AnimePort#9 MST.
MST Special #3
Ratchet’s Initiation!

DISCLAIMER:  My following apologies to the following people and/or companies
for borrowing and/or creating parodies of their characters, and stories;
Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ video, AnimEigo, Pioneer LDC, AIC, U.S. MANGA corps,
Kosuke Fujishima, Nintendo, Creatures Inc., GAME FREAK Inc., Best Brains
Productions, a bunch of anime companies and writers that I do not know
personally, My third grade math teacher, and all others who would be
insulted
by this MST (Original FanFic writer, optional.).
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

        Somewhere in the vastness of the multiverse, there is a certain
focal point
of the worlds.  A place where our reality and those of our favorite comic
books meet, and are able to cross.  At this place was constructed a huge
station, technically advanced in ways that surpass even the most futuristic
of
realities.  In this place research is conducted on the fictional stories
that
are created by the ever adoring fans of the comics.  FAN-FICTIONS.  One man
from our reality, a sponsor of the station, has been given the task of
leading
the research on the stories, by bringing together the most unique group of
people from the anime realms.  The place is “AnimePort#9”.  These are the
reviews. . .

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Technical note:

MST’d by the following group of people and/or characters.
PETER SUZUKI.
PRISS ASAGIRI.
RANMA SAOTOME.
AYEKA JURAI.

Documentation made by the following;
B-KO DAITOKUJI.

And introducing the newest MST group member.
RACHEL T. MECHA (RATCHET)

Begin recording of research documentation.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Cue to the lounge, where Peter and B-ko are working on a mysterious project.
Said project appears to be an android.  It is female in appearance, and
looks
much like a human sized porcelain doll.  Two semi-thick, bright pink
tendrils
descend from its, or rather her, head, apparently simulating a pair of
pigtails.  She is wearing a black leather dress with magenta highlights, and
black thigh high stockings, with oddly decorated, bright pink shoes.  Her
body
itself is similar to that of an average sixteen year old girl, with a size B
chest, and ivory white skin.  Overall, her appearance is a contrast between
pretty, and creepy.
        Currently, the top of the android’s head was opened up, and Peter
was
carefully installing circuitry into it.  Nearby, B-ko sat at a computer,
debugging the artificial intelligence programs.  Next to where the android
was
standing, a five foot tall socket wrench, with a nasty looking sharpened
edge,
was propped up against a desk.
        At that moment, Ayeka, Priss, and Ranma all walked in.
        “Hey guys, what . . . the hell his that.” Said Priss, pointing at
the
android.
        “Peter found this thing during one of his trips to the video game
worlds.”
Said B-ko, not looking up from the computer.  “He decided to try and rebuild
it, and wanted me to install the software for him.”
        “Wait a minute.  You found this robot somewhere, and now you’re
bringing it
back to life?” asked Ranma.
        “Yep.  Almost done too.” Said Peter.  “B-ko just needs to finish
debugging
the personality programs, and I need to set the secondary speech circuits
into
alignment.”
        “Is this going to be like one of the science fiction horror movies
you showed
us, where the monster robot starts killing everyone in sight?” questioned
Ayeka, as she inspected the female android, from a safe distance.
        “No, she wouldn’t do that.” Said B-ko.  “With her new personality
based on
Peter’s mental algorithms, I don’t think she can.”
        “Oh, well that’s . . .  Her personality is based on WHAT?!?!?” said
Ayeka,
Priss, and Ranma, all at the same time.
        “Don’t worry.  I removed all the bad parts about it.”  Said B-ko.
        “So she has no personality whatsoever?” quipped Ayeka.
        “I heard that.” Said Peter, as he installed another microchip.
        “Most of her primary personality programs were damaged when Peter
found her.”
 Explained B-ko.  “We had to install a completely new program, in order to
give her AI a complete personality.  And from what I could tell from her
previous personality, she was very weird.”
        “Okay, so why are you rebuilding her?” asked Ranma.
        “Originally, I just wanted to see if I could, but this morning THIS
was
delivered to me, by way of the Anime Port internal mail.” Said Peter, as he
handed a piece of paper to Ranma.
        Ranma looked at it for a few seconds, and said “I can’t make heads
or tails
of this.”  Ayeka then took the paper from Ranma, turned it right side up,
and
handed it back to him. “Oh, thanks Ayeka.  Let’s see . . .  Today by order
of
the Anime Port chamber of sponsors, sans Peter Suzuki, the female android
recently found by Peter Suzuki, has been found to be capable of human
thought,
with minimal cost toward said android, and has been chosen to assist in
increasing ratings for the fan fiction research in port nine.  B-ko
Daitokuji
has been charged with the task of installing all necessary software for this
task.  Peter Suzuki has been charged with installing all necessary hardware
and repairs, that should be required for said android.  Any staff members
failing to comply with this decision will be reassigned to either janitorial
duties, or as tour guides for the Anime Port’s public facilities.”  Ranma
momentarily stops reading, as he, Priss, and Ayeka look nervously at one
another.  “In the event that violent physical or traumatic action is taken
against this decision, said individual will be forced to be Bebo the clown,
and assigned to entertain the daycare center during their work time.  This
means you, Asagiri.”
        “It does not say that!!” shouted Priss, and she grabbed the paper
from Ranma,
and looked at the offending line.  “Oh my god, it does.”
        Ranma took back the paper, and continued reading.  “Unfortunately
all job
securities, blah-blah-blah, can not be changed, blah-blah-blah, so no
existing
researchers are to be fired due to this decision,  blah-blah-blah . . .”
        “Ranma, why are you skipping over certain parts on the paper?” asked
Ayeka.
Ranma showed her the paper.  “All job securities, blah-blah-blah, can not be
changed, blah-blah-blah, . . .  My apologies, Ranma.  Please continue.”
        Ranma continued.  “In the event that legal downsizing of staff is
applicable,
all researchers will be given a three second notice before they are dumped
out
of the airlock.  We here at the Anime Port hope this clears up any confusion
over this new decision.  Signed, the Anime Port division of plot fillers.”
        “Gee, I’m glad we have such GREAT job security.” Said Priss.
        “So, exactly what does this mean?” asked Ayeka.
        “Basically, the other sponsors are making her one of us, because
she’s easy
to feed.” Said B-ko, as she finished her typing.  “Final debugging
completed.
Activating, NOW!”
        “WAIT!!” shouted Peter.  “I haven’t finished y-”
        The android suddenly woke up, and lunged toward the giant socket
wrench.
Facing toward the Anime Port Nine crew, she shouted “Cattle hell mini
bump!?”
        After pulling themselves up from their face fault, Peter said “I
haven’t
finished installing her speech circuits, yet.”
        “Cattle hell mini bump!?” the android asked again, in a threatening
tone.
“Nut butter Mercedes shoe!?” she added.
        “Please calm down.” Said Ayeka.  “We do not intend to hurt you.”
        “Flatulent squid speaker bubble!” said the android, pointing at
Priss.
        “Priss, I think she wants you to put down your gun.” Said Peter.
        “No way.” Said Priss.  “If she’s going to attack, then she’s getting
it right
between the eyes!”
        “Priss, just put it away.” Said Ranma, staring nervously at the
android’s
weapon, which was apparently ready to strike at Ranma’s manhood should the
cursed martial artist make any wrong movements.
        “But . . .” Priss lowered her head in defeat.  “Grr . . .”  She
lowered her
handgun.
        Peter turned toward more pressing matters.  “Now, just stay calm.
Your
speech chips just need to be screwed down properly.  Just hold still while I
fix it.”
        “That’s not the only thing that needs to be fixed around here.”
Grumbled
Priss.
        “Nipple hill monkey sock, pinion crab?” asked the android.
        “Yes, she is a psychopath.  How’d you guess?” replied Peter.
        “HEY!!” shouted Priss.
“Wait a minute!  You can understand her?!” exclaimed Ranma.
        “Not really.” Said Peter, as he worked on the android’s brains.  “I
just have
a pretty good idea as to what she’s saying.”
        “Rubber puppy.” Said the android, in the affirmative.
        “Does this robot have a name, by any chance?” asked Ayeka.
        B-ko picked up a data sheet.  “From her memory records, we were able
to come
up with the following;  her full name is Rachel Titanium Mecha, although she
also goes by the name Ratchet.  She apparently had four brothers, all of
whom
are believed to be deceased, and up until the point where she ended up where
Peter found her, they were all in service to a major dark lord of the world
where they were, who is also believed to be deceased.”
        “He better be dead.” Said Ratchet, from where Peter was finishing up
with the
adjustments.  “That bastard still owes me money.”
        “There.” Said Peter, and he closed Ratchet’s head, and sealed it
shut.  “Now
then, how about we introduce ourselves.  I’m Peter Suzuki, part time writer
and leader of fan fiction research on this station.  Over here is B-ko
Daitokuji, she installed your new software.”
        “I didn’t use Microsoft, so don’t worry about it.” Said B-ko.
        “Oh, thank goodness.” Said Ratchet.
        “The guy in the Chinese clothes is Ranma Saotome, Jousenkyo cursed
martial
artist.”  Continued Peter.
        “Could ya stop pointing that at me, already.” Said Ranma, looking
warily at
Ratchet’s weapon, which was still ready for attacking purposes.
        “Sorry.” Said Ratchet, as she placed her wrench weapon on her back,
and it
somehow stuck there.
        “The woman in back who threatened to shoot you earlier, is Priscilla
Asagiri,
member of a vigilante group known as the Knight Sabers, and semi-successful
punk rock singer.” Said Peter.
        “Shut up.” Said Priss.
        “And finally, this is Ayeka Jurai, first Princess of the Jurai royal
family.”
Said Peter.
        “My apologies for what happened earlier.” Said Ayeka.  “We were not
expecting
to gain a new member in our work force, today.”
        “That’s okay.” Said Ratchet.  “So why am I here again?  I didn’t
exactly get
everything, while I wasn’t up.”
        “We make fun of stories all day.” Said Ranma.
        “That’s kind of blunt, but yeah, that’s basically what we are here
to do.”
Said Peter.  “B-ko put some MST specialized software in your programming, so
you should already have an idea of what we do here.”
        “Okay.” Said Ratchet.  “So, when do we start?”
        “Well knowing the sponsors impeccable timing.” Said B-ko, looking at
her
watch.  “We should be getting a couple of fics, right about-”
        *GOONESS GRACIOUS-*
        *MY BALLS ARE ON FIRE!!!! HELP ME DEAN!!!!*
        “Now.” Finished B-ko.

        She and the rest of the crew start scrambling to get where they are
supposed
to go.  Ayeka, Peter, Priss, and Ranma all rush into the theater, as B-ko
and
Ratchet rush into the control booth.
        “Wrong door.” Said B-ko, from inside the control booth.  Ratchet
rushed out
of the control booth, and into the theater.

=======================================================

        (This time five seats are at the center of the theater, waiting for
the MST
group.  Ayeka sits at the far left, Ranma takes the next one down, Priss
takes
the seat next to Ranma, Peter takes the second to last seat on the right,
and
Ratchet, who has just rushed in, takes the last seat, next to Peter.)
RATCHET:  Why do we have all these seats in here, if there are only five of
us?
OTHERS(stare at each other in confusion): . . . . . . .  We don’t know.

>The Unknown DJ's Lemon Lampoon: Can't Get it down!

PRISS:  National Lampoon’s; Lemon Vacation.
RATCHET:  Maybe it just doesn’t like disco.

>By The Unknown DJ

ALL:  Who?

>
>"A new problem hits the Masaki household.

RANMA(Masaki household):  Hey!  Cut it out!!

>One so
>horrifying, so devastating, and so utterly stupid,

AYEKA: it can only be this story.

>that I had to write this fic. For all of you lemon
>writers, I give you a fic that will shock you all."

PETER:  Yeah, right.

>
>-DJ Chan

RANMA:  I’m not even going to ask.

>
>We first see our hero in his home, sound asleep.

RATCHET:  Not for long.

>He
>is deep in dream, a rather saucy dream that is. He
>dreams of his dream woman, a girl of pure beauty.

AYEKA(jumping up and down):  Me!  Me!  He is dreaming of ME!!
RATCHET(pointing at Ayeka):  Is she always like this?
PETER, PRISS, & RANMA:  Yes.
RATCHET:  Oh.  Just checking.

>Her
>(the rest of this dream sequence is censored, cuz I am
>to lazy to try and make some dude in another time zone
>horny.

ALL:  Thank you.

>The dream itself doesn't even have a vital
>role, so who really cares what is going through
>Tenchi's mind?

        (Ayeka raises her hand.)

>Please, don't even think of answering
>that).

AYEKA:  Oops.  (Ayeka lowers her hand.)

>Suddenly, his alarm clock goes odd,

PRISS:  Well, that’s certainly off.

>scarring
>Tenchi halfway out of his mind.

RANMA(Tenchi, scared halfway out of his mind):  I DIDN’T DO IT!!!

>        He sits up in his bed, blinks a couple of times, and
>sees that it was just his stupid clock ringing. It is
>time to get up, but what he doesn't notice is that a
>part of him is already up.

PRISS(Tenchi):  Hey.  What’s my leg doing over there?

>As he crawls out of his
>bed, he notices a bulge in his underwear.

PETER:  Oh please!  I just ate, for crying out loud!

>Oh no, he is
>still standing very tall!

RATCHET:  I don’t know about that.  Five feet tall, about a foot wide, about
three inches out . . .
AYEKA:  HEY!
PRISS:  I’ve changed my mind.  She can stay.

>Quick, he thinks, before
>Ryoko enters unannounced I must get rid of it!

PRISS:  Quick!  There’s a butcher knife in the top desk drawer!
PETER & RANMA(crossing their legs):  PRISS!

>He
>tries his hardest to shift his mind, but it is
>useless. He still can't stop thinking of his dream
>woman.
>        "Ohayo!" yells Ryoko, as she enters his room. Tenchi
>jumps on his bed, not thinking at all. He feels it
>bend and a quick pain shoots through him. "What's the
>matter?" asks Ryoko.

RATCHET(Tenchi, painfully):  I think I broke something.
PETER:  Ratchet, no!

>        "Uh, nothing," answers Tenchi, still feeling the
>pain.
>        "Gee, it looks like you are in serious pain though."
>Ryoko stands for a while, watching Tenchi. Tenchi
>knows if he doesn't move soon, the damn thing is going
>to either snap, or change color. With no other option,
>he turns on his back. Ryoko looks at him and then
>notices the bulge in his pants. He calmly awaits her
>reaction, hoping it will be ok. "Oh my god!" screams
>Ryoko.

