Except for Turbo Magnus and the Anime Star, nothing used in this story is my
property. I'm not paying to use the characters, nor am I making money from
them.

Anime Star MSTs #1
By: Turbo Magnus

Turbo Magnus was sitting in the pilot's seat of the recently built
Kirk-class Anime Star. The ship itself looked like an Intrepid class saucer
on a Galaxy class hull with Excelsior class warp nacelles to handle
Trans-Dimensional Jumps. The only crew on board right now was Hoag, Jok,
Crow, Tom, and Washu-Chan. And him of course. The rest of the team would be
joining later. Their mission was one that only the God of Insanity, as Turbo
was often called, would take: MST the fics that no one else would. Their
ultimate goal would be the MSTing of Leaf-Chan's Kanashii no Imi, the worst
darkfic/lemon ever to exist. But today they were just going to pick up the
Core Team, the group that would do most of the MSTings.

The voice of Crow T. Robot came over the comm. system, "Turbo! Jok did it
AGAIN!"

As Turbo got up and walked to the hoverlift he only had one thing on his
mind, *Damn you Jok. *
______________________________________________________________________________

As the ship's captain walked in the room he swore again to dump Jok
Tadsworth off at the first M-Class, uninhabited planet. Hoag the Kangaroid
was one of the best at using a projector, but of course you couldn't hire a
Bioborg without hiring the handler, but god, Turbo wished you could. Jok's
infatuation with Natasha had caused him to attempt to use the transporter to
bring her here three times, each time causing the system to burn out.
Washu-Chan was working on fixing the transporter with Crow's help. Hoag had
been downsized so he could work on the ship and was currently downing an
Okra-Cola. The culprit, Jok, was standing to one side looking ashamed, but
Tom Servo was nowhere to been seen.

"Just tell me one thing," Turbo berated, "did you learn NOTHING from the
other times? The transporter only works in the same dimension!"

Jok shifted his feet nervously, but was interrupted before he could speak.

[[[DO YOU WORSHIP SATAN? FOOL, I AM SATAN!!!]]]

As one the MSTers gave the most time honored phrase in all MSTing, "AHHH! WE
GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!"

Turbo, Crow, and Washu-Chan rushed to the theater and were joined by Tom.
Hoag headed for the projection room, leaving Jok behind.

"What about me?"
Door Sequence:
Door 1: A giant chess board, they win and move on.

Door 2: A field of Pikachus. Turbo opens fire with all weapons killing them.

TURBO: The electric mouse must die!

Door 3: Ash Ketchem's head, there's no brain so they just walk by.

Door 4: It's a wall of numbers. Washu-Chan figures out the pattern to the
numbers and the wall disappears.

Door 5: It's the plot of Final Fantasy 7. They step easily through one of
the holes.

CROW: Not exactly the doors on the SOL.
TURBO: Hey, this is just MST 1!

[Fic starts]
Hey, anime fans! The question has popped up time and time again. "Who would
win in a fight; Tenchi or Ranma?".

CROW: Depends on which grows a pair first.
TURBO: Ranma, Shampoo and Kodachi would do anything to win him.
WASHU: Excuse me, that's Washu-CHAN!
{Author: Sorry. But please mind the fourth wall.}
WASHU-CHAN: Maybe if Tenchi gives me the sample...

Well, I have to tell you that I've been wondering that too. Sure Tenchi has
the ‘Wings Of The Light Hawk', but Ranma could just be tricky enough to find
some way to bypass that. Sure Tenchi beat Kagato, Kain (abet with some help
from his friends),

TOM: I thought Achika did that.
TURBO: She did, all Tenchi did was a withered old tree whore.
WASHU-CHAN: WHAT?!!!
MALES: Heheheheh.
WASHU-CHAN: He's got a lot of explaining to do when I get back. Aeka and
Ryoko will most likely want to hurt him.

and Yuzuha. But certainly Pantyhose Taro, Herb, and Saffron were no
pushovers either. Sure Tenchi can put up with Ryoko and Ayeka (And survive),
but Ranma has to put up with Akane (Nuf said). Well, I'm here right now to
solve the question of who would be the better fighter. And I'm going to do
so as only I, PETER SUZUKI,

TURBO: SUZUKI!?!
CROW: What?
TOM: He's only one of the weirdest authors out there!
WASHU-CHAN: From what Aeka tells me, he makes Turbo look sane.
TURBO: Me? Sane? NEVER!!!

can do. By brutal battles between the cast of both series, in an attempt to
find out who are the better weirdoes. . . Okay, which of you jerks put THAT
in the cue card?

TURBO: (whistles innocently.)

Anyway, Peter Suzuki is (kinda) proud to present;

ANIME DEATHMATCH: RANMA ½, VS. TENCHI MUYO.

