the past
couple of months.  Nowhere.  That was easy.  She had taken Ryo-Ohki out a
couple of times, cruising around space and reminiscing about her
space-pirating days, but not with anyone.  

Ota: (to Kain) What universe is this?
Kain: OVA... I thought.
Ota: Wait a minute.  In OAV, Ryoko was never a real space pirate, and there is
no "Jurai Power."  This doesn't make much sense.
Yamamoto: Don't act so surprised.

The delivery boy from the grocery
store came to the house every month, but he was paid with an automated
system, and he never even saw her.

Spike: And she hasn't sold that to the rest of the world yet?
Link: Maybe that's how she pays for the servants.

The overnight bag Aeka had brought with her contained all Sayuri’s things;
bottles, powdered milk, blankets, tiny clothes with delicate embroidery of
flowers and animals on them, diapers, baby powder, wipes.  Ryoko was pretty
sure she remembered how to do this stuff from when she helped care for Taro.

Kain: That confirms it, this IS OVA, despite the space pirate and Jurai Power
comments.
Yamamoto: The only thing worse than a present-tense fic is when they get
continuities mixed up!
Ota: Ryoko NEVER knew how to do this stuff, even when she WAS taking care of
Taro.
Link: Is that the same Tarot with the cards?
All: NO!

It turned out this baby was a lot easier to take care of.  And, as hard as
she tried to keep from doing so, Ryoko started to feel almost maternal
toward her.

Ota: Almost maternal, but not quite.

Sometimes, when she was playing with Sayuri, she wondered what she was
doing, why she was taking care of the child of her life’s most troublesome
rival, so that this rival could stay with the man she had loved for years.

Ryoga: I dunno, maybe because you're playing the martyr role.

But then Sayuri would look up at her with her huge amber eyes 

Link: I thought they were gold, not amber.

and the
adorable solemn expression only babies can manage, and her parentage didn’t
matter to Ryoko.

Ota: Because she's a good, kind-hearted wonderful martyr. (groans)

It wasn’t long before Sayuri started to outgrow her old clothes, and need
warmer clothes.  So Ryoko took her out to stores and tailors, and soon after
that the tabloids were full of gossip about Ryoko 

Ryoga: Wasn't she on Earth?
Yamamoto: I thought she was.  It doesn't really say, but most fics take place on
Earth.

the former space pirate
and her surprise baby, full of men claiming to have fathered the baby and
doctors claiming to have delivered her in secret.  

Ota: Since when is Ryoko a celebrity?
Yamamoto: Famous and infamous are two different things.

It was a commonly known
fact that some species could spontaneously bud children, but Ryoko’s
physique wasn’t like that; 

Ryoga: Since it was designed by a scientist-
Ota: Don't start the 'can Ryoko get pregnant' thing again!

the men she had been with to assuage her feeling
of rejection a year before could vouch for that.  Ryoko was very
close-mouthed about it all; when reporters pestered her for interviews she
blew them off, 

Ota: Don't you mean 'blew them up,' or 'blew them away'?  'Blew them off'
doesn't quite fit.

saying that her family was none of the public’s business.

Ryoko took Sayuri with her to the Startika festival the next year.  Aeka,
pale and wan and unhappy-looking, 

Ota: Of course.  Aeka has to suffer.
Spike: Well, she did cheat on him.
Ota: Shut up!  I'm trying to practice selective amnesia.  (stares blankly for a
moment)
Spike: Did it work?
Ota: Did what work?
Spike: Forgetting that Aeka cheated on Tenchi?
Ota: She did WHAT?!
Link: Why'd you do that?
Spike: To be evil.

was presiding over the festivities, and
Tenchi sat beside her, his hand in hers, an uncertain smile on his beautiful
face.  Ryoko could hardly take her eyes off them.  Especially Tenchi, always
Tenchi.

Ryoga: (depressed) ALWAYS Tenchi.

"Priddy," Sayuri ventured.

