Big Finish: The MST of Aikan Muyo - Chapter 4

Following a strange accident involving a carload of strippers and a tanker truck 
of baby oil, two friends arrive at a nearby ER and are subsequently pronounced 
DOA (dead on arrival).  After living lives as sarcastic, cynical bastards, Jerry 
and Bob soon end up in hell. However, Satan is quick to realize their potential 
and after a short period of the required wailing and gnashing of teeth, Jerry 
and Bob are promoted from tormentees to tormentors. Their assignment: the 
punishment of the twisted little fruits that write lemons. They eagerly accepted 
the assignment. 

Jerry- A being of moderation. Physically at least. He is of average height, 
slightly below average weight technically (he's not overweight), and very non-
descript physical features. He blends into a crowd easily. Which he used to his 
advantage back on earth. He is dressed in plain, dark clothes, as most denizens 
of hell are, and slouches slightly on Satan's Couch. The only unusual thing 
about this otherwise bland character is the air of danger and fear that seems to 
permeate the area around him and the dark intelligence that lurks behind his 
eyes.

Ben Sagle- (Bestial Necromica of Sadistic Glee)- The demonic familiar drawn from 
the darkest aspect of Jerry and given to him when he was appointed one of 
Satan's personal minions. Ben is about two feet tall with large leathery wings, 
and wicked teeth and claws, dripping with caustic sarcasm.

Bob- The world shuttered when he was born and rejoiced in his death. He is 
Jerry's best friend. He is currently wearing just a pair of tight black leather 
pants and an evil grin. He has long black hair parted down the middle. Two beady 
red eyes can be seen from beneath his hair. In sharp contrast to his hair and 
clothes is his ghastly pale skin. Though Jerry is the wittier of the two, Bob is 
by far the more sadistic and has the ability to summon lesser demons to do his 
will.

Pepe (Putrid Entity of Pure Evil)- His name is pronounced like that horny skunk 
from Looney Tunes. This is Bob's familiar, which is draw from his sadistic 
nature and was given to him around the same time Jerry received Ben Sagle. Pepe 
looks like an ordinary bunny rabbit with white fur. But under all that beats the 
black heart a sociopath.

Satan's Couch- A piece of demonic furniture created by the Prince of Darkness 
himself, specifically for the use of Bob and Jerry in their torment of lemon 
writers. It can change shape and size depending on the needs of Jerry and Bob. 
It also adds its own comments occasionally. It has become a good friend of and 
co-tormentor with Jerry and Bob.

Winky the one eyed Christmas elf- Winky resides in one of the projection rooms 
of the Multiplex of the Damned. Winky was sent to hell after Mrs. Claus found 
him making strange shadow puppets in the Doll Room of Santa's Workshop.

Aikan Muyo
Chapter 4 - No Need To Be First

Bob: Why skip chapters? Because we felt like it, damn it!
Jerry: And if anybody has a problem with that they can talk to my little friend. 
** opens a guitar case and pulls out a boll weevil **

     "You make it hard to breathe,
      It's as if I'm suffocating,
      And when you're next to me
      I can feel your heartbeat through my skin.
      It makes me sad to think
      This could all be for nothing.
      I wish there was a way
      For you to see inside me.
      I've never felt this way
      About anyone or anything...

      I know exactly what you're thinking,
      But I swear this time I will not let you down.
      I'm not as selfish as I used to be.
      That was a part of me that never made me proud.
      Right now I think I would try anything,
      Anything at all, to keep you satisfied.
      God, I hope you see what losing you would do to me.
      All I want is one more chance, so tell me,
      What do I have to do, to make you happy?

Bob: How about shutting up! 

      What do I have to do, to make you understand?
      What do I have to do, to make you love me?"
        -- "What Do I Have To Do?", Stabbing Westward


As Tenchi walked up the path towards home, Aeka and Ryoko weren't there to greet 
him as they usually were. He made his way to the house and went in through the 
front door. 

"Tadaima!" 

Bob: ** Puts his head in his hands. ** Oh hell not pseudo-Japanese. Well this 
should be confusing.
Jerry: I hope they have subtitles.

he announced, changing into his slippers.

No one answered. It seemed like no one else was around. So he went upstairs.

Ryoko floated out of a wall and stood directly in front of him. She was clad in 
the tight black and red one-piece that she normally wore for combat. It clung to 
her form as if painted on, and Tenchi pretended not to notice.

Bob: (As Tenchi) Well the bitch finally lost it.

"Okaeri, Tenchi," she answered softly. She sounded tired, which was unusual.

Bob: And the tight black and red one piece isn't?
Jerry: Hmm, no subtitles. Where's my anime-English dictionary? **begins 
searching through his coat pocket**

Something in her voice worried him, but he turned his face away and didn't 
acknowledge her greeting. He had to put his foot down about this. "I said I 
didn't want to talk to you. Not until you tell Aeka you're sorry for attacking 
her." He paused. "And mean it."

Bob: ** sneezes ** Ah-bullshit!!!
Jerry: Woohoo! English!!

Ryoko looked down. "I apologized to her this morning, Tenchi. And I *did* mean 
it." She raised her head back up. "I promise, Tenchi."

For some reason, the look in her eyes made him feel very guilty again.  He knew 
Ryoko didn't apologize easily. And he hoped Aeka hadn't rubbed it in too much.

Bob: You better believe she did.

"Oh. Thank you for doing the right thing, Ryoko. I'd feel much better if the two 
of you would stop fighting *permanently*."

** Bob rolls off the couch laughing **
Jerry: You could always just kill them. That's my favorite permanent solution.

"Um, Tenchi, there's something I've got to show you. It's important." 