The series "Ranma ½" is the work of Rumiko Takahashi, and "Tenchi Muyo" is
owned by Pioneer LDC, and AIC. All rights are reserved to them, and I'm just
borrowing the characters right now for some fun. (Oh, and if anyone else
should show up, they are owned by other people too. Just to let you know.
^_^ )

TURBO: Xelloss?

Round 1. Ranma Saotome vs. Tenchi Masaki.

TURBO: Place your bets. Ranma wins at 7:1 odds!
WASHU-CHAN: 50 yen!
TURBO: You're on.

We are gathered in a large stadium, for this event. Thousands of people are
in the stands, all of them shouting at the top of their lungs. Most are
cheering for Tenchi to win. The rest are either telling Ranma that if he
wins this he will die,

TOM: Ryoko.

or that if he does not win this he will die.

CROW: Shampoo.

Ranma is currently stretching his limbs, getting ready for the fight. Tenchi
seems to be saying a prayer for a short, painless battle. The referee
announces for the two combatants to take their places, at the center of the
arena. "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!"

ALL BUT TURBO: ???
TURBO(Judge): So be it. A Gag Order is placed on the Referee.
OTHERS: (Look questioningly at Turbo)
TURBO: Law & Order fan.

Tenchi and Ranma both walk over to the referee, who is at the center of the
arena. "What did you just say?"

CROW: Something extremely naughty about your mothers.
TURBO: Watch it, Achika is one of the Untouchables.
TOM: Like Elliot Ness?
TURBO: No, as in you touch her and you die.
CROW: Ah. "Omae o Korosu."

Tenchi and Ranma both ask the referee. The referee does not answer, and
turns away leaving the two confused teens, at the center of the arena.
Tenchi and Ranma both shrug, and take fighting stances toward each other.

TURBO(Mills Lane): All right you guys. I want a good clean fight, a Villa in
the South of France, and an army tank. But I'm not get any of those, so just
beat the crap out of each other. Let's get it on!
HOAG(In Projection Booth): (Plays a rimshot.)

ROUND ONE, FIGHT!! They are about to attack when *SPLASH!!!* Ranma is
suddenly drenched in ice cold, soda. A bunch of slightly older teenagers, in
the stands behind Ranma, are laughing at the boy, now turned girl. "Get out
of here, Saotome!!" Shouts one of them. "Yeah, this is supposed to be a
‘Man-To-Man' battle! No GIRLS allowed!!"

WASHU-CHAN: Actually this battle is between Tenchi and Ranma, no genders
were specified.

jeers another. "Grrrrr. . . FIERCE TIGER DOMINEERING BLAST!!!!!" Shouts
Ranma, launching her chi attack at the offending boys. After three seconds,
all that is left of rows five through nine, and consequently the offending
boys, is a smoldering hole. Ranma, in front of the entire shock-frozen
audience, takes off her shirt to ring out the cold soda from it.

TURBO: (Mech fluid/blood starts flowing in a small river from his nose.)

"Stupid, pig-headed, no good, rotten, butt-faced, squirrel for brains,
perverts! Sometimes I wonder if Akane was RIGHT about guys."

TOM(British): The ABCs have turned on us!
TURBO(British): Traitorous dogs!
CROW: Wow, that was obscure.
TURBO: You ain't seen nothing yet.

Ranma quickly put her shirt back on, and faced Tenchi. "Now then, where
were. . . we?"

CROW(Tenchi): You had just taken your shirt off...

Tenchi has fainted, and blood is still streaming out of his nose. Ranma
stares in confusion, as Tenchi falls forward, with a *thunk!* A majority of
the crowd boos, as Ranma is declared the winner. "Geez. I guess that guy's
not been eating right, or something." Said Ranma.
WINNER: Ranma.

Round 2. Akane Tendo vs. Ryoko Habuki.
Akane and Ryoko stand at opposite ends of a boxing ring. "I can handle her."

WASHU-CHAN: Only in a cooking contest!

says Akane, with more than a little confidence. "Are you sure, Akane?" asks
Akane's eldest sister, Kasumi. "She looks really tough." "So what? She
doesn't even know martial arts. This will be easy."

WASHU-CHAN: She knows the martial arts of 3,732 planets!

"Sure, Akane." says Akane's other sister, Nabiki. "Now just sign your name
here."

TOM: 10:1 odds it's a will leaving everything to Nabiki.

Nabiki holds out a piece of paper, and a pen. Akane picks up the paper, and
starts looking it over. "What's this?" "It's your will, to your next of
kin."

OTHERS(Ex. Turbo): (Look at Tom.)
TURBO: Glad I didn't take that action.

Answers Nabiki. Akane tosses the paper back at Nabiki, along with the pen.
The pen misses hitting Nabiki, and goes flying into the audience. There is a
scream of pain heard from the audience, but no one takes any notice of it.

CROW(Holding a pen): THAT THING GOT STUCK IN MY GRID!!!

