Disclaimer: Aside from the two main MSTers, Buck and Tyler, I do not own any character contained within this fanfic (and technically, I’m only a co-owner of Tyler. I didn’t create the character, but I have been granted carte blanche by his official creator). They are owned by their respective companies, be it AIC/Pioneer (Washuu), Toei/Funimation (Vegeta) or what have you. I don‘t think you need to be told again that I‘m destitute... I AM a college student, after all. Li Syaoran is property of CLAMP, and is distributed in it’s bastardized American television form by Nelvana. However, the main thanks go to CLAMP and Pioneer... CLAMP for creating the series and Pioneer for producing it in it’s original animated form, as well as the original translated form. Thank you, people. This steaming load of... whatever you‘d least like to see a steaming load OF... is the intellectual property of one Justin L. Stewart. This was originally going to be a TMFFA exclusive due to the fact that I didn‘t particularly want to ask permission to from the original author to post this, but... I did. Don‘t feel like you missed out on something special, I‘m not THAT good. -------------------------------- (Truth or Consequences, New Mexico... a town known for very little other than being named after a lousy game show, and being the fictional home of one Cactus Jack. If you ever wanted to live the true meaning of “Middle of Nowhere,” this would be the place. But to you, dear readers, this city holds a trifle more meaning than to most others. After all, this is where a certain ex-pro wrestler has lived most of his life. Say, Tyler?) Tyler: Yes, what is it? And why am I filming already? There’s nothing out here worth a damn... (You know, for being a cameraman, you have no sense of good cinematography.) Tyler: And for being a narrator/writer, you sure interact with us a lot. (Good point. Well anyway, let’s move on to something more worthwhile than desolate streets. Tyler, carrying the camera, walks to the end of the block, then turns left. In the middle of this dead end sits a modest two-story home with a one-and-a-half story garage. There appears to be some activity in that extra half-story at the moment, but that’s a story for another time. Apparently Tyler is at least semi-expected, because when he reaches the front door, he just walks right in. As soon as the door is opened, we are visually accosted by various championship belt replicas, t-shirts, and many other memorabilia from the storied career of one Buck “The Hustler” Floyd. Tyler looks at a framed photo of Buck with his one-time girlfriend/valet, Mallory, and shakes his head.) Tyler: Can’t believe he gave that up to chase someone who doesn’t even seem interested in him... (Hearing a shower running, Tyler heads for the bathroom door and knocks.) Tyler: Buck? You in there? BF (from inside): Yes, I’m in here. Who else would be? What are you doing here, anyway? Tyler: I dunno... I figured we hadn’t just hung around a bar in a good while, I came by to see if you wanted to go do something other than be tortured by a demented midget. BF (still behind the door): You’d better be talking about Vegeta... Tyler: You can think that if you want. BF (you know where he is): But sure, that sounds like a great idea. Just let me finish this shower, and then we can... (There is a flash of white light, and the surroundings that were there are quickly replaced by large, complex scientific instruments. Buck is no longer behind a door... which is REALLY not a good thing at the moment.) BF: ... head on over to one of the local drinking estab... hey, what happened to the water? My pipes are old, but they’re not... (You can see Buck’s eyes widen as he realizes exactly where he is. And right on cue, Washuu steps into the scene.) Washuu: Well guys, I have another one for you alre... er... oh, my. (Buck screams bloody murder and dives with pretty much superhuman speed behind something large and concealing.) Washuu: I never really pictured you as the exhibitionist type, Buck. BF: You caught me at a real bad time, Washuu-chan... I hope you realize that I’m not in the mood for jokes at the moment. Now would you kindly explain why we are here? Washuu: You’re here to watch bad fanfiction and... BF: I mean why are we here NOW? What just happened? Washuu: Oh, that. Well, last time around I took the liberty of installing teleportation devices on all three of you. Being able to just bring you here in an instant is a lot more efficient than calling up and saying, “Hey, come on over!” Wouldn’t you agree? BF: Ordinarily, yes... but in this case I would have preferred you preparing us somehow. (Vegeta, who was standing just to the left of the camera view, takes this opportunity to put his two cents’ worth in.) Vegeta: I agree. I just may have to boil my eyes now. BF: Like you’re some kind of prize catch, you Saiyan sh*thead. Vegeta: Apparently I am. I mean, I’ve got a beautiful wife and two children. Tyler: He’s got a point. I mean, Bulma couldn’t have been attracted to his personality, so he must have a huge... Washuu: Gentlemen! Some civility, please? BF: I’d probably be a lot more civil if you’d brought us here with a five minute difference, either way. I sincerely hope you didn’t plan to catch me like this. Washuu: Trust me, I didn’t. If my guinea pigs are traumatized, I want it to be from the experiment, not the