AYEKA(Ryoko):  You were thinking about Ayeka, again!

>        "Oh, I am sorry Ryoko. I was, uh, just, uh..."
>        "THAT'S THE SMALLEST ONE I'VE EVER SEEN!" Suddenly,
>the space pirate loses her cool and bursts into a
>hyena like laughter.

        (And in the distance, a cow can be heard.) *mooooooooooooo*
PRISS:  Jinnai, in his most daring role yet.
PETER:  Oh sure, just because Kagato did his own cosmetic surgery.  (The
other
group members stare at him nervously.)  What?

>She falls on the floor and laughs
>uncontrollably, while Tenchi tries to regain his
>dignity. "What do you mean...? What are you...?" But
>it is useless.

PETER:  Nothing like having Ryoko laugh at your size, to do that to a guy.

>Ryoko continues laughing as Tenchi
>breaks for the door.
>As he walks down the hall, he bumps into Aeka,

RANMA:  Well, so much for PURITY. (Hit by Ayeka.)  *WHAM!* OW!

>knocking Tenchi to the floor. "Oh, sorry Lord Tenchi."
>As she looks down at him, she notices the bulge. "Hmm,
>nice cock, Lord Tenchi."

        (Everyone face faults.)

>Tenchi feels a bit of
>disgust. Aeka is supposed to be the mature and
>innocent one, so why isn't she disgusted at me, he
>wonders.

        (Everyone pulls themselves back up from the floor.)
AYEKA:  There is certainly a lot of disgust going around.  In here, and in
the
story.
RATCHET:  Maybe we should have a disgustion about it.  *BA-DA-BUMP!*

>"Excuse me, Miss Aeka?"
>"Oh, I said that you have a nice cock." Tenchi,
>figuring that he has misjudged the princess, decides
>to ask a question that has recently struck his mind.
>"Is it too small?"

RANMA:  How can he ask that, so casually?!

>"Why no Lord Tenchi! In fact it is a bigger then
>Grandfather's was at your age."

PETER & RATCHET(at the same time):  My condolences to Achika’s mother. (Both
stare nervously at each other, for a few seconds.)

>Tenchi begins to feel
>a little pale. "What are you talking about?"
>"Oh, me and Yosho use to show each other our, "special
>parts", all the time when we were kids."

AYEKA(blushing furiously):  WE DID NOTHING OF THE SORT!!!!

>        "You can't be serious!"
>        "Why? My therapist said it was normal. But my
>therapist's on the other hand..."

        (Ayeka starts crying, and the other group members try to comfort
her.)

>Tenchi gets up and
>runs away from Aeka. First, he gets stuck with a
>boner.

RATCHET:  Then, it knocks him completely unconscious.

>Then, Ryoko laughs at his size and Aeka
>discusses his grandpa's thing. What was next?

PRISS:  Call our nine hundred number, and vote.

>As he heads for the bath, he bumps into Sasami.

PETER(Sasami):  OW!  What do ya think you’re on!?  A Plate of Sashimi!?
(Realizes what he just said.)  Oh, sorry.
AYEKA(finished crying):  You may not be that far off.

>"Why
>sorry, Tenchi. I was just..." Sasami looks down and
>notices the bulge.

PRISS(Sasami): "THAT'S THE SMALLEST ONE I'VE EVER SEEN!"  (Ayeka pulls a
mallet out of nowhere, and uses it to pound Priss.) *WHAM!* OW! *WHACK!*
QUIT
IT! *WHUMP!* CUT IT OUT!

>Her eyes blaze red and she feels
>anger flush through her head. "OH! That's great! I
>suppose you wanna $#@%^ me now!"

ALL(stunned speechless): . . . . . . . .  (Ayeka drops her mallet, which
lands
on Priss’ foot.) *WHUMP!*
PRISS(jumping up and down while clutching foot):  OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW!!!

>        "What are you talking about?" asks Tenchi, trying to
>recover from the sudden attack from the cutest member
>of the family.
>        "You men are all the same! You think you are so
>*&^%&* cool! You come in here with your dick in the
>air and expect me to do you! My god, I am not even 10!
>You are all the same!"

RANMA:  Oh my god, she snapped!!
PETER:  I guess all those lemons finally got to her.

>As Sasami raves on, Tenchi runs
>to the men's bath.

        (Priss finally finishes jumping around.)

>        He enters and sees his father and grandfather already
>in the bath.

RATCHET:  What they’re doing, we don’t want to know.
OTHERS(slightly green):  UGH!

>As he takes his clothes off, Yosho and
>Nobuyuki notice the one-eyed monster and both begin to
>sweat.

PETER:  Trumpy, NO!

>Tenchi looks down and then remembers his
>problem. "Oh, uh, well, uh..."
>        "My god, Tenchi!" yells Nobuyuki, "What are you
>doing? I thought I told you to peep on the women! Oh
>god, how long have been watching us?"

RANMA(Tenchi):  About thirty seconds.  If seeing you two doesn’t stop it,
noting will.

>        "But, Dad, I..."
>        "No! Achika is spinning in her grave!"

AYEKA:  Yes, but it is not about Lord Tenchi, that she is spinning about.

>        "Grandfather, can..." Without even letting Tenchi
>finish, Yosho shakes his head. "Tenchi, I am
>displeased. You are the weirdest kid I know. The
>biggest upset to the Jurai family ever."

RATCHET(Yosho):  You won’t bed your great aunts, you won’t ruthlessly take
over the throne, you got stuck in this fic . . .

>        "But, I wasn't watching you guys!"
>"I know. I was taking about your pubic hairs.

        (The MST group debates on weather to throw up, or face fault.)

>How
>many times have I told you not to shave them!"

RANMA(Tenchi):  As far as I know, none.

>Tenchi
>feels a river of sweat pour down his head. "But, I
>don't shave my pubic hairs!" Yosho face faults and

PRISS:  Drowns.

>then gets out of the bath. He grabs a towel and walks
>to the exit. "You are a disgrace Tenchi! 17 and not
>even into the first stage of puberty!"

AYEKA:  Well, I happen to find it cute.  (The other group members stare at
her, nervously.)  After watching that scene play out, I am entitled to at
least one perverted comment.

>Yosho leaves
>disgusted and is followed by Nobuyuki. "Well, at least
>I didn't look at my sister's, "special part"!" yells
>Tenchi, but is answered with a cold silence.

RATCHET(to the other group members):  So . . .  This is what you guys watch
all day?
RANMA:  Pretty much, yeah.
RATCHET:  Is there any chance I have an off button, that I can reach on my
body?
PETER(slapping his forehead):  Off button!!  THAT’S what I forgot to
install!
RATCHET:  I’m already starting to get a bad attitude about this job.
AYEKA:  It is official.  She is one of us, now.

>
>        After the bath, Tenchi still carries a stiff one with
>him. He walks towards his room. Washu stops him and
>says, "Hey, Tenchi! Have you seen my red sock?"

PETER(Tenchi):  You mean the one you’ve been using as a puppet for the last
two days?

>Tenchi
>turns and looks at her, but she doesn't seem to notice
>the thing. "No, Miss Washu."
>        "Well, ok, bye now!"

RANMA:  Was there a point to that?
PRISS:  Probably not.

>Tenchi finally reaches his room
>and lies on his bed. A small man walks in through the
>door.

PETER & RANMA(signing):  Oompa Loompa, doopidy do!  I’ve got another puzzle
for you!  Oompa Loompa, doopidy de!  If you are wise, you’ll listen to me!
RANMA(Oompa Loompa, singing):  What do you get when your penis hangs out?
PETER(ditto):  A lot of lost eyes, and bumbling about.
ALL THE GIRLS:  STOP THAT!!!!!

>"Hi, Malice," says Tenchi.

AYEKA(Tenchi):  What are you doing in my room, and how do I know you?

>        "Hey, Tenchi. You still got your dong sticking out?"
>        "Yeah, why is the Unknown DJ forcing me to experience
>all this?"

ALL:  Boredom.

>        "Probably for some cheap laughs, bad puns, and other
>crap.

PRISS:  Oh yeah, that to.

>Sorry, but I got to go."

RATCHET:  So do we.
PETER:  The doors won’t open, until the fic ends.
RATCHET:  Really?  Darn!

>As Malice heads to the
>door, Tenchi yells, "Wait! Malice!" The short man
>turns around. "Yes?"
>        "I got a really important question to ask you."
>        "Shoot."

        (Priss makes shotgun noises.)

>        "Is my dick really small?" Malice turns to the door
>and shakes his head in sickness.

PETER(Tenchi):  You are magic, aren’t you Trumpy?
RANMA:  Peter, don’t.

>As he leaves the
>house, Tenchi follows him, trying to get an answer.
>"Come on, Malice.

ALL(sickly):  Please don’t!!

>Please tell me!

RATCHET(Tenchi):  Please tell me where my ending quotation mark, went!

>
>ENDZ

PETER:  Bottoms up!
PRISS:  Let’s get out of here, before anything else happens!
ALL:  Right!!
        (The MST group exits the theater.)

=======================================================

        Ayeka led Ratchet around the lounge of the Anime Port, showing her
what was
what, and where it was.
        “Over here is our lounge camera, Ryuji.” Said Ayeka, indicating the
camera.
“His brother unit, Tatsu, is the camera inside of the theater.”
        “Um . . .  Isn’t this one of those Jurian guardians, from the world
where you
come from?” questioned Ratchet, staring directly at the camera.
        “Close.” Replied Ayeka.  “Tatsu and Ryuji were apparently older
model
guardians, who had a bit part in the ‘Shin Tenchi Muyo’ series.  The station
funded them to be repaired, and outfitted for recording the proceedings of
our
research.”
        “Do they talk?” asked Ratchet.
        “No.  We would have to give them air time, if they did.” Said Ayeka,
before
continuing the tour.  “Over here, we have the most important piece of
equipment.”
        “A soda machine?” said Ratchet.
        “You would be surprised at the amount of caffeine we use, during our
work
day.” Said Ayeka.  “So, what do you think so far?”
        “I’m a robot made to look like a bratty, teenage, girl clown,
brought back to
life by an obsessive rich girl, and a goofy fan fiction writer.” Said
Ratchet,
with a small smile on her face.  “How do you think I feel?”
        “Welcome to the team.” Said Ayeka.

        Just then, the signal to start, blared.

        *MY SPOO HAS TOO MUCH FLEEM.*

        “FAN FIC SIGN!!!” shouted Ratchet, just before she and Ayeka rushed
into the
theater.  Peter, and the rest also rushed in, right behind them.

=======================================================

        (The MST group enters the theater.  The seating arrangement from
left to
right; Ayeka, Ranma, Priss, Peter, and Ratchet.)

RATCHET:  What’s this one about?
PETER:  We don’t know.  Usually, we don’t know anything about the fics
before
hand.
RATCHET:  Oh . . .

>Disclaimer: Do you really care?

PRISS:  No, but give us one anyway, just for the Hell of it.

>
>Story:It was a Monday morning in the Misaki house hold and Ryoko was
>waiting
>for Tenchi to awake.

PETER:  Generic Tenchi opening, number four.
RATCHET:  Number four?
AYEKA:  Number three, everyone is at the table, eating breakfast.
RANMA:  Number two, Tenchi’s out in the field, picking carrots.
PRISS:  Number one, Ayeka and Ryoko are fighting.
RATCHET:  Ah, I see.

>
>Tenchi wakes up and stares up to see Ryoko.

AYEKA(Tenchi):  Oh no.  It was not a dream.

>Tenchi: Hi there Ryoko what ya doing up there

RANMA:  Is this being written by Tank Cop, or the people who made “Tenchi
Gay!?”?

>Ryoko: Well I was waiting for you to wake up so I could ask you if you
>wanted a

RATCHET(Ryoko):  double jock-lock, with a purple-Herman.

>...
>Tenchi runs out of the room at the word blow job

PRISS:  Wow!  I didn’t know you could write a fan fic without grammar, a
plot,
punctuation, and sentences.
RATCHET(to Priss):  Sarcastic?
PRISS:  Oh yeah.

>Ryoko: Hey slow down *chases after him*

PETER(horse race, announcer):  And coming around the bend, it’s Tenchi by a
substantial lead, but Ryoko phases through the door to rapidly catch up, and
going into the straight away Ryoko is closing the gap . . .
RANMA(football announcer):  He’s at the twenty, the thirty, no one can catch
him . . .

>Tenchi runs into the bathroom and closes the door.
>Ryoko screams as Tenchi runs in

        (The entire MST group busts out, laughing.)
RANMA(trying not to laugh):  And thus, Ryoko’s unnatural fear of bathrooms
is
finally revealed.
AYEKA:  Early childhood images of being wrapped in toilet paper, and thrown
into a pit of flushing toilets, echoes throughout her mind.
RANMA(momentarily serious, to Ayeka):  Don’t even kid about that.
PETER(snickering):  Wouldn’t that mean, when her fear becomes too much for
her
to handle, she thinks she’s a toilet?
        (The entire group starts up with renewed laughter.)

>Ryoko: Noooo! I cant get him in there
>Ryoko sits by the door and waits pawing at it and whimpering.
>Aieka steps behind Ryoko

AYEKA(Aieka):  Do you have any spare “Y”s I can borrow?  There seem to be
only
“I”s left.

>Aieka: You vile demon Ryoko why dont you give up only males can get >into
the
>males bathroom Aieka walks off laughing at Ryoko's despair

RANMA:  What the heck?

>Ryoko: hmm....I know
>Ryoko appears behind Misaki and then appears at the bathroom with him.

PETER(to Ayeka):  What is your mother doing there, and why does the author
think she’s a guy?
AYEKA(shaking her head):  I have no idea.

>Ryoko: Open this door
>Misaki: uh sure

PRISS:  I bet the author said “Where’s my beer?” a lot, while writing this
fic.

>Misaki opens the door and goes back down stairs
>Ryoko rushes in the bathroom and shuts the door

PETER:  Wait.  Is this story set in the TV universe, the OAV universe, or is
the author just confused?
AYEKA:  Most likely, confused.

>Ryoko: I got you now!

RATCHET(Tenchi as Snively Whiplash):  Curses!  Foiled again!

>Tenchi: Ryoko what are you doing in here?
>Ryoko: I love you Tenchi but I got needs its been over 900 years since >I
>last had sex and I want you!
>Tenchi gulps

RANMA:  Ryoko gasps for air

>Ryoko: Now lets say we get to this *taking off her dress*
>The door suddenly opens and Aieka walks in

        (Peter starts humming the “Dick Van Dike” theme.)
RATCHET(to Aieka, in the fic):  Watch out for that ottoman!
AYEKA:  Not funny.