Ota: (in a hick voice) Look at all the purdy colors.
Spike: (in a hick voice) Yep, looks like rain.
Link: What?
Spike: Forget it.

"It is pretty, isn’t it, Sayuri?"  Ryoko hefted Sayuri on her hip.

Ryoga: Onto her hip?  Isn't that a kind of awkward place to hold a child?
Spike: Maybe she had a holster designed for her.

"Look, baby, that’s your uncle Tenchi."

Spike: (winks) 'Uncle', rrright.

"Priddy?"

Spike: (as Ryoko) To be honest, he's kind of homely.

"Tenchi.  Tenchi."

"Tensi."

Ryoga: (as Sayuri) Vomit!

Ryoko smiled.  "Close enough."

Ota: Ryoko really seems content to settle for 'almost.'

"Baba?"

Yamamoto: (as Ryoko) Baba Geneesh?  Baba Yaga?  What do you want?

"Oh yeah.  Here..." Ryoko rummaged and found 

Yamamoto: A Polish sausage and a Russian Ogress.
Spike: Ein!
Ota: Her Patlabor!
Ryoga: Her S&M gear! (Yamamoto smacks Ryoga)
Link: The Power Bracelet!

Sayuri’s bottle and gave it to
her, then perched Ryo-Ohki on her shoulder and rose above the crowd to get a
better look at the king 

Ota: (as Tenchi) That's EMPORER, and don't you forget it, wench!

and queen.  Aeka spotted her and waved.  Ryoko waved
back.

Aeka kept waving, and Tenchi turned and waved, too.  Ryo-Ohki mewed next to
her ear.

Sayuri made a dissatisfied noise and began to struggle on Ryoko’s hip.

"Down."

Spike: Aw, Sayuri's learned the basic directions!

"Just a minute, honey, if I drop you from this high up, you’ll be
hurt."

Sayuri struggled harder and whined.  "Down!"  She dropped her bottle
on the shifting crowd below 

Spike: Where it reached terminal velocity, killing a poor spectator.

and pushed very hard against Ryoko’s hip and arms.

Spike: See, those baby holsters are useful things.

"Well, can’t you just wait a minute?"  Ryoko started to lower herself
to the ground below.  Aeka and Tenchi were still waving urgently to her.  What did
they want?

Ryoga: (as Aeka) I want my child back, you thief!

"Down!" Sayuri insisted, and struggled out of Ryoko’s arms.  Ryoko
dove after her with a shout, dropping the diaper bag from her other hip, 

Spike: Another fatality.

and caught Sayuri’s foot...too late.  

Ota: And finally, Ryoko's settling for 'almost' catches up with her.

Sayuri slipped through Ryoko’s fingers and
fell into the arms of a stranger below...

Spike: Three fatalities.

a tall, pale fellow with
silver-white hair and yellowed eyes with red irises.  Kagato.

Yamamoto: (as Kagato) That's nefarious fellow, and don't you forget it wench!
Ota: He's back?!  
Link: Villains do that a lot.
Ota: When did he get ressurected?
Spike: Off camera.  D'uh!
Ota: Why does everything happen off camera in this fic?
Ryoga: So it can totally focus on Ryoko's benevoloent heart?
Yamamoto: Also, Kagato can walk around during a crowded festival, and no police
show up?
Spike: Oh, well if he's here, there's probably been more than three fatalities.

"Sayuri!"  Ryoko took off after Kagato, who flashed her 

Yamamoto: (hits Kagato) Pervert!

a derisive smile and
then took to the air himself, flying off into the brightly-lit night.

Spike: Where he was shot down by Jurai's AA installments.

Ryoko gave chase, nearly dropping Ryo-Ohki in her haste.

Yamamoto: Who cares?  Ryo-ohki can fly on her own!