Anyway, Akane and Ryoko turn toward each other, as the referee walks to the
center of the ring, to tell the two combatants to go to the center of the
ring. "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!"

TOM: PIGGYDUFFMONKEYNUTLAW to you too!

Akane and Ryoko walk to the center of the ring. "What did you just say?"

CROW: Something--
TURBO(interrupting): Crow, Washu-Chan is here. She is Ryoko's mother. If you
value your life you won't go there.

Akane and Ryoko both ask the referee. The referee does not answer, and turns
away leaving the two confused women, at the center of the arena. Akane and
Ryoko both shrug, and take fighting stances. "I'm going to kick your butt
across Japan!" shouted Akane. "HA! Give it your best shot, little
gir-*WHAM!!*" Ryoko is cut off,

CROW: But she's a she!

as Akane's mallet collides with the space pirate's face. "HA!" Akane smiles,
smugly. "Looks like I wi- *CRUNCH!!*" Akane looks in horror as Ryoko crushes
the mallet with her bare hands, and glares at Akane. Ryoko grabs Akane by
her shirt, and picks her up into the air. Ryoko then starts twirling Akane
above her head.

TURBO(Air traffic controller): Tendo 1, you are cleared for launch.

"Around, and around, and away you GO!!!" Ryoko flings Akane into the air,
and out of the area, into the sky, and out of the camera's field of vision.
WINNER: Ryoko.

ROUND 3: Ryoga Hibiki, vs. Mihoshi Kuramitsu.

TOM: (Head Explodes)
WASHU-CHAN: What was THAT?
CROW: Tom's head explodes when things get too complex, too perverted, or
gain a sense of foreboding.
TURBO: It's a warning sign. Barf bags are under the chairs for those who can
vomit.

The setting for this battle is at a football field. The two combatants do
not seem to be paying attention to each other, as Mihoshi is currently
checking her bazooka (You know, that giant gun she uses from time to time,
that isn't supposed to be loaded, yet somehow manages to fire and destroy
stuff, anyway), and Ryoga seems to be having an argument with some of the
judges,

TURBO(Jack McCoy): Your honor, State makes a motion to dismiss on the
grounds she's a female.

who are in the bleachers sipping potato whisky, and singing off key. . .
Ryoga does not know that last part, because he can neither see, nor hear
them. The referee walks to the center of the field, to tell the two
combatants to go to the center of the field.
"GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!"

CROW(Deep voice): MORTAL KOMBAT!!!
WASHU-CHAN: GO RYOGA!!!
TURBO/CROW: (Look strangely at Washu-Chan)
WASHU-CHAN: It's one way to keep her out of my lab.

All eyes nervously turn toward the referee, who simply does not answer, and
walks away. Everyone shrugs, and went back to what they were doing. Ryoga
continues complaining to the judges. "I will NOT fight a girl, you hear
me!!! It is amoral, unchivalrous, and just plainly something that I DO NOT
DO!!!

WASHU-CHAN: I thought she was fighting Ryoga, not Kuno.
HOAG(In Projection Booth): (Plays a rimshot.)

And if you can't understand that, then *BLAM!!!*" Ryoga was suddenly
silenced by a plasma blast, from behind. "Oops! I guess the safety WASN'T
on."

TURBO: Obviously

Observed Mihoshi, as she let go of the trigger, and looked to see what
damage was done. She saw that she accidentally made a rather large hole in
the bleachers, but did not see anyone injured. She did however see a pile of
roasted pork-chops, on the ground in front of the hole, that smelled
absolutely delicious. As she started munching on one of the pork-chops, she
wondered where her opponent went. He was there, just a minute ago.

All(Ex. the headless Tom): (Turn green)
TURBO: I almost feel sorry for P-chan.
CROW(Ryoga): Who's P-Chan?

WINNER: Mihoshi.

ROUND 4. Azusa Shiratori, vs. Misaki Jurai.

TURBO: OH MY INSANITY, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CROW: IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!!!

The scene for this battle is a poorly lit section of what looks to be a
large shopping mall. The two combatants are nowhere to be found at the
moment, and murmurs from the audience state that the combatants have not
been seen since the fight was set up. The referee walks to the center of the
field, to tell the two combatants to go to the center of the field.
"GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!"

TOM(Head replaced): Anyone have a universal translator?

The mannequins in the store windows nervously turn toward the referee, who
simply does not answer, and walks away. The mannequins shrugged, and went
back to mannequining. For a few moments, nothing happens. Then *CRASH*
*WHAM* *OOH! SO CUTE!!!* Misaki and Azusa exit out of store windows, each
holding several miscellaneous items in their arms, and running at full speed
into other stores. Shiratori crashes into a ‘Kay Bee, Toys'.

TURBO: SAVE THE TRANSFORMERS, ZOIDS, AND GUNDAMS!!!

Moments later, dozens of ‘Furbys' can be heard, claiming to be dying, and
incapable of breathing. Misaki rushes into a pet shop. Just a few moments
later several animals can be heard, being crushed to death.