>Ryoko sees Misaki no where
>Ryoko: Hey how'd you get in?

PRISS(Aieka as Mihoshi):  Um, I used the door.

>Aieka: Cause I have a penis see im actually a gay guy from a dip water
>asteroid

        (Ranma face faults, Priss throws up, Peter does a spit take {even
though he
wasn’t drinking anything}, Ratchet shakes her head very quickly, and Ayeka
turns to stone.)
PRISS(throwing up):  *BLEAAAAAAAARGH!!!*
PETER(doing a spit take, even though he was not drinking anything):
*SPLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!*
RATCHET(shaking her head very quickly):  Idddidddidddidddidddidddiddddy!!!
        (Ayeka falls over.) *THUNK!*

>Ryoko throws Aieka out the window
>Tenchi:...WTF is going on here?

RANMA(pulling himself back up from the floor):  Don’t you mean “WWF” is
going
on here?
PETER(using a towel he pulled from his jacket, to wipe his face):  So far,
this thing reads like a scaled down, unedited version of “Tenchi on a Plate
of
Sashimi”.

>Tenchi wakes up
>Tenchi: What a weird dream...
>he stares up at Ryoko

PRISS(finished throwing up):  Oh no!!  It’s starting over!!!
ALL(including Ayeka, who has turned back to normal):
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!

>Tenchi sees she's sleeping in his room again hovering above his bed.
>Tenchi: Least she didnt sneak into my bed naked like she did last
>week...he
>gets a mental picture of the moment[Unable to display image]

AYEKA(computer):  The brain has performed an illegal action, and will be
shut
down.

>he sighs and
>gets
>dressed and walks out the door not disturbing the sleeping Ryoko.
>He has the best breakfast of his life (when isnt it)

PETER:  When it’s made by Ryoko or Ayeka.
AYEKA(to Peter):  I heard that!
PETER:  I know.

>and goes to school.
>He gets home and has swords practice and takes a bath.

RANMA:  What’s the point of filling in plot, that has nothing to do with the
story?

>He has supper
>and goes
>to his bedroom.

PRISS(narrator):  He then connects on the Internet, reads this story, and
hangs himself by is shoelaces.
AYEKA:  Priss!!
PRISS:  Ah, bite me!
        (Ratchet replaces her normal teeth with bear trap like teeth, and
lunges at
Priss.)
RATCHET(trying to maul Priss):  *GASH!* *NASH!* *CHOMP!* *FEROCIOUS SOUND!*
PRISS(leaps out of her seat, and onto Ranma):  GAAAAH!!!  Ayeka!!  Not
you!!!
RANMA(being smothered by Priss’ . . .  stomach):  Mmmph!  Mmmph mmp mmph  mh
mmph!  (Roughly translated, this mean “Priss!  You’re standing on my
crotch!!”)
PETER(holding back Ratchet):  Down girl!  Heel!  Heel!  Sit!  Stay!
AYEKA(large sweatdrop on the back of her head):  I take it that Rachel has
interchangeable parts, right?
RATCHET(with the metal chomppers still in her mouth):  Yep!  You wanna
borrow
them?
AYEKA:  No thanks.  And take them out, already.  You look like you are
gumming
a bear trap.
RATCHET(with her real teeth back in her head):  Okay.
PETER(to Ratchet):  I better teach you a few things about being subtle, when
we get out of here.
PRISS(getting back into her seat):  Never do that again!
RANMA(wiping off his face):  Geez, Priss!  When was the last time you washed
that outfit!?
PRISS(to Ranma):  Shut up!

>He opens the door and sees Ryoko naked and masturbating in HIS bed.

        (Ayeka grumbles to herself, Ranma adverts his eyes, Priss looks
disgusted,
Peter leans forward to get a better view, and Ratchet just keeps on
watching.)

>He gets a large sweat drop on his head.
>Ryoko: notices him and quickly starts to faze away.

PETER(Ryoko):  I’m fazing!  I’m fazing!!  Whatta world!!!  Whatta world!!! .
.
. .

>Tenchi: Ryoko dont go

RATCHET(Tenchi):  At least not until you give me back my spell check!

>Tenchi sits besides her and looks into her eyes

AYEKA(Tenchi, as hypnotist):  You are getting sleepy, very sleepy . . .

>Tenchi: Ryoko I love you and im finally ready for you.
>They latch into a long passionate kiss.

PRISS:  At least the lack of a plot is making this go by, faster.

>They have sex in his bed with Aieka

RANMA:  Huh?  When did this become a threesome?

>listening in the next room. She cries as Ryoko lets out another moan.
>
>The end.

ALL:  FINALLY!!!

>So what ya think its my third and im still not to good yet Im gonna >make a
conclusion if I get two good comments

PETER:  In other words, there will be no sequel to this.
AYEKA:  Good!
RATCHET(imitating the author):  You’re darn tootin’ that youre not to good
yet
I hope I never sea something this bad ever again but then I would be
thinking
optimistically.
PRISS(shaking her head):  Only from a robot.

>The 2nd will be about the next day Tittle:

RANMA:  If it’s “Wu Ai Ne”, I’m going to scream.

>Insanity strikes

AYEKA:  Oh!  So THAT explains the reason he made this story!  It all makes
sense now!

>JohnMew

PETER:  I thought psychic Pokemon were supposed to be smart.

><A HREF="http://www.angelfire.com/sk/PokemonPlanet/homepage.html">

PRISS:  The address that shall live in infamy.

>Welcome to the under water Pokemon resort</A>

RATCHET:  Well something’s all wet, that’s for sure!
RANMA:  Let’s get out of here.
ALL:  RIGHT!
        (The MST group exits the theater.)

=======================================================

        “Are all the ones you see, that bad?” asked Ratchet.
        “Well, that was one of the worse ones.” Said Peter.  “Just be glad
we weren’t
watching one of Tank Cop’s fics.”
        “Who is this ‘Tank Cop’ person, anyway?” asked Ratchet.  “You keep
talking
about him, like he’s some sort of monster.”
        “That’s pretty close to the truth.” Said Ranma.  “He’s probably the
worst
writer we’ve ever seen.”
        “He tends to write poorly done lemons, and seems to have an unfound
hatred
toward my sister, Sasami.” Said Ayeka.
        “Sasami, that cute girl, with a hairstyle like mine?” said Ratchet.
“Why
would he have something against her?”
        “Who knows.” Said Peter.  At that moment, B-ko entered into the
lounge,
carrying something.  “Hey, B-ko.  What’s that?”
        “This came in the mail, just a few minutes ago.” Said B-ko, handing
to Peter
what appeared to be a postcard in the shape of a musical note.
        “Oh look, Tank Cop sent us a note.” Said Peter, dryly, as he read
it,
ignoring the many spelling mistakes in the message.  “Ahem ‘Dear Anime Port
losers; I have recently found out about your new cast member, and decided to
welcome her by sending you guys my next two chapters in my lemon series.  Up
yours, love Tank Cop’.”
        “Is anyone else hearing the ‘X-Files’ theme?” asked Priss.  “How the
fish did
that moron find out about Ratchet, when WE only found out, tonight?!”
        Peter continued to read.  “‘P.S.:  He who reads these words of wit,
eats his
little balls of sh-’  Oh, now THAT’S immature, even for him!!”

        Just then, the signal to start, blared.

*CRUNCH!*
*Stupid plastic underwear!*

        “Oh no!” exclaimed the Anime Port team.  “TANK COP SIGN!!!”
        The MST group rushes into the theater, and B-ko heads to the control
booth.

=======================================================

        (The MST group enters the theater, taking their usual spots.)
PRISS:  I hope a network crash erases all of Tank Cop’s files!
RATCHET(to Priss):  I see you’re taking this well.
PETER(to Ratchet):  She’s not over reacting.  Trust me.

>Disclaimer: You know the drill.

RATCHET:  Hello drill, I’m Ratchet.
AYEKA:  I am Ayeka.
RANMA:  I’m Ranma Saotome, of the Saotome School of-
PRISS:  I’m the grim servant of death.
PETER:  I am the Incredible Hulk, after the medication.
AYEKA:  The sad part is, we CAN believe that.
PETER(dazed Bruce Banner):  I’m feeling much better now.

>AIC and Pioneer made Tenchi Muyo Bla, Bla, Bla!

RANMA:  How the hell can you spell “blah” wrong!?

>
>Man that was a waste of time.

PRISS:  But then again, EVERYTHING is a waste of time, with you.

>
>Now I have to tell you little kids out there not to read my fic because
>your
not
>18 yet...Ah what the Hell its America.  Go ahead and read it.  You have >to
learn
>sometime.

AYEKA:  And the lows just keep getting lower.
PETER:  I’d sic the police on him for that, but I know he would just plead
stupidity.

>
>Time Note: This takes please one day after Sammy Little Secret 1.

RANMA(Tank Cop, cheerfully):  Take this, please.
RATCHET(cheerfully):  No thank you.

>
>by Tank Cop ^_^

PETER(old geezer):  EVIL!

>
>Sammys Little Secret 3

PRISS:  Oh no!  Now he’s spelling the titles to his fics, wrong!

>: For The Love of Misao

AYEKA: Stop This Damn Series!

>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>-------

PETER(to Ratchet):  Notice how all these maggots are attracted to the
rotting
stench, of Tank Cop’s fic?
RATCHET(nodding her head):  I see.

>Misao is walking home from school as usual.  But on this day her friend
>Sasami
>is not with her.  "I sure hope Sasami gets better soon.  I hate it when
>she's
>sick."  Misao is unaware that Sasami is not sick,

RANMA:  After being in the last two fics?  I doubt it.

>she just very tired.
>(we know why don't we. ^_^)

ALL BUT RATCHET:  Unfortunately.
RATCHET:  So . . .  Any predictions on what’s going to happen, here?
AYEKA:  If Tank Cop is true to form, he is going to reuse the same plot for
his previous two stories, in this one.
PRISS:  Guy meets girl, TC over proportions the girl, guy tries to go to
bed,
and girl begs guy to have sex with her.
RATCHET:  That bad, huh?

>
>As she gets closer to home the weather gets much colder and the clouds
>start
to get darker.

PETER(narrator):  God tries desperately to head off the lemon, but most
likely
will not succeed, since Tank Cop is writing this.

>"Looks like a storms on the way."  Misao said in her usual
>low and sad voice.

RATCHET:  I get the feeling she doesn’t have much of a personality.  Am I
right?
RANMA:  Not when she’s like this, anyway.

>
>She had just arrived home when it started to rain.  As she walked down >the
>hallway she saw a message on her answering machine.  She turned it on >to
hear
>her mother.

PETER(Misao’s mother, as the Mission Impossible recording):  Misao, your
mission, should you choose to accept it . . .

>"Hi Honny.

PRISS(Misao’s mother):  I’m not home.

>I'm not going to be home till really late tonight,
>sorry.  There's a T.V. dinner in the frig

AYEKA(Misao’s mother):  which is right next to the fridge.

>for you.  Don't forget to do your
>homework

RANMA(Misao’s mother):  And don’t get into any lemons.

>.  I love you, good bye."  Misao stood there for a minute in silence.

RATCHET(Misao):  D’oh!  I was supposed to pay attention to that, wasn’t I?

>
>She ate her dinner, and did her homework.  Then it was time to take a
>bath.

PETER:  I’m being reminded of my “What Do Smurfs Do All Day?” book, and I
don’t know why.

>She pulls off her school shirt.  Then slides off her skirt.  She stands
>there in her underwear.

RATCHET:  I see Paris, I see France . . .
AYEKA(Misao):  What was I doing again?  Oh, I remember!  I was going to take
a
bath!

>She was about to take them off when she heard a tapping coming from
>out side her window.

PRISS(sarcastic):  Thrill as she goes over, to see what’s causing the
tapping!

>She goes over the window, opens it, and see a familiar face.

PETER:  And once again, Tank Cop hints that he secretly wishes he was
Shampoo.

>"Pretty bird!  Hello birdy.  Do you have a song to sing to me?"
>Misao said with a smile.

RANMA:  I thought she said-
PETER:  I thought we agreed to start using NEW jokes, this season.

>
>Rumiya sits on the window ledge and starts to sing a sweet song. (sing
>a song you like to get the idea)

PRISS:  Um, no.  I only sing when I feel like it.

>Misao is very taken by the song and puts her arm out
>and lets Rumiya sit on it.  "You want to come in birdy?"  Misao asks.
>Rumiya nods his head.  "Ok.  Poor birdy out in the cold rain.
>Come inside where its nice and warm."

PETER & RATCHET:  Check please! (Both stare at each other, nervously.)
AYEKA:  They have only done that twice so far, and already it is creepy.

>Misao takes him in the house.  "I have to take a bath now
>birdy, do you want to come in and sing while I'm in the tub?"

RATCHET:  I think the run on sentences are just there to disguise the weak
plot.

>Rumiya was over joyed.

PETER:  “Joyed” in turn, hoped Rumiya didn’t have a big breakfast. (Everyone
else snickers.)

>He nodded

AYEKA: off
RANMA: to
PRISS: sleep.
PETER(Rumiya):  Zzzzz . . .
RATCHET(applauding):  Yay!  Encore!  Encore!

>his head, yes.
>
>Misao walks into the bathroom with Rumiya still on her arm.

RATCHET(Misao):  Couldn’t you have held it in, just a little bit longer?!

>Ok birdy you go sit
>over there on the end of the tub where you can see me and I can see >you."

PETER(singing):  I see you, you see me, we’re a happy family . . . (Hit by
Priss.) *WHAP!* OW!  . . .  Sorry.

>Rumiya was more then happy to do it.  He flys over to the end of the >tub
and
watchs as Misao get out of her underwear!

RATCHET:  Why is there an exclamation mark for that sentence?
PRISS:  Because Tank Cop’s a pervert, and thinks it makes his writing
exciting.

>He watchs as

AYEKA:  Tank Cop misspells “watches”.

>she unhooks her bra.
>Rmuiya's eyes widen as Misao's bra fall on the floor!

RANMA:  Who’s “Rmuiya”?
RATCHET:  And why is Misao wearing a bra?  She’s only eight.
OTHERS:  That does not matter, to Tank Cop.

>Her breasts are very
>nicely shaped, firm, with bright pink nipples!

PRISS:  Her breasts are non existent, because SHE HASN’T REACHED PUBERTY
YET!!!

>Then she proceeded to take off
>her panties!  Rumiya was over taken by the excitement.

PETER(Rumiya):  Oops! Sorry.  There was some unexpected . . . friction on
the
tub . . .  Uh- I mean SQUAWK!!