arrival. BF: Thanks, I think. Can I get some clothes or something? (Several minutes later. Buck has apparently been taking fashion lessons from one Ranma Saotome, as he stands before the beautiful scientist in a red Chinese shirt and black drawstring pants, with simple earthtone shoes.) BF: Damn, I look good... Tyler: That’s your opinion. Vegeta: Yeah... I’ll never be able to get that horrible image out of my mind. BF: Can it, the both of you. (Washuu makes a few last-minute checks to her figures before addressing the three men.) Washuu: Well guys, as it stands, I still have a zero percent success rate in breaking the spirits of any of you. But I think at least one of you will be pretty much brought to tears with today’s offering. (A wicked grin crosses the genius’s lips as Tyler and Vegeta glance sidelong at Buck, almost as if they know exactly what Washuu-chan has in store for them.) BF: What? Tyler: Never mind. I believe it’s my turn to pick our guest, isn’t it? BF: Despite the fact that Urd was NOT who I wanted to invite last time, yes it is. Tyler: Wonderful. I choose Li Syaoran. (There is a brief silence as Washuu looks from her notes to Tyler and back again several times in a few seconds.) Washuu: Li Syaoran? Tyler: Yep. Washuu: Are you sure about this? Tyler: Yep. Washuu: *sigh* Well, dammit... BF: What’s wrong? Washuu: Short answer, my plan is shot, or at least postponed. Long answer, Li is a child, and I am NOT going to show the fic that I had in mind to a minor. BF: You’re not going to... oh, I get it. Hey, Tyler helped us avoid a lemon! Vegeta: I truly appreciate that, Tyler. Tyler: Ah, I’ve had this plan since our second experiment, when I was forced to watch At the Carrot Patch beforehand. Why do you think I invited Sasami last time, if it wasn’t to avoid a lemon? Washuu: I thought you liked that stuff. Tyler: Good ones, yes. But not the stuff that MST crews are typically subjected to. I’m sure Vegeta can back me up on that one. Vegeta: Being a highly overworked MSTer, I certainly can. Washuu: Suit yourself. I just happen to have a fantastically bad backup fic, just in case complications like this arose. Now let’s get Li here and then get the four of you into the theater. (The crew looks confused.) Crew: We’re using the theater? Washuu: Look, you can’t expect me to just pull a bad author out of thin air. Bad fanfics, yes, they’re everywhere... but tracking down the author’s physical location and bringing them here takes days of careful planning. So the Allain is just going to sit collecting dust again for a little while longer. BF: Don’t feel bad. Between our third and fourth outings, there was over six months of downtime. It’s been less than ONE month since we were last here. Washuu: That’s a good point. Well, let’s get this show on the road, shall we? (Washuu pulls up her holotop computer and within seconds, Li Syaoran appears in a blinding flash of light.) Tyler: Wait, let me get this straight... you need days to determine the location of an author, but you can just bring our guests here like it was nothing? Washuu: Don’t point out inconsistencies in the storyline, Tyler... it will just further confuse the readers. Li: Where am I? Vegeta: Confuses the hell out of the guests too, apparently. Washuu: Besides, I really didn’t want this particular person getting anywhere near my lab. When you see the fic, you’ll understand. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to explain a few of the essentials to our guest... (Washuu takes Li aside to catch him up on where he is, why he’s there, and who the rest of the motley crew are.) BF: I really have to commend you on this plan, Tyler. I enjoy getting a reprieve from lemons once in awhile. Vegeta: We’ve only seen ONE, sissy. BF: But what a horrible experience that was... yyych. (Li and Washuu rejoin the group.) Li: This spiky-headed woman just told me that we’re going to be doing something that will make me stronger as a person. What is... fanfiction? Washuu: You’ll find out soon enough, Li. Now, off with you! (The regular crew plus Li are shuffled off into a small room. This is the same small room that was seen in Instant MST, complete with the beat-up leather couch.) Vegeta: It looks like there’s only enough room for three of us on that couch. BF: I’d have to agree. I guess that means Tyler gets to sit on the floor. Tyler: What? Why me? BF: Because Li is our guest, and you’re the least important of the three of us. Vegeta: That sounds fair. Tyler: Maybe to YOU... BF: Just get down there so we can get this show on the road. (Tyler reluctantly sits on the floor, and the show begins.) FanFic written by Justin Stewart justin466dn2@juno.com Vegeta: Anyone else think that four should be a different number? (Everyone raises their hand.) Vegeta: That’s what I thought. Justin's Arrival Tyler: Uh-oh... it’s taken a bad turn already. Li: What do you mean? BF: He means that this is going to be a self-insertion fic... a very bad one, by the looks of it. Li: What’s self-insertion? Does it have anything to do with the Twin Card? Tyler: Self-insertion is where the author writes him or herself into the story, usually as the main character, completely demolishing all credibility in the process. Li: So kind of what you guys are doing. BF: Well, yeah, but this is different. I’m an avatar, dammit! Vegeta: Buck, I’m only going to tell you this one more time... stop