Tenchi backed away nervously. 

Jerry: It's not a boll weevil is it?

"This isn't another trick to try to get me into bed with you again, is it?"

Bob: Isn't everything she does geared toward that? 

His fear prevented him from seeing the pain that flashed on her face for a 
moment. "No, it isn't. I promise. But..." she turned away, "I'll understand if 
you don't believe me..." And despite his apprehension, he now noticed that she 
seemed almost about to cry.

Jerry: That's so sad, a strong woman like Ryoko about to cry. If I cared I might 
start crying too.

Tenchi sighed. He didn't want to hurt her *again*.

Jerry: What'd he do last time?
Ben: If we didn't start with chapter four it would probably make sense.
Jerry: True.

"Where is it, Ryoko?" 

"This way."

They walked down the hallway. A few paces past the closet, Ryoko stopped and 
hesitated. Then she led him back to stand in front of it.

"So, what is it you wanted to show me?" he asked.

"This, Tenchi."

Bob: ...she then flung the door of the closet  open revealing a huge collection 
of pictures, candles, incense and in the middle of all this a small lock of his 
hair.  
Pepe: (As Ryoko) Welcome to my shrine!

Ryoko grabbed him with one arm, and with the other began to tear his shirt off 
his body. She dropped the tattered remnants of cloth on the floor. He struggled, 
but she was much stronger than he was.

"Stop! You promised! YOU PROMISED!"

She spun him around forcefully and kissed him despite his attempt to turn his 
face away. Her tongue entered his mouth, and she moaned.

Then she broke the kiss. Again she held him with one hand while she yanked his 
pants and slippers off. 

Jerry: How do you remove someone's shoes when they are standing on them?

Her hand clutched his crotch and massaged it. Then she ripped his underwear off 
and stroked him.

Jerry: Stroke it Clance Carter! But don't stroke too fast! 
Bob: Where the hell did that come from!
Jerry: It's a song. From the early 90's...I'm sorry.

"No! Stop it! Stop it!"

Bob: You do realize that if the tables were turned here no one would be praising 
this kid, he'd just be an other pedophile living out his perverse fantasies 
through this series.
Pepe: Talk about your double standards.

She forced his head onto her chest. She seized his wrists and made him squeeze 
her breasts against his face, sighing passionately.

Jerry: Does she suddenly have telepathic control over Tenchi? You can't make 
someone squeeze anything just by holding their wrists.

"Mfffff! Stop that! Now!"  

She pulled him tightly against her, kissed him again, dragged his hands behind 
her, and groaned in unmistakable pleasure while she made him knead her ass.

Jerry: In order to be kneaded, one's ass would have to be rather large and 
chunky. Much like cookie dough.

"Hey! Don't do that!"

She pushed his hand between her thighs, making him rub her crotch, grinding 
herself against his palm, forcing his fingers inside her through the skin-tight 
cloth.

Jerry: I hope she brought his arm back around to the front. Other wise Tenchi is 
in a world of pain right now.

"Oh, Tenchi, that feels so *good*!" she crooned softly, as she threw her head 
back and closed her eyes.

Bob: I don't think the feeling is mutual. 

"Let me go, Ryoko!"

Her breath caught in her throat to hear him call her name, even angrily. Holding 
him with one arm again, she took her free hand and brushed the sweaty cyan locks 
plastered to her forehead. She fixed her gaze on him and licked her lips. She 
put her index finger between those lips and sucked it. She brushed the finger 
against his cheek.  Then she took her hand and trailed it down the length of her 
body, writhing sinuously as she did so. 

Jerry: Two problems. One, it's very difficult to hold someone against their will 
with only one hand, and two "writhing" is never very attractive.

The hand went down her chin, her neck, her breasts, her flanks, 

Jerry: Her flanks? What the hell are her flanks? Is she a horse now?

over her thighs, and in between her legs. And as it did, her eyes watched him.

Bob: Happosai do your self a favor and lay off the low budget porn.

She stroked herself rapidly with her fingers, calling out his name over and 
over, her amber eyes locked with his. 

"Tenchi! Tenchi! Tenchi! Tenchi! Tenchi!..." 

"Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!..."

Bob: Please!

Her breath quickened and her face flushed. 

Ben: Oh my god! Her face flushed?
Pepe: Who gave her the swirly?

He was unable to tell what caused that, his name or her fingers. 

Jerry: Five bucks says it's her fingers.

Each time she said it he told her to stop. But she wouldn't. Or couldn't. He 
wasn't able to tell which of those, either.

Jerry: Another five on wouldn't. I have yet to see a person starting skipping. 
If they do, just clean the lenses and that should help.

She brought her hand up in front his face, offering it to him.
Glistening. Wet. 

Bob: Ewww.
Jerry: How did it become glistening and wet?
Ben: Well you see, when a woman becomes "aroused"....
Jerry: I know about that you moron! But she's still wearing a skin tight suit, 
which should have prevented any joy juice from getting on her fingers.

She watched him, smiling.

Jerry: Why thank you, I didn't think it was that clever.

He froze. He had absolutely no idea what he wanted to do.

Bob: As far as I can see you have two options: One, you can run like hell. Which 
is what I would do. Or two, you can jump her bones!
Winky: Which is what I would do!
Ben: Take number two, take number two!!
Pepe: No, door number one, door number one!!

She brought her hand to her mouth and licked it. She grinned, revealing her 
wicked-looking teeth as her pink tongue cleaned her fingers. It was an utterly 
feline gesture, and it terrified him.