>"What is it birdy?  You
>want some food?

RATCHET:  He want’s a handkerchief.
AYEKA, PRISS, & RANMA:  RATCHET!!
PETER:  For his nosebleed!
AYEKA, PRISS, & RANMA:  Oh . . .
RATCHET(to Peter):  Thanks for the save.
PETER(to Ratchet):  No problem.

>I'll get you something after my bath, ok?"  She then slides off
>her panties!  Rumiya's little bird nose nearly bleeds at the site of >her
young,
>yet wet, pussy!

RANMA:  “Wet”?
AYEKA:  Tank Cop is getting ahead of himself, again.

>
>She then turns the waer on.

PRISS(Misao):  Birdy, give back that “t”, right now!

>After it get fills up with warm water

AYEKA:  as opposed to warm “waer”.

>she gets in.
>"AAAHHH,

PETER:  No!  Don’t do THAT in the tub!
OTHERS(excluding Ratchet, who just falls out of her seat, laughing):  EEW!!

>this is so soothing!"  Misao says.  Rumiya was too occupied to hear
>her.  He was more taken looking at her young body soaking in the tub.  >The
steam
>rising, the water dripping from her breasts.

AYEKA:  First of all, even if she were old enough to have breasts, she is
laying back in the tub, making it impossible for water to drip off.

>It was too much.  He couldn't take much more, he was going to explode!

RANMA:  IT’S GONNA BLOW!!!
PRISS:  If what we’ve seen so far is any indication, THIS FAN FIC’S GONNA
BLOW!!!
PETER(Rumiya):  *BOOM!*
        (Ratchet gets back into her seat.)

>"Birdy why aren't you singing?

RATCHET(Misao):  Birdy?  Birdy?!  OH GROSS!!  Good thing I’m already taking
a
bath!

>If there's
>anything else you want to do you can do it."

ALL(singing):  Bad joke!  Bad joke!  Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when
they pun for you?! . . .

>Misao said.  That was all Rumiya need to hear.  He took that time to
>change into a boy!

RATCHET(Rumiya):  IT’S MORPHING TIME!
AYEKA(ditto):  Pretty mutation!  Magical recall!!
PRISS(ditto):  Rumiya TERRORIZE!!
RANMA(ditto):  I am transformed!
PETER(ditto):  Birdymon digivolve to . . .  RUMIYAMON!!!

>
>Misao was scared!

AYEKA:  Which is indicated by the exclamation mark!

>"OH MY GOD!

RANMA(Stan):  THEY KILLED KENNY!
PRISS(Kyle):  YOU BASTARDS!

>NO YOU KEEP AWAY FROM ME YOU PEVERT!  I'M NOT
>GOING TO LET YOU RAPE ME!"  She ran naked out of the bathroom.
>Rumiya ran after her.

PETER(Rumiya):  Wait!  It’s just a penis!  Come baaaaaaaaaaaack!!
RATCHET(Misao):  EWW!  EWW!  AN ICKY BOY!  EEW!

>She ran to her room and was just about to shut the door when Rumiya
>grabbed her and shut the door behind him.

RANMA(Rumiya):  Here, let me get that.

>He took of both Misao's arms and held
>her tight.  "please Misao lissen to me.

AYEKA(Rumiya):  And Please ignore my lack of capitalization.

>I'm not going to rape you.

PRISS(Rumiya):  I’m going to kill you.

>I just want to give you something?"

RANMA(Rumiya, to the director):  Is that the right line?
PETER(Tank Cop):  Yes!  Now less talk and more grammatical errors!

>Rumiya tells her.  But Misao scared out of mind dosen't
>lissen.  " NO, LET ME GO, HHHEEELLLPPP!  PLEASE DON'T RAPE ME!  I'LL >GIVE
YOU ANYTHING, JUST DON'T RAPE ME!"  Rumiya then give Misao what he
>came to give her.

PETER:  A taste of the spoiler.

>A opened mouth kiss!

RATCHET(Misao, with her nose covered):  NELP!  NNNEEELLLPPP!  NE’S FRNENCH
KNISSNING MNY NOSNE!  NELP!

>
>But it was not just any kiss, but a Magic Kiss!

ALL(sarcastically):  Oooh!  Aaaah!

>As Rumiya kiss Misao

RANMA(Shampoo as narrator):  bad story get Kiss of Death!

>her entire
>body was covered with a bright blue energy.

AYEKA(Misao):  Suddenly I have a refreshing peppermint flavor.

>It was so bright it lite up the whole house!

        (Loud gospel music starts playing throughout the theater.  You know,
the kind
that drove Asuka crazy, in Neon Genesis Evangelion?  The MST group looks all
around, trying to find where the music is coming from.)

>The magic was doing more inside then outside.

        (The gospel music finally dies down.)
PRISS:  Now THAT was just plain weird.

>Misao and Misao were becoming one.

PETER(Mike Nelson):  Wow!  She’s turning into the exact same person!

>One mind, one body, one soul.

RANMA:  But . . .  But that’s not different from the original series . . .

>All that was Misa was
>becoming Misao.

RATCHET(Misao/Misa):  I’m Misa!  I’m Misao!  I’m Misa AND Misao!
AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!
PETER:  So she’s becoming one with Brian Burke’s fan fic character?

>Then it was over after a minute.  But to Misao it seemed like
>forever.

PRISS:  Same here!

>Rumiya stopped kissing her and back away.

AYEKA:  STICK WITH A TENSE!!!

>
>Misao looked at Rumiya for a moment.  "I..I know you.  Your Rumiya."

PETER(Rumiya):  What, is it showing? *BA-DA-BUMP!* *CRISH!*

>Rumiya nodded

RANMA:  off to sleep.
RATCHET:  I though guys only do that AFTER sex.
PETER:  Ratchet, don’t.

>.  Yes, so you do have all of Misa's memorys.  You aslo have all her
>powers.

PRISS(Rumiya):  You “aslo” notice that we’re having our dialogue written by
Tank Cop.

>You are also free of my sister Ramia's power over your mind."  Misao
>look at him with joy.

RANMA(Shampoo):  Shampoo not paid enough to put up with this!

>"You mean I'm free!"  "Yes you are."

PETER(Misao as Mike Tyson):  I’m fwee!  I’m fwee!  I’m fwee from the evil
King!

>Rumiya replyed.

RANMA(sports announcer):  Now let’s see that again, in slow motion.
PRISS:  Let’s not.

>"Now I have to go.  Me and Sammy are going to stop my sister and end >this
stupied war

AYEKA(Rumiya):  As well as this “stupied” story.

>.  Well good bye Misao."  Just as Rumiya is about to leave
>Misao grabes him by the arm.

PETER:  Just when we thought Tank Cop was trying out a new plot . . .

>"Wait.  Please I need you to do something for me?"
>Misao asks.

RATCHET:  Even if I turned off most of my logic circuits, this fic wouldn’t
make sense!

>Rumiya looks at her.  "What do you want me to do?"  Rumiya asks.

PRISS(Misao):  Kill me.
RANMA(ditto):  Kill Tank Cop.
PETER(ditto):  Shoot me.
RATCHET(ditto):  Hold me.
AYEKA(ditto):  Make the bad story go away!

>"Make Love to me!"  Misao asks.

ALL:  YOU NEED A QUESTION MARK TO ASK SOMETHING!!!!!

>
>Rumiya is stunned.  "Look Misao I know this is a stange new world your
>experiencing but I can't make love to you

        (Happy music starts up, a large disco ball lowers over the MST
group, and
confetti starts raining down, as the MST group dances at the thought of
there
being NO sex scene in this episode.)
ALL(including B-ko in the control booth, singing):  HAPPY-HAPPY!  JOY-JOY!
HAPPY-HAPPY!  JOY-JOY!  HAPPY-HAPPY!  JOY-JOY!  HAPPY-HAPPY!  JOY-JOY! . . .
SPONSOR’S VOICE(over the intercom):  DON’T COUNT ON IT, GACK-FACES!!!!!!!
WE
MADE SURE HE PUT ONE IN HERE, JUST FOR YOU!!!!!!!

AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-*HACK!*
*COUGH!* *WHEEZE!* . . .  SPONSOR OUT!!!!!!!
        (The music and confetti stop, and the disco ball slowly raises out
of view.)
PETER(angrily as the rest of the MST group sits back down):  DAMN YOU
LAWRENCE
ERHARDT
!!!!!  I HOPE YOU GET EATEN BY A GIANT SPIDER, AGAIN!!!!!  (Sits back down
in
a huff.)

>if this is just some old feeling of
>Misa's and not yours."  Rumiya said.

RACHET(Misao):  Really?  I thought it was a requirement.

>Misao walks over to Rumiya and gives him a
>hug.

PRISS(Rumiya):  *CRUNCH!* Oh, my spine!!

>"Misa is one with me now.  Her feeling are mine, but I'm in
>control of my own thoughts and my thoughts say to do
>it and do it good!"

RANMA:  So she’s listening to the thoughts in her head, telling her to do
stuff?
AYEKA(Misao):  They are also telling me to shoot the president, and kill my
parents.
PETER(to Ayeka):  Not taking this fic well, I see.
AYEKA(with a slightly crazed expression on her face):  What was your first
clue?

>Rumiya then moves
>his hands down to Misao's butt and starts to rub it!

RATCHET:  That guy waists absolutely no time, I see.

>"Misao if this is what you
>want you I'll do it, you see I have alway loved you.

ALL(singing):  IIIEEEEEEEEE!!!  HAVE ALWAY LOVED YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! . . .

>I love you even more then
>I could ever love anyone.  Not even Sammy comes close to you.  But if I >do
make love to you I will be taking a very importanting from you, your
>verginity."

AYEKA:  AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!  (Starts twitching in
her
seat.)  MakE thE stUpiD stOry StoP, moMmy!  MakE it StoP!
PETER:  Hoo boy, this is really getting to her.  Hey, B-ko!  Open up the
doors, and let Ayeka take a breather!
B-KO(twitching in the control booth):  PleAse MakE it StoP!  PleAse, Oh
pLeaSe
mAke It sTop!
PETER: . . . . . . . .
RANMA:  Wait!  I have an idea!
PRISS:  I thought I smelled something burning.
        (Ranma pulls out a bottle, out of nowhere, and opens it up.)
RANMA(shaking a pill out of the bottle):  Now Ayeka, open wide, and say
“Ah”.
AYEKA(shaking uncontrollably):  I want to go to a happy world, where there
are
bunnies, and duckies, and where poorly written Pretty Sammy lemons do not
exist . . .
RANMA(flicks the pill into Ayeka’s mouth):  Close enough.
AYEKA(after swallowing the pill):  Hey, I feel like most of my destructive
emotions are now muted.  What was that pill, anyway?
RANMA:  No idea.  Dr. Tofu used these, so he could propose to Kasumi.
PETER:  Sounds like pretty powerful stuff.  Can I have one?
RANMA(tosses a pill to Peter):  Sure, here.
PETER:  Thanks. (Instead of swallowing the pill, Peter takes out a sling
shot,
loads the pill into it, and aims it for B-ko’s mouth.)  I got it! (The pill
strikes B-ko on her forehead, knocking her over.  The pill then lands in her
mouth as it falls back down, with an audible gulp.) . . . . .  Sort of.
RATCHET(to Priss):  Does this happen often?
PRISS:  About once every couple of fics.  You get used to it, really quick.

>Misao looks Rumiya in the eyes.  "Yes I know.  But if I'm going to give >it
to anyone, then I will give it to you.  The one I love."

PRISS(monotone):  Oh look.  Tank Cop is trying to have a romantic scene.
How
touching.

>
>Rumiya then kisses Misao again Misao again.

AYEKA:  Interesting echo we are getting in this story this story.

>All the while Rumiya's hands are
>still holding Misao's ass!

RATCHET(echoing the fic):  Misao’s ass!
PETER(police officer):  Rumiya, we know you’re in there!  Take your hands
off
of the donkey, and come out with your hands up!
RATCHET(echoing Peter):  hands up!
PRISS(to Ratchet):  That’s getting REALLY annoying.
RATCHET:  Sorry.

>Rumiya then stops kissing her, picks her up and
>carrys her to the bed.  Where he proceeds to take off his clothes.

RANMA:  Oh, thank you for clearing that up.

>atfer three minutes he is also naked.

RATCHET(Misao, as Ryoko):  THAT'S THE SMALLEST ONE I'VE EVER SEEN!

>Then he sits on the bed next to Misao.

AYEKA(Misao):  Rumiya?
PRISS(Rumiya):  Yes?
AYEKA(Misao):  After seeing what you have, I have decided to change my mind.

>"Now Misao
>I'm going to teach you so forpaly before we have sex.

PETER(stereotypical Chinese accent):  So, you want to teach her so foreplay,
ah?

>First off I'm going to spank you!

PRISS(Misao):  I don’t think so!  *KER-SNAP!* On your knees, slave!
PETER:  THAT would actually be in character, more than this fic.
AYEKA(to Priss):  And give me back my whip, this instant!  I did not give
you
permission to ever use it!
PRISS(hiding her fear, as she hands Devo-chan back to Ayeka):  Okay, here.
AYEKA(checks Devo-chan for blemishes):  Perhaps I should test it upon you,
as
punishment for-
OTHERS(excluding Ratchet):  NO!!!
RATCHET(large sweatdrop on the back of her head):  I have a feeling I’m
better
off not knowing.

>I know how that sounds but I will not use anything but my hand

RANMA(Rumiya): as opposed to using my elbow.

>and I
>will only hit you ten times.  Now come on get over my lap."
>At first Misao was very shy and didn't want to.

RATCHET:  Then don’t do it!

>Then she took a deep breath and layed over
>Rumiya's lap.  As she lad there she could feel his dick poking at her >gut.

PETER:  Wait your turn!

>It made her want it inside of her even more.  Rumiya then layed his
>hand on her
>back to hold her in plase and stard to spank her.

AYEKA:  It is official.  The supreme idiot of fan fiction, Tank Cop, is now
typing with only one hand.

>*SPANK* "Your a dirty *SPANK*

PRISS:  Is there someone slapping a slab of beef, off camera?

>little slut *SPANK* Misao!  When I say *SPANK* to do something *SPANK*
>you will *SPANK* do it, understand!

