AnimePort#9 MST. MST#8 The MST of: "Pot" and "Tenchi on a Plate of Sashimi" DISCLAIMER: My following apologies to the following people and/or companies for borrowing and/or creating parodies of their characters, and stories; Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ video, AnimEigo, Pioneer LDC, AIC, U.S. MANGA corps, Kosuke Fujishima, Nintendo, Creatures Inc., GAME FREAK Inc., Best Brains Productions, a bunch of anime companies and writers that I do not know personally, My third grade math teacher, and all others who would be insulted by this MST (Original FanFic writer, optional.). ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Somewhere in the vastness of the multiverse, there is a certain focal point of the worlds. A place where our reality and those of our favorite comic books meet, and are able to cross. At this place was constructed a huge station, technically advanced in ways that surpass even the most futuristic of realities. In this place research is conducted on the fictional stories that are created by the ever adoring fans of the comics. FAN-FICTIONS. One man from our reality, a sponsor of the station, has been given the task of leading the research on the stories, by bringing together the most unique group of people from the anime realms. The place is "AnimePort#9". These are the reviews. . . ____________________________________________________________________________ _________ Technical note: MST’d by the following group of people and/or characters. PETER SUZUKI. PRISS ASAGIRI. RANMA SAOTOME. AYEKA JURAI. Documentation made by the following; B-KO DAITOKUJI. Begin recording of research documentation. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ It was a nice and quiet evening at the Anime Port . . . Oh, wait! That was another show. Things were currently ANYTHING but calm, at the Anime Port!! *WARNING!!!* *WARNING!!!* *INCOMING!!!* *INCOMING!!!* The lights are all flashing red, and the klaxons are blaring loudly. B-ko is seen in front of the control booth, furiously typing on a computer. Several more brightly lit computers and monitors, a couple of which are flashing red, are also just out side of the control booth, all of which have large cables leading into the booth. Priss comes running in, dressed in her hardsuit, and looking like she just used up all of her ammunition. "The pulses are over the horizon!!! I tried to blast the satellites, but that didn’t stop them!!!!" "Keep trying to jerry-rig that disruption field, Priss!! This’ll take longer than I thought!!" Shouted B-ko, over the sirens. "Well, you’d better hurry up!!!! We can’t hold them off forever!!!!" Priss runs back off screen, screaming. *RED ALERT!!!* *RED ALERT!!!* *CORRUPTED INFORMATION COMING IN FROM SPONSORS!!!* Ayeka runs by, dressed in full battle armor. She stops, and then turns back to look at the camera. "We are on the air? Oh, poo!" said Ayeka. "Ahem. Greetings viewers. You may be wondering what exactly is going on at the moment. Well, this morning the sponsors for the research had a meeting, consequently less one member-" Peter runs by B-ko, dressed in army camouflage, carrying his bazooka, and screaming, "We’re all gonna die!!! We’re all gonna die!!! AIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!" " . . . . During that meeting, the other sponsors came to the conclusion that we are not pulling our weight in this research, since we have not really done exceedingly terrible Fan Fiction stories. Thus their decision is to send us ALL of the worst Fan Fictions ever made, lemon or otherwise. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go and panic. GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" Ayeka runs off, screaming at the top of her lungs. Ranma, dressed in some sort of combination Samurai / Chinese Warlord armor, that looks like it had seen better wars, runs over to B-ko. "B-ko!!! They’ ve broken through the first line!!! The fields are only holding back a few of them!!! If you don’t get that protection program set up, I can’t be responsible for the consequences!!!" "Damnit!!! I’m working as fast as I can!!! Just try to hold them off for another minute!!!" said B-ko, still typing. Peter runs in, and over to B-ko and Ranma. "REALLY bad news, guys!!!" "Is this about those four guys on horses that I saw in the lobby?!" asked Ranma. "Sort of." Said Peter. "War got beaten in battle, Death died, Pestilence got sick, and Famine lost its appetite PERMANENTLY!!!!!" "Does that mean what I think it means!?" asked B-ko. "Yeah, the Fics are HERE!!!" shouted Peter. "Ayeka and Priss are trying to send a disruption wave through the surface of the station, but a few are bound to get through!!!" "Hurry up with that program, B-ko!!!!!" Ranma and Peter both shouted at the same time. "I’m hurrying!!! I’m HURRYING!!!!!" shouted B-ko, working as fast as she could. *TWO MINUTES TO ARMAGEDDON SIGN!!!* "B-ko!!! There are lemons on the starboard bow!!!" Shouted Ayeka, as she and Priss ran into the lounge. "Well, scrape them off, and get back to keeping them out of here!!!!" shouted B-ko. "We already tried that!!!" said Priss. "Besides, we’ve done all we can do!! It’s up to you now!!!" "Crap." Muttered B-ko. "Almost . . . THERE!!!" The lights stop flashing, and the sirens stop blaring. "B-ko, damage report." Says Peter. "We stopped all but TWO of the Fics." Said B-ko. "We can only hope they weren’t the worst of the worst." "DONT COUNT ON IT, KIDDIES!!!!!!!" the sponsor’s voice sounded over the loud speaker. "VERY CLEVER OF YOU TO MAKE A SHIELDING PROGRAM, BUT WE SENT OUT THE WORST ONES FIRST!!!!!!! NOW YOU WILL SUFFER FOR TRYING TO THWART OUR EFFORTS!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" Ayeka considered something. "But if we did NOT put up the shield program, then would we not suffer even more, because we would still be doing those two stories, as well as . . ." "SILENCE!!!!!!!" boomed the sponsor. "YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF U-" "You’re speaking over the intercom, dummy!" said Peter. "SHUT UP!!!!!!!" the sponsor canceled transmission. "Man, sometimes I really hate this job." Said Priss. Just then, the signal to start blared. *PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!* *MAKE IT DOUBLE!* "We got ‘Crappy Fic’, sign!!" shouted the MST group as they entered the theater. B-ko, of course, entered into the control booth. ========================================================== (The MST group enters into the theater. Four seats lay at the center of the theater. The MST group sits from left to right; Ayeka, Ranma, Priss, and Peter.) AYEKA: I pray that this will not hurt, too much. RANMA: Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. PRISS: Or at least the least painful. PETER: I think the Fic is starting. Shhh! >"Hey, baby," Jamey said to Ryoko. RANMA(Jamey): Have you seen the title anywhere? >"How you liken the party, girl?" PRISS(Ryoko with a southern accent): Well I ‘liken’ it very much, mistah Jamey. AYEKA: Who in their right mind would invite Ryoko to a party? RANMA: Maybe they’re not in their right mind. >"Uh, it's >ok," she said. Ryoko didn't even know what she was doing at Jamey's party, PETER(Ryoko): That’s the last time I go through the medicine cabinet, and wonder "Gee, what does THIS taste like?". >and there was something about Jamey's eyes that frightened her. AYEKA: They were constantly spinning around in circles. >It was like he >wasn't all there, like he was drunk, RANMA: Hey, Ayeka was right. >only his speech wasn't slurred and he >didn't have it on his breath. What was on his breath, however, was something >Ryoko had never smelt before. PETER(deep voice): Behold, the power of CHEESE!!! >He smelled a little like smoke. "Glad you >enjoyin it, baby," he said, PRISS(Ryoko): Actually, I’m not. Could you take a breath mint? AYEKA: Is that young man smoking that mare- marou- mariou- PETER: Marijuana? AYEKA: Yes, that. RANMA: Probably. >leaning up against the wall. "Lemme introduce you >to someone, alright?" PETER(Jamey): Here’s a weird naked Indian, standing next to me . . . >"Uh, fine." She didn't really want to go with him, but >she had a mission to take care of. RANMA(Ryoko as Igor): I must fetch a brain for my mother! Eheheheheheheh!!! PETER: Don’t steal my lines, Ranma. >As she followed him through the crowd of >teenagers, she wondered if what she was doing was really worth what she was >doing. AYEKA: So just what is Miss Ryoko going to do tonight? PRISS(Brain): The same thing she does every night, Pinky. AYEKA: Who is ‘Pinky’? OTHERS(groaning): Never mind. >She wanted to make Tenchi jealous, ALL: . . . . PRISS: Okay, so I was wrong. >but didn't really want to hang >around these guys either. AYEKA: And now she understands why Lord Tenchi does not want to associate with perverted freaks of nature. PETER: Ayeka, don’t. There may be Ryoko fans watching this. AYEKA(to Peter): Hush up. I can say what I want to. RANMA: Priss, do you think that conversation just went over our heads? PRISS: How am I supposed to know? >She noticed, in the corner, a teenage girl and guy >making out. No one seemed to mind, and Ryoko thought what Aeka would say >if she saw this. "That's intolerable! I will not allow this kind of behavior to >persist any longer!! PRISS(Aeka): And I must say, you kiss like a squid! (Hit by Ayeka) *SMACK!* Ow! PETER(to the viewing audience): See if you can figure out that one, folks. >" That was what she would say. Ryoko smiled, perhaps for >the first time since she had arrived at Jamey's house. RANMA: Well, I guess getting a whiff of his breath will do that to ya. >"Hey Danny boy!" Jamey >called out to a man in a leather jacket. "What up?" the guy said, turning his >attention away from a girl he was talking to, and facing them. AYEKA(Jamey): Well, your dialogue is cracked, and I am seeing four of you at the moment. >"Hey! PETER(Danny): Anybody notice that we’re all in Japan, but we’ve got American names? >Who's the chick?!" PRISS: She’s called a coat rack, you doped up dork. Looks like Jamey isn’t the only one getting high. >"Her name's Ryoko. Says she's goin steady with that guy Tenchi." AYEKA(annoyed): Ahem . . . >"That wuss?!" Danny said, shocked. "Why the hell doesn't she find herself a >real man?!" AYEKA: Peter, may I please borrow your bazooka for a moment? PETER: After what you did with it last time, Ayeka? Uh-uh. AYEKA: Pleeease! I shall aim it the right way this time, I promise! PETER(passing his bazooka to Ayeka): Okay, but if you blast me again . . . (Ayeka fires at the screen, but she is holding it backwards, and reduces the seats behind her to cotton fluff.) *BOOOOOOM!!!!