CROW: Poor pussies.
TURBO: (Looks warningly at Crow.)
CROW: CATS! Pussy CATS!

"Who was the idiot that decided to have the battle HERE?"

WASHU-CHAN: I did. Now are you sure you meant ‘idiot?'

asks someone in the audience. Unfortunately, this got the attention of the
two ‘combatants'. Misaki and Azusa both look toward the audience, who all
consecutively get large sweatdrops on the back of their heads, and then
calmly exit the battle area.
"GYAA!!! THEY'RE LOOKING THIS WAY!!!

TURBO: As Duo said in Warrior King MST #1, Does Heero know you've stolen his
stare?
{Author: FOURTH WALL!!!}

RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! HELP ME!!! HELP ME!!! MOMMY!!! WHERE ARE YOU
MOMMY!?!?!! TOSHI, YOU'RE FIFTY YEARS OLD, SO STOP CALLING FOR YOUR MOMMY,
ALREADY!!! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!!

TOM: I CHOOSE YOU!

MOOO!!! HEE-HAW!!! HEE-HAW!!! QUACK!!! QUACK!!! QUICKLY, LOAD THEM UP, TWO
BY TWO!!! THE END IS UPON US!!!

MALES(singing): It's the end of the world and I feel
finnnnnnnneeeeeeeeee!!!!!
WASHU-CHAN: Please, Turbo, don't sing.

WE ARE ALL DOOMED!!! HELP!!! NEIL, DID YOU EAT YOUR CHUNKY SOUP!?!?!
HELP ME!!! OH GOD, I THINK THEY'RE COMING THIS WAY!!! FEET DON'T FAIL ME
NOW!!! THE CHAMPAGNE'S NOT CORBELL!!! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! GOD SAVE BILL
GATES!!!

WASHU-CHAN: Don't. That stupid Windows crashed my holo-top!

CROOOOOW!!!

CROW(Amanda Bynes): THHHHHAAAAAATTTT'SSSSS ME!

EEA, IE, EEA, IE, OH!!! SENATOR SONNY BONO, WHITE COURTESY PHONE!!! SENATOR
SONNY BONO, WHITE COURTESY PHONE!!! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! OOH, EE, OOH, AH,
AH!!! OUCH!!! YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!!! WELL THEN WALK ON THE BOTTOMS!!!
BA-DA-BUMP!!! MAYDAY!!! MAYDAY!!!

TOM: But this is February.
HOAG(In Projection Booth): (Plays a rimshot.)

WHERE'S MY BABY!?!?! WHERE'S MY BABY!?!?! YOU'RE STANDING ON ME, MOM!!! WILL
THE PERSON DRIVING THE BROWN PINTO PLEASE GO TO THE PARKING LOT, YOUR CAR IS
ON FIRE!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, PEOPLE!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! THAT DOOR SAYS
‘PULL' YOU FOOL!!!"
And before you can say,
"GYAA!!! THEY'RE LOOKING THIS WAY!!! RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! HELP ME!!!
HELP ME!!! MOMMY!!! WHERE ARE YOU MOMMY!?!?! TOSHI, YOU'RE FIFTY YEARS OLD,
SO STOP CALLING FOR YOUR MOMMY, ALREADY!!! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! MOOO!!!
HEE-HAW!!! HEE-HAW!!! QUACK!!! QUACK!!! QUICKLY, LOAD THEM UP, TWO BY TWO!!!
THE END IS UPON US!!! WE ARE ALL DOOMED!!! HELP!!! NEIL, DID YOU EAT YOUR
CHUNKY SOUP!?!?! HELP ME!!! OH GOD, I THINK THEY'RE COMING THIS WAY!!! FEET
DON'T FAIL ME NOW!!! THE CHAMPAGNE'S NOT CORBELL!!! AAH!!! GODZILLA!!! GOD
SAVE BILL GATES!!! CROOOOOW!!! EEA, IE, EEA, IE, OH!!! SENATOR SONNY BONO,
WHITE COURTESY PHONE!!! SENATOR SONNY BONO, WHITE COURTESY PHONE!!! AAH!!!
GODZILLA!!! OOH, EE, OOH, AH, AH!!! OUCH!!! YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!!! WELL
THEN WALK ON THE BOTTOMS!!! BA-DA-BUMP!!! MAYDAY!!! MAYDAY!!! WHERE 'S MY
BABY!?!?! WHERE'S MY BABY!?!?! YOU'RE STANDING ON ME, MOM!!! WILL THE PERSON
DRIVING THE BROWN PINTO PLEASE GO TO THE PARKING LOT, YOUR CAR IS ON FIRE!!!
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, PEOPLE!!! HELP!!! HELP!!! THAT DOOR SAYS ‘PULL' YOU
FOOL!!!",

ALL: (Stare)
WASHU-CHAN: I just had a sense of Deja vu...

everyone in the stands exited the area, leaving just a camera facing Azusa
and Misaki, who are now standing in the middle of the path, between the
shops. "Where did everybody go?" Misaki and Azusa both asked at the same
time. They then turned toward the camera, that was still facing them. "OOH!
SO CUTE!!!" They then rush at the camera. We suddenly see Misaki's armpit,
then darkness. There is a sudden *CRUNCH!*, and we loose video feed.
WINNER: Do YOU want to go back, and find out?!?

