AnimePort#9 MST. MST#14 The MST of: "The Mihoshi Rant by Scion" DISCLAIMER: My following apologies to the following people and/or companies for borrowing and/or creating parodies of their characters, and stories; Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ video, AnimEigo, Pioneer LDC, AIC, U.S. MANGA corps, Kosuke Fujishima, Nintendo, Creatures Inc., GAME FREAK Inc., Best Brains Productions, a bunch of anime companies and writers that I do not know personally, My third grade math teacher, and all others who would be insulted by this MST (Original FanFic writer, optional.). .......................................... Somewhere in the vastness of the multiverse, there is a certain focal point of the worlds. A place where our reality and those of our favorite comic books meet, and are able to cross. At this place was constructed a huge station, technically advanced in ways that surpass even the most futuristic of realities. In this place research is conducted on the fictional stories that are created by the ever adoring fans of the comics. FAN-FICTIONS. One man from our reality, a sponsor of the station, has been given the task of leading the research on the stories, by bringing together the most unique group of people from the anime realms. The place is "AnimePort#9". These are the reviews. . . ____________________________________________________________________________ _________ Technical note: MST'd by the following group of people and/or characters. PETER SUZUKI. PRISS ASAGIRI. RANMA SAOTOME. AYEKA JURAI. RACHEL T. MECHA (RATCHET) Documentation made by the following; B-KO DAITOKUJI. (Out on personal vacation.) Begin recording of research documentation. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Of course we open up to the lounge, where Ayeka, Priss, and Ratchet are seated behind a large desk, dressed as newscasters. The NEWS opening theme plays, as the lighting emphasizes the three females. "Greetings." Said Ayeka. "And welcome to the evening news. I am Ayeka Jurai." "I am Priscilla Asagiri." Said Priss. "And I'm Rachel T. Mecha, filling in for B-ko, who is at her family reunion right now." Said Ratchet. "And this is the news." A picture of a mallet, apparently facing off against a spatula, a Chinese mace, and a black rose appears in the corner of the screen, as the camera gives a close up of Ayeka. "War finally broke out today, as the Churches of The Cute Fiancee, The Affectionate Fiancee, and The Psychotic . . . . Um, I mean The Kinky Fiancee challenged Akane Tendo's claim upon Ranma Saotome, declaring all out war upon the Church of The True Fiancee. Priss?" said Ayeka. Camera now pans to Priss. "Fighting was vicious when it first broke out." Said Priss. "But the defender's superior numbers, and the attacker's lack of unity on their side, has placed this battle in favor of the CTF faction, as of this evening. Reports are sketchy, but according to sources, the CCF was betrayed by the CAF half way into the afternoon, and the CKF bombed both parties with sleeping gas, before the two churches attacked the CKF in retaliation. Minor factions; the Church of Ranko, and the Church of The Lost Boy switched sides to the CTF later in the fight, due to conflicting interests." Camera now pans over to Ratchet. "Rumiko Takahashi was interviewed earlier on this matter," Said Ratchet. "where she commented quote, 'This is the stupidest thing I've seen, since I watched the Cartoon Network version of Tenchi Muyo!' For some on-the-field commentary, we now go live to Peter Suzuki, in the hot zone. Peter?" The scene switches to a foggy battle ground, that looks like something out of the medieval ages. Shattered mallets, broken bonbori, discarded spatulas, and scattered roses litter the ground, as groups of men and women in full plate armor, try to beat the heck out of each other. Peter is facing toward the camera, and is dressed as Howard Corsell. "Thank you Rachel Mecha." Said Peter, raising his voice over the battle behind him. "It's total chaos down here! I haven't seen anything this bad, since the dubbing of 'Nights of Ramunes'! To the left of me, I see fighting! To the right of me, I see fighting! And I'm sure if I looked behind me, I'd see fighting! I haven't seen this much carnage since