* B-KO(from the control booth): HEY!!! AYEKA: OOPS! Uh, here Peter. I will not be needing it- PETER(grabbing his bazooka from Ayeka): Ever again! >"Says that's what she's tryin to make outta Tenchi." Ryoko didn't >especially like the way these two were making fun of Tenchi. AYEKA: And I do not like it either. >"Bout time >somebody did that," Danny said. Danny's eyes didn't have the vacant, scary >look that Jamey's did, and Ryoko was a little grateful. PRISS: His eyes were just swirling around, and around, and around . . . >"I can help you make a >man outta the punk. ALL: GYAAAH!!!! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!! >Hey, Jamey! Can I use your mom's bedroom?" RANMA(Jamey): Not for what you’re talking about, sicko!! >"Sure man," Jamey said with a wink. PRISS: Wow, they’re right! Pot DOES effect your better judgment. >"Although you may need to throw some guys >out. (Everyone shudders.) >I think they're gettin high in there." "High?! Shit! I been lookin for the >stuff all night! ALL: You mean you’re not, right now!?!? >We can smoke some and then get it on, how's that, baby?" AYEKA: I know that Miss Ryoko has higher standards, than that. >Ryoko was two seconds away from blowing the guy ALL(large sweatdrops on the backs of their heads): . . . . . AYEKA: Then again . . . . >straight through the roof. ALL(relieved): Whew!! >She knew exactly what the pervert meant about getting it on, PETER: She heard her mommy talking about it once, when she thought she wasn ’t listening! >and getting high >was probably something like it. PRISS: Uh, no. >But Ryoko stopped herself. What was getting >high, anyway? Maybe Tenchi and her could try it together. "Ok," she said, PETER(slamming his forehead into the seat in front of him): This *thud* can ’t *thud* be *thud* happening *thud* !!! *thud* *thud* *thud* *thud* RANMA: Uh, Peter? Are you feeling okay? PETER: I *thud* am *thud* fine *thud* how *thud* are *thud* you? *thud* >letting Danny boy take her hand. "Alright!" He led her through more >teenagers, most having the vacant look Jamey had in their eyes, ALL(teenagers as zombies): Brains . . . >and to the >bedroom. He opened the door, and a cloud of smoke escaped from the room. >Above them, the smoke detectors sat lifelessly on the ceiling. "Good thing he >took the batteries outta them first," Danny said, PRISS(Danny): Though it’s kinda bad, now that the bedroom’s on fire. >pointing up. Inside the room, >a group of about six boys were huddled in a circle. (Peter turns pale, and shakes slightly.) AYEKA: Peter? Are you all right? PETER: I just had a bad flashback of watching "Manos: Hands Of Fate". Brrrr . . . >On the bed, a girl and a >guy were having unpassionate sex, both with their shirts still on. RANMA(guy, monotone): Oh yeah. Do I make you horny baby? Do I? PRISS(girl, deadpan): No. Keep humping, Ben. >Danny >roughly grabbed the guy by the back of the shirt collar and lifted him off the >bed. "Hey, man!" the guy half choked out. "What's the matter?!" PETER(guy): We were almost to the point where we were almost sexually aroused! AYEKA(girl): Can I go home now? This party is really boring. >"I need to use >the bed, dumbass!" Danny spat roughly, and threw the guy to the floor, hard. >"You jerk," the girl said, going to her boyfriend. "Are you ok, Tommy?" PETER: Who’s Tommy? (B-ko throws a tomato at him.) *splat!* Hey! >"Yeah." "Ah, I'm sorry he hurt ya." "I ain't hurt," the guy said, and he smiled >at her. She returned his smile, and they resumed their act. Ryoko noticed that >both of them had the vacant look. RANMA(announcer): This is your brain, out to lunch . . . Any questions? PRISS: Can we go now? B-KO(from the control booth): Sorry, but no. ALL: Damn! >"You wanna do it now or get high first?" >Danny asked. "Let's get high first," she said, forcing a smile. PRISS(Ryoko): First I’ll get him high, and then I’ll kill him. ALL(bored): Yaaay. > "Alright!" he >said, leading her over to the circle of guys. PETER(singing): It’s the circle!! The circle of guyyyys!!! OTHERS(covering ears): Shut up, Peter!!!! >He pushed one of them out of the >way, but the rest didn't seem to mind. AYEKA: Because junkies wobble, but they do not fall down. >They were each passing around a small >white thing, which they sucked on. ALL: EEEEEW!!! RANMA: Previous riffs about Danny, come to mind!!! PETER: Make them stop!!! Make them stop!!! >They each got one suck before they passed >it to the next person. PRISS(singing): You suck one down, and you pass it around . . . OTHERS(turning green): Shut *URP!* up!!! >"Gemme some," Danny said, snatching the thing from >the guy next to him. AYEKA: That is sexual harassment! PETER: Now you’re doing it, Ayeka!! >He took a long suck and then handed it to Ryoko. Ryoko, >unsure of what to do with it, took a short suck on it. Suddenly, RANMA: Narcotics agents busted into the house, and arrested everyone inside. The End. OTHERS: You wish. >a small puff of >smoke came into her mouth and went down her throat. Ryoko let out a string >of coughs. Somebody laughed. PETER(Somebody): Huh-huh, people choking to death is funny! PRISS: Now you’re stealing my lines, Peter!!! PETER: I’m just getting back at you, Priss. >Danny punched that somebody in the nose, (Priss hits Peter.) *WHAM!!!* RANMA(to Priss): What did ya do that for? PRISS: Well it said ‘punched that somebody’, so . . . PETER(dizzy): Auntie Em? Is that you? . . . . >putting him out cold, PETER(still dizzy): Hold the onions, please. Huuuuu . . . >and grabbed the thing away from Ryoko. RANMA(Danny): Mine! >"Not like that! >Have you ever done this before?" "Uh, no," AYEKA: And here Miss Ryoko has been trying to convince Lord Tenchi to- RANMA: Ayeka!!! We’re TRYING to forget about phallic symbols, remember!? AYEKA: Sorry. PETER(dizzy): Todo, this doesn’t look like California to me . . . >she said, meekly. "Well, all you's >got to do is take shorter puffs until you get it right. PRISS(Danny): And then you’s gotta talk like you’s from New York, even tho you’s in Japan, see. PETER: Ugh. What hit me? AYEKA & RANMA: Priss. PETER: Figures. >" "Puffs? PETER(holding up a box of tissues): Here! (The others stare at him nervously.) What? >"Yeah! Sucks on >it I mean. And then you'll start to get all these cool illusions and stuff. Puts >you right in the mood for sex. PRISS(Danny): Why the other day, I thought I was doing a babe, and it was really my pet pig, Gordy. PETER: Allow me. (Pulls out a huge mallet, and clobbers Priss.) *WHAM!!!* PRISS(dizzy): Pretty stars, George. . . >" "Really?!" Ryoko asked excitedly. RANMA: Who’s excitedly? >"Yeah," he >said, lifting his hand up to Ryoko's breast. "Aren't you feeling it yet?" Ryoko >looked down at the boy's hand, and then up to his smiling face. PETER(alarm system): WHOOP!!! WHOOP!!! WHOOP!!! YOU ARE TOO CLOSE TO THE CHEST!!! PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE CHEST!!! WHOOP!!! WHOOP!!! >She connected >a punch square to his forehead, sending him crashing into the couple having >sex on the floor. RANMA(Tommy): Look! Either take the bed, or take the floor, but you can’t have both!! PRISS(waking up): Ugh. Ow. Hey, what did I miss? PETER: Ryoko connecting a ‘punch square’ to Danny’s forehead. PRISS: Damn. Anything else. AYEKA: No. PRISS: Double Damn. >The two looked at their new visitor, and resumed their act >right on top of him. AYEKA: Well, he would be about as intelligent as a cushion, so . . . >"Where is the stuff?!" Ryoko asked one of the teenagers >huddled around. "That's pot, man," one said, and let out a small cough. "That >is the pure shit too, not any of that punk stuff." PETER: They’re smoking their sh- OTHERS: Shut yo mouth!!! PETER: But I’m just talking about the sh- AYEKA: Shut it anyway! >"Give me the stuff." "Hell no!" >he said, getting angry. "That's my shit and you can't have it." PETER(Ryoko): I wanted the pot, not your sh- OTHERS: We SAID, shut up!!! >Ryoko was >about to blast him before she realized Tenchi might get mad if she killed >anyone. PRISS: Although he might make an exception for these guys. AYEKA: You got that right. >She had a better idea. She was wearing a school uniform so as not to >look out of place. She lifted up the shirt over her head, showing her large, >naked breasts. "Oh shit!" PETER: Now he’s praising his sh- OTHERS: SHUT UP, PETER!!!! PETER(grumbling): Oh, poo. >one of the kids said. Ryoko, pleased with the >reaction, unlatched her skirt and let it drop off of her in a clump. She slipped >out of her panties and looked at the owner of the "pot." "I'll tell you what," she >said. "Let's make a trade." "Wh-wh-what?" he asked. "You give me the pot >and I'll RANMA(Ryoko): Let you live. >give you something you'll truly enjoy." PETER: My hentai sense is tingling . . . and rising. OTHERS: EEW! Peter!! >She crawled over to him, >sticking her butt right in another kid's face. RANMA(kid): Hey! I can’t see!! AYEKA: Please Ryoko! Even you should have more decency than THIS!! > She then grabbed the pot owner's >crotch and pulled him towards her. PRISS(Ryoko): Your choice, the pot, or this. Which you gonna loose? PETER & RANMA: PRISS!!! >"We got a deal?" "Sh-sh-sure." "Good." >She unzipped the boy's zipper and put her hand through. She then stuck her >breasts in the guy's face. AYEKA: And suffocated him. PRISS: Ayeka . . . AYEKA: Sorry, but I feel somehow compelled to save at least SOME of Miss Ryoko’s dignity, for some reason. >He worked the boy's penis out and sat on it. She then >kissed the kid. The boy, a smile