RATCHET(Misao):  Yes I understand!  Now let me up!  I’m getting a cramp down
here!!
PETER(Rumiya as The Great Vorelli):  Oh, you’re a horrible little girl,
aren’t
you Misao?  A horrible little girl who won’t get any ham.  Certainly not
unless she gets it herself.  A horrible little girl who won’t have ham, or
any
other luncheon meat, for that matter.  Not bologna, not pastrami, not
sausage
. . .
AYEKA:  Peter, stop doing that.  You do that impersonation TOO well.
RANMA:  Besides, you’re making me hungry.
PETER:  Sorry.

>"  Misao nods her head as she holds the tears back.
>Rumiya gives Misao for more hard spanks.  *SPANK, SPANK, SPANK, SPANK*

RANMA(sarcastic):  I didn’t know Rumiya knew the Chestnuts Roasting On An
Open
Fire, technique.

>Then he lets Misao off his lap.  "How did that make you feel Misao.
>Did it feel sexy."  Rumiya asked.

AYEKA:  Listen to us!  You NEED a QUESTION MARK to ASK something!!!

>"Yes it did.  Do it again!"  Misao asked.

AYEKA(angrily):  AND THAT IS NOT EVEN A QUESTION!!!!!
PRISS(to Ranma):  I think it’s time to give her another pill.
AYEKA(trying to calm down):  I am fine.  I can handle it.  Do not worry.

>"Maybe later."  Rumiya
>answered.  "Time to move on to the next thing."

PETER:  The fic has all the sensuality of a “Mr. Rogers” rerun.

>
>He then runs his hands over her chest and the takes hold of her tits.

RANMA:  The what takes hold of her tits?

>He twists then and pulls on them.

        (All of the girls, and Ranma, wince.)

>"OOOOOOOWWWWWW!  Rumiya it hurt!"

AYEKA:  We know!

>Misao begs.  "I know

RATCHET:  THEN STOP DOING IT!!!!

>Misao but it will feel good soon."  He the opened his mouth and started >to
suck
>on her right breast.

PRISS:  I’m not even going to dignify this one, with a response.

>He countuied

RANMA:  EVEN I CAN SPELL “CONTINUED”!!!

>this until Misao asked a favor of him.

PETER(Misao):  Please kill me.

>"Rumiya can you please bite my nipple.  Make it hurt alot!"

AYEKA(Misao):  Make it feel like I am watching the third episode to Tank
Cop’s
“Sammy’s Little Secret” series!

>Rumiya gave a
>smile.  "Of course I will do it."  Rumiya replyed

RANMA(narrator):  the last few minutes of the big game in his head, not
really
being interested with what he was doing to Misao.

>.  He proceded to bite down
>hard on her right nipple while tiwisting and pulling on the lift one >with
his hand!

PRISS(Rumiya):  *RIIIIIIIP!* OOPS!  I’ll get the duct tape.

>"OOOOOHHHHH YYYYYEEEEEESSSS!"  Misao moaned.

PETER:  Oh no!  She’s gone into a TTTTTIIIIIMMMMMEEEEE
WWWWWAAAAARRRRRPPPPP!!!

>Then Rumiya still holding
>the nipple with his teeth pulled on her breast as far as it could go,
>and then let go.
>"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH"  Misao was

RATCHET:  flung into the back wall, by the recoil.

>over take with pleasure!

RANMA(priest):  I command the evil spirits of Shampoo inhabiting this fic,
to
BEGONE!!!!

>
>Five minutes later.

RATCHET(Misao):  THAT’S IT!?!?
PETER(Rumiya):  *PANT!* *GASP!* *WHEEZE!* *HUFF!*

>Rumiya moved to Misao's pussy.  "My your a fast one aren't
>you?"  Misao said.

AYEKA:  When the characters in the story realize the bad parts, that is NOT
a
good sign.

>"I'm not going to fuck you yet.  I'm just going to finger
>fuck you first!  It will feel good!"

PRISS(Misao, sarcastic):  Oh, now where have I heard THAT one before?

>With that Rumiya put two fingers into her
>little love box!  Moving the fingers in and out!  Going faster and
>faster.

RANMA:  What?  No exclamation mark this time?

>Later on her shoves two more finger from his other hand into her hole.

PETER(priest):  Begone, foul spirits of a corrupt Shampoo!  BEGONE!!!

>Then the
>opens her pussy as wide as it can go, even a little to far!
>"OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWEEEEE!  STOP YOUR STRETCHING IT TO FAR!"  Misao cries.

AYEKA:  As mentioned in the previous line.

>"relax Misao, it I will make you feel good in a second."

PETER:  JOKES are okay to use over and over again.  Actual dialogue is
another
thing, entirely!

>Rumiya then lowers his head
>to the opening and start to like her pussy.

ALL(priest):  BEGONE!!!!!

>Misao is so taken by this that it
>only takes a minute for her to cum!  "OH GOD YES!"

ALLMIGHTY(from somewhere above the theater):  DO NOT USE MY NAME IN THIS
POORLY CONSTRUCTED SLOP, OF A FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        (The MST group all look nervously upward, toward where the voice
came from.)

>She screams as a flood of
>cum comes pouring into Rumiya's face and mouth.
>Rumiya likes up as much as he can.

PETER:  There’s only one document I have ever seen, with more typos than
this
fic.
AYEKA:  And that would be?
PETER:  My first short story.
RANMA:  That bad, huh?
PETER:  Worse.  I asked my family to proofread it for me.
PRISS:  Ouch.
PETER:  Up until that point, I never would have believed my mother could
laugh
like Naga The Serpent.
RATCHET(patting Peter on the back):  Poor guy.

>"Now that a good girl.  Is that the fisrt time you have ever cum?"
>Rumiya asks.

PETER(growling):  FIREBALL!!!!! *whump!*(Shoots a fireball at the screen.
It
does not do any damage, but the recoil sends Peter flying backwards, over
his
seat.)  Oh.  You have to THINK of the incantation to do it like that.  I see
now.

>"Yes it is.  Can you make me cum again?"  Misao asks.

        (Peter gets up, and jumps over the back of his seat, landing back in
his
chair.)
RATCHET:  Hey Peter, your hair’s all white, now!
PETER:  Yeah, aftereffect of using magic.
RATCHET:  Magic?  That didn’t look a thing like the card game.
        (Everyone else, excluding Peter and Ratchet, face faults.)
PETER(gently patting Ratchet on her head):  After all of this is over, we’re
going to have a LONG talk.

>Rumiya with cum on
>his face is now showing an evil grin.

ALL BUT RATCHET(old geezer):  EVIL!
RATCHET:  I don’t get it, but when in Rome.  (Old geezer impersonation.)
EVIL!

>"What say we get right down to it.

PRISS:  What say we don’t!

>Its time for me to fuck you!"
>
>"Ok Misao, I'm going to take your viriganty now, it will hurt, are you
>ready?"

RANMA(WWF announcer):  Let’s get ready to RUUUUUUUMBEEEEEEEEEEEEELLL!!!!!
PETER(to Ratchet):  Don’t worry about him.  He’s been like this since the
Macho Man left for the WCW circuit.
RATCHET:  Who?

>Rumiya asks.  "Yes."  Misao says.  Rumiya then lies on top of Misao and
>slowly slides his penis into Misao's wet pussy!

PETER:  The cat was not happy.
RANMA(panicky):  CAT?!?!?!
OTHERS(excluding Ratchet):  SIT BACK DOWN, DUMMY!!!

>"OH RUMIYA!"  Misao cries.

AYEKA:  “OH THE HUMANITY!” Ayeka cries.

>Then Rmuiya fits his whole penis in her pussy!

PRISS:  They brought another guy in on this?!?

>The he starts to move in and out,
>gong up and down on her.

PETER(through megaphone):  MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!!!!
RATCHET:  Who’s the “he”?

>Moving faster and faster!

PRISS:  I think Tank Cop needs to go in for a tune-up.
RANMA:  Why do you say that?
PRISS:  From the look of the exclamation mark places, he’s having trouble
getting his excitement, started.

>Rumiya fucks Misao for a
>good ten minutes!  He had been very carful not to break her hymen yet.

PETER:  The Hell?

>But noe

AYEKA:  and behond.

>it was time.  "Does is fell good Misao?

RATCHET:  I think his little head, has sucked all the brains out of his big
head.

>Beg if you want me to make you cum
>again  If you want me to take your viriganty!"  Rumiya tells Misao.
>Misao being
>half way to an orgasm already, starts to beg.  "Please make me cum
>Rumiya!
>Please I want you to take my womanhood.  To make me yours.  I want to
>cum inside of you

RANMA(worriedly):  But girls can’t do that.
PETER:  This is what psychologists call “Penis Envy”.
OTHERS:  EEW!  PETER!!

>and I want you to cum inside of me!"  Misao begged with tears in
>her eyes.  "Ok Misao here I go!"  With that he thrusted his dick throw
>her hymen!

PRISS(football player):  Go short!

>"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH"  Misao screamed in pain!

AYEKA:  “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” The MST group cried in anguish!

>As they contiuned a stream of blood
>and cum leaked out of Misao pussy and down her legs.

RANMA(store clerk):  Clean up, isle seven!

>
>"Rumiya...I'm going to cum!"  Misao saind as she came.

RATCHET:  Well we know what she “saind”, but what did she “say”?

>Cum was seeping out the
>sides of her pussy.  "Where not done yet Misao.  I still have to cum!"
>Rumiyasaid.

PRISS:  Gee, what should I complain about first?  The poor grammar, the word
“Where” used in place of “We’re”, or the lack of spaces near the end?  WAIT!
I can just complain about the whole damn story!

>It took just five more minutes of fucking to make Rumiya cum.
>
>Then it was over.

PETER:  Then the lawsuits began.

>
>"Rumiya that was the most greats experinece of my life.  Thank you."
>Misao said.

AYEKA:  “Tank Cop, that was the most horrid experience of my life, and THIS
is
how you write an actual sentence.  Prepare to die.” Ayeka said.

>Rumiya then removed his penis

        (Peter and Ranma wince.)
PRISS(Rumiya):  This thing’s caused too much suffering for me to bare,
already!  BEGONE!!!

>and lies next to Misao in bed.  "Rumiya I
>want you to promise me that when I wake up in the moring that you will
>still be here in this bed with me."  Misao asks.

RANMA:  Question mark!  Learn to use a question mark!

>"Oh I will Miso, I promise."

RANMA(outraged):  AND MISO IS A TYPE OF SOUP, YOU IMBECILE!!!!

>Rumiya answers.  "And promise too that you will stay with me and
>never ever leave me."
>Misao asks.

RATCHET:  Hold it!  Wait a minute!  Who the heck is talking!?

>"I promise I will never leave you.  I will never leave the girl
>that I love with all my heart ans soul."

AYEKA:  With all his heart ‘sans’ soul?  What the hey?

>
>END!  (for now! ^_^)

ALL(old geezer):  EVIL!

>---------------------------------------------------
>I would just like to say somthing rith now on whyI made a
>Pretty Sammy Lemon series.

PETER(Tank Cop):  Unfortunately, it will be too garbled, and misspelled to
understand.
PRISS:  I would just like to say something right now too, but I’d be
censored
for content.

>I never planed on making this story into a series.

RANMA:  And you didn’t.

>I ment it to be a
>one shot deal.  But after seeing my work MSTed (and that you for that
>Ksawarrior)

PETER:  HEY!  Show some respect for the Anime Port crew, you twisted wood
ear!

>and the two MISAO awards I got, not to metion all the fan letters
>(yes I got fan letters)

AYEKA:  And Ksawarrior’s MSTs were just “friendly criticism”.

>made me think why not do a Series.  So I did.  And
>that's how it all started.  Well mainly because of Ksawarrior's MST's.

PRISS:  And all he’s succeeded in doing is ruining our lives, and making a
general ass of himself on the world wide web.

>
>Here's a preview of the next fic.  That I call.

>Sammys Little Secret 4

RATCHET(sarcastic):  WOW!  How original!

>: More Then Just Friends.  In the next episode.  The four of them Ryo-
>Ohki, Misao,
>Sasami, and Rumiya will meet to and talk about what to do about Ramia.
>There will also be a Lez sceen between Misao and Sasami!

PRISS:  Be still my churning stomach.

>^_^

ALL(old geezer):  EVIL!

>
>Util then.
>
>"May The Hentai Force Be With You!"

AYEKA:  May a hippo sit on your car!
RANMA:  May a sweaty sumo wrestler get stuck in your bathroom!
PRISS:  May a blind, drunk, sailor try to cop a feel off of you!
RATCHET:  May you get killed by womanizing sword maker, with a large hammer!
PETER:  May Dan Quail mistaken you for his blazer, just before making his
presidential campaign speech!

>
>Tank Cop ^_~

ALL(old geezer):  EVIL!

>
        (The MST group dashes out of the theater, to throw up.)

=======================================================

        The MST group is in a line, waiting to use the trash can.  B-ko has
opted for
using the wastebasket in the control booth.  Ayeka goes first.
        *BLEARGH!!!*
        Ranma is next in line.
        *HUUUUUUUGH!!!*
        Then Priss.
        *REAAAAAAALGUH!!!*
        Then Peter.
        *AAAARRRRGGGUUUULH!!!*
        And finally, Ratchet.
        *UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!*
        Ratchet removes her head, to shake out some extra vomit from her
neck hole.
The rest of the MST group stares nervously at her, as she does this.
        “How do you do that?” asked Ranma.
        “Do what?” asked Ratchet, as she reattached her head, to her body.
        Suddenly, the signal to start, blared.

        *STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!*
        *MANGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!*
        *OSCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!*
        *TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!!*

        “I’ll ask you later!” said Ranma, as he and the entire MST crew ran
back into
the theater.

=======================================================

        (You need to know it, AGAIN!?  Okay, from left to right, here it
goes.
Ayeka, Ranma, Priss, Peter, and Ratchet.  There!  You happy now!?  Are
you!?!?
 Then why the hell are you staring at me like that?!?!?!  I’m just the
narrative text, for crying out loud!!!!!  *gasp!* *pant!*  Sorry.  Tank Cop
is
getting to EVERYTHING around here.)

>Welcome back to what will be the best Sammys Little Secret story of
>all.

PRISS:  You’re going to kill yourself?
RANMA:  It’s only going to be three lines long?
RATCHET:  This has absolutely nothing to do with underage kids, and sex?
AYEKA:  You are going to leave us alone?
PETER:  Sasami wakes up, to find it was all a bad dream?

>
>Enjoy

ALL:  We won’t.

>^_^

ALL(old geezer):  EVIL!

>
>Warning:

PRISS(narrator):  The following story WILL induce vomiting.

>Do I really need to warn you people?

PETER:  Not really.  We can pretty much guess how bad this is going to be.

>
>Time Note: This takes place one week after Sammys Little Secret 2.