Ryoko knelt in front of him and grabbed his legs, making sure he couldn't get 
away. She licked up and down the shaft of his penis. He tried to push her off, 
but she ignored that. She blew her hot breath on it. She kissed it warmly. She 
took the head between her lips, pressing the tip against her sharp, predatory 
teeth. A soft "Mmmmmmmmmm!" came from her throat, as if she was a ravenous 
carnivore about to taste a nice, juicy, blood-rare steak.

Bob: Too easy. 
Jerry: I'm starting to like option number one.

For several long moments she held completely still.

To Tenchi, she seemed a feral huntress waiting motionless and silent for the 
right moment to pounce on her helpless prey.

Then with a sudden, frighteningly-swift motion, like a lioness snapping an 
antelope's neck with a single savage bite, she opened her jaws and engulfed it. 

Jerry: Curdled marmalade mixers of Avondale! That's not right! 

Tenchi's glans slid under Ryoko's incisors while the smooth, saliva-slick 

Ben: Susan sells seashells by the sea...sore. Son of a bitch!
Pepe: Let me try, let me try! Susie sucks salamanders by the... dammit!

enamel of her pointed canines brushed menacingly along the sides. She gave him 
one long, hard suck. She ran her tongue around it inside her mouth, purring like 
a sweet, playful kitten toying with a mouse she was about to sink her bared 
fangs into and devour. 

Jerry: I don't really find metaphors of death and mangling erotic. But, that's 
just me.
Bob: I do! Why do you think I'm down here?

And her body burned when she heard him gasp for her, in spite of himself.

Jerry: That could be a problem. When your body burns, it's usually a bad sign.

In spite of the overwhelming, mind-numbing fear screaming inside him, gripping 
him as tightly as her lips did his penis.

It had been plunged into desperate straits, and Tenchi knew, he *knew*, there 
was no way it could possibly emerge in safety.

But it did.

Jerry: Stop referring to his penis as "it"! It's a part of his body, not a 
separate entity he is casually watching get mauled.

She backed off, flicked her tongue around the head for a few seconds, and got 
up. Her nostrils sniffed, and he was sure she was savoring the scent of the 
blood pumping through his veins. Holding Tenchi by the shoulders at arms length, 
Ryoko looked at him, her skin beaded with sweat, her ragged breath hissing 
through her teeth, her chest heaving violently, her cat-like eyes wide and full 
of hungry lust.

His knees quaked. The urge to flee and hide was all-consuming.

Bob: And so is Ryoko apparently

Run, his instincts shrieked at him. Run, or be eaten. RUN!!!

Winky: Too late for that my friend.

"We can continue that any time you like, Tenchi," she promised hotly.  "I *need* 
you, more than *anything*. And if you want me, you can have me, in any way, as 
often and as many times as you want. I'll do anything you like, and you can do 
anything to me. I mean it. *Anything*. No matter what. You don't even have to 
ask. Just take me." 

Jerry: Well damn. And he turned that down? Obviously not an American male. Hell, 
not even any kind of male.

The lust in her voice abated, but she continued, softly, sincerely. "My body is 
yours. Because my heart is, too." Her eyes moistened as she gazed deeply into 
his. "I love you, Tenchi. Please, remember that." Her voice shook. "No matter 
what happens. Please. Remember."

Bob: After what you just did to him how could he ever forget or make eye 
contact.
Pepe: Desperation is an ugly, ugly thing.

Her voice was *serious*. It was disturbing. Ryoko was *never* serious about 
*anything*. It seemed so weird that, between the strangeness and his fear, he 
didn't hear a word she said.

"But because I love you, there's something I have to do, first," she finished 
finally.

She spun him around again, and stopped. He could feel her trembling as she held 
his arm in an iron grip.

She opened the closet door.

With great effort Ryoko forced herself to laugh. "Go for it, Tenchi!"

Winky: Hey! That's my line.

 she cheered, a trace of her usual playfulness in her voice. Then she planted 
her foot on his butt and kicked him inside. She shut the door, glanced all 
around to be sure no one had come in, and sat down with her back to the wall. 

"I can do this" she told herself, regretting it already. She reached behind a 
potted plant for the bottle of sake she'd hidden there. In case she needed 
something to dull the pain.

Bob: That gives me an idea ** conjures up a large bag of crack. **

In case? The pain was on her. It had started the moment she'd made her decision 
the night before. It had been worsening steadily ever since. Already it was 
nearly unbearable.

Bob: You think that's bad try siting through a poorly written lemon.

The tears started, and she couldn't stop them.

Her emotions cried out in panic. So did feral instincts from deep, deep inside 
her. 

Bob: Okay, so Ryoko is a cat, Tenchi is an antelope and Ayeka is a bitch. Along 
with the low budget porn this guy has to cut back on the nature shows.  

In many ways, the emotions and the instincts were the same, and they mingled 
together in strange ways.

She wasn't really aware of the role the instincts played. They ran too deep, and 
were far too primal, for conscious awareness. But those instincts shaped and 
drove the emotions, lending their wild energy to them, giving them their 
underlying tone. The instincts were the frame on which the emotions were built. 
And both emotion and instinct had been thwarted repeatedly for so long it 
agonized her.

Bob: If this bastard starts getting Freudian I am leaving. 
Ben: Wow, that was deep.

Didn't he realize what this felt like for her? 

To chase him, and never seem to be able to catch him?

She loved the chase. It thrilled her. But so did the prospect of taking her 
prey. It wasn't just the having. It wasn't just the getting. It had to be both. 
And the chase had gone on and on, her prey always eluding her, for so great a 
time that she ached with pain from the effort. She had to have him. Not having 
him was  almost more than she could stand.