ten-feet wide on his lips, RANMA(announcer): Now at the B movie theater, ‘The Smile That Ate Cincinnati’. PETER: Who’s Cincinnati? (The other group members face fault.) Well? RANMA(muttering): I walked right into that one. >handed Ryoko a bag >of the small white objects. PRISS: Like the one she was currently working with. RANMA: That was a low blow, Priss. >She kissed him and wrapped her hand around his >penis. She then started letting off heat out of her hand, more and more. (Peter and Ranma both cross their legs.) >The >kid, his smile now turned to an expression of utter surprised and horror, AYEKA: at the terrible misplacement of pretenses the author used. >yelped and pulled his dick away from the woman. "What the hell was that?!!" >"That's a trick I picked up. PRISS(Ryoko): It’s called ‘Roasting Wieners’. PETER & RANMA: Priss!!! >Tenchi likes it." RANMA: So, Tenchi’s a masochist? AYEKA: . . . . >"What?" the boy said, massaging >his shlong slowly. PRISS: Make up your mind. Is it ‘short’, or is it ‘long’? AYEKA: It is burned. PETER & RANMA: . . . . . >There were red, finger shaped marks around it, and the >pain was almost excruciating. "Te-te-Tenchi?!" "Hm-hmm," she nodded, PETER(Ryoko as Porky Pig): Thea-thea-that’s right kid! >slipping back in her underwear. AYEKA: She does not wear any!!! RANMA: Uh, Ayeka? AYEKA: What? RANMA: Never mind. >She got dressed quickly and left the boys >without another sound. The boy who had owned the pot watched her go and >stood there watching for a full five minutes before he remembered his penis >was still out. PRISS(boy): Hey! Come back here, and light it up again!! PETER & RANMA(shuddering): Priss!!! >When Ryoko arrived home, she headed straight for the bath. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >She >needed to wash that pervert's smell off of her and needed to do it quickly. It >might sink in, she feared. AYEKA(salesman): To remove that awful pervert smell, use "Pervert Be Gone" body soap! Allow me to demonstrate for you, on a genuine pervert. Oh, Peter . . . PETER: No. >She entered the house without a sound and walked >into the bath. RANMA: Uh, you already said she did that. >She could hear the others eating dinner. "Where's Ryoko?" she >heard Tenchi ask. She thought it was sweet that he was thinking about her, >but didn't want to go to him smelling like this. PETER: ARRGH!! YOU ALREADY POINTED THAT OUT!!!!! YOU ALREADY POINTED THAT OUT!!!!! (Everyone else gets large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.) >"She went to a party with that >friend of yours," Sasami said. "Jamey, I think his name was." "JAMEY!!" >Tenchi yelled. RANMA(Tenchi): Oh no! Once she gets home, I’ll have to tell her to take a bath, to get the pervert smell off of her!! PETER(smoke and sparks coming out of ears): I am cAlm. I wiLl sTay fRosTy . . . >Uh oh, Ryoko thought. I better get in the bath before he totally >loses it. She teleported her way through the walls into the bath. PETER(shaking): She DoeS noT teLepOrt Her Way ThrOugH waLls . . . RANMA: Um, B-ko!! I think Peter needs some help here! (Notices that B-ko left the control booth for a snack.) Oh, poo. >It would feel >nice to get that smell away from her once and for all. PETER(near tears): You already said thaaaaaaaat!!! >"What's wrong with >Jamey?" Aeka asked. "He seemed like a perfectly nice boy when I talked to >him. Called me ma'am and was very cordial." "You don't know Jamey," >Tenchi said. AYEKA: You got that right. >"That boy has had more parties than anyone else in the school. >He has this disgusting record with girls. He always says that he's banged more >girls than Zeus." PRISS: It’s amazing he knows that, but he isn’t smart enough to know how socially repulsive he is. >"That's disgusting!" Aeka yelled. "What's banged?" Sasami >asked. AYEKA: Good question. What is ‘banged’? PETER: Had sex with, done very quickly, wham bam serve the ham, you get the idea? OTHERS(especially Ayeka): Shut up. >"Nothing," Aeka said. "Although I do think that he and Ryoko would >probably get along rather well." "What do you mean?" Tenchi asked. "Yeah," >Sasami said. RANMA: Yet another classic case of the ‘middle man’ getting in the way. PRISS: Or in this case, ‘middle girl’. >"Go to your room, Sasami," Aeka said. "This isn't for your ears." >"But I wanna know!" AYEKA: No you do not. >"As your big sister, I order you to go to your room, >Sasami!" "Ah, man." AYEKA: Sasami does not say "Ah, man". She says "Ah, poo", and once "Ah, crap", after she watched ‘South Park’, which we had Miss Washu erase from Sasami’s memory, but she does not say "Ah, man". PRISS: Thank you Miss Know It All. >Sasami picked up her plate and wandered into the living >room. PETER(Sasami): Can someone tell me where my room is? Washu erased that from my memory as well. AYEKA(to Peter): Shut up. >It seemed that almost everyday Aeka, Ryoko, and Tenchi were having >some sort of conversation that she couldn't be apart of. Suddenly, Sasami >heard the doorbell ring. "I'll get it!" she yelled back to the kitchen. "That's >probably her now," she heard Aeka say. AYEKA: Tell her to go to the bath, and to wash that pervert smell off of her. >Sasami opened the door to reveal a >shivering Kiyone and Mihoshi. PRISS & RANMA(Kiyone and Mihoshi): Can you please spare us some change? >"There was a power shortage in our building >and the heat got turned off," Kiyone said. "Do you think we can stay over here >just for tonight?" "Yeah," Mihoshi said. "We're freezing our booties off." >Kiyone looked at Mihoshi weirdly and asked through shivering teeth, >"booties?" "Yeah," Mihoshi chattered back. PETER(Mihoshi as Cartman): Because I get shocked every time I say the word a- *KRAK-KATZZZZZIT* YEOW!!! Who did that!?!?! PRISS(hiding the tazer): Who did what? >"They say that all the time on Sa- >Soul Train." "Sure you can stay," Sasami said, delightedly. "Hey Tenchi!" she >called to the kitchen. "Huh?!" Tenchi called back. "Can Kiyone and Mihoshi >stay for tonight?!" PRISS(Tenchi): No. Toss them back out in the cold! >"Sure!!" "Ok. We can bring out some cots from the closet >and set them up in the living room." "That'll be great!" Mihoshi said >excitedly. "Yeah," Kiyone said. "It's so warm in here." "Alright. The cots are >right in there," Sasami pointed towards a small door on the far wall. "Hey!" >Ryoko called, coming around the corner, into the living room with a bath >towel wrapped around herself. RANMA(Ryoko): I just finished washing that pervert smell off of myself. (Peter twitches in his seat.) >"What are you two doing here?" "Our heat >turned off, Ryoko," Mihoshi said. "We get to stay with y'all. Won't that be >fun?!" PETER(through clenched teeth): Ryoko does NOT talk with a country accent!!! PRISS(to the control booth): B-ko!! We need help here!! (B-ko is still not there.) Ah, man! >Kiyone looked at Ryoko harshly. It had only been a matter of days >since they had fought each other, and they had exchanged few words since. RANMA: Geez. Don’t ya just hate it when a relationship goes sour? AYEKA: Ranma, shut up. You are becoming almost as bad as Peter. RANMA: Sorry. >"You know," Ryoko said, coming up to Mihoshi. "I think I have just the game >we can play." "Oh, great!" Mihoshi and Sasami yelled in unison. "I love >games! What's the game?!" "It's called pot, and I think it'll be pretty fun." (A computerized voice sounds from the control booth.) COMPUTER: Warning! Warning! Suzuki’s mind has reached critical meltdown point! Discontinue the absurd Fic immediately, or suffer the consequences! ALL BUT PETER: B-KO!!! GET BACK INTO THE CONTROL BOOTH!!! B-KO(eating a Power Bar): What’s all the screaming abou- (Notices the computer warning.) HOLY SHNIKIES!!! WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!?!?!?! >"How do you play?" Sasami asked. (Peter’s head starts rotating around, as B-ko tries the stop the meltdown.) >"This is sort of a game for grown-ups," >Ryoko said. "Ah, c'mon! Please!!" "Uh . . . ok! Why not? Bout time you >learned about this stuff anyway." COMPUTER: Red alert! Red alert! Suzuki’s mind has suffered meltdown! Have a nice day! B-KO: Damnit!! AYEKA: Uh, B-ko? What is the problem of Peter’s mind suffering meltdown? B-KO: Mostly, he just won’t have any restraint on the jokes he uses. RANMA: Uh, is that any different from before? PETER: Eheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh!!!!!! >"Ryoko!" Tenchi yelled. RANMA(Tenchi): Are you trying to teach Sasami how to smoke pot again?! >Both him and Aeka >had come from the kitchen to greet their new guests, and both were surprised >to see Ryoko there too, especially in a bathrobe. AYEKA: She was wearing a towel. >"You really should put on >some clothes," Aeka said. "I will! PRISS: Well, that’s a miracle in itself. >Hiya doin, Tenchi?" "Uh, fine. How'd you >like the party?" "It was awful! Just awful without you there!" Tenchi partly >smiled. PETER(Tenchi): I wanted Danny to help Ryoko ‘Make a man out of me’! OTHERS: PETER!!! THAT’S DISGUSTING EVEN FOR YOU!!!! B-KO(from the control booth): I told you so. >He had been worried for Ryoko before, but now he knew that she >wouldn't have done anything she'd regret later on. Then again, maybe some >had tried something and she hadn't wanted to go through with it. Maybe she >had killed- "Ryoko! You didn't hurt anyone, did you?!" PETER(Ryoko): Burned off a guy’s penis, no biggie. Your point? (Ranma shudders.) >"No, of course not. In >fact," she said teleporting out of sight briefly and coming back with her >clothes on, "I have something we can all do together." Tenchi didn't like the >sound of this, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw what Ryoko was >pulling out of her pocket. PETER(Tenchi): Ryoko, is that pot in your pocket, or are you just happy ta see me? OTHERS: EEW! >"It's called pot!" "NO!" Tenchi yelled. "I don't think >we should do anything with that stuff!" "Why not?!" Ryoko pouted. PETER(Tenchi): Because I got plenty of my own, up stairs! AYEKA(covering ears): Make him stop!! Make him stop!!! >"Everyone >was doing it!" "You know what