TURBO: Not in your wildest dreams.

ROUND 5. Ayeka Jurai vs. Ukyo Kuonji.

TOM: The Nice Girl vs. The Royal Bitch

The setting for this fight is at a tennis court, with the spectators seated
in the bleachers. The two combatants are at opposite ends of the court,
readying for combat. The net is removed, and the referee walks to the center
of the court, to tell the two combatants to also go to the center of the
court. "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!" *KA-WHUBBA!!!* Ayeka and Ukyo
walk to the center of the court, and nervously inspect the 6 X 4 X 3.5
Buddha statue that crushed the referee. "MOM! Why the hell did you do that
for?!" said a woman in the audience, who had very spiky, cyan colored hair.
"Because that joke was getting really old, Ryoko dear." Replies a much
shorter woman, with even more spiky, crab-red hair.

WASHU-CHAN: It's more of a boiled lobster red.
HOAG(In Projection Booth): (Plays a rimshot.)

Washu types on her keyboard a bit, and a large portal opens up under the
statue/crushed referee, thus removing the obstruction from the court. Ukyo
and Ayeka both shrug, and the fight commences. Suddenly; Look! Up in the
sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!

TURBO: IT'S SUPERMAN!!!

It's that tomboy from the Ranma ½! Akane falls from the air, with the
greatest of ease, and lands on Ayeka. "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *WHAM*!!!"
Akane's impact sent her and the Jurian princess to the bottom of a human
shaped crater. "Hey, I got good hang time with her."

TOM(surfer dude): Like, hang ten dudes!

said Ryoko, from the bleachers. Suddenly, two large floating logs, one
marked with a blue marking, the other marked with a similar red marking,
appear next to the crater. "Oh my god! She killed Ayeka!!!" exclaims the
blue marked one. "You bastard!!!" exclaims the red marked one. Akane pulls
herself out from the hole she just made, and glares at Azaka and Kamidake.
"What . . . did . . . you . . . call . . . ME!?!?!" "Uh-oh." Say both
guardians at the same time, gaining large sweatdrops on the back of their
heads. Akane pulls out a bright, shiny, brass mallet,

TURBO: It's HAMMER TIME!

and chases after the two flying logs, intent on showing them how her new
mallet can violently force large pieces of wood straight into the ground.
"THE WINNER; UKYO!!!" Announces the announcer. Ryoko teleports over to the
crater, and looked down the hole. "Yo, princess. You okay?" A faint voice
can be heard from the hole. "Miss Ryoko, I presently have soil in my ears.
Could you please lean a bit further toward me, so I could understand you?"
Ryoko leans more toward the hole. "I said; Yo, princess. You o-GACK!!!"
Ayeka is now currently gripping Ryoko's neck, and shaking the former pirate
's head like a rattle. After a minute of this, Ayeka attempts to crack
Ryoko's head open, to get at the nutty filling.

WASHU-CHAN: What is she, an elephant?

Ukyo is paying no attention to this whatsoever, as she just realized that
she had to now thank Akane for helping her to win.
WINNER: Ukyo.

ROUND 6. Shampoo (Cat form) vs. Ryo-oh-ki (Cabbit form)
The two combatants face each other, trying to make each other angry. "Nyao!!
Meroow!! Hisss!!" said Shampoo. "Miyaaa!!! Merouyaaa!!!" replies Ryo-oh-ki.

ALL: (Stare)
TURBO: My god...
WASHU-CHAN: That wasn't very nice...

We'd translate what they were saying, but there may be younger viewers
watching, uh reading this. The signal to start the fight is about to start,
but suddenly a cry rings through the air. "POKEBALL GO!!!" A red and white
ball rebounds off of Shampoo, and sucks her up into the ball. "Who would've
thought that we would find pokemon around here?" said a young boy, with a
red baseball cap. Next to the boy is a large yellow mouse with a lightning
bolt shaped tail,

TURBO: KILL IT!!!

a young girl with her red hair tied into a ponytail on one side of her head,
and a slightly older young man who's eyes are abnormally squinted. "I don't
think I've seen a cat pokemon like that, Ash." Says the girl. Suddenly,
Shampoo breaks out of the Pokeball, and glares angrily at the three people
who tried to capture her in that ball. Where did these people come from,
anyway?

TOM: Pallet Town, Pewter City, and Cerulean City.

