This is a reaction to the brilliant help fics
written by those great people all over the fan fic
community. This is a guide of exactly how NOT
to write anything. I suppose it wouldn't even
be any use if you wanted to write a really terrible 
fic. But I suppose it's a bit of fun.
So, here it is...

Jim Moore's AntiMotivational Guide to...
		Writing a (Tenchi) Fan Fic!!!

1. 
First, before anything else, make a pact with
Satan. This should lead to inspired, brilliant fics
such as 'Extremely Sick Sex Fest' (no offence to AAA
PhuckNutt, but it's the most negatively MSTed fic on the whole
archive!). Making this kind of demonic pact is easy, and
you can find instructions for it along with dietry magazines
in any local supermarket.
2. 
Read through other people's fics- you never know what
incredible ideas you could steal!
3. 
Before posting a single regular fic, narrow down 
competetion by cruelly spitting venom in some e-mails 
and MSTs to break the morale of those fic writers 
who could pose a problem by, say, being competant.
4. 
Come up with some original ideas- your story should
have a beginning, a middle and end. Well, a beginning anyway.
The rest is sort of optional...you can have it simply
trail off into obscenities and meaningless sentences.
Be sure to solve all your loose ends- whether you have any or
not. Remember- if Ryoko gets Tenchi, Aeka must die horribly,
try to kill them both or just bugger off, and if Aeka gets Tenchi 
Ryoko can hang around ad infinitum.
If Kiyone or Mihoshi, Sesami, Washu etc. etc. etc. get Tenchi
then be prepared for viscious mail- there are no conventions
in this kind of thing.
Remember the 'Double O' rule-  have all charaters acting either
OOT (with Mihoshi as a retarted bimbo, Ayeka as an S & M freak,
Ryoko as an alchoholic thug and Kiyone as the ultra-bitch
hypocondriac from hell) or OOC (completely the reverse)
5. 
Have a memeber of your family or animal (big brothers
and rabid dogs are favourite) to constantly nag and
threaten you to get the hell on with your fic at all 
times of day.
6. 
If you run out of inspiration, go up to a high mountain
and chastise yourself with a big stick and a few personal
insults. Try critising your weight or looks, and this should
scare and humiliate you into writing better fics in future. 
Dumbass.
7. 
Smoke pot. If it worked for Eminem and D12, it could work for
you!!! 
(I wrote so many songs, but now I just smoke bongs- but
nothing compares to these, blue and yellow purple pills.) 
8.
Grovel in some e-mails to high places, getting support from them 
(be sure not to e-mail any of the people you did in point three- 
this could lead to distress and split personality problems)
9. 
Add some little embeleshiments to your fic to make it just a 
little more interesting- like homosexuality, morbid death (to Sakuya 
is favourite) rape, violence, extra-marital affaires, drugs, murder, 
racial hatred, blood, rubber trousers, women's viagra, rampant 
aphrodisiacs, George Bush, carnage, fear, loathing, pretty Sammy's 
underwear, depravity, nudity, abuse, Vinnie Jones, Howard Stern, 
dwarf women, Eminem and D12, chainsawing gentials off, nazism, 
leather boots, cruelty to animals and death! Bwhahahahaha!!!!! 
Ahahahahaha!!! Hahahahah!!! *Snort, spit, insane laughter*
10. 
Post your fics with little footnotes to the effect that you 
love everyone on the TMFFA and you would never dare do things like, 
say- make pacts with Satan, steal people's ideas or any of the above.

Well, there it was. 
Oh, and by the way...
I love everyone of the TMFFA!!!!
And I would NEVER make a pact with Satan.
Not when Beelzebub offers such good deals.
Yrs.
Jim 'Diabolo' Moore '01