that stuff is?!" "Of course. It's pot. It's >supposed to put you in the mood." "Do you know what that mood is?!" "I sure >do," Ryoko said, teleporting into Tenchi's arms. "No!" Tenchi said, stepping >away and letting Ryoko fall to the ground. (Priss makes a bomb dropping noise, followed by the sound of pans hitting the ground.) >"It doesn't do that. It makes you >start seeing things, at least that's what my dad said." RANMA: As opposed to seeing absolutely nothing. >"Well, why don't we try >it and see?" Ryoko said, picking out a joint and lighting it with a spark of >energy from her finger. "Stop that!" Tenchi said. "You don't know what that >stuff can do!" "Everybody at the party was doing it and they seemed fine. AYEKA: THAT is a matter of opinion. >Besides, what's seeing a few things. It might be pretty cool." "Yeah, Tenchi," >Mihoshi said. "Let's just try it. It's a game, anyways, right?" "Right!" Ryoko >said. "C'mon, we can make a family thing out of it." PETER: Ladies and gentlemen, bring the family together with "Family Narcotic Night!!!" >"I don't know," Tenchi >said. "What if it makes us do something we'd regret?" PRISS(Tenchi): Like be put into a really bad Fan Fic? >"I'm with Ryoko on this >one," Aeka said. Everyone looked at Aeka. "Jamey was saying that the stuff >was pretty cool when I talked to him." RANMA: Who are you, and what have you done to the real Aeka? >"When exactly did you two talk to this >guy?" Tenchi asked. "It was when we were lonely for you, Tenchi," Ryoko >said. PETER: And thus, Jamey got lucky! AYEKA: Shut up, Peter!! PETER: Make me!! >"It seemed like you were avoiding us, so we went to your school to see >you, but we found Jamey instead. PRISS(Ryoko): So we beat the crap out of him! PETER(ditto): So we had wild monkey sex, with him! EVERYONE BUT PETER: . . . . . . . . >He said that you were gone on a field trip. >He then invited us to a party." "I would not partake in such things," Aeka >said, "but it sounded as though this stuff was actually a good experience." AYEKA(deadpan): Experience the thrill of a lifetime, as you do the stupidest thing in your life. >"C'mon, Tenchi," Ryoko said. "I'm with them," Kiyone said. RANMA: Is ANYONE in character, in this Fic!?!?!?!? >"It's just for a >little while. If everyone was doing it, it must not have been lethal or very >harmful. Why not try it?" Tenchi was stunned. PETER(Ash): Pikachu, Thunder Wave now!! >He looked from face to face, >from Ryoko PRISS(Ryoko): Duiii . . . >to Aeka AYEKA: What was I thinking? >to Mihoshi RANMA(Mihoshi): Huh? >to Kiyone. PETER(singing): From coast to coast, to make you smile . . . >"Fine," he finally said. "But just >for tonight." "Alright!" Sasami yelled. "Not you, though!" Aeka yelled. ALL(bored): Yaaay. >"You >go to your room. I don't know what this stuff could do to you." "AEKA!!" >Sasami yelled. "You leave me out of everything!" She was starting to cry. PRISS(Sasami): I wanted to be doped up just like the rest of you! PETER(ditto): I think I’m suffering from glaucoma, and everything! RANMA: Hey, where’s Washu? AYEKA: I have no idea. >"Oh, c'mon now. We'll do something tomorrow." "You know, Aeka," Ryoko >said. "Maybe you should let the kid try it. I mean, why can you and not her?" PRISS(sarcastic): Sure, get the kid hooked on dangerous drugs, early in life. Brilliant, Ryoko! >"Because she's only eight!!" "But Aeka!!" Sasami blubbered. PETER: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Sasami the whale! >"Oh . . . fine. But >I don't want to hear any but Aeka's next time I tell you something." "Nah," >Tenchi said, "I don't think she should do have any of that stuff either." ALL(bored): Yaaay. RANMA: Like HE’S the perfect one to convince them of anything. AYEKA: Shut up. PRISS: Oh, come on Ayeka! You know it’s the truth. AYEKA: I do not care, just shut up. >"Please, Tenchi," Sasami whined, tears still swelling up in her eyes. She tilted >her head slightly towards the lamp light so the light sparkled in her eyes. PETER(Tenchi): Gah! . . . Draining . . . my . . . strength! . . . Child . . . too . . . cute! RANMA(ditto): Must . . . talk . . . like . . . William . . . Shatner ! >"Oh, >fine," Tenchi said. "She's just too damn cute," PETER: Told ya! >he mumbled to himself. >"Alright," Ryoko said, already puffing on a joint. "Let's rock this joint." >Suddenly she went into a coughing spree, almost choking. PRISS(sarcastic): Yeah, brilliant Ryoko. Just brilliant. AYEKA(Ryoko as Scarecrow): If only I had a brain! >The others stared >at her, reluctant to proceed. "It's not bad," she said. RANMA(sarcastic): Sure Ryoko, sure. >"Go ahead." Aeka was the >next one to go. She took a puff and went into a huge coughing spasm. ALL(bored): Yaaay. >"That's >horrible!" she wheezed out. "Take another puff," Ryoko said. "It gets better." AYEKA: Will somebody PLEASE put her out of her misery, already! >Aeka did, this time not coughing so much. Mihoshi was the next one to try, >taking a huge puff and coughing loudly. "It's like smoke," she said, watering >at the eyes. ALL(sarcastically shocked): You’re kidding?!?! >"Don't take so big a puff," Kiyone said, taking one. She took a >small puff and let out a few coughs. "It's not so bad," she said. "Kinda makes >you light headed though." Tenchi and Sasami were very reluctant to proceed. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >Sasami didn't think that coughing was especially fun and was beginning to >reassess the situation. Tenchi was thinking back to the stories his father had >told him about pot. PETER(Nobuyuki): Pot is really expensive, so don’t be using any of my stash! >In the sixties, everyone was smoking it, and he said that >the stuff got more of a bad wrap than it should have had. AYEKA: Which explains why he is like this today. >The stuff wasn't as >addictive as some would say, and everyone turned out ok. PRISS: Except for the fact that he and Achika had you, Tenchi. AYEKA: Hey! PETER: Face it, Ayeka. (Hank Hill impersonation) The boy ain’t right. AYEKA(angrily): Shut up. >Tenchi took a deep >breath and grabbed a joint. RANMA: Uh, I think you got that backwards, Tenchi. >He lit it off Ryoko's one and took a small puff. He >managed to hold back his coughing. "I'm glad dad and grandpa are out of >town," he mumbled. PETER(Fire Marshall Bill Burns): Leaving Tenchi alone at home, with the girls. A DEADLY COMBINATION!!!!! >Feeling left out, Sasami took one and lit it. She took a >small drag and coughed. It wasn't bad. She took another one and coughed >some more. PRISS: You’d think that Tsunami would have intervened by now. PETER: I think this is the TV series. >It wasn't a painful cough, just a light one. She began to feel a little >light in the head, and took another one. Ryoko and Aeka were now smoking >on their joints heavily. PETER: Must . . . control . . . urge . . . to- ah forget it! Hey, Ayeka! Why are you and Ryoko sucking on each other’s elbows, instead of your naughty spots? (Ayeka’s shield units surround Peter.) *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* >Ryoko finished hers and picked out another. A small >cloud was becoming apparent over their heads, but none of them noticed. PRISS(weatherman): And later this evening, a small cloud will be forming over the cast of Tenchi Muyo, so carry a jacket. >Ryoko and Aeka were now getting high, PETER(burned to a crisp): It takes them that long to get high? (Shield units surround Peter, again.) *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* RANMA(large sweatdrop on the back of his head): Uh, Ayeka? AYEKA: I am attempting ‘shock treatment’ torture, uh, I mean therapy to bring back his self control. PRISS(to Ayeka): Are you sure that you’re not just angry about his jokes? AYEKA: Oh yeah, that too. >and illusions started appearing. >Ryoko suddenly saw two Aekas. PETER(even more burned, with disjointed speech): Me too! >One was puffing on a joint and the other was >hugging on Tenchi, who was also puffing. The second Aeka started licking >Tenchi's face up and down and then feeling up his crotch with her hand. >"HEY!" she shouted at the second Aeka. "YOU STOP THAT!!" RANMA: What the heck?! She’s turning into Ayeka! AYEKA(warningly): Do not force me to hurt you, Ranma. >"What are >you talking about?" asked the first Aeka. "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking >to the other Aeka!" The second Aeka looked at Ryoko. "Yeah! You!" "What >are you talking about?!" Tenchi asked. "And you! You'll let that slut feel you >up and you won't even kiss me?!" AYEKA: Not one word out of any of you. RANMA & PRISS: . . . . PETER: . . . . . .