This was the third time today that someone tried to capture her in one of
those balls. Well, she would show these three not to mess with her. Ash,
Misty, Pikachu, and Brock ran for their lives, from the rage driven cat that
was trying to reduce them to scratching posts. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor
electric mouse pokemon would keep Shampoo from extracting her revenge.

WASHU-CHAN: Yes Ryo-oh-ki, kill! Kill! Kill!

Ryo-oh-ki got a large sweatdrop on the back of her head, as she watched what
happened. Suddenly, a net dropped over her, and she was quickly strung into
the air. "BAH, amateurs!" Said a handsome young man, with dark blue hair,
who was also holding the net. "To think that those meddling kids would take
the chance of loosing a new cat type pokemon, by capturing it in a regular
Pokeball." Said a tall, beautiful, red hared young woman. "WE, on the other
hand, take no chances of losing it." "That, and youse guys are too poor to
even afford a regular Pokeball." Comments a odd looking, talking cat, with a
gold coin attached to its forehead. "Shut up, Meowth." Said the man and
woman. "Make me." said Meowth. Well, they did not notice, but Ryo-oh-ki was
as mad as hell, and she was not going to take it anymore.

CROW(Mr.T/B.A. Baracus): I pity da foo's!

Taking a cue from ‘Tenchi In Tokyo' (Shin Tenchi Muyo), Ryo-oh-ki
transformed into ROBO-OH-KI!!!!!!!

WASHU-CHAN: The only GOOD part of Shin Tenchi.

She easily broke out of the net, when she changed from a simple cabbit, into
a large, pink, robot warrior. Team Rocket watches in horror as
ROBO-OH-KI!!!!!!! cracks her knuckles ominously, and with a roaring battle
cry of "MIYA!!!", goes into action. *CRASH* *WHAM* *BAM* *BODYSLAM* *RANDOM*
*NOISE* *OF* *ROBO-OH-KI* *GETTING* *MIDEVIL* *ON* *TEAM* *ROCKET'S*
*BOOTOX* *BOOOOOOOM*

TURBO: Let's see, she's hitting them hard...
CROW: ...fast...
TOM: ...and repeatedly.
WASHU-CHAN: Ryo-oh-ki's righteous revenge!!!

"LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAaaaaaaain . . . ."
WINNER: To be continued...

ROUND 7. Cologne vs. Katsuhito (Yosho) Masaki.

TOM: This is gonna be a long night...

We arrive in the dark arena where the battle is already in progress. The
fight had already gone on for many hours, and there was seemingly no end in
sight. It was an intense struggle to see who was the fastest, the strongest,
the cleverest, and the best at the art of combat. "Got any twos?"

ALL: (Facefault hard)

asked Cologne. "Go fish." Said Katsuhito. Yes everybody, this is the most
intense battle we have seen so far. Who will come out the victor?

TOM: Does it matter?

How will there be any conclusion to this battle?

WASHU-CHAN: An alien attack.

WHAT will be the conclusion of this battle?

TURBO: The last one to fall asleep wins.

What will happen if there is a tie?

TURBO: You will see what transphasic torpedoes can do to Animeport #9,
Peter.

Will they bring a foreign object into the ring?

CROW: Yeah, a whip, and a Chinese scroll...
TURBO: I'm not even gonna ask.

Neil, did you eat your chunky soup? Who wrote the book of love?

TURBO: Well Aphrodite, Urd, and Cupid all worked on it...

Why the hell am I writing this?

WASHU-CHAN: So we can MST it.

Who removed the fourth wall?

{Author: I DID!}

What is the meaning of life?

TOM(Philosopher Minu, Protection Bell key item, FFIX): "We seek the meaning
of life because we are mortal."

And the most important question of all "Got any threes?" Will Cologne have
any threes?!?!? "Sure, here." The withered prune on a-uh, I mean the leader
of the Chinese Amazon tribe,

WASHU-CHAN: No, you were right the first time.

obviously did not realize that she had just literally thrown the battle
away. Katsuhito added the card to the one he had in his hand, and slammed
them down on the table. "WINNER, MASAKI!!!"

TURBO: Not if I know my Ranma ½.

announced the announcer over the loud speaker. In a calm and mature manner,
Katsuhito stood up, and started doing a victory dance. All the while saying
"Nyah-Nyah!! I win!! You loose!! Ha-Ha!!" Cologne shrugs, puts down the rest
of her cards, and jumps into Katsuhito's arms, saying "AIREN!! WU AI NE!!"

TURBO: I KNEW IT!

Katsuhito's scream was the scream heard around the world.
WINNER: Katsuhito (technically)

ROUND 8. Hikaru Gosunkugi vs. Kain.

CROW: Bloody, disgusting, bloated, dead body, reporting for demise!