AYEKA:  I believe this kind of story plotting, is refereed to as “round
robin”
style.

>
>by Tank Cop

RATCHET:  May your doctor find a watermelon in your large intestine!

>
>Sammys Little Secret 4:

RANMA:  Exactly WHAT went into the meat loaf.
PRISS(Ryoko):  Anyone seen Ryo-oh-ki?  (The other group members glare at
her.)
 Sorry.

>More Then Just Friends

PETER(Sasami as Dark Helmet):  I am your father’s, brother’s, cousin’s, best
friend’s former room mate.
RATCHET(Misao):  Fabio?
PETER(Sasami):  I said FORMER room mate.

>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>---------
>It was just around 10:30 in the morning as Rumiya and Misao walked
>towards Sasami's house.

AYEKA:  That is it.  Go TOWARD the danger!
PRISS:  Stupid is, as stupid does, and they’re doing something stupid!
RANMA(Rumiya as Emo Phillips):  I was wondering if maybe I could follow you
to
Sasami’s house, and maybe have her get medieval on my butox.

>
>"But Misao I still don't think that telling Sasami about us is such a
>good idea.  I mean she will take it hard and might not want to help
>us to bring down my sister?"

PETER(Rumiya):  Is that what I’m supposed to say?

>Rumiya said in a concerned voice.  Misao looked at him
>with stern look.  "Look Rumiya you and I are in love, right?  Sasami >will
understand.

RATCHET(Misao):  She might beat the Hell out of you first, but she’ll
understand.

>She will beat the Hell out of you first, but she will
>understand."

ALL: . . . . . . . . .

>Misao said.  Rumiya with a not so happy smile on his face and
>a big sweat drop.  "Why does that not make me feel any better?"

RANMA:  Tank Cop, failure of comedy, everybody!
ALL(bored):  Yaaay.

>
>They finally arrived at Sasami's house.  They rang the bell.  The door
>opened, then to there surprise they saw Ryo-Ohki in human form dressed
>only
in a pair of white underpants!

PRISS(throwing up into a vomit bag):  *UUUUUUUUGH!*
AYEKA(Ryo-Ohki):  Has anyone seen my clothes?

>"Oh, hi Misao

PETER:  And he’s met Misao since when?

>how are ...!"  Ryo-Ohki is cutoff

PETER & RANMA:  Not one word, Priss.
        (Ratchet opens her mouth.)
PETER:  And the same goes for you, Ratchet.
RATCHET:  Ah, nuts!

>mis sentence when he sees Rumiya with Misao.  "Rumiya!  How dare >you come
back to this house after you have taken advantage of
>Sasami then just tossed her away like a piece of trash!"

RATCHET(mocking Ryo-Ohki):

Neh-neya-nea-neha-neya-na-neah-neyah-neyah-nea-neya-neyah-neyaneah-na-neayneh-neha-neyaeh-neh-neah-neya-na-neyah-na-neyah!
RANMA:  Wasn’t he the one convincing Sasami that Rumiya would return home to
her, eventually?

>Ryo-Ohki says as he jumps on Rumiya
>and wrestles him to the ground in the front yard.  Rumiya tries to >defend
himself and tries to fight back.

PRISS:  Oh!  And a hockey game breaks out!

>"Let me go you damn furball!"  Rumiya yells.

AYEKA:  It is still unbelievable that there can be bad acting in written
text.

>Misao tries to stop the fighting, but only gets hit by the back of
>Ryo-Ohki's hand to her head.

PETER: Place your bets!  How drunk do you think Tank Cop was, when he wrote
this?!
PRISS: I’d say two shots of whisky, at the very least.

>As she is knocked to the ground, Sasami runs
>out of the house to see where all the yelling is coming from.

PETER:  She then realizes she’s completely naked, and runs back into the
house.
AYEKA:  I could actually believe that, in this story.

>Only to see Ryo-Ohki and Rumiya are beating the hell out of each other
>and Misao in pain

RANMA:  Just like us.

>.  "STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"  Sasami screams at the top of
>her lungs.  "Look
>at what your fighting has done to Misao."  The two of them look over to
>see Misao with a nasty bump on her forehead, sobbing her eyes out and
>begging for them to stop fighting.

PETER & RANMA(Rumiya & Ryo-Ohki):  Sorry.
RATCHET(Misao, sobbing her eyes out):  And the litter, it’s just everything!
*sob!*

>Rumiya gets off Ryo-Ohki

ALL:  GAH!!!
PRISS:  Oh great!  Tank Cop’s poor writing ability has just emotionally hurt
me, for the rest of my life!

>and walks over to see
>if Misao needs any help.  "Are you ok, Misao?"  Rumiya asks in a clam
>voice.  Misao wipes the tears from her eyes.  "I'll be ok, just please
>don't
fight anymore.  I don't want you to get hurt."  Misao said  >Rumiya helps
Misao off the ground.

RANMA:  Misao said “Rumiya helps Misao off the ground”?

>"Don't worry, I won't fight
>anymore.  I promise."  He
>then kisses Misao on the lips, in plan view of a shocked Sasami and
>Ryo-Ohki.

PETER:  PI-KA-CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

>
>Later on after everyone gets cleaned up and Ryo-Ohki got some clothes
>on. They all sit in the living room of Sasami's house.

AYEKA(Misao):  Are we going to do anything?
PRISS(Sasami):  You mean we have to?

>Later everyone talks
>about what has been happing for the past week.  (recap time)

ALL BUT RATCHET:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
RATCHET:  I take it this is going to be a bad thing.

>Sasami being
>Pretty Sammy, Misao being Misa, Stuff about Rumiya, stuff about Ryo->Ohki,

AYEKA:  stuff that had absolutely nothing to do with this story.

>Sasami asking Rumiya to help her to stop this stupied war.

RANMA:  Sasami then asking Rumiya how To spell “stupid” correctly.

>Then they get into the good stuff.

ALL(shaking their heads):  No-No-No-No-No-No-No!!!

>Sasami having sex with Rumiya,

PRISS:  Both of them contracting asthma because of it.

>Rumiya leaving Sasami,
>Rumiya makes Misao and Misa into a new Misa, Rumiya and Misao have sex,

PETER:  The MST group throws up.

>Sasami and Ryo-Ohki have sex

AYEKA:  Not necessarily in that order.

>.  (The rest is just a

RATCHET(Tank Cop):  jumbled mush in my head.

>week long sex thing)  "So
>you see Sasami I do love you, but me and Misao are in love.  I'm sorry >if
you think I used you, but I didn't.  I did love you then.  Just as I
>do now, but I can only be with Misao.  My true love."  Rumiya said.

RANMA(clutching his head):  Run on sentence . . . developing migraine . . .
PETER(ditto):  Feel like Psyduck . . .

>
>Every word felt like a knife in Sasami's heart.

PRISS:  Rumiya’s knife throwing act was a dismal failure.

>"So you had your way with
>me, then you left me, and now you think I will love you again?  You
>stuiped Bastard!"

RATCHET:  Look who’s talking.
PETER:  Hey, that’s breaking the fourth wall!
AYEKA:  What to you mean?
PETER:  She’s talking about the author!         *BA-DA-BUMP!*

>Sasami then gets up and runs out of the room crying.  Ryo-Ohki
>looks at Rumiya.  "See what you have done.  You did this to her.  I >hope
your happy with your life.  Because she will never love you
>again."

AYEKA:  Tank Cop tries to turn his fan fiction into a soap opera, but fails
as
he only uses run on sentences, and poorly constructed dialogue.
OTHERS:  Word.

>Ryo-Ohki says as he goes after Sasami.
>
>Ryo-Ohki found Sasami in her bedroom crying her poor eyes out.

RANMA:  So in other words  (Impersonation of Sasami, from the second
episode.)
 “WHAAAH!”

>"Sasami can
>I come in?"  Ryo-Ohki asks.  Sasami stops crying.  "Yes you can come in
>Ryo-Ohki."  Ryo-Ohki sits down next to Sasami on her bed and gives her >a
hug.  "Now Sasami I know that Rumiya is a asshole, but remember that
>you have me now and I have you."  Ryo-Ohki said.

        (Peter starts humming the Barney song.)
PRISS(to Peter):  Don’t even think it.

>Just then there was a tapping on the door.

PETER(quoting “The Raven”):  Darkness there, and nothing more.

>Both Sasami and Ryo-Ohki turned to see Misao and a sad
>Rumiya at the door.
>
>"What do you two want?  Can't you see where having a private moment >here."
>Ryo-Ohki said.

RATCHET(sarcastically):  My, he’s such a polite conversationalist.

>Misao walks over to Sasami and Ryo-Ohki.  "Rumiya want to
>talk to you Sasami, alone."  Misao said.

RANMA(announcer):  For the following scene, the part of Misao will be played
by Shampoo.

>Ryo-Ohki give her a no way in hell
>look, but Sasami was diffrent.

AYEKA(announcer):  With narration of the scene, also by Shampoo.

>"Its ok, let him in.  I'll talk to him
>alone."  Sasami said in a low voice.

PRISS(to Rumiya, in the fic):  It’s been nice knowing you . . .  Oh wait, it
hasn’t.

>"Ok Sasami, but if he gives you any
>trouble at all you just call for me and I'll kick his ass!"  Ryo-Ohki
>said.
Sasami had got a smile on her face after hearing that.

RATCHET(sarcastically):  Ah, they’re such a pleasant couple.

>"Thank you
>Ryo-Ohki."  Sasami said.  Then they both kissed and then Ryo-Ohki and
>Misao
>left the room while Rumiya and Sasami where left in the room.
>
>For awhile Rumiya and Sasami just sat on the bed.  Then Rumiya spoke >up.

PETER(Rumiya):  I’d like to explain about my head.

>"Sasami I'm sorry.  I'm sooooo sorry."  Rumiya said.

RANMA:  So are we.  Can we go now?

>Sasami looked at him
>with hate in her eyes.
>"Sorry, you fucked with me then you left me to go
>fuck my best friend, who was my enemy Misa, but now is no longer and >all
you
can say is sorry!"

PETER(Rumiya):  Yeah, that’s basically the size of it.
RATCHET:  I bet that’s what he said, when they first did it.
        (Everyone considers that for a minute, and then starts laughing.)

>Sasami gets up and hits Rumiya so hard he is thrown off the bed!

AYEKA(boxing announcer):  Oh, and the champ is down for the count!

>"I deserved that.

PRISS:  We agree!

>Look Sasami you have every right to be pissed
>at me.  I just want to be your friend now.  A lover to you I can no >longer
be.  Can we just be friends?"  Rumiya said rubbing a very large
>red mark on his face.  "Lissen to me Rumiya you used me like some
>street coner slut,

PETER:  No offense to Sasami, but with the way Tank Cop’s been writer her
character, I’m inclined to think so.

>now you want to be my friend!  What kind of fucked
>up world do you live in?"

RATCHET(hopping up and down in her seat):  OOH!  OOH!  I know this one!
AYEKA(to Ratchet):  And the answer is?
RATCHET:  The world in Tank Cop’s head.
PETER(game show host):  We have a winner!

>She walks over to Rumiya and kicks him in the stomach.

RANMA(football referee):  Unnecessary roughness, ten yard penalty!

>After Rumiya was
>able to breath normal again.  He asked Sasami what he wanted to ask >her.

PRISS(Rumiya):  How do Pop Tarts work?

>"Sasami I just want to know if you still want to help me take down my
>sister
and stop this dumb war?"  Sasami thought about it.  "Yes, I will
>help you Rumiya.  Thenlater

AYEKA(Sasami):  You can tell me how to put spaces in between my words.

>I will think about this friendship thing.  Now lets
>talk about how where going to take Ramia down.

PRISS(Sasami):  And how to put ending quotation marks on the end of my
sentences.

>
>Mean while as Sasami and Rumiya go over there plans to take Ramia down,
>Ryo-Ohki and Misao have a conversation of there own.

PETER:  Unfortunately it’s too garbled up and misspelled for us to
understand.

>
>Ryo-Ohki comes out of the kitchen with two cups of coffee.  He hands >one
to
>Misao who is on the couch in the living room.  "Here you go."  Ryo-Ohki
>said.  "Thank you."  Misao said.

PRISS(Misao):  Hey, wait a minute.  Coffee doesn’t smoke!
RATCHET(Ryo-Ohki):  Uh, it’s a new blend.

>For awhile they just stood there and drank
>there coffee.  Then Misao started to talk.  "Ryo-Ohki, I know that >Rumiya
has done a horrible thing to Sasami,

RANMA:  So has Tank Cop, but we haven’t seen you do anything to him, yet.

>but he is asking her for forgivenss and
>now he asks me to ask you for yours.

PETER:  So he’s asking you right now?

>Will you forgive him?"  Ryo-Ohki was
>unsure at first, then.  "If Sasami forgives, so will I."  Ryo-Ohki >said.
>Misao suddenly got an evil grin on her face, while sizing up Ryo-Ohki!

AYEKA:  Oh no!  It is the exclamation mark again!

>"Ryo-Ohki do you think I'm pretty?"  Misao asks.  "Yes,I think your
>very pretty Misao."

PRISS:  This had better not be going, where I think it’s going.

>Ryo-Ohki said.  "Thank you Ryo-Ohki."  Just then then Sasami
>and Rumiya came down the stairs.  Ryo-Ohki walks over and hugs Sasami.
>While Ryo-Ohki was hugging Sasami, Misao was looking at him while >licking
her lips!  She thought to herself, "Nice Butt!"

PRISS:  Oh, crap!

>
>Later they all talked about what's going to happen.  "Ok, here's how it
>will
go.  Tomorrow we will go to the Magical Kingdom and confront
>Ramia and Tsunami and tell then to end the fighting."  Sasami said.

PETER(Sasami):  Then we’ll be narrated by Shampoo, make a lot of spelling
and
punctuation mistakes, and have another out of character lemon scene.
RANMA:  Yeah, that sounds about right, for this fic.
RATCHET:  I predict that at the end of this series, they’ll walk in on Ramia
and Tsunami having sex, and ask to join in!  (The other group members stare
at
her nervously.)  What?
AYEKA:  We are trying to figure out if that would be better, or worse than
what we are seeing now.
PETER:  That would actually in character, at least more than this fic
series.
RATCHET:  Oh, that’s good.  By the way, who are Ramia and Tsunami?
(Everyone
else face faults.)  Well?
PETER(getting up, along with the rest of the cast):  I’ll tell you later.

>Misao had a problem.

PRISS(Misao):  Have you ever felt . . . not fresh?
        (The rest of the group feel varying degrees of nausea.)
AYEKA(to Priss):  Not here.