hockey season! I'll now go to interview one of the participants in this battle! Excuse me sir! May I please have a word with you for a moment!?" "DIE! DIE! DIE!" whaled the armored young man, swinging a mallet at Peter. "AAAH! NO HIT! NO HIT!" said Peter, backing off. "I'm just a reporter!" "Oh, sorry!" said the armored man. "I thought you were a spy, or something!" "That's okay!" replied Peter. "Happens to a lot of people! Can you please tell our viewers at home, what you think of the battle!?" The armored man seems to consider this question, for a moment. "Well, we' ve been expecting something like this to happen for some time, now!" explained the armored man. "Our support for what occurred in the original series, in both comic and video, has been opposed almost from the beginning! Their ideas are that THEY know what is best, and that every point in the story is just something that supports THEIR claims!" The scene switches back to the lounge, where Ayeka speaks up. "Peter, we have Ranma here in the studio with us. Would you be willing to have him join in?" "Ranma's there!?" exclaimed the armored man. "Cool! Can I speak with him?!" "Sure!" replied Peter. "Put him on!" The camera now shows Ranma in a bathroom stall, on a toilet, reading the latest issue of "Futaba-kun Change". Ranma notices the camera, screams, and covers his lap with his comic book. "Turn off that camera!!" yells Ranma. "What's going on here!? I SAID TURN OFF THAT CAMERA!!!" "Ranma Saotome, I'm glad you could be here with us this evening!" said Peter, before turning toward the armored man. "Go ahead, and speak your heart out!" "Thanks!" said the armored man. "Saotome, I just wanted to say, you have a very good fiancee back at Nerma, and you should appreciate her more!" "And you are . . .?" Ranma shook his head. "Never mind that! What's going on?! Peter, what the hell is going on over there!?" "Akane spends hours cooking food for you, and all you can do is insult her!" continued the armored man, near tears. "Don't you have any idea how much it hurts her when you do those things!?" "Almost the same if I DON'T do those things." Commented Ranma. "Look, I eat the food she makes, and see it again by afternoon! What more do you want from me!?" "Try being nice to her for once!" shouted the armored man. "Maybe if you said GOOD things to her, every once and awhile, she'd get the confidence to actually make something better!" "I have, and she has." Said Ranma, rapidly loosing patience. "Now turn off that damn camera, and STAY OUT OF MY PERSONAL LIFE!!!" *TEN SECONDS TO FAN FIC SIGN!!!* sounded the loudspeakers, in the lounge. "Peter, wrap it up!" said Priss. "We gotta go, soon!" "Well thank you for your time!" Said Peter, to the armored man. "We hope you have a long and happy life!" "Thank you for interviewing me!" replied the armored man, hefting up his mallet. "And now if you'll excuse me: I've got some okonomiyaki-loving butt to kick! YAAAAAAH!!!" the armored man ran off. "Back to you in the studio!" said Peter, before grabbing the camera, and rushing through a transport portal. *FIVE!!!* *FOUR!!!* *THREE!!!* *TWO!!!* *ONE!!!* Then the signal to start, blared. *SANTUARY!!!! SANTUARY!!!!* "WE'VE GOT FAN FIC SIGN!!!!" Shouted Ayeka, Priss, and Ratchet, as they rushed into the theater. Peter rushed in a second later, stuffing his reporter camera into his jacket. Ranma soon followed, with the pieces of a camera dangling off of his hand. ======================================================= (The MST group members enter the theater. Their seating arrangement from left to right, is as follows: Ayeka, Ranma, Priss, Peter, and Ratchet.) RANMA(rather darkly to Peter): Here's your camera. (Hands Peter the smashed camera.) PETER(handing it back): It's not mine. It's B-ko's. RANMA(with a large sweatdrop on the back of his head): Oh . . . . (Stuffs the camera under his seat.) RATCHET: Hey, the fic is starting! >ALAH! MIHOSHI-SAMA AYEKA: Say what? >(aka, The Mihoshi Rant) PRISS: A rant? We're in trouble. >by Patrick "Seion" Stewart, RANMA: Is that anything like that tentacle beast we saw in that one MST? PETER: I doubt it. Spelling's different. >Holy Knight of KOME AYEKA: Kids Of My Enemy? RANMA: Kick Or Mash Enough? PRISS: Kill Orvell Manheim