breaking the fourth wall! Ok this is my first fanfic Tyler: And hopefully your last. wich includes me init. My second total. Tyler: Oh... still, hopefully your last. ok the characters in this story arent mine theyre aic/pioneers except for justin who is me BF: Ya think? Vegeta: It’s the new superhero, the Master of the Blatantly Obvious! ok here it goes ________________________________________________________________________ One night at the Masaki household evryone except for sasami went out to a bar. Li: So they all went to get drunk, leaving and eight-year-old to fend for herself? What’s wrong with these people? BF: They’re not really like that, I assure you. Tyler: What I find most odd is how everyone can go out to the bar while staying at the Masaki household. BF: Poor sentence structure... don’t let it get to you, I’m sure there will be plenty more where that came from. Tenchi wouldnt have come except the already half drunk Ryoko and Aeka had dragged him into it. Li: So which one was drunk? Half of two is one, so either one of them is completely drunk, or... Tyler: More poor sentence structure. Don’t worry about it. Vegeta: Doesn’t he complain that he’s still a minor when Ryoko offers him sake? BF: That he does. Vegeta: So whether he follows them to the bar or not, how do they expect him to get served? I mean, just because his father and grandfather say it’s okay, I don’t see a bartender giving him anything. Li: Maybe this takes place in the future. What IS the legal drinking age in Japan? Vegeta: You’re from there, you should know. Li: Well excuse me if I’m too preoccupied with saving the world from the Clow to wonder when I can get royally faced. Vegeta: Then ask the drunk. Li: Which one? BF: Hey, I resent that! Tyler: And I don’t know, either. Sasami was lonely this morning and wasmaking breakfast for herself. Vegeta (Sasami): Gee, morning already? Just how much can those people drink? BF: *ahem* Ryoko is with them. ‘Nuff said. Vegeta: Oh yeah... Then she heard a big crash. Tyler (Sasami): Oh, just another spaceship crash landing in Tenchi’s backyard, nothing out of the ordinary. BF: We did that joke already, remember? Tyler: In that case... *as Sasami* Yay! Keiichi’s back! Li: I don’t recall Morisato-san to have ever visited the Masaki shrine. BF: Not that Keiichi. Poorly-disguised SI character from our second MSTing. After reading that, I would BEG to have Belldandy’s boyfriend replace that character. Li: Ah. Tyler: Me too. At least that Keiichi wouldn’t have tried putting the moves on Ryoko. Sasami ran to the door to see what it was only to see a boy with bright blond hair and some ugly monster fighting. Just then the boy launched a Kame-ha-meha wave at the ugly thing Vegeta: Oh, Jesus Christ... Li: What now? Vegeta: Not only is this a bad self-insertion, but it’s the WORST KIND of bad self-insertion. New character based on the author who just happens to have super powers. And to top that off, the dumbass made himself a Super Saiyan. BF: You have every right to be outraged. This is an insult to your proud heritage. Vegeta: Damn right it is! the monster tleported behind the boy kicked him into the ground (they were flying) Tyler: I don’t suppose you could have told us that earlier? Details, boy! Details! Li: Yes. We don’t want important things included as footnotes later on. That’s very bad storytelling. Vegeta: Consider yourself lucky... I have to watch stuff like this all the time. right where the Kame-ha-meha was going then the boy was hit by his own energy blast BF: I would think that if the blast was fired, and the monster kicked him where the blast was going, that he would have hit the blast, not the other way around. Tyler: People like this tend to ignore logic at every turn, buddy. and everything around him including his clothes desintegrated he layed ther almost completely still. The ugly thing thought he was dead so he teleported away. Tyler: There, see? Li: What? Tyler: Ignoring logic again. If he was ALMOST completely still, implying that there was still some slight movement, how would the monster think he was dead? Li: Maybe he’s just stupid. Tyler: If you’re referring to the author, you’re probably right. Then Sasami ran straight out the door toward the boy she was about to pick him up and take him inside and try to save him but she paused staring at his naked body (All four crew members place their heads in their hands.) BF: Poor Sasami... Tyler: Turned into a pervert by some idiot... Vegeta: As if she’d be more concerned with leering than saving the poor schlub... Li: And to top it off, he’s not all that cute. (Everyone looks at Li.) Li: Well, he’s NOT! Look, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m comfortable enough in my masculinity to admit when someone, ANYONE, is or isn’t physically attractive. (Li looks at Tyler.) Li: Though I can see how some of you would doubt said masculinity... Tyler: Hey! sort of staring at it Tyler: This run-on sentence brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department. then she snapped out of it and against her will picked the naked boy up and ran him inside BF (rolls eyes): Oh sure, we all know how much Sasami HATES to help people... especially when they’re near death. “Against her will,” indeed. Some people... she washed him off and put a cool wrag on his forhead and put some of Tenchi's old clothes on him. Tyler (boy): wy ar yoo puting mee in theez old wrags? Li: That was just plain scary, Tyler. Vegeta: But really, really funny. He then said who are you and they introduced eacother and Just said (formally refed to as "the boy") thankyou Sasami, then he passed out. BF: Head... spinning... too many... spelling and grammatical mistakes... no quotation marks for quotes... Li: It’s really sad when the author can’t even spell his OWN NAME! Vegeta: There’s more footnotes of important information that should have been covered gradually as exposition, too. Tyler (referee): Are you ready, Just? BF (Justin): Actually, you might want to call me “The Boy“ just so I can be refed formally. Sasami sat by his side all day until the rest of them got home. When they all saw Sasami half asleep laying on the boy Aeka screamed and yelled "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SISTER YOU PERVERTED ASS HOLE!!!" Vegeta: Despite being completely out of character with her loud ranting... Tyler: It’s not THAT out of character, really... Vegeta: Despite being mostly out of character, Ayeka certainly pegged Justin properly right there. then kicked him in the side he briefly woke up let out a small grunt his face turned blue and he passed out agin. BF: *snicker* Either Ayeka shoved that foot in his mouth when she kicked him AND left it there, or this boy has zero knowledge of human anatomy. Li: I really don’t want to think about how you can make someone’s face turn blue by kicking them anywhere else... Sasami yelled "AEKA don’t do that he was in a battle and he got seriously injured!" Li (Ayeka): Oh, so he sucks, I get it. "Im sorry sasami i thought he had done something else." Tyler (Ayeka): I mean, he’s wearing Tenchi’s clothes. Impersonating royalty is unforgivable. It’s not like he’s Elvis or something. BF: No, Elvis would have burst a blood vessel living in the same house as all these women. "Aeka dont think that way about people you dont know." "Have you been here lying with him all day sasami?" asked Tenchi. "Ever since he had been injured and i took his naked body to safety in our home, OOPS DID I SAY THAT!?" (There is a long pause. Then...) All: That’s it, I’m out of here... (All four guys head for the door. Tyler is the first to touch the handle, and he gets violently electrocuted. He lets go, falls to the floor, and puffs a smoke ring.) Tyler: The hell? (The voice of Washuu comes from the other side of the door.) Washuu: I believe that you will find escape quite impossible. Gee, if I had known that this would have this kind of effect on you guys, I’d have broken it out long ago. BF: At least now we know why she didn’t want the author anywhere near the lab... Li: Why’s that? BF: If his writing is this bad, I have supreme confidence in the fact that he would have just acted as an intellectual vacuum... his stupidity being so great, that it would make everyone around him that much dumber than they usually are. Washuu: You got it. Tyler: So to avoid further pain, may I suggest we sit down and suffer in silence? Vegeta: Suffer, sure... silence, no chance. (They all sit back down.) "SASAMI! you did what!?" "I very well couldnt have left him there to die could i?" Vegeta: Oh, sure you could have. It would have done everyone a huge favor. Tyler: Or at the very least, drag him home by... BF: TYLER! Tyler: What? BF: While that could have very easily rendered him impotent for life... and keeping this person from breeding is something I’m strongly behind... do you really want to see Sasami get her hands anywhere near it? Vegeta: Probably would have been difficult enough to FIND it... Sasami sat ther and did nothing but cook food for herself and justin that whole time and stayed by his side. Li: Ah, the infamous Masaki living room/kitchen. You can prepare meals for yourself and a guest without leaving the comfort of your sofa. If it wasnt for washu the rest of them probably would have starved to death. BF: That’s another thing... I find it hard to keep in mind that the Mihoshi Special is in the same continuity as the OVA when there is such an inconsistency in it. Li: What’s that? BF: First, you have to realize that in episode 8 of the OVA, Washuu-chan was easily preparing food for Taro, and possibly the others as well. However, in Galaxy Police Mihoshi’s Space Adventure, she burns fish on a small grill because, according to her, the cooking devices were “so primitive” that she “can’t make them work.” Tyler: Besides that, I highly doubt that Sasami, no matter how preoccupied she was with taking care of the injured wuss, would have neglected the other members of the household like that. Then 3 weeks later in the middle of the nigh he woke up. Vegeta: Wait wait wait... he was asleep for three weeks, yet Sasami still managed to feed him? Tyler: I guess. Li: Perhaps it was intravenously? Tyler: If only she had missed the vein and hit an artery instead... He would have jumped up only to see that Sasami was laying on his chest. He looked up and saw the mess. "Could she have, stayed with me the whole time i was aslepp? BF: Nah. You were never a-schlepp. You were far too asleep to go take a walk. Li: Maybe he’s a somnambulist. Tyler: How many steep cliff walls are around the Masaki house? BF: Quite a few, why? Tyler: Then let’s hope he IS a somnambulist. WAIT! How long was I asleep." Li: Three weeks, weren’t you LISTENING? Justin then