>"That's all good, but we will have to stay toghter tonight if were
>going to be able to start right away.  So how about all of you stay at >my
house for the night?"  Misao said.

PETER(Rumiya):  Won’t your mother notice, when she comes home?
RATCHET(Misao):  My mother comes back home?

>"Sounds good to me."  Ryo-Ohki said.
>"Sure I'm in."  Sasami said.
>"You know I will Misao."  Rumiya said.

ALL:  “We don’t have a choice!” the MST group said.

>"Then its seteled,

RANMA:  What’s a “seteled”?

>Sasami can tell her mom that she will be sleeping over at my
>house and then in the morning we can go to the Magical Kingdom."  Misao
>said with an evil grin!

PRISS:  Oh, THAT’S  scene we’d sure like to see.
AYEKA(Sasami’s mother):  Are you going over to Misao’s house to have sex?
RATCHET(Sasami):  No.
AYEKA(Sasami’s mother):  Are you going to be in one of Tank Cop’s stories?
RATCHET(Sasami):  No!

>
>Lter that night Ryo-Ohki, in cabbit form and Sasami arrived at Misao's
>house.  "Hi, I'm happy you two came."

PETER:  I didn’t even know the lemon started!
OTHERS(excluding Ratchet):  PETER!

>Ryo-Ohki Changed to his human form.

RATCHET(Ryo-Ohki):  SHIFT INTO TURBO!
AYEKA(ditto):  Jugeim jugeim gokouno surike Sammy Davis broiled chicken!
PRISS(ditto):  Ryo-Ohki MAXIMIZE!!
RANMA(ditto):  I am transformed!
PETER(ditto):  Cabbitmon digivolve to . . .  RYO-OHKIMON!!!

>"So where are we going to sleep?"  Ryo-Ohki said.  Misao lead them to >the
>guest room.  "You two can stay here.  This room is sound proof so you >can
be
as loud as you want and no one will hear you!

PRISS(Sasami):  ALRIGHT!!  I’ll get my Metallica CDs!

>Well good night."  As Misao
>left, Ryo-Ohki and Sasami looked at each other in a sexy way, then >rushed
to
take off there clothes!

RANMA:  Where?
AYEKA:  Over their!

>
>Later that night, Sasami slipped out of bed, put on a bra and a pair of
>panties

PETER:  and then danced The Curly Shuffle!

>.  She went into the living room to think.

RATCHET(toaster):  *ding!*
PRISS(Sasami):  Woah!  That hurt.

>Then Misao came into the
>living room dressed only in a white night shirt.  "I guess you must of >had
some great sex with Ryo-Ohki, huh?"  Sasami was surprised by
>Misao's words.

RANMA:  Why?  All they’ve done is have sex.

>"Why would you say that?"

AYEKA(Misao):  Because Tank Cop told me to!

>"Because I come out here too after me and Rumiya
>have some good sex!  So can you and Rumiya be friends?"  Misao aks.
>Sasami
>looked unsure for a moment.  "Yes, we can be friends.  I can never >forgive
him for what he did to me, but we can be friends."  Sasami
>said.

PETER(Sasami):  Oh, and we can have sex too, but I can never forgive him.

>Misao was happy.

ALL:  At first.

>Just then she got a very twisted idea.

PRISS(Misao):  Let’s write a Pretty Sammy lemon, called “Sammys Little
Secret”.

>"Say, let you and me have a liitle fun togther."

PETER:  Oh no!  Tank Cop’s writing with one hand, again!

>What do you want to do?"  Sasam asked.

AYEKA(Misao):  Spell your name correctly.
PRISS:  ESCAPE!!

>"Lets fuck each others!

ALL(tearfully):  LET’S NOT!!!!

>You and me We can have a little oral sex!  We can do it on the
>couch, so no one can bother us!"  Misao said.  Sasami was unsure at >first,
then.  "Ok I'll do it!"  Sasami said.

AYEKA(looking a little green):  Well, Tank Cop DID say he was going to put
this in here.

>
>Misao sat o the couch and removed her night shirt, to revail her now >naked
body to her friend.

RATCHET(Sasami):  I’M BLIND!!!

>She then speard her legs wide apart!

PRISS(Misao):  OUCH!  Watch it with that spear!

>Sasami's eyes
>grew large as she saw the young pussy of her friend!  "You look >hungery,
go
ahead and have a late night snack!

RANMA(Sasami):  Okay, you want anything from the fridge, while I’m up?

>Help yourself!"  Misao said with a
>grin.  With that Sasami started to lick away at Misao's sweet pussy!

PETER(Lucky):  Frosted Lucky Cats, they’re magically delicious!
OTHERS:  PETER!
RANMA:  Don’t mention the C word!

>Sasami
>licked hard and fast.  "OOOHHH YES.  lick it Sasami, make me come!"
>Sasami
now starts to dig her tonge deep into her.  It only takes
>two minutes to make Misao cm in Sasami's face.

AYEKA:  And at that moment, Misao’s mother came back home.
RATCHET(Misao’s mother):  Hi Misao, I’m home early . . .  GREAT JUMPING
JIHOSOPHAT!!!
PETER(ditto):  I have a good mind to call your mother, Sasami!
PRISS(Sasami):  But . . .  But she said it was okay!
PETER(Misao’s mother):  That’s not why I’m going to call her.  ^_^
OTHERS(consider what Peter just said): . . . .  HENTAI!!!
        (The rest of the MST cast starts beating up Peter.)
*BIFF!* *WHAM!* *WACK!* *POW!* *CRACK!* *WHUMP!* *SMACK!* *CRACK!*
PETER(being beaten up):  Sorry!  OUCH!  I’m sorry!  I forgot what fic we
were
watching, for a minute!  OWIE!!

>"Yummy.  You taste good Misao.

RANMA(still beating up Peter):  Tastes like chicken.  (Hit by Ayeka’s
haymaker.) *WACK!* OW!

>Not as good
>as Ryo-Ohki, but still good."  Sasami said with cum in her mouth.
>"Really?"  Misao asked.  "Ya."

        (The MST group stops trying to hurt Peter, and sits back down in
their seats.
 They all look worse for wear, but Peter looks like he took the worst of
it.)
PETER(painfully):  I . . . said . . . I . . . was . . . sorry . . .
RANMA(with a black eye):  I didn’t know you could fight like that, against
four other people, Peter.
PETER:  I can’t.  You guys kept hitting each other, while you were trying to
hit me.
PRISS & RANMA:  D’OH!
RATCHET(with her head on backwards):  Hey!  What happened to the screen?!
(Peter twists her head back around.)  Oh.
AYEKA(bruised, but not as much as the others):  Let us just take a moment to
calm down!  This story is turning us against each other!  We have to get
through this together, understand?
OTHERS(sadly):  Okay . . .

>Just then Sasami got an even more twisted idea.

PETER(Dr. Forester):  Let’s use method number 53, hmm?
RATCHET(TV’s Frank):  Yes.  Elegant, painful . . .
PETER(Dr. Forester):  And leaves nothing behind but the great smell of
“Brute”.
PETER & RATCHET(evil laughter):  WAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!  (The
other group members stare at them nervously.)  What?

>"Hey, why don't you come with me and we to the guest room and then we
>can have some real fun, with Ryo-Ohki!"

ALL: . . . .
PRISS:  Feeling of dread, feeling of dread, feeling of dread . . .
OTHERS:  Be afraid . . .  Be very afraid . . .

>
>Sasami slowly opens the door to the guest room.  She peeks her head in
>and looks at Ryo-Oki.  "Good he's still asleep."  Sasami said.

PRISS(Sasami):  Now we can kill him.

>"But won't he
>wake up as we take off his clothes?"  Misao asked.  "No he won't.  He's
>not
wearing any clothes.

RANMA:  Oh that’s . . . huh?

>We did it really good, hell my pussy is still sore
>from him ramming his dick into me.  Not to mention the soreness of my
>ass!"
Sasami said.

        (Ratchet is now standing on her chair, about to hang herself by a
noose that
she just put up, the other end of which is tied to the seat behind her.)
PETER:  Ratchet, wait!
RATCHET:  No!  There’s no talking me out of this!  I can’t take this
anymore!
PETER:  But you don’t understand!
RATCHET:  Oh I understand perfectly! (Places the noose around her neck.)
Even
if this kind of thing only happens once in a blue moon, it WILL happen
again!
PETER:  But . . .
RATCHET:  Goodbye cruel world!  Again! (Jumps off of her chair.)
        *POCK!* *KA-THUNK!* (Ratchet’s head pops off, and her headless body
falls to
the floor.  Ayeka ALMOST screams, Ranma does a double take, and Priss stares
in horrified fascination as Ratchet’s head lands in Peter’s lap.)
PETER(holding Ratchet’s head):  I tried to tell you, you can’t hang yourself
when you have a detachable head.
RATCHET’S HEAD:  Crap.  Uh, could you put my head back on my body, please?
I
can’t find it.
PETER(reattaching Ratchet’s head, to her body):  Sure, just hold still.
AYEKA(to Ratchet):  Please, in the name of all that is holy, do not EVER do
that again.
RATCHET(with her head back on):  Well . . . maybe.

>"You mean he fucks you in the ass!"  Misao asked with
>surprise.  "Yes, many times.  I'm even starting to like it!"  Sasami >said
with a smile.

PETER(Sasami):  My donkey on the other hand . . .

>"I wonder if Rumiya would do that to me?"  Misao wondered.

PRISS:  “I wonder if I can knock myself out, by running head first into the
wall?”  Priss wondered.
RANMA(singing):  I wonder, wonder, wonder, ah whoooooo . . .!
ALL(singing):  WHO WROTE THE BOOK OF LOVE!!!!

>
>The two girls slowly walked over to the bed.  When they got there
>Sasami
>slowly removed the blanket.  Misao was stunned at what she saw.

RATCHET(Ash):  Pikachu!  Thunderwave!
PETER:  PIKA!

>"Oh my, I
>never imagined tha his cock was that big!  He just as big as Rumiya, >maybe
even more so!"  Misao said.

PRISS(Sasami, hick accent):  Well tha not sayn’ much.

>"Well lets get started, you know what to do."

AYEKA(Misao):  I do?

>Sasami said.  Then both girls got down on there knees and started to >lick
away at Ryo-Ohki's mighty oak!

PETER(doubling over):  Oh God!
RATCHET(concerned):  Peter, what’s wrong?
PETER:  I just thought of a really sick Pokemon joke!
PRISS:  Whatever you do, don’t tell it.

>Misao noticed a stickness on his
>cock, most likly cum

RANMA(advertisement):  It’s the most lickidy cum, you’ll ever taste!
(Realizes
what he just said.) I think I’m going to be sick.

>from him and Sasami's sex feast an hour ago.

PETER(advertisement):  Cum to the Olive Garden, for our fourth annual sex
feast!
RANMA(turning green):  Don’t mention food . . . *urp*

>The girls licked up
>and down, the licked around his cock, and they even took turns licking >the
top of his cock.

RATCHET:  It take’s a licking, and keeps on ticking.
PRISS:  It’s a time bomb!
PETER(fish guy, from “Return Of The Jedi”):  It’s a trap!

>Ryo-Ohki started to moan his moans got louder and louder,
>until he woke up from the pleasure.  He lifted his head up to see what >was
>making him fell so good.  What he saw shocked him!

AYEKA:  No more Pikachu jokes, Peter.
PETER & RATCHET:  Darn.

>"SASAMI, MISAO!

RANMA:  CHIEF!
PETER:  MCCLOUD!

>WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!"

AYEKA:  Inquiring cabbits want to know.

>Ryo-Ohki yelled.  The only answer he
>got was

PRISS:  Taped to the front bumper of the car heading toward him.

>of Sasami
>pushing him back down on the bed.  "You just lie there and don't move
>Ryo-Ohki.  If you move we will stop what were doing.  You don't wan use
>to stop do you?"

RANMA:  He don’t wan to use, what the heck?

>Ryo-Ohki didn't need to think about that answer.  "Ok, I'm
>sorry I moved.  I won't move again.  I'll be a good boy!"

PETER:  Oh, so it’s one of THOSE relationships!
PRISS & RANMA:  PETER!!
AYEKA: . . . . .

>Ryo-Ohki said as
>he layed back down and let the grils have there fun!

RANMA:  He let the “Grills” have their fun?!
RATCHET(announcer):  Welcome to the Fryers Club Roast, of Ryo-Ohki!

>
>It took just three more minutes to make Ryo-Ohki come!  Both girls took
>turns sucking up his cum.

PETER:  Over lips, and over gums, I wish the doors were unlocked, so we
could
run!

>"Ok that's enought Misao, Ryo-Ohki and I have to have a quick talk.

RATCHET(Sasami, with a stuffy nose):  I also nave to get nhis cum out nof my
nose.
AYEKA, PRISS, & RANMA:  PETER!  Uh, RATCHET!!
PETER:  Good one, Ratchet.
RATCHET:  Thanks.

>Then we can decide what we will do with you next?"

AYEKA(Sasami):  Is that the right line?
PRISS(Ryo-Ohki):  Should we kill her now, or wait for Rumiya to get here?

>Sasami takes her naked friend by the hand and tells her to sit on a >chair
till she tells her she can get up.

PETER(Sasami):  Now this’ll only hurt a bit.
RATCHET(Misao):  OUCH!
PETER(Sasami):  See?

>
>While Misao waits in the chair, she can see Sasami and Ryo-Ohki talking
>very
>intensivly about something.

RANMA(Ryo-Ohki):  Did you take the pill?
PETER(Sasami):  Pill?!  I thought you bought spermacide cream!

>After about a minute or two Sasami and Ryo-Ohki
>come to a decision.

AYEKA:  Death, by snicker-snag.
RATCHET:  What’s “snicker-snag”?
PRISS:  You don’t want to know.

>Sasami walks over to Misao.  "Ok Misao you can get up now."
>Misao gets up.

PETER(Sasami):  Now roll over.  Speak.  Beg.
AYEKA:  Peter, you are making this worse, than it already is.

>"So what do you want me to do?"  Misao asks.

ALL:  RUN!!!

>"Your a very lucky girl, you get to be fucked by Ryo-Ohki!"
>Sasami said.

RANMA:  But didn’t you just say she was a very LUCKY girl?!

>Misao stumbled back at the sound of that.

PETER(Misao as Jerry Louis):  Woah-woah-woah!  Hello nice floor!

>"Your kidding,

RATCHET(Sasami):  What, is it showing?