Bob: Enough with the wild life analogy. ** Disappears in a flash of fire and 
brimstone and comes back with an unconscious Happosai and wearing a khaki 
hunting outfit.  ** Time to have some fun.  Ha, ha!

Couldn't he see that? 

Wasn't he able to understand how it was?

To watch someone else chase after *her* chosen catch, to see them plod along 
lazily, not putting anywhere near the energy or cunning into the chase that she 
did, not even seeming to chase at all, while they waited in silly hope for the 
day that the prey would walk up to them, meekly present himself, and lie down in 
their jaws? And to, somehow, never be able to draw ahead of them, despite how 
swiftly she pursued the prey? And worse, to see them sometimes almost catch her 
prey, *her* prey, when he happened to stumble in front of them?

Bob: Prey? Oh that reminds me. ** Looks over at Happosai who has regained 
consciousness, then takes out 'Ye Olde Flintlock' points it at the lemon writer 
and pulls back the hammer with his thumb." I'll give you ten seconds. ** 
Happosai runs out of the multiplex screaming. **
Jerry: This should be interesting. A spot o' human hunting, eh? **pulls out an 
anti-aircraft gun**
Bob: Put that thing away. We're not going to be hunting him. They are... ** 
Snaps his finger and a small group of succubi appear, he hands them a picture of 
Happosai. ** This is your target, you know the drill.
Succubus A: Fuck'em till he passes out, right?
Bob: Oops! Wrong batch. ** Snaps his fingers and the group of hell spawn is 
replaced with another. ** Okay before I start, is this the group that is 
reserved for hunting mortals?
Succubus B: No, we're the over zealous S&M group.
Bob: Close enough, here. ** Hands them a picture of Happosai. ** Find him and 
have fun, but just make sure he isn't enjoying himself too much.
Pepe: What do you mean "too much"
Bob: Hell, I have to give the kid a little credit for not including an eight 
year old or having Tenchi perform perverse acts with a carrot. (Read our first 
MST to see what happens to writers that pull that kind of shit.)
Pepe: Whatever.    

Couldn't he tell what it was like for her?

To chase after him for months, all her thoughts and energy directed into hunting 
him, desperately wanting to catch him, while he stayed just out of reach, 
tempting her, until she reached the end of her endurance and in starving despair 
was willing to do the unthinkable, to let someone else have the joy of taking 
him, if only it would mean that afterwards Ryoko could have her share of him and 
finally satisfy the desire for him that gnawed inside her?

Jerry: Can we go over that train of logic again? I'm a little lost. So you think 
that once he has sex with somebody else, he'll be ready to get it on with you? 
How does that make sense?

A thought occurred to her. 

Jerry: Just one? She's been pretty philosophical lately. If you can call her 
strange hunter-prey-sex analogies philosophical.

Perhaps he didn't want to be chased?

Bob: Yah think!

But that was ridiculous. 

Bob: So is this lemon.

If he didn't want to be chased, all he had to do was chase her instead. She 
wouldn't mind that at all. She knew exactly what she would do, to make it 
perfect for him.

She would allow him chase her, letting him try to catch her, evading him until 
they both tired of it a little. Then he would pounce on her. She would struggle 
for him, just enough that he would know that she was alive, not something he'd 
found lying on the ground. Then he would take her. Have her. Consume her. Use 
her body to satisfy his hunger for her.

Jerry: Just a side note, as far as I can tell he doesn't have a hunger to 
satisfy. I hate to say it, but Tenchi seems rather disinterested in you Ryoko.

And then she would do the same to him. 

As she had tried to do, for so long. But he didn't seem to know how much the 
chase had tired her, how much his unceasing, excessive struggles had injured 
her.

Hesitantly, she began to consider the possibility of something else.

He didn't want to hunt her, or be hunted by her?

He didn't want either one of them to chase, pounce on, take, have, and consume 
the other?

He didn't hunger for her, and was repelled by her hunger for him?

Bob: Who won't be, after listening to you drone on and on with your "wild 
safari" logic. 

Tenchi didn't desire her body, thought it was something someone else had taken 
and then discarded, so he passed it by without wanting to touch it?

Tenchi would never love Ryoko?

Tenchi didn't want Ryoko's love?

But the horror of even *thinking* of that chilled her soul and froze her heart 
solid. Her mind refused to take a single step along that path, for it knew that, 
at its end, emptiness, agony, despair, and death waited for her.

Bob: Well aren't we just a tad bit over dramatic.

Not Tenchi. Not her sweet tender morsel that she longed to taste.

Winky: Uh...
Bob: **conjures up a large fireball ** don't even think about it, you freak.
Wink: Never mind.

It couldn't be!

Couldn't it?

In any case, she knew, she was about to find out.

Silently, she pleaded with him to remember her.

If what was going to happen erased her from his heart, she knew for sure she'd 
die.

Because of that, she'd wanted herself seared into his memory during what was 
about to transpire. She hoped she'd succeeded. 

Jerry: Violently removing someone's clothing and doing rather distasteful things 
with their hands and a certain other appendage will do that.
Winky: You can't rape the willing!

For just a moment or two he'd responded the way she'd longed for him to, instead 
of acting like she was trying to kill him. She'd gotten through. A little. 
Maybe, when *it* happened, he'd even cry out "Ryoko!" But she made herself hope 
he wouldn't. It would probably ruin everything if he did. 

Bob: Your not kidding, this one time at band camp...
Jerry: **picks up his anti-aircraft gun and points it at Bob's torso** 
Stop...right...there. 

And for the same reason, she watched carefully, her eyes darting to the source 
of the slightest sound, to make sure no one came to interrupt before it was 
finished.