carefully replaced a pillow with his chest being careful not to wake Sasami. Li (Justin): No, I’m sorry Sasami... that pillow is just too hard for you to sleep on. Try my chest, instead... yeah, that’s it... BF: Stupid author... she was ALREADY sleeping on his chest! He was sort of confused and amzed at Sasami's comitment to caring for him. then. BF: A one-word sentence now! “Hey guys, when are we going to the bar?” Tyler: Then. BF: Well, when’s then? Tyler: You know. Then. Not now or later, just... then. He headed to the kitchen to get something to eat and was caught by washu. Tyler (Washuu): Ah-HAH! Another lab rat to experiment on! Now I just need to dissect your brain and... *taps Justin’s head* Oh. Never mind. As you were. Vegeta: *laughs hysterically* "HELLO!" "AHH. dont scare me like that!, who are you?" "I am washu the greatest scientific genius in the universe i am cute and i must admit i do look a little young." BF: She does NOT speak in run-on sentences like that! That’s something stupid people do. You know, like the author. "Im justin, nice to meet you washu." "HMM" said washu sorta. Li: I thought her last name was Hakubi? Tyler: How can you “sorta” say something? “What is it?" "There is something wrong with you face, Li: There sure is. it looks in a sort of way as in... Li: As if you’ve been stabbed repeatedly in the face with a red-hot poker. Tyler: Don’t tempt me. Vegeta: I’ve just been inspired! damn i cant get the right word out. Tyler: But we can try! How about “deformed”? BF: Hideous? Vegeta: How about just plain “ugly”? Li: Janet Reno-esque. BF: I think we have a winner. Oh well ill eventually figure it out with my genius mind. Are you looking for something to eat?" "Yeah" Well ill cook you up something quick" so she did "This is very good washu thank you" Li (Justin): Why are you staring at me like that? Do I have egg on my tie or something? Tyler (Washuu): Oh no. But how do you feel? Li (Justin): Fine, why? Tyler (Washuu): I’m just seeing how long it takes the poison to kick in. BF: As much as I’d LIKE to see him dead, Washuu is not that cruel. Vegeta: In that case, I may have just discovered an interest in science. "ya know sasami sorta likes you justin." "NOW I REMEMBER! You have the look as if you are in love!" BF: And suddenly someone new joins the conversation. Who is it? Tune in next week to find out that it’s just Washuu being written poorly... whoops. Li: Oh yes, we all know that “the look as if you are in love” has become a blank, drooling stare. justin started to blush and thought to himself "Well i guess i am somewhat attracted to sasami, shes such a caring person, she saved my life" "Hello? are you there?" Tyler (Washuu): Hmm, no response. Well, I guess I’ll just take this opportunity to remove his brain and... oh right, I forgot. Someone apparently beat me to the punch on that one. "Oh yeah yeah im here" "You were just thinking about her werent you?" Justins face turned real red now Tyler: Is it because he’s bleeding to death? Vegeta: We can only hope. Li: My, you guys are dark. I guess something this bad will alter someone’s personality in ways unimaginable. BF: Well, Vegeta isn’t so different. "Um no of, course not" "You cant hide it from me your in wuv with Sasami" said washu in a sort of babyish voice BF (Washuu): But just know that the west of us find you wevolting and wetarded. Tyler (Washuu): And now you must die, you mean widdle pedophile. Vegeta: *readying energy blast* Tell her to get in line... "Ok Ok i admit it just quit bothering me about it and dont tell any one" BF: Who do you think you are, you punk kid? You can’t order her around like that! Show some respect, or I’m going to have to beat it into you. (Slight pause.) Li: Okay, I get it. BF: Get what? Li: Well, as the author would have me say, “your in wuv with Washuu.” BF: It’s not like you to mock people like this, Li. But yes, I am. And what’s your point? Li: One second... (Li Syaoran begins rummaging around in a small rucksack.) Li: I have a card that might be able to help you with... BF: No! I just went through this not too long ago with Urd. I’m not interested in any shortcuts, tricks, or aphrodisiacs. You can just keep your dirty Clow card to yourself, boy. Li: *ignoring Buck’s protests* Don’t worry about... Ah! Here it is! (Li pulls out a blank greeting card with a beautiful winter scene on the front of it, then hands it to The Hustler.) BF: Oh... well, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. Thank you very much, Li. Li: No problem. "Too late amazingly Ryoko's awake now and she found out through our telepathic link" Tyler: Isn’t that a one-way connection? I’ve never seen Ryoko able to read Washuu’s thoughts... BF: It might be two-way, but if it is, Washuu-chan would have been brilliant enough to figure a way to block her own mind from being probed. Vegeta: Either way, Ryoko should have never been able to find out. Li: And considering how much she drinks, she probably won’t remember anyway. "SASAMI!? HA HA HA HA HA HAHAAA HA HA HA" yelled ryoko in a muffled voice from upstairs. "Tell me Ryoko's a Honest person who can keep a secret" (The whole crew falls down laughing. I think that‘s all that needs to be said at this point, yes?) "Who? Ryoko? You outta luck!" justin teleported to ryokos room he could tell wher it was from the snores and the rest of the noise Li: Didn’t Washuu just say Ryoko was AWAKE?!? Tyler: This is, hands down, the most poorly-written fic I’ve ever seen... BF: *ahem* Carrot Pat... Tyler: No, that wasn’t exactly poorly written... just really, REALLY wrong and disturbing. "PLEASE RYOKO im begging you dont tell anyone PLEASE!" "WHAT! me! anything that will get Aeka mad i have to do" BF: Well, there’s ONE shred of truth in here, at least. Vegeta (Ryoko): And why should I listen to you, you little sh*t? Tyler (Justin): Because, unlike some other authors, I can take credibility away from a series merely by saying how much I like it. Vegeta (Ryoko): You wouldn’t dare! Tyler (Justin): Ah, but I already have! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! "Who's aeka?" "Sasami's older siter" Li: As opposed to having a sitter who is younger than the child being watched. Tyler: They did it on The Simpsons. BF: And we all know just how realistic that show is... (Buck slaps Tyler upside the head.) Tyler: Hey! BF: It’s been far too long since I’ve done that... "her sister?" said just in a soft high pitch mouse like voice. Tyler: Hooray, he’s been neutered! "yep" "no no dont tell her please" "HA HA HA oh boy this is too good" "But im still telling" BF: Interesting dialogue... I thought that Justin didn’t WANT anyone to know, but based on the line breaks, I’m entirely wrong. Because he’s going to tell Ayeka himself. justin then teleported back to the kitchen "I heard the whole thing and im sorry for you" "Uggh, my life will now be miserable" "Im going back to bed washu" Tyler: Talking to herself again, I see... *shakes head* Those long nights of experimenting and creating will get to you sometimes. "ok see ya in the morning" Justin walked back to bed. Tyler: Whose? BF: Tyler! Tyler: Hey, it’s a legitimate question, considering that the last I heard, he was sleeping on the couch. Li: Actually, they never really said where he was sleeping. Vegeta: Hopefully the backyard. Sasami had waken up feeling that what her head was laying on was softer and all of the noise that was going on. "Oh hi Sasami, uh sasami there is something i have to tell you "What is it?" Tyler (Justin): I’m a pedophile, and I suggest you run. BF (Justin): I have to go now... my planet needs me. Vegeta (announcer): Justin died on the way back to his home planet. (All cheer wildly.) Tyler: And you say _I_ take too much of my material from The Simpsons. "i know it seems early and everything but by the way youve been treating me i can tell you are a very kind person and that i love you" (i would never have enough guts to actually say that) Tyler: He really should have kept that in mind, and NOT said it. BF: I wouldn’t say “love,” exactly. People who write like this have no idea what true love is. While it can often be built from situations such as this, most people tend to rush into calling something “love” when all it is is lust-filled gratitude. sasamis eyes widened Li: More? "Well justin i dont know what to say but that i feel the same way about yo..." that was all that sasami could ay because then justin kissed her. BF: See, this is what I was just talking about... RAPIST! sasami was very confused but went along with it. BF: Confusion is often the first thing felt when someone is FORCING THEMSELVES ON YOU!!! Tyler: She said she felt the same way, calm down. then sasami started to unbutton his pants and he started to undo her bra (The whole crew sweatdrops.) Tyler: OW! MY PORES! Li: O_O WHAT bra? She’s EIGHT YEARS OLD! then justin realized he shouldnt be doing this so he backed away. Vegeta: *powering down* And by doing so, saved his own life. BF: You’re darn right he shouldn’t be doing it. Wrong on every possible level. "Sasami like i said it is very early and i dont..." Tyler: Then you shouldn’t have kissed her, jackass. "Me too justin" "Ok" then they had another small kiss and walked back to bed. Li: So they decide to stop and then go back to, based on sentence structure, the same bed. *sarcastically* Makes sense to me! Tyler: We’ll be having to call him “Sarcastic Li” by the end of this. BF: Boooo! Vegeta: What have I told you about making bad puns? Tyler: Um... don’t? Vegeta: Good man. little did they know washu had her video camera recording the whole thing. "OOH this is hot stuff tee hee hee." BF: Washuu... chan... is NOT... I repeat, NOT... a peeping tom. A lesson must be learned here... (Buck glares at the screen, nostrils flaring. He then stands up.) Li (to Tyler): Where’s he going? BF: I am going to go find the author, and do things to him that would make even the most seasoned coroner vomit in disgust. So if you’ll excuse me... (Tyler points to his singed clothing.) Tyler: I wouldn’t recommend it. BF: Oh... right. Well, I’ve got plenty of time afterward... (Buck sits down.) The next morning justin and sasami woke up at the same time. Sasami had the break fast ready earlier since just woke everyone. Vegeta (sportscaster): Hello, sports fans, and welcome once again to dyslexic basketball! Tyler (Marv Albert): Ooh, there’s a nice break fast from Sasami! Vegeta (sportscaster): That’s fast break, Marv. Tyler (Marv): I’m just getting into the feel of the dyslexic side of the game, you know. Li: And just out of curiosity, WHO just woke everyone? BF: The retarded git misspelled his own name again. Justin especially liked this since he got to meet everyone. Li (Justin): Um... excuse me, Ayeka? It’s time to