Kagato looked over his shoulder a couple of times...perhaps he smiled, Ryoko
couldn’t tell.  Sayuri looked back at Ryoko, too, with a look in her golden
eyes that Ryoko didn’t understand.  It was something like sadness,

Ota: Babies are often sad.  That's what the whole crying thing is about.

regret...a very adult expression, and one that worried Ryoko.  

Yamamoto: Maybe because she's only fourteen months old.

"I’m coming, baby!  I’m coming, Sayuri!" she called, a little out of
breath from flying so hard.

A ship loomed into view.  Souja; Ryoko knew that ship all too well.  

Spike: Considering that you can see the Soja from a good twenty miles away,
Ryoko must be getting pretty unobservant.
Link: Maybe she forgot her glasses.
Spike: Ryoko doesn't wear glasses!
Link: Oh, right.

Kagato dropped to his feet and ducked into the open entrance easily, shutting it
just as Ryoko slammed into the door hard enough to bloody her nose.  

Spike: Aw, how cute, just like Ryo-ohki does with every door.

It was protected; she couldn’t phase through it.

"Ryo-Ohki!" she screamed.

Ota: No, it's Sayuri you're chasing after.  Ryo-ohki's the cabbit you dropped a
while ago.
Spike: Four fatalities!

"Meowwwww..." 

Ryoga: I thought it was 'Miya.'
Yamamoto: Let's not argue over semantics.
Ryoga: Why?  You do it all the time.

Ryo-Ohki leapt into the air and changed into her ship form as
Souja took off.  Ryoko leapt into Ryo-Ohki

Spike: Smashing her face into the side of a spaceship the second time that
evening.

and gave the order to chase
Souja, ignoring even the blood streaming down her face.

end pt 1

All: Yay!
Ota: Wait a second... Is this fic building up to...
Kain: Yes, Kagato is Sayuri's father.
Ota: (turns to stone)
Spike: She cheated on Tenchi with KAGATO?!?!?! What the hell?
Ryoga: Right, she decided to cheat with someone who is trying to duplicate 
Juraian abilites for his own evil ends, which she is just handing him on a platter,
and is also someone who tried to KILL her last time he saw her....
Yamamoto: Ye Gods!  This is one of the dumbest plot points I've ever heard of!
Kain: At least I didn't give you the second chapter, where Ryoko's appendix
bursts and she therefore loses some of her powers.
Ryoga: So that's what the appendix is for!
Yamamoto: Let's try to heal up Ota.
Link: Maybe he got turned into an Armos.  If we touch him, he'll turn back to
flesh.
Spike: Okay! (grabs Ryoga's finger and presses it against Ota) Bakusai Tenketsu!
(nothing happens)
Ryoga: You know, I have to hit the breaking point, not just touch it and say
'Bakusai Tenketsu.'  It's a technique, not a spell.
Spike: Could you show me?
Ryoga: Sure.  Bakusai- (Yamamoto hits Ryoga and Spike)
Yamamoto: Stop that!
Link: Well, I guess he's not an Armos.  I'll just have to use the song of
healing.  (Pulls out the Ocarina of Time.  Bars appear out of nowhere)
Yamamoto: What the? (As Link plays, yellow circles with directional arrows
appear, in this order: Left, Right, Down, Left, Right, Down.)  That's what 
we get for hiring a video game character.
Link: All right!  I got the Ota mask!  Now I can pilot police robots!
Ota: Ow!  Why did you wake me up?
Link: Mr. Yamamoto?
Yamamoto: Yes, Link?
Link: Where do babies come from?
Yamamoto: (taken aback) Um... well... you see... when a man and a woman... love
each other...um... Why don't you ask Kain?
Link: Okay, Mr. Kain, where do babies come from?
Kain: Well, Um... you see... Canal, get the kid out of here!
Canal: (as Smurfette) La la la la la la
Kain: Right, she's busted. (opens a dimensional portal below Link)
Link: Aaaah! (falls through the portal)
Yamamoto: I'll have to remember that trick for when I have children.
Spike: Like that would happen...

The End
(Hope you Enjoyed it!)