In this corner, weighing at roughly two thousand gallons, considering that
he is technically an aqueous life form, and standing at seven feet, two
inches tall, the A-1 class criminal, Kain!!! And in this corner, weighing at
ninety seven pounds, one ounce, at the height of a little over four and a
half feet, standing in a puddle of his own piss, with a snot bubble in his
nose, and tears streaming down his face, the challenger, Hikaru Gosunkugi!!!

WINNER: Kain.

ROUND 9. Shampoo vs. Ryo-oh-ki, again.
We are back in the previous battle area between the two combatants. Shampoo
wipes the last few bits of Ash from her claws, and readies for the attack.

TURBO: YAY!!! THE ELECTRIC MOUSE IS DEAD!!!

Ryo-oh-ki changes back to cabbit form, and does likewise. They are about to
attack, when a loud noise was heard. The noise of two people crashing
through a brick wall. "OOOH!!! SO CUTE!!!" Ryo-oh-ki and Shampoo both stare
in horror for a few moments, and then scramble away as fast as they can.
They are quickly followed by a woman with dark blue hair, and a brown hared
girl in a pink dress. "Josephine!! Josephine!!" "Here
kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty!!!" "NYOOOW!!!!!" "MIYAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"
WINNER: Misaki and Azusa.

ROUND 10. Kiyone Makabe vs. Happosai.
"HELP!!! HELP!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! HELP!!!"

CROW: Kiyone, you slut.
TOM: I don't think that's Happosai screaming.

WINNER: Happosai.

ROUND 11. Washu Habuki vs. Ranma Saotome.
"HELP!!! HELP!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! GET IT OFF OF ME!!! HELP!!!"
WINNER: Washu.

WASHU-CHAN: I wonder if I got a sample from him...

ROUND 12. Soun Tendo & Genma Saotome vs. Azaka & Kamidake.

TURBO: THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!

The battle arena is pretty much empty. Only the two teams of combatants are
at the center. Azaka and Kamidake look worse for wear, many mallet dents
still in their surfaces. Soun and Genma actually look thoughtful. "You know,
Tendo. I've been thinking."

WASHU-CHAN: It's the Second Sign!

"Oh, then please by all means continue, Saotome." "Remember when the master
used to have us train by forcing us to make firewood, by smashing tree
stumps into smaller pieces?" Azaka and Kamidake get large sweatdrops on the
backs of their upper portions. They do not like where this conversation is
going. "Ah, yes. We must've gone through hundreds of trees, before the
master would let us finally warm ourselves by the fire." "So, I was
wondering. If we did all of that, and we are even more stronger than we were
back then, then why should this be a hard battle for us?" "Good point,
Saotome." "Uh-oh." Say both Azaka and Kamidake, at the same time. "GET
EM!!!" Soun and Genma both try to strike at the rapidly retreating
guardians. " ‘This'll be easy' you said! ‘They can't possibly be as bad as
that girl with the hammer' you said!" "Just hush up, and keep running!!!"
The two logs were chased right out of the arena.
WINNER: Soun and Genma.

ROUND 13. Washu Habuki vs. Happosai.

CROW/TURBO: Heheheheheheh.

The scene for this fight is in Washu's lab. Washu is standing behind a desk,
with Happosai strapped to a metal table in the background. "Good evening."
Says Washu. "For those of you just joining us, our previously scheduled
experiment of examining the anatomy of a toad, has been canceled for . . ."

TOM: A Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathon!

"WOO HOO!!! EXAMINE ME BABY!!! Take my temperature! Take a sperm sample! I
needed a checkup, cutie pie!" yells Happosai from the background. Washu
turns several shades of green, that clash with the color of her hair, and
tries to continue. " . . . obvious reasons, and will not be done ever again
if I can help it."

CROW/TURBO: (Groan)

Happosai gives a disappointed groan from the background. "So instead, I
shall be doing a cooking lesson today."

TURBO: FOOD!!!

Washu puts on a chef's hat. "Ooo! I bet I'm the main course, yeah baby?"
says Happosai. Washu tries desperately to keep her smile. "Today, we shall
be learning to make ‘Chard Pervert Flambe'. First, take one pervert." "I'm
not ONE pervert! I am THE pervert, sweet-cheeks!" "And dump him into your
incendiary furnace." Washu pulls a lever, sending Happosai down a hole.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaah!!!" *FOOOOOOOM!!!* A large gout of flame from the
hole, signals the end of the pervert. "That concludes the lesson for today.
Tomorrow we'll-" "Hey!!! You tried to kill me!!! I've fallen!!! And I'm
badly burned!!!"

TURBO: FINISH HIM!

Okay, so that was not the end of him. *THUD!!!* That was. "Ahem. Tomorrow
we'll go through the importance of a portable dimensional portal system, as
well as the advantages of having large stone statues around your lab."
WINNER: Washu.

ROUND 14. Tatewaki Kuno vs. Ryo-oh-ki.

ALL: GOD SAVE US!!!