wake... Tyler (Ayeka): Oh, it’s YOU! I KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO MY SISTER! DIIIIEEEE!!!!! Vegeta: *filing nails* That can be arranged. Surprisingly, I have a lot of free time. he was nervous waking aeka Tyler (Ayeka): *Xena yell* Li (Justin): Eep! but then he had so much fun putting a bell over Ryoko's head and beating it as hard as he could sneaking away unnoticed. BF: Yeah, that would happen. Only three people in that household, counting Justin, would have any reason to do that. And judging by Ryoko’s temperament, she’d kick Justin’s and Ayeka’s asses without bothering to gather any evidence. Washuu-chan, on the other hand... well, contrary to what most believe, Ryoko loves her mother. You haven’t seen the lovely genius attacked by her daughter yet, have you? Tyler: Almost... episode 6, light sword to the throat. But no strike, and the object of your obsession was quite calm about it. BF: She knew that the strike wouldn’t come, is why. Remember the mental link? "Thats what you get" justin mumbled to himself. Li (Ryoko): Nothing compared to what you’re GONNA get when I get my hands on you! Come back here! Vegeta (Justin): Ahh! Why does everybody hate me so much? Tyler (Ayeka): Because you’re a pervert! Li (Ryoko): Because you’re a prick! BF: Because you wrote this hideous, hideous load of steaming monkey spunk. All: Friggin’ Justin! They all ate justin Tyler: Well we ‘ate Justin too, guv’nah. was first to finish and of course the one to give the most compliments. Then ryoko told aeka the news. Vegeta (Ryoko): Seems as though Chris Jericho is still the undisputed champion, as of the Royal Rumble. Tyler (Ayeka): Good. I just don’t like The Rock... I can’t stand people who are too self-centered. Vegeta (Ryoko): So you hate yourself, I’ve got it. Tyler (Ayeka): What? Why you... BF: Guys, it’s getting a little too real here. Knock it off. "So you were doing that to my sister WERENT YOU YOU FUCKING PERVERT!!!!!!" Calm down aeka i wasnt doing any thing. BF: And considering that must be the narrator speaking, since there are no quotation marks, he’s right. That narrator didn’t to a thing. Justin on the other hand... "Oh yes yoy were" Tyler (Yoy): I beg your pardon? announced washu. "its all on tape!" she put on the tape Li (Justin): Oh, THAT! Well yes, I suppose I was doing THAT... and after aeka saw that aeka said "GOD DAMN YOU IM GOING TO KILL YOU YOU FUCKING ASS WIPE!!!!!!!!!!!!" (All four crew members begin readying implements of destruction.) All: Hey, we were here first! Get in line! Aeka then chased after just this was a time for justin to show off too sasami his great fighting skills Li (Justin): Hey, watch me beat your sister up, Sasami? Ain’t I great? Tyler (Sasami): You’re the king, baby! No, literally, you just killed the heir to the throne... marry me, and you WILL be king. BF: But we don’t want that, do we? (Buck slaps Tyler upside the head.) Tyler: No, of course we don’t... damn, have a sense of humor... but he only used defensive measures since she was a woman and sasami's siter Li: Sasami doesn’t have a sitter. She was left home alone at the beginning, remember? aeka soon got tired and sat down. "No offense or anything aeka but that was just a warmup for me work on your skills some." Vegeta (Ayeka): Piss off, kid, I’m just getting started. Azaka! Kamidake! Attack! Li (Justin): *screams like a scared little girl.* Tyler: Yes, she must work on her l33t ch45ing sk1llz, even though she has a much better chance of kicking arse with her Jurai powers. That’s wonderful... "Sasami how could you even allow him to do such a thing." Li (Justin): Allow me? She didn’t... oh, crap! I plead the fifth! BF: I don’t think you can do that in Japan. Li (Justin): *pause* What’s that over there? *runs away* "Aeka..." then tenchi wihspered something into aeka's ear and aeka said "You are right lord tenchi my little sisteer is not so little anymore" Tyler (Ayeka): So unfortunately, we must lead her to slaughter. Poor steer... Li: Can we lead Justin to slaughter, too? *chibi eyes* Please? Vegeta: I don’t think I’ve seen you use that technique before. Li: I’ve never wanted something this much. Vegeta: But again, don’t worry... Between my power, and the sheer brutal creativity of Buckeroo here, we’ll have a real treat in store for our little friend. BF&Vegeta: *evil laughter* *sigh*. Ryoko was you having a great time Tyler (Ryoko): Yes I were! laughing at the matter wich she thought was just histerical since it pissed aeka off so much. Sasami was sad that she had disappointed her sister so much and of course since sasami was sad so was justin. Li (Sasami): Our minds are one... our thoughts are one... and by that, I mean you have no mind, and no thoughts. (The rest of the crew laugh.) Then sasami sorta cheered up since she knew what aeka said was right. She wasnt so little anymore. ________________________________________________________________________ Tyler: Oh, that’s such a lovely ending. Cliche, boring, and stupid all in one! I give it two thumbs up... and by that I mean that the author has two thumbs up his ass. BF: May as well throw his head in, too. So how'd you like it? I sure did! BF: Of course you did... *sharpens icepick on whetstone* You perverted asshole... if you have any comments email me at "justin466dn2@juno.com". Li: You were so right, Vegeta... that four NEEDS to be a different