>right?"  Misao asked.
>Ryo-Ohki shock his head.  "No Misao, she's not.

ALL:  DAMNIT!!!

>I will lie on the bed and
>Sasami will sit down on top of of my face and I will lick her pussy

AYEKA(Ryo-Ohki):  and I will no longer use commas in any of my sentences!

>!  While you get to ride my cock to your hearst content.

RANMA:  Was it really necessary to make that a separate sentence?
PETER:  To her “hearse” content?
PRISS(hearse):  COFFERS!!!  I MUST HAVE MORE COFFERS!!!

>And I know  your interested
>to see how good I compare to Rumiya!"  Ryo-Ohki said.  Misao's face >turned
bright red!

PRISS(Misao):  I turned up the flame too high, on my lighter!

>"I..I'm not sure?"

AYEKA(Misao):  Is that what I am supposed to say?

>Misao said in a low voice.  Sasami give
>Misao a hug to relax her.

RANMA:  And once again, Shampoo is narrating the fic.

>"Misao, if you want I can face you when I get my
>oral from Ryo-Ohki so we can play with each others tits.  Will that >make
you
feel better?"

PETER:  No.  Oh wait, you’re talking to her.  My mistake.

>Sasami asked.  "Well, ok.  I am interested to know how it
>would feel to be fucked by Ryo-Ohki, just to know if he's as good as m
>Rumiya!"  Misao said with a smile.

RANMA:  Who’s “m Rumiya”?
AYEKA:  Every time I believe that Tank Cop can not pull relationship values
any lower, he keeps finding a way.

>Sasami gave her a kiss on her forhead.
>"Good girl.

PRISS(Sasami):  Here’s a cookie.
PETER(Cookie Monster):  COOKIE!!!  (Goes through the munching bit, while the
other group members stare at him nervously.)

>Now lets get started."

ALL:  LET’S NOT!!!

>
>Ryo-Ohki lies down on the bed as Sasami lies

PETER:  Liar-liar, pants on fire!
RATCHET(Sasami, on fire):  AIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!
AYEKA:  Sasami IS, Richard Pryor.  (The other group members stare at her
nervously.)  I watch a lot of television.

>her pussy right above his
>mouth.  Misao the steadies her pussy on top of Ryo-Ohki's cock!

RATCHET:  So they’re dragging a cat, a chicken, and eventually a donkey into
this?
OTHERS(excluding Peter):  RATCHET!!!
PETER:  Man, I wish I had thought of that joke beforehand!

>"Ok, let do it!"  Ryo-Ohki said.

PRISS:  LET NOT!!!

>Then Misao lowered herself on to Ryo-Ohki's dick!

AYEKA:  Prepare for the “Oh, you’re so big!” line.

>"Oh Ryo-Ohki, your so big!"  Misao said.

        (Peter holds an envelope to his head, while dressed up as The
Amazing
Carnack.)
PETER(Johnny Carson):  Spell check, plot, and original lines.  (Opens the
envelope, and looks at the card.)  Name three things Tank Cop doesn’t use.

>Ryo-Ohki was a little busy with
>licking Sasami's pussy.  While Ryo-Ohki was busy with Sasami, Misao, >sitll
riding Ryo-Ohki, was kissing Sasami and playing with her breasts!

PRISS:  They then all fell off of the bed, and had Rumiya take them to the
hospital.
RANMA(Rumiya):  And just WHAT were you guys doing again?
AYEKA, PETER, & RATCHET(Misao, Ryo-Ohki, and Sasami):  Dancing!!

>Sasami
>was doing the same.

PETER(Tank Cop, Mojo Jojo):  Ha.  Ha-Ha.  I am using redundant sentences, to
drive you insane, because they are redundant you see.  Ha.

>This went on for about 20 minutes with each one of them
>cumming at diffrent times.  They were all loving it until the door >opened
and a tried Rumiya walked in!

PETER(goofy announcer):  Watch the comedic hijinks ensue!
RANMA(Rumiya, tired):  Hey keep it down!  I’m trying to sleep.
PRISS(Rumiya as an insane old man):  Damn kids, get offa my lawn!
AYEKA(Sasami):  Close the door!
RATCHET(Misao):  You’re letting all the cold air in!

>
>He was very tired, he was rubbing his eyes so he could adjust to the >light
in the room.
>"Sasami, Ryo-Ohki.  I'm sorry to have to bother you, but have
>any of you seen Misao?

PETER(Rumiya):  We were supposed to be having sex.

>"  He finally got his eyes focused.  Then he wished he
>hadn't.  "MISAO!  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THREE DOING!

RATCHET(Rumiya):  SASAMI, GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY WOMAN!

>RYO-OHKI YOU GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MISAO RIGHT NOW

RATCHET:  My line was funnier!

>OR I'LL..."  "NO!"  Rumiya was suddenly cut off

PRISS:  Sasami finally had her revenge!
PETER & RANMA(crossing their legs):  PRISS!!
RATCHET(Rumiya in a high pitched voice):  Tis but a flesh wound!
AYEKA:  Oh, how much I wish Tank Cop would get “cut off”.

>mid sentce by a angery Misao!

AYEKA:  If Tank Cop would have used spell check, we might be able to
understand what that just meant.

>"You will do nothing!"  Misao said.

RANMA(Rumiya, hypnotized):  I will do nothing.
RATCHET(Misao):  Cool!  I can’t believed that worked!

>Rumiya was completely suprised!  "WHAT!"  Rumiya said.

PETER:  It said (Through “Mr. Bullhorn”.)  “RUMIYA WAS COMPLETELY
SURPRISED!”!!!!!!!

>"Tell me Rumiya is
>this any diffrent then you fucking Sasami then just leaving her for me,
>just
like I'm doing with Ryo-Ohki?

RANMA(Rumiya):  Well, if you count the fact that Ryo-Ohki didn’t seduce me,
and then bring me into a threesome with you.
AYEKA & PRISS:  UGH!  RANMA!!!
PETER(Rumiya):  And the fact that I paid Ryo-Ohki five hundred Yen to take
care of Sasami, when I left . . .
RATCHET(Sasami):  YOU DID WHAT!?!?  RYO-OHKI YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO
DO!!!!

>Tell me how does it feel to see me with
>Ryo-Ohki?  Its the same feeling you made Sasami feel.  So does it hurt
>you?"  Misao said.  Rumiya looks with sad eyes.  "Yes it hurts me.

ALL:  Us too!!

>Are you
>leaving me Misao is that it?  Do you not love me anymore?

AYEKA(Rumiya):  Do you not like me talking like Mojo Jojo?

>If that's true I will leave and never come back."

PRISS(waving):  GOODBIIIIEEE!!

>Rumiya said with tears in his eyes, very near crying.

RANMA(Rumiya, near crying):  There’s just so much litter on the highway!
(Doing the Soun Tendo crying gag.) WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

>Misao smiled.  "You silly boy.  No, I do love you with all my
>heart

PETER(Misao):  and other things to.

>.  I just wanted to teach you a lessen, to know what it feels like
>to leave the ones you love and you have learned that lessen.

RANMA(Rumiya):  What’s a “lessen”?

>Now why don't you
>come over here and join us?"

ALL(fearfully):  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

>Rumiya was more then happy to do that, but he had a problem.

PETER(straining):  Retort . . . burning . . . in . . . throat . . .

>"Where and who do I get to fuck?  Both of your pussy
>are taken?"  Rumiya said.

RATCHET(Rumiya):  Was that what I was supposed to say?
AYEKA(Misao):  NO!  You got it all garbled up!

>Misao puts he hands behind her and opens her butt checks!

PETER(bank teller):  I’m sorry, you can’t open a checking account here, this
is loans and mortgages, only.

>"You can come in right here!"  Misao said with a big smile.  Rumiya
>was not sure.  "Won't I hurt you?  I mean, that looks like it will >hurt?"
Rumiya said.

PRISS:  Well, it won’t hurt any more than ALL THE OTHER FREAKING TIMES
YOU’VE
F**KED HER IN THIS DAMN SERIES!!!

>"Ryo-Ohki does it to Sasami when they have sex.  I'm sure it
>will hurt at first, but I will get use to it.  Now get to it!"  Misao
>demanded.

PETER:  Looks like the Pixy Misa part of her personality is taking over!

>Rumiya walks over to Misao's butt and slides his dick in slowly.
>"OWW!"  Msao cried out as Rumiya fits his whole dick in her tight >little
ass!

RATCHET(narrator):  And then Misao got medieval on Rumiya’s ass, when she
realized he was having sex with “Msao” instead of her!

>"And I thought you pussy was tight Misao!"  Rumiya said with a grin.

RANMA:  I thought he said-
AYEKA:  Ranma, do not repeat that!  I am trying to forget that line!

>Then he stared to pump her.

        (Priss makes the sound of a bicycle tire being pumped up.)

>Then everyone else started to move again.

PETER:  And there was much rejoicing!
ALL:  BOOOOOO!

>With
>Ryo-Ohki licking and finger Sasami, Misao riding Ryo-Ohki, Sasami >playing
with Misao's tits and kissing her, and Rumiya ass fucking
>Misao!

PRISS(referee):  Incomplete sentence!
RANMA(ditto):  Fifteen yard penalty!

>It was like a wild orgie!

RATCHET:  What’s an “orgie”?

>
>Time seemed to slow down as they all came at diffrent times.

PETER(slow motion):  Ssslllooowww dddaaayyy, hhhuuuhhh?

>A hour or so pasted by, then it was over.

AYEKA:  Thank goodness for small favors.

>"Wow, look at the time.  Its 2 am!  I guess we
>will go to the Magical Kingdom in the afternoon.

RATCHET:  They want to go to Disneyland, after this?

>I think we all need to sleep in."  Rumiyasaid.
>He got no argument for the others.

AYEKA:  He also got no proofreading from Tank Cop.

>Misao and
>Rumiya said good night and left the guest room.

PRISS:  And, if T.C. is true to form, they’re going to have sex again.

>Sasami lies

PETER(Sasami as Bill Clinton):  I did not have sexual relations with Rumiya.
OTHERS(Ken Star):  IMPEACHMENT!!!

>next to Ryo-Ohki and gives him a kiss on the check.  "What was
>that for?"  Ryo-Ohki asks.  "Its a secret?"

RANMA:  And who told him that?

>
>To be contiued!

ALL:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  DAMN YOU TANK COP!!!!!

>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Well my loyal fans

PETER(Captain Taylor):  Well you did it!  You finally did it!!  Damn you all
to Hell!!!

>and you to Ksa and your MST loser's.

PRISS:  Hey!  What about us!?

>Except you Rei my love!

RATCHET:  Sailor Mars?
PETER:  No, the albino from Neon Genesis Evangelion.
RATCHET:  Oh.

>^_^

ALL(old geezer):  EVIL!

>
>I chose to add more dialoge to this one, and more sex.

AYEKA:  Both of which were true to your style of writing.

>I hope you liked it.

ALL:  You hoped wrong, Tank Crap.

>That foursome scene was not easy to write.

PRISS:  Yeah, we can smell your brain burning, from here.

>
>Just one more chapter to go till the end, maybe!

RANMA(praying):  Please let him die before then.  Please let him die before
then . . .

>^_^

ALL(old geezer):  EVIL!

>
>Here's what you can expect next:

RANMA:  Crap.
PRISS:  S**t.
AYEKA:  Spelling errors.
RATCHET:  Lack of talent.
PETER:  Another insult to fan fiction writers everywhere.
ALL:  In other words, something written by you!

>Sammys Little Secret 5: Secrets No More -
>In this one it all ends.

PETER(insane old man):  The world will end, with the fifth episode of this
series!

>The war between Tsunami and Ramia, Sasami and
>Misao tell there families about everything (I mean EVERYTHING!), and >you
will finds out what Sasami ment when she said "Its a secret?"

RANMA:  Didn’t Ryo-Ohki ASK that, instead of Sasami?

>
>Till then my friends

AYEKA(Tank Cop):  who exist in my imagination.

>.
>
>Tank Cop

ALL:  BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

>^_~

PETER:  It’s not worth it.
OTHERS:  Yeah!
        (The MST group leaves the theater.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Group assessment to fan fiction author;

“The Unknown DJ's Lemon Lampoon: Can't Get it down!”:

PETER:  Well, at least you told the truth about it being stupid.

RATCHET:  I liked this one!

PRISS:  Funny.  Fuuuuuuny.

RANMA:  It’s not really nice to joke about that sort of thing, ya know.

AYEKA:  I believe that out of all the stories we saw today, we enjoyed this
one the most.  Or rather, we hated this one the least.

“So much happens in a day”:

PETER:  Most lemons don’t do well in script format.

RATCHET:  This one wasn’t any fun at all.

PRISS:  Don’t quit your day job!

RANMA:  What was the point of this, again?

AYEKA:  Somehow, some way, I shall get even for this.

“Sammys Little Secret 3 & 4”:

PETER:  I can’t enjoy your lemons, no matter how I read them.

RATCHET:  I can safely say, I don’t like you.

PRISS:  I’m glad this series is going to end soon.  I really am.

RANMA:  You forgot about us!

AYEKA:   You are an insult to Sasami fans, everywhere!!!

End of research documentation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR’S NOTES:

        There were no rumors of my death, but they are exaggerated anyway.

        Everyone welcome Ratchet, the newest member of my MST crew!  I
originally
didn’t plan on adding her to the cast until later on in my MST series, but
after seeing that Ksawarrior had already added new members to his cast, I
decided to put this little bit out ahead of schedule.
        Oh, and for those of you wondering where she came from, Ratchet is
one of the
main villains in the Playstation game “Thousand Arms”.  I took one look at
her, and realized she was just too cute to resist.  ^_^
        Since I began MSTing, I’ve tried to make each member of my MST group
reflect
an aspect of my actual personality.  Myself in the MST is my sense of inner
identity.  Priss represents the extremes of my angry/sarcastic side.  Ranma
represents my masculine side (I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer.).
And
Ayeka represents my want for continuity in the Anime series being reviewed
(In
other words, the Nit-Picker.).  If I had to put my honest opinion on it,
Ratchet would be how I perceive I would be if I were a female robot, with a
lot of issues to still work out.  And B-ko?  She’s my work ethic, of course.
        I hope you all welcome her with open arms.  She’s going to be with
the group
now, and I have a bad feeling this will NOT be the last time we’ll be seeing
Tank Cop.  Until the next fic,  sukiyaki!

Peter Suzuki.

EYECATCH:

RATCHET(imitating the author):  You’re darn tootin’ that youre not to good
yet
I hope I never sea something this bad ever again but then I would be
thinking
optimistically.