This battle takes place in a grand arena. Although the stands were packed,
they were now somewhat empty, as members of the audience started leaving for
some reason. Kuno and Ryo-oh-ki, both in humanoid form, were at the center
of the arena. Kuno was still making his beginning speech,

TURBO(HARRY CHAMP): I'm Harry Champ. I'm a man destined to be king!

and going on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on . . . "No one
shall stand in the way of my might, for I am the spirit of the warriors
past, the ultimate of the times, the best of the best of the best. I am he
who shall smite all darkness from this world.

ALL: (Fall asleep)

I blah blah blah, big word, blah blah, really big word, blah blah blah,
yakity smackity, blah (NOTE: Rather than subject you all to the rest of this
speech, I'll just skip to the end. Is that okay with all of you?) THE BLUE
THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGH!!!!" *KRACK-KA-BOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!*

ALL: WHA--!!

The sound of the lightning scares Ryo-oh-ki awake, and unintentionally set
off her personal defense system.

TURBO: She has a personal defense system?
WASHU-CHAN: Of course.

A laser beam shoots from the jewel on her forehead, reducing the Blue
Thunder, into a pile of Black Soot. *BEYOOOOOOOU* *ding* And he is done.
Various members of the Ranma ½ cast, and the Tenchi Muyo cast rush to the
scene. "OH MY GOD!!! SHE KILLED KUNO!!!" screams Nabiki. "HOW CAN WE EVER
REPAY YOU!?!?!" says Akane, to Ryo-oh-ki. Ryo-oh-ki pulls a wooden sign out
of nowhere.

TOM: OH NO! Ryo-oh-ki's become Genma!

[Carrots! Lots and lots of carrots!] Meanwhile, Ranma is talking to Tenchi.
"Look, I didn't realize you were so sensitive about that sort of thing."
Says Ranma. "Okay, just don't do that again." Says Tenchi. "My doctor says
that I'm suffering from too much blood loss as it is. Hey, want a
pork-chop?" "Hey, thanks. Where'd you get em?" "Oh, Mihoshi said she found
them somewhere." "Lucky girl." says Ranma. "She finds free food just lying
around, and I can't hide the lunch Akane made for me, to save my life."

TURBO: Run Ranma, run far and run fast.

"OH, SO YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HID THE LUNCH I MADE FOR YOU!!!!" says Akane.
"Uh-oh." Would be the last thing Ranma would say for awhile. *WHAMMO!!!*
"Honestly, he can be such a jerk, sometimes." Grumbles Akane. "Uh, want a
pork-chop?"

ALL: (Wistle innocently)

says Tenchi, a large sweatdrop on the back of his head. "Thanks." Says
Akane. As she eats the pork-chop, it reminds her of something she was
wondering earlier. "Oh, by the way. Have you seen my pet pig anywhere?
Small, black, wares a yellow bandanna, answers to the name of P-Chan?" "No,
can't say that I have." Replies Tenchi, before taking a bite out of the
pork-chop.
End.

CROW: Now comes the fun part.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Actually I was inspired to write this when I read about
another short Fan Fic about a battle between Tenchi and Ranma. In that one,
Tenchi won the battle when Ryoko knocked Ranma out by hitting him on the
head with a foreign object (Mayuka) . . .

WASHU-CHAN: Watch it. That's my granddaughter you're talking about.

I guess that would mean sometimes stupid stories are inspired by other
stories. Okay, I admit that I'm feeling sorry about that last MST that I
recently did. Just because some of the jokes are similar, in other MST's, I
got a complaint. Well, that got me considering the fact that I really had no
stories of my own that were MSTed.

TOM: This one is now.

Because of this, I'm actually publishing this short Fic, with this notice.
NOTICE: I decree that this Fic is probably the stupidest, dumbest, and most
off beat Fic that I have ever allowed to be posted. Someone, ANYONE, please
MST this thing.

ALL: DONE!

Spencer, Shade, Brian, the guy who said bad things about "A Secret
Confession", MST THIS DARN FIC!!! Team Rocket makes an unscheduled guest
appearance!! That's got to be worth a joke or two!!!

WASHU-CHAN: We got about six out of it.

Wait! Where are you going!?

TURBO: To pick up our next crew member.

Don't leave!!! I'm serious! I'd MST it myself, but my group would kill me in
the first act, and besides I want to see some one else do it!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!! And there you have it. This will be up for grabs,
to all who wish to try their hand at MSTing it. Have fun. ^_^

CROW: We did.

Peter Suzuki.

[Fic ends.]
[Doors in reverse]

As the newest team of MSTers exit the theater they know that the adventures
on the Anime Star have just begun...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally, the completion of my second MST and the first MST on the Anime
Star! Done in eight installments. Assassian Ivyrose, I hope you don't mind
my use of your Heero's Stare joke. MSTers, do your worst. Of course just
remember: I can MST your MST. Flames, thanks, comments, and criticism at
turbomagnus@excite.com.

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