number. BF: *pause* Look, I don’t want to talk down to our audience, but I do want to make sure that everyone knows what we’re getting at... 666, understand? Mark of the Beast? Justin = antichrist? Vegeta: You’re going too easy on him. There has to be something worse that the antichrist... Tyler: Yeah, Justin. (Washuu pokes her head into the room.) Washuu: So you’re done. All right, what did you think? All: Friggin’ Justin! Washuu: Yes yes, friggin’ Justin. How did the fic go, though? All: Friggin’ Justin! Washuu: Can you be a little more specific? All: Friggin’ stupid, perverted Justin! Washuu: Just as I thought... the sheer horrific writing behind this fic has rendered the four of you incapable of coherent thought. BF: Not really, it’s just that “friggin’ Justin” is a lot more concise than saying something like, “This writer speaks less to the heart, and more to his overactive libido. It seems as if he wrote this not to entertain or enlighten others, but to serve his own sick fanboy fantasies. I don’t care if he IS only thirteen, a fanfiction with underage sex is quite disturbing, and it really makes me feel as if the youth of this country will amount to nothing. However, I would like to think that most children are a lot more civil and intelligent than... friggin’ Justin!” Washuu: Hmm... yes, I see what you mean. Well guys, are we all ready to go. BF: Give me a few minutes... (Buck leaves the room for awhile, then comes back and hands Washuu an envelope.) BF: Open it after we leave. Okay, I’m ready. Send us off. Washuu: All right. Bye, everyone! (There is the traditional flash of white light, and Washuu is left all alone in the lab.) Washuu: Now, let’s see what we have here... (She opens the envelope to see the blank greeting card that Li Syaoran gave Buck earlier. However, it is no longer blank. This is what the inside of the card reads...) Emotion... something every higher-level being is familiar with. Anger, sadness, guilt, joy... but there is one that I believe is stronger than all of the others combined. I’m referring, of course, to love. After all, love can lead one to any one of the other emotions. No other feeling can claim that. And no love has ever been greater than that which I have for you, Washuu-chan. The snow in the scene this card depicts is not half as pure as my love for you, and I know that it has already led me to experience these emotions. The joy of just being around you, the anger I feel when hack writers defame your character, the guilt I suffer through when I so much as think of another... and the sadness of the possibility that this can never be. I’m not asking much... just that once, in the near future, you tell me how you truly feel. No dodging the question, no vague answers, no putting it off any longer. It is far worse for me to fear that which I do not know than to know the truth. Buck (A single tear rolls down the crab-haired cutie-pie’s face. She lays the card down on a nearby table, and then speaks to no one in particular.) Washuu: Experiment #MST005 was a minimal success... it served to nearly break all four subjects. Li proved to be more mature and strong-willed than any of us could have expected, and Buck... he still hasn’t quite realized what he really is, despite nearing a critical breakthrough today. If the next experiment does not serve to allow his true potential to shine through, I don’t know what I can do for him. I really think he’s holding something back due to fear of rejection from me... but he just doesn’t know that... that... (Washuu sighs forlornly.) Washuu: Oh well. Let’s take a look and see how Li is readjusting... (She turns on a monitor to see Li Syaoran and Sakura Kinomoto standing around at school. Let’s watch...) Sakura: Where have you been, Li? Li: I was out shopping for lingerie. Where do you think I was? Sakura: Were you abducted for an MST? Li: Yeah. Highly unpleasant experience. Sakura: And altogether new for one of us, isn’t it? Li: I believe so. Any other Clow cards show up while I was gone? Sakura: As a matter of fact, Kero warned us that some of the odd events recently may be attributable to the Write Card. (Li looks noticeably worried.) Li: The... Write Card? He doesn’t happen to know who has it, does he? Sakura: Actually, we’ve been able to use triangulation to pinpoint the general location of the card. In all probability, the possessor of that card lives in the Stewart household. (Li’s eyes widen.) Li: Stewart, you say? Sakura: That’s right, why? Li: Friggin’ Justin! Where is this place? (Sakura points in a direction, and Li takes off in same direction like a man possessed. You can hear Washuu laugh as the scene pulls back.) Washuu: Poor Vegeta. It seems like he doesn’t get to go after Justin first... it’s just as well, it wouldn’t be any fun for the others to abuse and verbally harangue a dead man... (Washuu turns off the monitor and heads for another section of the lab, turning the lights off as she goes.) -------------------- Well, there goes my fifth installment. I like this one a LOT better than my previous two. Shorter, better jokes, and less sap... if you exclude the outro. As always, send C&C to buckfloyd@yahoo.com because even negative comments are greatly appreciated. How am I to improve if I don’t know what I suck at? And FYI, I already know my spelling and grammar DON’T suck, so forget about trying that, ya big sillies.