(He’s still recovering from the pain.) >Ryoko rose to punch the second Aeka, but >fell flat on her face. PETER(umpire): Strike one! >She picked herself up and looked at Tenchi but the second >Aeka was gone. PETER, PRISS, & RANMA(whispering): Thank God. AYEKA: Are you saying something? PETER, PRISS, & RANMA: No. >"You're acting weirder than usual," Aeka said. She then >looked to Sasami puffing on her joint and saw a large red devil standing >behind her. "Who are you?!" she asked the devil. The devil only smiled and >looked down at Sasami with a hungry look in his eyes. PETER(Devil): Hi! I’m a United States senator. Is she legal voting age yet? I’d like her to be my intern. (Ayeka’s shield units once again surround Peter.) *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* >"Who are you talking >to?" Tenchi asked. "That devil man!" Aeka shouted, pointing to the man >above Sasami's head. "You stay away from my sister." Sasami giggled wildly. >"You're acting funny, Aeka," she said in a high voice, and began to laugh >some more. PRISS(deadpan): Oh yeah. She’s hilarious when she’s psychotic. >Mihoshi was looking pretty pale, and was rocking back and forth >slowly. She did not seem to be taking the effects of the drug very well. PETER(burned): And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Yaaay. RANMA: You know, this joke’s getting pretty old. PRISS: Who cares. >She >vomited a little in her mouth but managed to swallow it back. AYEKA(Mihoshi): Tastes like chicken! >"I don't feel so >well," she mumbled. "Yeah," Kiyone said, "well it's about time. You been >feeling way to happy lately and it pisses me off. When are you going to just >shut the hell up with all that god damn happiness and start acting like an >actual person?!" AYEKA: Seems like SOMEONE has some issues she needs to work out. >Kiyone's eyes were playing tricks on her, RANMA(eye as Bullwinkle): Hey Lefty! Watch me pull a rabbit outta her nose! PRISS(eye as Rocket J. Squirrel): Again? >and she was seeing >double. AYEKA(Jesse): Prepare for trouble. PETER(James): Make it double. (Priss and Ranma get large sweatdrops on the back of their heads, as Ayeka cries into her hands.) AYEKA(crying): I can not believe I just DID that! Whaaaaa! >She looked at one Mihoshi and then the other. "Your both >despicable." she said disgustedly. PETER: Lets give a big hand for Daffy Duck, ladies as gentlemen! ALL(bored): Yaaay. >"Why, if I'd known I was going to have to >put up with two a' yas, I'd have quit the agency long ago." Tenchi, not quite >high yet, was getting worried. PRISS: It takes him THAT long to start to get worried? >"I think we may need to stop, what'd ya say?" >No one was listening to him. RANMA: As if they ever did. >"Sasami!!" Aeka yelled. "Get away from that >devil man!!" Sasami burst into hysterics. RANMA(deadpan): Yes, watch the comedic hijinks, as Aeka thinks there is a devil man behind her sister. Wow. >Mihoshi finally lost it and threw up. AYEKA(Mihoshi): Oh! This Fan Fic is making me sick!! URRRRP!!! >Kiyone, unmindful of Mihoshi's condition, still cussed her out. PRISS(Kiyone): And another thing! You even throw up like an idiot! >Ryoko was >puffing at an incredible pace. PETER(Ryoko): I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow T-(Shield units again surround Peter.) *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* . . . . en . . . chi . . . >Tenchi began to worry and, without thinking, lit >another joint. PRISS: What is he using, instead of brains? AYEKA(warningly): You are next, Priss. PRISS: Okay, Ayeka. Zeesh! I’ll shut up! >Aeka finally tackled her raving sister, and kicked at the devil >man. The devil disappeared with a laugh, and Aeka held her sister with >increasing intensity. PETER(Aeka): Mine! You can’t have her! (Shield units, again.) *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* . . . That . . . wasn’t . . . even . . . a . . . dirty . . . joke . . . >She was growing increasingly paranoid and began to >scream for her sister to stop laughing. This only made her sister laugh harder >and louder. RANMA(sarcastic): Well THAT worked like a charm. >"Hey Tenchi," Ryoko said. "If Aeka can have you, then I want you >too!" She ripped off her shirt, PRISS(Hulk Hogan): Hulkamania rules!!!! (Shield units appear around Peter.) *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* PETER(smoke coming off of him): . . . ThAt wAsn’T me AyeKa! AYEKA: OOPS! Sorry, Peter. >showing her breasts and crawled towards >Tenchi on her hands and knees. "Oh, no you don't!" Aeka yelled, throwing >her sister away. (Ranma makes a car crashing noise.) >"I want him!" She ripped off her own shirt and crawled to >Tenchi "You shut up!" Ryoko said, getting on her knees. "He's going to be >mine you . . . you . . . bitch!!" "You shut up you . . . you . . . slut!!" "Slut?! I'll >kill you for that!!" "Bring it on, slut!" PRISS(cat): REEOW!!! PETER(ditto): HISSSS!!! RANMA(screaming): GYAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! DON’T DO THAT!!!! >Ryoko threw a punch, missing by a >mile, AYEKA: Oh, so she teleported? >and fell to her face. PETER(Ryoko as Jerry Louis): Hello nice floor! >Aeka threw a slap, missing when Ryoko fell and >landed on top of her. "Get off me!!" "I'm trying!!" PETER(cheerfully): Oh boy! One of these scenes! (Take a big guess.) *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* . . . You know, that’s really getting old. >Aeka finally picked herself >up and fell to her butt. Tenchi, now very high, found the fight to be extremely >humorous. AYEKA(Tenchi): This stinks! >He laughed loudly. RANMA(Tenchi, bored): Yaaay. >Ryoko forgot what she was fighting about, or >even who she was fighting with, PRISS: She just knew that she was fighting, dammit! >and just threw punches into the air. Aeka, >also in the dark over who or what she was fighting AYEKA: Who turned out the lights? >decided to give it up and >staggered over to the couch. She fell asleep in seconds. Ryoko, giving up on >the fight with the air, also staggered over to the couch and laid down next to >Aeka. She wrapped her arms around Aeka and closed her eyes. "Goodnight, >Tenchi," she said to Aeka. PETER(Aeka): You really ARE doped up, aren’t you? >"Goodnight, Tenchi," Aeka answered back. PRISS: Gee, THIS is a disaster waiting to happen. AYEKA: What do you mean, ‘waiting’? >Kiyone, still furious with the two Mihoshis, continued her yelling. "And >another thing!! RANMA(Kiyone): I want both of you to be awake while I’m yelling at you!! >Just why in the hell did you become a fucking police >detective?! You obviously have no talent!! How did you become so fucking >far?! How did you pass your fucking EXAM?!!" PETER(professor voice): There are several scenarios to this. One; she is smarter than she appears to be. Two; her grandfather, the commissioner, helped. And Three; she gives great head. (Shield units surround him, AGAIN.) *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* I think Ayeka’s getting off on this. *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* (Deep voice.) I know I am. Ha-ha-ha. *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* >Mihoshi wasn't able to >swallow back her vomiting for long, PRISS: Didn’t she already throw up? >and threw up all over her self. "Ew," she >mumbled, feeling her stomach taking hoopdy loops in her body. "I don't feel >so good." She dry vomited for awhile, AYEKA: So, powder is coming out of her mouth, now? RANMA: No, she just ran out of stomach bile. AYEKA: How do you know that? RANMA: I eat Akane’s cooking. AYEKA: My condolences. >and laid down slowly. She rested >herself in her own puke and waited for her stomach to subside. Mihoshi fell >asleep before her stomach did. PETER: Run! The thing’s got a mind of its own!! >Kiyone had no idea Mihoshi fell asleep. In fact, >only one of the Mihoshis she saw were asleep. The other was getting a >promotion. PRISS: Somehow, I don’t think ‘pot’ had much of a hand in this part. >Somehow, the whole room had turned into the Galaxy Police >Promotion's Office, and everyone in her whole life was congratulating >Mihoshi. She saw Mitsuki give the blond ditz a trophy of honor ship. Kiyone >had had quite enough of this. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!!! >WHY ARE YOU GIVING HER THE TROPHY?!! WHY NOT ME?!! GIVE >IT TO ME!! I DESERVE IT!!!! NOT HER!! ME!!!!" Tears rolled down her >face as she cried to all the people she had ever met, RANMA: As well as some she had never seen before in her entire life. >pleading with them to stop >this nonsense and to notice her. But they didn't listen. No one ever listened, >Kiyone thought. No one will ever listen! AYEKA: Hey, we are listening, right everybody? RANMA(looking up from a newspaper): Huh? PRISS(looking up from a motorcycle magazine): What? PETER(holding a piece of string): String is funny. PRISS(large sweatdrop): Uh, Ayeka . . . quit shocking Peter. I think you’ re making things worse. >They don't care! WHY DON'T >THEY CARE?!! Kiyone cried and cried. Meanwhile, with the fight of Ryoko >against Aeka now over, Tenchi was occupying himself by laughing at Kiyone. RANMA(Tenchi, disjointed speech): Ha. Ha. Kiyone going koo-koo is funny. >He didn't know why, but the sight of her blubbering her eyes out was >extremely humorous. He almost busted a gut laughing at her. Sasami, >however, had ended her laughing fit and was wondering how to win Tenchi. AYEKA, PRISS, & RANMA: GAAAAAH!!! NOT THIS!!! PLEASE!!! PETER(Sasami): Should I try for the hoop toss, the bottle knock down, or should I try for a simple seduction? *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* >Tenchi was so hot, AYEKA(warningly): Do not even think it. PRISS & RANMA: Yes princess. PETER(singing): People rocking, people jiving, feeling HOT-HOT-HOT!!! >and she wanted him to be hers. AYEKA: Too late! Already taken! >That'll show Aeka I'm not >a kid, she thought to herself. "I know! I'll make him dinner!!" RANMA: No you won’t. In your present state, you’ll make a big mess. >She picked >herself up and went into the kitchen. "I wander what I'll make," PRISS: Like Ranma said, a big mess. >she thought >to herself. She thought she better light the stove first and then think about it. >She turned the gas on. Was she supposed to put it at 200 or 500? "Better make >it five-hundred. Don't want it to take too long." It took her a while to light a >match to light the stove, but she finally got it working PRISS: and sent a huge fireball cascading through the house, The End. >. Next, PRISS: D’oh! >she took a big >pot PETER: DEAR GOD SASAMI THATS A LOTTA CANNABIS!!!!!! RANMA: Are we ever going to let the guy who wrote that Fic ever redeem himself? PRISS: No. What’s your point? RANMA: Well, I know that he made a really bad Fic, possibly as bad as this one, but does he really deserve to have his name dragged through the mud, by us, and many other MST groups, by using his writing constantly as the butt of our jokes, constantly without end? AYEKA: Yes. Your point? RANMA: Nothing. I was just wondering about it, that’s all. >and filled it with water. She put it one the stove, and let it boil. "I think I'll >make him boiled pork and beans," she said. "That sounds like a good idea. >Wonder why I never thought of it before." AYEKA: Because you are high, right now. RANMA: What happened to the question mark? PRISS: ??? PETER(Riddler): Riddle me this Batman! (Riddler laugh.) WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!!! >She got a can of porkers from the >cupboard PRISS(prank phone caller): Do you have Prince