Jerry: Now she's worried about people hearing? What about the aggressive 
violation she perpetrated upon Tenchi a few moments ago? She wasn't worried 
about anyone hearing that?

She'd just placed his love for her in deadly peril. She hoped it would survive. 
Because if it didn't, she wouldn't, either. She knew that, with every fiber of 
her being.

Tenchi fell prone in the dark. He immediately realized he'd landed on something.

A body. 

A corpse?

Bob: I wouldn't be surprised.
Jerry: Sorry, that's mine. I'll try to clean up better next time.

No, a body.

A female body.

A warm, naked female body. 

Bob: Well hello there.
Jerry: Sorry, mine again. I can't help it if my accomplices find me 
irresistible. Women are turned on by dangerous men. Look at James Bond. End of 
every movie, what's he doing?
Ben: Boning the living daylights out of some chick while the rescue party flies 
by?
Jerry: That's right.
 
As quickly as he could he got up onto his knees. He felt her start to move, 
apparently just regaining consciousness. Hearing her "mmmffff!!!" he realized 
she was gagged. He removed the gag and gently helped her into a sitting 
position. 

"Is that you, Tenchi-sama?" asked a quavering, fearful voice.

"Aeka?" 

Jerry: No, it's the State Puff Marshmallow Man you jackass.

"Please untie my hands, Tenchi," she begged urgently.

Tenchi did so. Aeka threw her arms around him, sobbing. 

"Oh, Tenchi, I was so frightened! Ryoko was going to kill me! 

Jerry: You don't even want to know what she wanted to do to Tenchi and his good 
friend lil' Tenchi.

If you hadn't come to rescue me..." 

Tenchi gulped nervously. His penis was hardening very, very swiftly. His mind 
commanded it to stop, but it refused.

Bob: Well considering he's hung like a gerbil I don't think she would notice.
Pepe: Put the micro machine away. 
Jerry: Might I ask why it's suddenly hardening? Ryoko's combination hand job and 
blow job didn't work for him, but seating in the dark in a closet does. To 
borrow one of Bob's favorite lines: Whatever tickles your pickle.

"Rescue you?" asked Tenchi, trying to forget for just a moment the sensation of 
Aeka's chest pressed firmly against his. "She led me up here and pushed me in." 

"Why would she do that?" wondered Aeka aloud. Then she felt Tenchi's erection 
touching her knee, 

Jerry: Gaahhhh, what the hell is he doing?

and reflexively pulled away. Blood burned in her face as she blushed, knowing 
that she was the reason for his arousal, that she was becoming so as well, 
hesitating as to how to respond.

She knew what someone *else's* response would be. Unbidden to her thoughts came 
Ryoko's angry, accusing words from their battle two nights before. "If you loved 
Tenchi, you wouldn't want to leave him alone with just his hand. Pricktease!" 

Jerry: That's a damn good insult. Bravo! **everyone stands up and claps**

"I'm... sorry, Tenchi-sama, if I caused you any... discomfort," she apologized, 
not realizing that the way she said it only excited him further.

Jerry: How can that be exciting? She said "discomfort" for crimey's sake!

Tenchi reined in his body with all his will, 

Ben: Whoooa penis. Not so fast there boy.
Pepe: Keep the pant snake in it's cage.

sweating. "Don't be sorry, Aeka. It's not your fault. It's only normal." 

Again the memory of Ryoko's voice chimed in, encouraging eerily. "You love 
Tenchi, don't you?" Aeka heard herself answering that she did. "Then, why? It's 
only natural to want to be with him and make love with him if you love him..." 
"Let me help you up 

Jerry: ... since I already am.

so we can get out of this closet," suggested Tenchi. He knew he had to get away 
from her before his hormones won out over his mind and made him do something he 
didn't want to do. He stopped as Aeka hesitatingly reached out and cupped his 
chin in her hand. Then she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the lips. 

Bob: And the hormones won by a landslide.  

Tenchi blinked, unsure of what to do next. He wanted her desperately. But he 
couldn't. 

Jerry: They have medication for that now. Wait a second, he just said all the 
equipment was operational and giving him the green light.

She was proud, lovely, fragile. He loved those things about her, and he didn't 
want to besmirch them. 

Jerry: Oooh, besmirch.
Bob: Fear not brave knight, take up your sword...oops, you already have...and 
breach the castle gates!

It would be like taking a magnificent painting down from a museum display and 
using it for a doormat.

A voice rang in his mind.

"Go for it, Tenchi!"

Bob: Damn it Winky I warned you about that crap.
Winky: It wasn't me I swear. 

She'd been *telling* him to???

Aeka embraced him, kissing him again, deeply. "Please don't think me less of a 
lady for this, Ten-chan," she whispered to him. Then she lay back and pulled him 
down on top of her with all her strength, her lips and the closeness of her 
driving out all thoughts of resistance from him.

She'd stepped down from the pedestal to him. Or pulled him up to her. He wasn't 
sure which. 

Bob: Let's see your both buck naked in a closet while a drunken space pirate 
stands guard. So one could come to the conclusion that she not only stepped down 
but fell down and landed in a big puddle of skankiness. 

Either way, it hadn't lessened her. She was still proud, still beautiful. But he 
wouldn't be afraid to touch her anymore.

Jerry: No, he doesn't have a complex of any sort.

Outside, Ryoko gulped down a cup of sake and poured herself another from the 
swiftly-emptying bottle. Through the wall she could hear Aeka's soft yet high-
pitched cries, Tenchi's deeper moans, and the maddening, rhythmic squeaking of 
the floorboards. 