Esquire? PETER: Kiss Or Meet Earnest? RATCHET: Kites Over My Ears? >For the past few months now, I've taken it upon myself to defend >one Mihoshi Kuramitsu at every opportunity whenever someone >has insulted her, AYEKA: He must be very busy. RANMA(angrily to Ayeka): Hey! I like Mihoshi! PRISS: Yeah, yeah. Who cares? >but seeing as my vigilance rarely makes it to >the ears of those who are cowardly enough to besmirch her name >outside of the #TenchiFF chatroom, Lord Cyraqs K'thardin PETER: BOOOOO! >has >encouraged me to use this opportunity to carry my crusade to the >masses. And crusade I shall! RATCHET: For the holy grail! > >I will start my defence with the most (in)famous slander against >her, the, ahem, "fact" that she is stupid. PRISS: Hoo-boy! Hunker down. >Now, Mihoshi may be >naive, trusting, and, yes, even a little clumsy at times, but where >do people get off calling her STUPID?!!! PETER: The same kind of people who get off calling Akane a bitch, Amelia a twit, and their supporters . >A stupid person would not be able to pilot a starship! AYEKA: . . . . . . . . . >A stupid person wouldn't be able to load, clear, and operate a firearm! PRISS: Eh-heh . . . . . . >A stupid person would most likely not even be able to tie her shoes! RATCHET(to Peter): I thought she wore slip-on shoes. PETER: She does in the OAV series, anyway. >Mihoshi is capable of all these things and more. RANMA: Yeah! You tell em'! >So what if she crashed her ship? AYEKA: Several times. >Our beloved President Kennedy wrecked his ship too. PRISS: He also only did that once. >Would you call him an idiot? PETER: We've called a few members of his family, idiots. >So what if she let a criminal out of a jail cell once? >She trusted "Ryoko" (at least that's what Mihoshi called her in >the Mihoshi Special) and believed she had reformed. RANMA: You mean she wasn't? AYEKA: I did not really pay attention to Mihoshi's story, so I can not be sure. >Is it Mihoshi's fault that "Ryoko" was a convincing liar? RATCHET: She was? >Noooooooooo!!! PRISS(getting up): Well, he's dead! Rants over! At least it was short. PETER & RANMA(pulling Priss back down): It's not over. PRISS: Damn. >So what if she fires at her target wildly? Doesn't >she also HIT her target 90% of the time? AYEKA: AND everything else! >Hell, if anyone has a >reason to complain about her, it's Kiyone, and even she has quite >a bit of affection (Peter opens his mouth to comment.) >(shut up all of you hentai's!) (Peter closes his mouth.) >for her friend and >partner. Gee, maybe I should go off on other character's faults, >like the fact that Ranma's an arrogant, pig-headed bully, RANMA: HEY!!! >or that Aeka's pushy, AYEKA: HEY!!! >or how about Ryoko is a theif, RYOKO(somewhere off camera): I HEARD THAT!!! (The MST group members all turn to see who said that, but they are still the only ones in the theater.) >or that Sasami....... uh, Sasami........ RATCHET: Stays crunchy even in milk? (Everyone stares nervously at her.) Well I had to think of SOMETHING! >that Sasami is short and cute! (Sorry, but I >couldn't find any personality flaws with Sasami. ^u^) PETER: Will wonders never cease. >But I won't! You know why? Because those faults are all >unfounded...... except for Ranma's. RANMA: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!!! >Now that we've cleared that >up, we'll go on too a revelation that really pisses me the f**ck >off! AYEKA(sarcastic): Oh goody. > >K'thardin recently brought it to my attention that Tenchi Muyo >co-creator Kajishima had planned on making Mihoshi's parents >BROTHER AND SISTER!!!! ALL: EEEW!!! PRISS: A redneck Mihoshi!?!? PETER: I don't think she fits in with any Jeff Foxworthy jokes, Priss. >As if Mihoshi already had enough >problems with be called stupid, now Kajishima has thrown fuel >on the fire by saying she's INBRED! PETER: Well technically, it never happened, meaning YOU are the only one saying that. >Kajishima seem's to have >an obsession with having characters have kids with their cousins >or siblings. (Like Aeka marrying Yosho AYEKA: In my defense, back seven hundred years ago, EVERY girl wanted Yosho. >and the fact that Achika >(or Kiyone as Kajishima planned on naming Tenchi's mother) >and Noboyuki are relatives) PETER(taking out his notepad): Kiyone as Tenchi's mother? Now why didn't _I_ think of that!? RATCHET(taking away the notepad): Peter, don't. >I'd fear to hear what Kajishima >would do if he discovered that Seion (a character from my fan >fiction series, Tenchi Muyo: TV! Season 2) and Kiyone were >twins, RANMA: Why the heck would he bother with YOUR fan fic character? >although I think it would go something like this........ > >"Kiyone's twin brother, huh? Hmmmmmm...... I got it! Let's say >they already have four kids together!" ALL(blanching): GAAAAAAAAH!!!! > >But joking aside, AYEKA: THAT was a joke!?! PETER(Seion): Incest!? HA-HA-HA! Funny. >does Mihoshi really need this? PRISS: This rant? No. >To be equated to being an inbred moron? RATCHET: Right now, she's really only considered a ditz. >I think her creator owes her more than >to be given such a bad rap. PETER: Well, maybe that's why (Through Mr. "Bullhorn".) IT NEVER HAPPENED!!!!!!! > >And now on to one of the most disturbing (and irritating) >misconceptions about my golden goddess....... her relationship to >one Detective First Class Kiyone Makibi. ALL(in a dull monotone): We know. > >The first part of this is the somewhat warped and totally wrong >"fact" that Kiyone HATES Mihoshi. Now where, OAV, TV, >Pretty Sammy, or comic did Kiyone ever indicate ANYTHING >other than situational annoyance with some of Mihoshi's >actions? PETER: TV, first time Kiyone was introduced; glad that Mihoshi was dead. >Where did Kiyone ever give th impression she hated her? PRISS: The series, perhaps? >Oh, now I know you will probably say "What about when >she was trapped in outer space and said 'I SWEAR! I WILL >KILL YOOOOOOOOUUU!!'" RATCHET(Kiyone as Fade from "Dune"): I WILL KILL HER!!! >Now, how many times have you >guys said about you friends when they screwed you over on >something that you wanted to kill them? RANMA: I wish Ryoga was here to comment. >Now how many times have you ACTED on that? PETER: Once. (Everyone else stares at him, nervously.) But I'm feeling much better now. (Smiles.) >Hell, Kiyone even got her chance in a >CD drama (after she got rescued from the asteroid) to act on it, >but instead the writers decided to have her go after Kagato >instead. AYEKA: Kiyone would rather get a job done, than settle a matter out of personal spite. >And she has a TON of chances to off her in the TV >series, but she never even THINKS about it. PRISS: She comes pretty close to thinking it, though. >Hell, there are a few >times where she even show AFFECTION for her partner. RATCHET: Why is he talking like Shampoo? >I mean, really, if you hated someone, would you bother to tuck >them in (like in TMiL), or make them breakfast (TV 6) or keep >leaving a job when the person you hate gets fired? PETER: Actually, she got fired too. Every time. >Nooooooooooo! So what if she yells at Mihoshi at times? Friends >do yell at friends sometimes. In fact, they seem to be closer >friends than most people take them for. But not as close as >another group out there believe...... PRISS(sarcastic): Ah good. Now we're going into more familiar territory. > >Kiyone and Mihoshi are NOT, by any indications ever depicted >in ANY incarnations of the series, are NOT LESBIAN >LOVERS!!!! I don't know WHERE some guys got that idea! >Neither one of them has ever given of any indication that she >was a lesbian (in fact, in Pretty Sammy, Kiyone is loud about her >heterosexuality) What makes this all the worse is a fan fic series, >"No Need for a Long Patrol", that while jokingly talks about a >lebian affair between the two, does nothing to help bump people >off this line of thought. Now, let me restate, Mihoshi and Kiyone >are NOT LESBIAN LOVERS!!!! RANMA: I get the feeling he's trying to tell us something. AYEKA: Yes. I believe he is trying to tell us that Kiyone and Mihoshi are not lovers, or something like that. PETER: But then again, who can tell? > >"KAMI-SAMA! ALLMIGHTY(from somewhere above the theater): LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!!!!!!! (The MST group nervously looks up.) >All of these slanders against Mihoshi are >wrong!" Seion fumed. RATCHET: Is he speaking that, or is it just description? PETER: Probably description, and he just forgot to put a beginning quotation