Albert in a can? PETER(victim): No. PRISS: Uh, um, er. . . . PETER: I love that joke, don’t you? >and poured the contents in the pot. She watched it boil for a few >minutes and forgot totally what she was doing. "What was I doing?" she asked >herself. RANMA: Forgetting what you were doing. >"Ah, must not have been very important." She left the pot and went >back into the living room. Meanwhile, the pot, taking little time to boil at 500 >degrees, sprayed beans and water all over the kitchen, making a frightful >mess. AYEKA(Luna from ‘The Big Comfy Couch’): Who made this big mess!?!?! ALL: SASAMI!!! >At twelve o clock, the pot would turn over PETER(narrator): Under its own power!!! >and the water would put out >the fire. The gas, however, would run on into the night. PRISS: Evidently the author is telling us this now, so he doesn’t ‘forget’ it later on. >Sasami reentered the >living room. "Hey Tenchi!" she said. Tenchi turned around, his eyes having a >funny glaze to them. RANMA: Oh, so she made glazed eyes, for dinner. >"I can be a woman too!" she said. She tried to walk >seductively towards Tenchi, looking really stupid in the process. PETER(Tenchi as Joe Don Baker): You think you can take me? OTHERS: Peter, no! PETER(Tenchi as Joe Don Baker): Then go head on. It’s your move. OTHERS: Stop! >Tenchi >howled with laughter, almost splitting a gut. Sasami, undaunted, continued >her to come, trying hard as ever to look seductive, and tripped over Mihoshi. >She hit her head hard, but didn't feel any pain. PETER: That’s not what I meant by ‘head on’. PRISS: Peter, please give it a rest!! >She picked herself up and felt >something wet on her head. She touched it, smearing a thick red liquid over >her forehead. "Is that blood?" she asked no one in particular and all of a >sudden felt very light-headed. She then began to feel woozy and noticed the >wet feeling on her head running down her face. She grew very tired very >quickly and konked out. She was dead in a few hours. RANMA(priest): A moment of silence for the fallen Sasami. ALL: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . PETER: Well, that was fun. Who’s up for Chinese? PRISS: Ayeka, I think YOU are partially responsible for Peter’s behavior right now. AYEKA: Oh, be quiet! I only did what any sensible person would have done. RANMA: Unfortunately, WE have to suffer for it. >Kiyone, still crying, >was growing increasingly depressed. She picked herself up and went into the >kitchen. RANMA: If she shouts "SHI SHI HOKODAN" I’m leaving. PRISS: Take us with you. >"This is the only way to make it better," she said to herself, taking a >butcher knife from a kitchen drawer. She looked at it for a while AYEKA(Kiyone as Macbeth): Be this a dagger I see before me!? >and took a >deep sigh. She plunged it into her chest. Suddenly, she felt a deep pain in her >chest and fell to her knees. Her fingers were still locked around the handle of >the knife which was deep in her heart, but she had no idea what was causing >the pain. RANMA: Could it have had something to do with the knife she stuck in her chest? >She then fell over and unconscious. She was dead when she hit the >ground. ALL(bored): Lucky. >Tenchi now had nothing to laugh at and was just staring at >nothingness. PETER(Tenchi as Herman Munster): No one want’s to play with me!!! >He began getting very board and remembered that his dad kept a >revolver in his drawer beside the bed. RANMA: Does this author have ANY concept about the gun control laws in Japan? AYEKA: Evidently not. >His father had told him one day that he >kept it there because he and Tenchi's mother had gotten robbed at gunpoint >when Tenchi's mother was pregnant. PRISS(narrator): And Tenchi’s mother told Tenchi’s father that getting a gun was a bad idea, because when Tenchi grew up he might get into some pot, and remember about the gun, but did Tenchi’s father listen? Nooo! >Tenchi now thought what a gas it would >be to shoot that thing, just once. AYEKA: And put it out of the misery, of having to be in this story. >He hobbled into his dad's bedroom and >opened the drawer. There was the gun. "Hiya, Mr. Gun." "Hiya," Mr. Gun >answered Tenchi. Mr. Gun didn't have a mouth, but Tenchi could hear the >voice in his head. PETER: Along with the other voices that were telling him to shoot the author. RANMA: That would be us. ALL(whispering): Kill the author. Kill the author. Kill the author . . . . >"You want me to shoot ya?" "Shore!" Mr. Gun said. PRISS(Tenchi): Okay, just let me find another gun, to shoot you with. >Tenchi >picked Mr. Gun up and pointed it towards the far wall and pulled the trigger. >The trigger didn't budge. "What's wrong with this thing?!" Tenchi shouted at >Mr. Gun. "Why won't you shoot?!" PETER(Tenchi): D’oh! Wait a minute! This isn’t a gun! It’s a giant chicken! (The other group members stare at him nervously.) What? >He looked inside the barrel and pulled the >trigger. The trigger didn't budge. "Damn thing!" He then remembered his >father tell him about the safety one time. "Always keep this thing to on," he >had told Tenchi. "That must be how you shoot it." Tenchi searched Mr. Gun PRISS(Cop): All right Mr. Gun! Put down your human, and come out with your barrel up! >and found the safety. He switched it to off and looked in the barrel once more. >This time Mr. Gun went off by himself. RANMA: He ran away from the Fic? AYEKA: We can only hope. >At one o' clock, PETER: The mice ran down the clock! >Mihoshi rolled onto >her stomach during her sleep and put her face right in her own vomit. Too >doped to move, she couldn't turn over. It took her two minutes to drown. AYEKA: Evidently, lack of oxygen did not effect her as quickly as most people. >At >five o' clock, Aeka woke up. She felt a hand on her breast. PETER: Oh look, Ayeka! You and Ryoko finally became friends! *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* AYEKA(a large sweatdrop on the back of her head): I did not do anything, this time. >"Oh, Tenchi," she >said, and put her hand over the hand holding her breast and squeezed it. She >then slipped out of her dress and panties and snuggled up closer to the person >laying beside her. PRISS: So she didn’t even open her eyes, or wonder why Tenchi had suddenly become a C-cup? >She fell asleep again, totally naked with the person she >thought was Tenchi. She died happy, although doped up and ignorant. PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL(bored): Wheee. >The >gas was what killed her. AYEKA: Really? I thought it was the plot, or what so ever passes for it. >Ryoko woke at six, next to a naked Aeka. "What the- >" she said, rolling off the couch and flopping on the floor. She didn't know >why Aeka was next to her and naked or why her own hand had been on >Aeka's breast. PETER: You were just trying to be friendly for once. *ZAAAAKAZAAAAKAZAAAAKA!!!* PRISS(staring nervously at Peter): That’s really starting to creep me out. >She didn't care much either. She only wanted to be around >Tenchi. She had too much of a hangover to think of anything else. She >wandered into the next room, which happened to be the kitchen and noticed >something hissing loudly. She couldn't breath well in the room, RANMA: Uh, this is coming from a girl who can walk through space, without a suit. AYEKA: The author evidently knows very little about the series. >so she tried >the next room, Tenchi's father's bedroom. "Oh, Tenchi," she called softly, her >lack of breath prohibiting her from calling loudly PETER: This looks like a job for! (Pulls out megaphone.) OTHERS: Oh no! Not again!!! PETER: Mr. Bullhorn!!!! (Through megaphone.) SHE DOESN’T NEED AIR TO BREATH!!!!!!! ALL OF THE TENCHI MUYO SERIES HAVE MADE THIS OBVIOUSLY CLEAR, AT SOME POINT IN TIME!!!!!!! >"Ah, there you are." She >spotted him lying silently on the ground, a dark liquid around him. She hardly >noticed the liquid when she laid down in it to sleep beside Tenchi. She also PRISS: hardly noticed that Tenchi’s head was missing. >died happy, although ignorant and doped up. She was also killed by the gas. PETER(still speaking through megaphone): SHE DOESN’T NEED- OTHERS: You’ve made your point, Suzuki!!!! Shut up, already!!!! >Jamey, living across town, woke up with a start. RANMA(Jamey, stoned): Woah man! I gotta lay off the pot. I’m starting to dream of bad Fan Fiction stories. >He had been having wicked >dreams because of all the dope he had had from the party, and had just >finished one. PRISS: Good call, Ranma. >This one had been a nightmare though, and his conscience was >bugging him like hell. This scared the shit out of him because his conscience >never bugged him. PETER(Jamey’s conscience): Hello. I’m bugging you. I’m not touching you. Does this bug you? Does it? >He remembered the dream had been about that weird white >haired girl PETER: Storm? RANMA: Cologne? AYEKA: Urd? PRISS: Lady Death? >and that purple haired girl he had met at school. It had been about >Tenchi too, but he couldn't remember anything else about it. AYEKA: Why are we not surprised. >He just knew that >his conscience was tearing him apart and it had something to do with those >three. PRISS(Jamey): Let’s see. What is it? Oh yeah! They smoked pot, and ended up dying! >Later, when Jamey saw on the news that the three were dead, he would >have a clue to why his conscience was on a tidal wave. PETER: Surfs up! >He would also have >more than enough incentive to blow his own head off. His vast collection of >pot had, obviously, fucked up his brain AYEKA: Which, oddly enough, was replaced by some pot. >. If it hadn't, he would never had gotten RANMA: Stuck in this Fic. >the reputation he'd had when he was alive. Meanwhile, the devil from pot >land was laughing his ass off. PETER(narrator): But they didn’t take into account that Washu chose that moment to exit her lab. PRISS(Washu): Hey, Sasami! When’s dinn- OH MY GOD!!! THE HORROR!!! AYEKA(ditto): I leave you all alone for a couple of days, and you end up getting into pot, and killing yourselves!! Honestly, I have no idea what you would all do without me!! RANMA(ditto): And you, Tenchi! Blowing your brains out with a revolver like that! Luckily, there’s not much of a mess to clean up! (Hit over the head, by Ayeka.) *SMACK* Ow! >Words from Aubrey Fogle PRISS(narrator): taken just hours before he was beaten to death by hundreds of "Tenchi Muyo" fans. >: I will admit that I >was taking a chance with this fic, but I don't care. It's only fiction anyways, >and there's no reason to get angry about it. PETER: Angry? I’m not angry. I’M STARK RAVING MAD!!!! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!! >If you don't like the fic, you can >send me emails saying that you disliked the fic. AYEKA: He must have received a LOT of emails, then. >If you hated the fic and would >like to cuss me out and tell everyone that I'm a huge freak monkey, go ahead. RANMA: Hey everyone!!! I hated the Fic, and the author smells funny, and he’s a huge freak monkey!!! >It might make for good advertising and more people will read it. I invite hate >mail or fan mail. AYEKA: I can assure you that you will be receiving mostly the former. >But please don't think that just because you think this fic >sucks ALL(shouting): This Fic suuuuuuucks!!!! >that all the other fics I have on this site suck too. PRISS: He has OTHER Fics?!? PETER: Who knew. >In fact, you may enjoy >one and dislike the other. AYEKA: Well we disliked this one. Will we enjoy the other? >I try to let each of my fics have its own personality, >and this one just happens to be brutally honest. RANMA: No, it isn’t. It’s just bad. >And one more thing. The >moral of this story is, PETER: Don’t post Fan Fics that even YOU can’t stand to read. >if you're going to get high, don't expect to impress >anybody with it, don't use too much cause you might get sick, although it's not >addictive, PRISS: Wow! You mean that hundreds of medical conclusions are WRONG!?!?!?! >it's not for young people, don't use it if you get depressed easily, RANMA: Well, then I’ll talk Ryoga out of using it. >and >above all, NEVER COOK WHILE YOU'RE HIGH!! AYEKA: Words of wisdom, from a guy who had Sasami try to seduce Tenchi, and DIE in the process. >And, for those of you >who hate unhappy endings: Jamey woke up with a start. Ever since he'd >started smoking pot, he'd had these really wild dreams and most of them were >nightmares. RANMA(Jamey, stoned): Woah man! I gotta lay off the pot. I’m starting to dream of bad Fan Fiction stories. PRISS: Say, didn’t we just DO this joke? PETER: Yeah. Creepy huh. AYEKA: Hopefully, Jamey dies in this one. >"That's it with the pot," he said to himself. "No more of that >crap!" PETER: And there was much rejoicing! ALL: GO PACKERS!!! >He picked himself out of bed and wandered to his closet. He slipped >into a pair of jeans and a shirt. He looked to his clock: 7:45. He wouldn't have >time to take a shower or eat breakfast, but maybe Tenchi would lend him five >bucks at school. Later, at school, Tenchi did indeed lend him five bucks. PRISS: Suddenly, Ayeka and Ryoko jumped out of the bushes, and beat Jamey within an inch of his life for the crime of introducing them to pot! The End. ALL(bored): Yaaay. PETER: Well, that was nice. Now I’m going to go play in traffic! (The other MST group members get large sweatdrops on the back of their heads.) AYEKA: Uh, Peter . . . PETER(skipping off toward the doors): Hum-dee, hum-dee, hum dilly-dum! I’m so happy I got opposable thumbs! (The other group members nervously follow Peter, out of the theater.) ====================================================== Back in the lounge. "Okay." said B-ko, holding a clip board. "What were your main complaints about the Fic?" "All of them." stated Priss. "Could you be more specific? Did the Fic physically hurt you in any way?" "Well, I believe that we ALL suffered trauma in some sort of way." Said Ayeka. Peter chooses that moment to run by. "We’re having SOUP today!!!" "Okay. . ." B-ko started recording down the observed results. "Causes unhappiness, and severe discomfort . . ." Peter runs by again. "Get yo motor running!!! Get it on your hind legs!!!" " . . . Severe cases of insanity." "Don’t forget about ‘Compulsion to hurt other group members’." Said Ranma, as he and Priss pointed at Ayeka. Ayeka was not amused. "Now see here!! I only did that out of the necessity for-" Peter appears behind the others. "For future generations, so we can all find happiness, PI-KA-CHUUUUUU!!!!!" A big lightning bolt shoots off of Peter’s hands, and shocks the other MST group members, and B-ko. "Hooooooo . . . And induces unusual behavior when accompanied with electrical shocks . . . *thunk*" B-ko fainted. Just then, the signal for the next Fic, blared. *My momma always said, my magic shoes life was as stupid as a box of chocolates.* "Back to the theater everyone!" said Peter, as he and the other slightly charred group members rushed into the theater. ====================================================== (MST group assumes the positions.) RANMA: Ow. That’s going to sting later. I’m sure of it. PRISS(to Ranma): How would you know? RANMA: I’ve been hit by Akane enough times to know when something is going to sting later on. AYEKA: As for me, I am just taking an educated guess that my shock will sting later on. PETER(Mario Mario from "Super Mario 64"): Here we go!! >Tenchi on a Plate of Sashimi RANMA: Is this going to be bad? >By The Super Retarded Kid from Seanbaby's website, Alienboy 52 PRISS: Yeah, it’s going to be bad. >Disclaimer: This fic is about Tenchi Muyo in my fucked >up world so yeah, it's fucked up. Most of it is sick and probably sucks because >I'm writing it. AYEKA(wincing): Well . . . at least he is honest. >If you don't know I have real sick fantasies so if your not 18+ >don't read this. PETER: Too bad we’re all over eighteen. >Yeah and I don't own these characters, ALL: Thank God. >but Pioneer and AIC >do. And if I did own these characters though, I probably wouldn't be writing a >sick fanfic would I? PETER: You’d be so rich, you could hire other people to write a sick fanfic, for you. OTHERS: . . . . . . . . . . >--- PRISS: No! RANMA: Huh? PRISS: Morris Code, joke. RANMA: Morris Code? >"Tenchi, you are a loser!" AYEKA: Hey!!! OTHERS: Tell us something we DON’T know. AYEKA(to the others): Shut up!! >taunted a menacing voice. >"Huh? What the fuck! Where am I?" said Tenchi as he looked around at >unfamiliar surroundings. PRISS(Tenchi): And why the f**k am I f**king cursing, anyway?! >"You are on a plate of sashimi," said the voice. RANMA: As the title pointed out to us. >"Okay then..." Tenchi said as his voice trailed off. At that moment Tenchi >heard a familiar voice. "Oh Tenchi! Wake up my Tenchi!" AYEKA: What do you mean ‘your’ Tenchi!?! >--- PETER: We now ‘dash’ to the next scene. >Tenchi woke up >from his sleep to see Ryoko hovering over him, but something was wrong with >Ryoko today. ALL: She smelled like a pervert. >That's when Tenchi noticed it, Ryoko's eye was missing. PRISS: Didn’t Washu ever tell you to stop playing with sharp objects? >"Ryoko! Your eye! It's missing!" gasped Tenchi. AYEKA: As mentioned, in the previous line. >"Of course it is! Don't you >know! RANMA(Ryoko): Washu made my parts interchangeable! PETER(Tenchi): Cool! Hey Ryoko! Got your nose! >Since the animators never gave me a cunt, ALL: Urk! AYEKA: Never saw THAT line coming. PETER: Ryoko fans are going to be mad about that one! >I have to use the next best >thing instead," explained Ryoko. "But couldn't you have used your, uh, butt >instead of your eye socket?" asked Tenchi. PRISS(Mr. Rodgers): Can you say ‘Ass’? Sure. I know you can. >"Washu plugged my ass up with >butt plugs, so I'm left with my eye socket. RANMA: Couldn’t ya have just pulled the plugs out? PETER: Couldn’t you have used your mouth? AYEKA: Could you have just left Tenchi alone? >Well? How'bout it Tenchi? Wanna >fuck my eye socket?" asked Ryoko. PRISS(Ryoko): I’ll always keep an eye out for you, from now on. >"Stop right there you monster! AYEKA(Mighty Mouse): Here I come, to save the day!! (The other group members stare nervously at Ayeka. The princess puts her hand over her face.) I have been working with Peter, for too long. >You will >not have the pleasure of having Tenchi up your eye socket!" yelled Ayeka as >she busted into Tenchi's room. RANMA: Bet you’d never thought you’d say THAT line, Ayeka. >"Hey! What happened to the security on >Tenchi's door?" asked Ryoko. "Azaka and Kamadake were horny, so I let >them have sex with it," answered Ayeka. ALL: EEEW!!!! PRISS: This thing’s getting more strange, and more GROSS, by the minute!!! >"Hey! What's going on here! This is >fucked up! How can logs have sex with a security system?!" yelled out Tenchi. AYEKA: I have no idea! Ask the idiot who wrote that into this Fic! >"Because you are on a plate of sashimi Tenchi. PRISS(unknown voice): Oh, and you are a loser too. Did I mention that? >You will now see the one you >desire most enter your room now," said the unknown voice. AYEKA: I thought I was already in there? PETER: And female Ranma comes in! RANMA & AYEKA: HEY!!!!! PRISS: If it’s Nobuyuki, I’ll scream. AYEKA: If it IS Nobuyuki, we will all scream. >And at that >moment Noboyuki entered the room. ALL(even B-ko, who is in the control booth): GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! !!! >Tenchi gazed at his father, ALL:*GAAAAAAAAASP!!!* >Tenchi >couldn't stop himself from getting an erection from looking at his father. ALL: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! !!! >Noboyuki stared back at Tenchi and blushed, it was obvious that Noboyuki >wanted Tenchi. AYEKA: Pardon me, for just a moment. (Pulls out a vomit bag, and puts it over her face.) *BLEAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!* >"Father, please, give it to me up the ass," said Tenchi, trying >to sound as seductive as he could to his father. RANMA(crying): WHAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! I w-w-want my m-m-mommy!