Bob: **snaps his fingers and a 70's funk band appears, playing bad porno music** 
Ahhh yeeeaaah...

Quickly she drank again. 

Pepe: Chug, chug, chug!

Her hand shook as she set down the cup for a moment. 

Jerry: Say it with me now: "My name is Ryoko and I'm an alcoholic".

Under the crack of the door wafted an onslaught of scents which, though 
familiar, she had never experienced at the same time before.

Bob: Nothing ruins the mood faster then a good corn beef and cabbage fart. 

She'd smelled Aeka's arousal on occasion, but now it twisted through her 
nostrils with sadistic, triumphant glee. 

Ben: Hey, leave my brother out of this! 
Pepe: Your brother?
Ben: Yeah, Ben Stagle. The Bestial Necromicon of Sadistic Triumphant Glee. His 
only my half brother.
Jerry: Why was she smelling Aeka's arousal? Wait a minute, heh heh heh. I think 
there's a little something else going on here.

Much more familiar -- she'd savored the delicious perfume of them whenever she'd 
gotten the slightest whiff before -- the smell of Tenchi's hot blood, his sweat, 
his semen, filled the air and danced riotously around her, taunting, inviting, 
daring. The scent of the two lovers mingled and laughed mockingly in her face.

Jerry: And when did she smell Tenchi's semen? What was Tenchi doing so that it 
was available for her to smell?

"Oh, yes, Ten-chan.... yes!... oh....!" 

Aeka's cry snuck through the wall and stabbed into Ryoko's ears. 

Jerry: Sneaky little bastard cry.

Desperately she covered them with her hands. 

*Please, hurry up, please, just finish it!* She glanced around again, to be sure 
no one appeared to intrude. *Just get it over with so don't have to hear 
anymore! PLEASE!!* 

Bob: Calm down, just give the kid his three minutes of fun.  

The sounds grew louder and more rapid, and her hands couldn't altogether silence 
them. Giving up, she filled and drank two more cups of sake in quick succession. 
That didn't seem to help either. 

Ben: Try pouring the sake directly into your ear.

Filling the cup with the last dregs of the sake, she brought it up to her 
trembling lips. The dread sounds from the closet worked up to a fever pitch. 
Tears streaming down her face, Ryoko closed her eyes and tried to prepare 
herself for what was about to happen.

"Ae-chan, I'm going to..... unnnnnhhhhh!!!!"

Everyone: Pop goes the weasel!
Jerry: I can't believe he unnhh'ed. What a freak.
Winky: What's wrong with unnhh'ing? I do it all the time.
Jerry: That's why I called him a freak. And oh yeah, I really didn't need to 
hear that...**peppers projection room with anti-aircraft shells**
Bob: Wow, the lemon didn't skip! Nice shooting.

The cup shattered into dozens of shards as Ryoko's hand closed and crushed it. 
Blood and sake dripped onto the floor. Ryoko rose, her knees almost like rubber, 

Bob: Speaking of which, did Tenchi use protection? If not, this story could get 
a lot more complicated.

her body shaking. One second's glance at the closet door was all she could 
endure before she dematerialized and fled.

Moments later, she was staring down at Tenchi's bed, floating above it. Then, 
her self control utterly spent, she rushed down to muffle her scream in Tenchi's 
pillow. For what seemed like forever she clutched it, wracked with sobs. 

"Why? Why couldn't I have found some other way?" 

She'd never realized until now how much she had wanted Tenchi's first time to be 
with her. 

Jerry: His first time? You thought this was his first time? **breaks down 
laughing** 
Bob: With a girl maybe. 

The whole "I'll let you go first" act had been nothing but a bluff. And Aeka 
hadn't called that bluff, *she* had. But now that she had stepped aside for 
Aeka, the princess would allow Ryoko her turn. 

Jerry: So no one takes Tenchi into account? Suppose he doesn't go along with 
this bed-swapping scheme?
Bob: He's a hormonal 17 year old. These days they turn to soft fruit for 
pleasure. **everyone except Winky gives him a blank stare**
Winky: Watermelons are particularly effective.

She had to. Ryoko repeated that to herself, over and over. That she still might 
fail -- that she might have endured what she had for nothing -- was too 
terrifying a prospect to even contemplate. 

Eventually, once it seemed she had no more tears left to cry with, she lay 
unmoving, letting Tenchi's sweet scent, untainted with Aeka's, calm and reassure 
her. Suddenly, she heard the sound of footsteps outside the door.

"Oyasume nasai, Ten-chan."

Jerry: Man, I thought we'd gotten past that Japanese crap.

Ryoko heard them kiss.

Jerry: Damn, that's a loud kiss. What were they doing, trying to suck each 
other's face off?
Ben: Nothing sucks like an Electro-Lux.

"Oyasumi, Ae-chan." As the door slid open, Ryoko flipped the pillow over and 
dove into the wall.

Hearing him call the princess *that*, and the way he said it...

In her mind, Ryoko saw Aeka reach out to her, laughing arrogantly, put her hand 
into Ryoko's chest, tear her heart out, toss it contemptuously into the dirt, 
and step on it, giggling.

Ben: Did she do the Mexican hat dance on it? That's when you know someone 
doesn't like you.

"My beloved Ten-chan will *always* call me `Ae-chan', Ryoko," said Aeka. "And he 
will never call *you* anything, ever again. You see, he loves me *so* much, that 
I've convinced him to throw you out and never speak another word to you. Just as 
I said I would. But since I am merciful, I will not stop you when you decide to 
kill yourself. After all, so Ten-chan tells me, the universe would be much 
cleaner if you'd never existed in the first place."  Aeka paused, smiling. 
"Though it doesn't really matter. He's forgotten all about you now, anyway." And 
she laughed and laughed and laughed.