mark. >Directing his rage against all of those who >besmirched his Golden Goddess' name, he screamed. > >"YOU BASTARDS! YOU VISCIOUS, HEARTLES >BASTARDS! RANMA: Is he talking to us? AYEKA: I doubt he even knows we are here. >YOU COME IN HERE WITH YOUR PETTY >REMARKS THAT SHE'S A STUPID, INBRED, LESBAIN >WHO'S LOVER WANTS HER DEAD AND YOU GRIND HER >INTO THE DIRT! PRISS: WE never said those things! And YOU were the one who brought up the inbred portion! >THIS FINE, KAWAII, WOMAN WHO'S >BOOTS YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO LICK!" PETER: She doesn't wear boots. She wears slip on shoes, and sneakers in the "Pretty Sammy" continuity. >Seion choked >back some tears, "Oooooo, it make me mad. RANMA: He's talking like Shampoo, again. RATCHET: Peter, do all Anime fans have issues like this? PETER: I'm afraid so, myself included. Some of us are worse than others, though. >Mad! MAAAAAAD!" AYEKA: But tell us how you REALLY feel. >Seion hefted his KOME Holy Chainsaw of >Mihoshi Slanderer Slaying+50 PETER: WOAH!! INCOMING!!! (The MST group ducks under the next row of seats, as Seion takes out five more Mihoshi haters, three people who were looking for the Ayeka Haters Club meeting, and a couple members of the Church of The Cute Fiancee.) >and when after those who would >bring Mihoshi down until Miss Kuramitsu grabbed him and held >him back. > >"No Seion," Mihoshi said in her own sweet and lovable way. PETER&RANMA(the former coming out of hiding): Thanks, Mihoshi! >"Never kill the otaku." EVERYONE BUT PETER(coming out of their hiding spots): OR US, EITHER!!! > >[Comments? PRISS: Get a life. >Questions? RATCHET(smiling): What was the point of this again? I wasn't paying attention. >You can reich Seion and > seion@geocities.com --ed.] AYEKA(getting out of her seat): It would appear that the normally crisp "Seion" writing style, has begun to fall apart. OTHERS(also getting out of their seats, and heading toward the door): No kidding. (The group members all exit the theater.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- Group assessment to fan fiction author; PETER: I understand your pain. I really do. But could you at least maintain some amount of dignity, with your words?! RATCHET: Do you always go nuts like that, over an Anime character? PRISS: For crying out loud, GET A LIFE!!! RANMA: I like Mihoshi too, but you don't have to kill for her! And another thing; I'M NOT EVEN IN THE TENCHI MUYO SERIES, YOU DORK!!!!! AYEKA: As a fellow Anime character constantly slandered in fan fiction, you have my deepest sympathies. But do not go overboard with what you believe in. End of research documentation. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------- AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my response to everyone asking when I'm going to do another MST. Hopefully this will tide you over, till I can come up with something better. I realize that some of the stuff in here is a tad bit opinionated, but lets all keep a few things in mind: These are Anime shows, we can't actually change them, and we really should not let them effect our lives THIS much! I actually didn't consider MSTing this, until I noticed that Seion seemed to loose his mind, about half way through the second part. You know you may be taking an Anime preference a little too seriously when you start getting angry over stuff that DIDN'T happen. And as for that comment Ayeka made about Yosho; let's face it, he was probably the Tenchi of seven centuries ago. That beginning sequence is actually a semi-parody of a fic made by Phil "Serafita" Chan (aoi_tenshin@hotmail.com) and although not enough like his fic to constitute full credit to him, the opening bit does emphasize my belief that we're taking our likes for our favorite characters a little TOO seriously. Just because your character is not always portrayed in the best light, doesn't mean you should go out there and destroy everyone who won't agree with you. Oh well, I guess this is it for now. Until next time! Peter Suzuki. EYECATCH: (The MST group ducks under the next row of seats, as Seion takes out five more Mihoshi haters, three people who were looking for the Ayeka Haters Club meeting, and a couple members of the Church of The Cute Fiancee.)