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! PRISS(also crying): I want my mommy too!!! WHAAAAAAAAAH!!! >"Tenchi! You have given me a >huge erection, and Ryoko's eye socket is just amazing too," said Noboyuki, (Peter’s head is spinning around. Ayeka is still throwing up. Ranma and Priss are hiding behind their seats, and B-ko is trying her best to keep her lunch down. >"Hey Ryoko? Would you mind if I used the blood from your eye socket to >lubricate my penis?" PETER(Ryoko): So you can screw Tenchi like there’s no tomorrow!? Who the hell do you think you’re talking to!?! >"Of course, you are Tenchi's dad after all," said Ryoko. >"Please! Use my eye instead! Jurai blood is better than that demon's blood any >day!" said Ayeka as she pushed Ryoko out of the way. PRISS: Why!? The artist didn’t forget to draw YOU without a cunt!!! AYEKA(still throwing up): *BLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!* >"Hmmm... Tenchi, I'm >going to use Ryoko's eye socket, you should go to Ayeka and puncture her eye >with your penis. RANMA(not thinking clearly): Well that wouldn’t be nice!! >That way we'll have twice as much lubricant," said Noboyuki >as he grabbed Ryoko's head and pushed his penis into Ryoko's eye socket. (Ayeka attempts to get in one pot shot at Ryoko.) AYEKA(Ryoko): Hey!! Watch it!! You might squish the pea!! (The effect was lost in the fact that she had to throw up again, and she sounded like she was dying right then and there.) >"Tenchi, please, puncture my eye with your penis, I want to feel the pleasure >that you can only get when you are fucked in the eye," said Ayeka. "Are you >sure about this Ayeka? I mean, I've heard stories of women who've lost their >eye for the first time, and they all say that it's very painful," PRISS(Tenchi): Almost as painful as this damned fic!!! >asked Tenchi. >"Yes, I'm sure, I've wanted it like this even since the first time I laid eyes on >you," said Ayeka. AYEKA: No, that has NEVER crossed my mind, in any way shape or form, at ANY point of my existence!!! >"But you kicked me off your bed... oh well, never mind," >said Tenchi as he put his penis in front of Ayeka's eye. RANMA: Careful! You could poke an eye out with that thing! >Tenchi quickly >punctured Ayeka's eye, and entered her socket. He could feel Ayeka's brain >with his penis, PRISS: all smooth, without any wrinkles! AYEKA: It would have to be, for me to even conceive of doing this! >the pleasure was just too much for him. Tenchi shot his semen >onto Ayeka's brain. PETER(announcer): Mug. The come goes straight to your brain! >As Tenchi regained his composure he noticed that Ayeka >was on the floor. She was wriggling like crazy due to the fact that she had just >had her brain hit by Tenchi's penis. PETER(Ayeka): SUH-SUH-SUUUUUUURGE!!!! >"Tenchi! You haven't forgotten about me >have you?" said Noboyuki. ALL: We can only hope!!! >"Of course not dad! Here, let me spread my ass out >for you so you can enter me," said Tenchi as he spread out his ass. ALL: GAAAAAAH!!! WE CAN’T WATCH THIS!!!! (All hide.) >Tenchi >wasn't prepared for what happened next. Noboyuki entered Tenchi quickly >and started pumping his penis in and out of his sons anus. "Oh yeah dad! You >like that don't you! Come on fuck your son! Your nothing more than a pig are >you?" Tenchi yelled to his dad. "Oh yes Tenchi! You're so tight, I think I'm >gonna cum in your ass!" yelled Noboyuki as he fucked his son. RANMA(hiding under his seat): Oh, how glad I am, I can’t see this. PRISS(also hiding under her seat.): Is it safe to come out, yet? PETER(pulling something out of his jacket pocket): Here. I’ll check with this. (Pulls Tom Servo out of his pocket, and holds it over his head.) TOM(looking at the screen): What the? How’d I get here? >"Tell me dad! >Who's a better fuck? Me or mom? Tell me or you can't cum in me!" yelled >Tenchi. TOM: HOLY SHNIKIES!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (Head explodes) *KA-BOOM!!!!!!!* PETER(putting what is left of Tom, back into his jacket): No, it’s not safe to come up yet. AYEKA: Yes. We could tell that from the dialogue. >"You are Tenchi! Your so much tighter than she was!" answered >Noboyuki, "Oh Tenchi! I'm cumming!" yelled Noboyuki as he came into his >sons ass. "Oh dad, that was so great, we have to do that more often," said >Tenchi. ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! >"Let's go downstairs to see what Sasami cooked for breakfast," said >Noboyuki. "Okay, let's go." >--- PRISS(peaking over the seats): Hey guys. It’s safe now. RANMA: That’s a matter of opinion. PETER: Amazing. Even in my insane state, I am still deeply sickened by that last scene. PRISS: ANYONE would be sickened by that last scene. PETER: True. AYEKA(dry vomiting): *Huuuuuuuuuugh!!* RANMA: Yo, Ayeka. You okay? AYEKA(via sign): [OF COURSE NOT!!!] >"Wow Sasami! That smells great what is it?" >asked Tenchi. RANMA(Sasami): All the good taste that was supposed to be in this Fic! >"Don't call me Sasami! I'm getting my name changed to >Susami!" yelled Sasami/Susami. PRISS: Oh, so this Fic is being influenced by THAT story. AYEKA: Why am I NOT surprised. >"So what did you cook?" asked Tenchi. "I >cooked my leg, that's why my leg is amputated now," said Sasami/Susami. PRISS: Oh, yeah. That makes PERFECT sense. >"Tenchi! You are a loser! You are on a plate of Sashimi," said the voice. RANMA(priest): All hail the voice. ALL: YOU STINK!!!! >Tenchi suddenly got dizzy as he heard those words. PETER(Tenchi): Woah! The colors man! Don’t get touchy! I’m just a little Stretchy! >After a few seconds >Tenchi fell to the ground and passed out. PETER(Tenchi as Jerry Louis): Hello nice floor! >--- >Tenchi awoke to only find >himself, sleeping on a plate of Sashimi. RANMA: Is this a running gag in the Fic, or something? AYEKA: If it is, then I should note that I find NO humor in it whatsoever. >"Well I guess that must have been a >dream then, AYEKA: A very, VERY bad dream. >Dad was so good too," Tenchi thought aloud. PRISS(shuddering): Don’t remind us! >"Hey Tenchi! Look >what I got!" yelled Noboyuki. ALL: OH NO! NO!! NO!!! NOOOOO!!!!! >"What is it dad?" "I got Ryo-Oh-Ki's eye >socket!" AYEKA(Ryo-Oh-Ki): Put me down, dammit!!! I do not want ANY part in your perversions, and give me back my eye socket, this instant!!!! >--- >End ALL: Thank God. >I made this fanfic mainly because I wanted to make >something that would make normal hentai's puke. PETER: Well, you succeeded in making me SICK if that is any inclination. >Of course if you weren't >disgusted by this fanfic, then you qualify for being more hentai than me, AYEKA: Do not worry. We WERE disgusted. >because I'm disgusted at what I wrote. Actually now that I think of it, this >fanfic really sucked. PRISS: Oh, it took you until NOW to realize that!?!?!?!?! >Oh yeah 1st fanfic ever too, that's why this one sucks. RANMA: At least we know he can’t make anything worse. PETER: Don’t tempt him, Ranma. >Why not try to convert me at alienboy52@hotmail.com AYEKA: Uh, no. >Or you can go to the >best website around http://www.seanbaby.com PRISS: Nooooo. >Seanbaby is just so sexy, I want >to be like him someday. PETER: This is the first time I’m actually mad that the author proofread the thing. RANMA: Yeah. We can understand everything he’s writing. AYEKA: Unfortunately. PRISS: Let’s just get out of here, before the sponsors try to send us another Fic. OTHERS: Right!!! (The MST group scrambles out of the theater.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------- GROUP ASSISSMENT TO FAN FICTION AUTOR: Review for "Pot" PETER: I heard you took this off of GenSao’s site. Because you did such a noble gesture, we won’t have Pioneer, and AIC sue you for forgetting the disclaimer. PRISS: What the hell were you thinking!? No, wait. On second thought, I don’t want to know. RANMA: At least we know how you thought this Fic up. AYEKA: Have you actually seen ANY of the actual series? Review for "Tenchi on a Plate of Sashimi" PETER: It’s perverts like you that give perverts like me a bad name. PRISS: Please, if you’re going to write anything else DON’T WRITE LEMONS!!!!! RANMA: If you knew it sucked so bad, why’d you put it up? AYEKA: I hope you realize that your story is now being used in hospitals, to induce vomiting. End of documentation. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------- AUTHOR’S NOTES: First of all, I’d like to apologize to the 10 o’Clock Assassin, for saying that his Fic was bad. Compared to these two, Shinji wrote the entire works of William Shakespeare. These two Lemons were as painful to MST as they were to read (which is why I believe they have not been MSTd so far). And I actually threw up the first time I read "Tenchi on a Plate of Sashimi". Luckily it only got on my shirt. I originally had "Pot" stored for use in my fifth MST, but I forgot about it. Recently I found it again, and realized that no one else had done an MST on it yet, so I added it to the one I was doing for the "Tenchi on a Plate of Sashimi" Fic. Trying to do both stories in one night gave me a terrible headache, and indigestion. Well, this is number eight in my MST series, so far the only series that I have continued. I hope to get to number ten before I leave for college. Oh, don’t worry. I’m still planning on writing. And I’ll still be doing MSTs well beyond college. Oh, and speaking of MST, the final episode just aired. To me, there’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that my most favorite series on the Sci-Fi channel is canceled. The good news is that now I can make a guest appearance to my MST series, without worrying that one or all of the characters have been killed. Expect that to occur in the MSTs that go on AFTER I move into college. ^_^ Also, I want to be the first MST3K fan to say that I’m going to try, if the university would allow me, to create my own attempt at doing an episode of MST3K. Sounds cool, huh? I only have one problem. Dose anyone know where to get information on making Tom Servo and Crow puppets? I have no idea how Crow’s eyes work. Peter Suzuki. EYECATCH. PETER: They’re smoking their sh- OTHERS: Shut yo mouth!!! PETER: But I’m just talking about the sh- AYEKA: Shut it anyway!