Ryoko blotted out the image and forced herself to watch Tenchi as he came 
through the door. The fact that he wasn't bringing Aeka in with him seemed 
hopeful, at least.

**Suddenly the door of the Multiplex bursts open and Happosai limps in, panting. 
He looks over his shoulder, screams and then runs across the room and out 
another door. A moment later a rabid pack of giggling succubi, each sporting the 
notorious Ayeka S&M outfit and a bullwhip, stampede across the room, screaming 
"Call me princess" before knocking down the door Happosai exited through.**
Winky: Wait for me! I need some rough lovin'!! **he runs out the door only to 
meet the business end of a bullwhip and snapped all the way back to the 
projection room**

He walked in, wearing a kimono from the closet and carrying the rather damaged 
clothes Ryoko had torn from him earlier. His face was all smiles as he recalled 
his tryst with Aeka. 

Bob: Yeah, ha, ha all two minutes of it.
Jerry: Tryst? Apparently this guy is stuck in the Middle Ages. Secondly, a tryst 
is usually a romantic meeting under the moonlight, planned by two lovers. 
Getting tossed in a closet on top of a naked chick, after having your clothes 
ripped off and being manhandled...**everyone else giggles**...Do you mind? And 
being manhandled by...**everyone else giggles again, Jerry just sighs and 
continues**...a feral space pirate does not qualify as a tryst.

He'd considered asking her to spend the night with him, but Sasami would have 
noticed her sister's absence, and he didn't want to be that overt about it yet. 
Then he frowned in thought. 

Though he had thoroughly enjoyed the results, not being able to figure out 
Ryoko's behavior bothered him. 

"I wonder why she did that?" he asked aloud. That she'd given up on him seemed 
unlikely. And while he'd sometimes wished she'd stop her advances, he suddenly 
realized that he'd miss it if she did. 

Jerry: Indecisive numb nuts.

His first time with Aeka had been a gift from Ryoko, of that he was certain. But 
as to what to say to her about it, he was at a loss.

*How do you thank someone for a gift you're sure they never wanted to give you?*

Bob: That's easy, repeat after me "Thanks, it was fun and all, but could you 
have picked a stranger place?

Tenchi removed his kimono, lay down, and pulled up the covers. Still trying 
vainly to solve the puzzle, he closed his eyes, sinking swiftly into sleep and 
thence to dreams.

He dreamt of her. But he wasn't sure which one.
 
Jerry: Eh? Come again?

After a while, Ryoko stepped out of the wall again, and stood beside Tenchi's 
bed like a sentinel. For at least an hour she did nothing but listen to the 
sound of his breathing. Reaching down, she stroked his hair, feeling each strand 
under her fingertips. Tenchi stirred slightly in his dream, and a low murmur 
escaped his lips. 

"Ryoko, why?" 

Bob: Tenchi, Ryoko is what we her at the Multiplex of the Damned call a "crazy 
bitch".  There for the question should not be "why" but "how".

His voice saying her name made it seem like her heart had started to beat again, 
after being stopped for almost two days.

He hadn't forgotten her. At least not completely. Maybe his true feelings came 
out in his sleep, she conssidered. It that was true, she wanted to sit by his 
bed while he dreamt of her, and listen.

She resisted her desperate urge to throw herself on him, then and there. 

Jerry: Whoa, mood swing.

She had a different tack she intended to try. She'd have to wait a little while 
longer. She forced herself to hope and be patient.

Ryoko bent down slowly and kissed him. "Because I love you, Tenchi," she 
whispered in answer. "Weren't you listening?" From one of her eyes dropped a 
single tear.

Tenchi awoke with a start, feeling something hot touch his cheek. Sitting up in 
his bed, he looked around the room, for some reason expecting someone to be 
there with him.

But he was alone.

And though he couldn't quite explain why, there was something truly horrible 
about that.

Jerry: Ah, that's almost deep and touching.
Winky: What about deep touching?
Jerry: Shut the hell up! 

Preview of Next Chapter: No Need To Be Second

Ben: I hate previews.

Ryoko flexed her fingers like claws, walking slowly towards the bath, her eyes 
burning. After what she'd been through, she wasn't going to accept anything less 
than Tenchi's arms around her of his own free will. She wouldn't let Aeka 
prevent that.

Hopefully, for all three of their sakes, the princess would see reason. Ryoko 
was well aware of her own fighting prowess. And she knew how to use it, or 
threaten to use it, in terrifying ways. If Aeka's instinct for self-preservation 
overcame her pride, she'd be frightened long enough to allow Ryoko to properly 
seduce Tenchi.

If not, well, she couldn't interfere if she wasn't alive.

Jerry's Final Thought: Well, that actually wasn't too bad. I mean compared to 
the other crap we've had to wade through. So I'll let this guy off easy.

Bob's Two Cents: I agree with Jerry on this one. This lemon wasn't that bad. We 
didn't have to go through the usual anatomy lessons, physics lessons and grammar 
correction. Aside from the Ryoko violating Tenchi in the hallway part, it wasn't 
half bad. And coming from a twisted bastard like me, that's as close as your 
going to come to a compliment.

**Just then the pack of succubi troop in, shouting triumphantly and carrying the 
ends of the pole Happosai was hanging from**

Jerry: Hey, you're back.
Succubus B: He gave us a run for our money. He made it all the way to the eighth 
circle but he passed out after seeing all whips. 
Pepe: He actually doesn't look that bad. Wait a second, why is he bald?
Succubus C: We shaved every square inch of hair. **all the other succubi cheer**
Ben: Even his...?
Succubus D: Especially his ....**all the succubi start giggling**
Succubus B: Then we used a little hot wax...**thinks to herself**...then we 
pierced a bunch of stuff...
Pepe: Even his...?
Succubus D: Especially his...you want to see?
Jerry: Don't even think about it.
Succubus D: But we got a matching set.
Jerry: I don't care...matched to what?
Succubus E: All his other piercings, of course.
Succubus B: Then we got out the electrodes, oh yeah, you'll probably need a new 
car battery.
Bob: You used our car battery? Out in the parking lot of the Multiplex? In 
public? Cool. But you still have to pay for the new battery. Do you know how 
hard it is to import parts to hell?
Succubus B: And of course we did some classic flogging to finish it all off.
Succubus C: Check it out, I got the criss-cross diamond pattern.
Bob: The mark of a master. Say, you doing anything later?
Jerry: Socialize on your own time.
Bob: Hey, I summoned them. I'll do whatever the hell I want with them.
Jerry: **glances at his watch** Well, we should probably send him back to Earth. 
He's been down here awfully long for such a non-horrible lemon.
Succubus D: Oh yeah! I sodomized him with my six-inch stiletto heel!! **Jerry, 
Bob, Pepe and Ben inch away from Succubus D**
Winky: **opens the door of the projection room** What was that?
Jerry: Right, well. We should definitely send him back now. **cautiously but 
quickly grabs Happosai and yanks him away from the succubi, dislocating 
Happosai's shoulder before the ropes tying him to the pole rip** Oops, sorry 
man.
Bob: Give him here. **starts to snap his fingers, then just grabs Happosai and 
wrenches his shoulder back in place** Good as new. See ya kid. **snaps his 
fingers and sends Happosai back**.
Jerry: That was entertaining. In a disturbing kind of way. **nervously eyes the 
succubi** Bob, I think we're done with them, send'em back. They're starting to 
creep me out.
Bob: **snaps his fingers and the succubi disappear** Jerry your no fun.

(The succubi lines were brought to you by Vincent Tallerico)

Bob: This was the last MST that will be posted at TMFFA, we are going to start 
sending our stuff to fanfiction.net  under the names of The Defiler and Jerry 
The Juicer. If everything goes as planned we may start a web site to showcase 
our skills (or lack there of). But enough about that. We would like to leave you 
now with a few cut scenes from all of the other MSTs we've posted. 

MST from Hell - Cut scene 1

Bob: Before we thought of Tad the six-foot carrot,  the author of "At the Carrot 
Patch"  was originally going to be tortured by a creature named Mittens. 
Unfortunately, Mittens never made it into production.
Jerry: His agent was a real bitch and we got tired of dealing with him.

While Jerry is trying to come to grips with Sasami's depth, a faint scream is 
heard. This scream gets louder and louder, then you see the author of this 
monstrosity smack the ground and bounce about three or four times before coming 
to rest at Bob's feet.  Bob picks up the bruised and tattered author.
Bob: Hee, hee. Well now, so you're the one who wrote this piece of crap. I'd 
like you to meet my cute little pet. (Bob drags the dumb fuck that was 
responsible for the lemon to the darkest corner of the Multiplex and tosses the 
freak into the corner, seconds later a scream rattles the theater. Bob goes back 
to watching the lemon.)
Jerry: What the hell is back there?   
Bob: Why that's Mittens the naughty tentacle monster.


A French Fry - cut scene 1

Bob: Originally I was planning to write a short scene in which Sasami knocks the 
crap out of Azathoth.  This short scene however became a little to long so I had 
to get rid of it. 

Just then Bob and Jerry watch as Sasami walks up to Azathoth and punches him in 
the gut. The force of the punch lifted Azathoth off the ground and just as he 
was about to land she kicks him across the courtyard. Jeepeagle tries to grab 
her but Sasami gets a hold of his hand and bend his wrist at an unnatural angle. 
Then shatters the left side of his skull with a frying pan. Wyvoren looks on in 
awe, that is until Sasami upper cuts him with the frying pan.  Sending fragments 
of his jaw and other bones into his brain.  With Jeepeagle and Wyvoren out of 
the way it was time to have some real fun with Azathoth. She slowly made her way 
to Azathoth who was literally puking his guts out. She put her frying pan away, 
grabbed Azathoth by the collar and head butted him a few times, before she took 
a odd fighting stance and preceded to beat the piss out of Azathoth, who was 
still too dazed to put up a defense.  After an ungodly number of punches and 
kicks Azathoth finally fell to the gro!
und. Sasami grabbed her frying pan, "Time to end this," she said as she rammed 
the cooking utensil through Azathoth rib rage and started "shifting gears".

Bob: Now wasn't that graphic, children.

Takes A Shot  - Cut Scene 1

Bob: In this one I got totally shit faced and there were a few lines that were 
cut because they were lame.
Jerry: These are pretty bad. We have since limited alcohol consumption inside 
the Multiplex of the Damned.

Bob: ** takes a shot then leans over towards Jerry ** Hey, hic! You know what 
your problem is **burps in Jerry's face ** you're a bum, a stinky, go-for-
nothing bum ** passes out. **

Bob: ** Drunker than a frat boy on Friday night, stands up and moons the screen. 
** Yeah you like this, hic! Hell I know you want a piece of this.... Well, 
you're not going to get any of it, and you know why, because this is the 
property of the succubi.

Bob: ** face turns beet red ** What can I say, I do strange things when I'm 
drunk. Well that's the end of the cut scenes. See ya.

Send all comments to Tormentors_of_the_damned@yahoo.com

Fin