__________________________________________________________________ Tenchi characters copyright AIC/Pioneer. MST3K copyright Best Brains, Inc. Gundam Wing, Outlaw Star, Cowboy Bebop and their characters are copyright Sunrise / TV Asahi. Anything else copyrighted is credited to the original creators (so we won't have great fines we can't afford for copyright violations OR flames by the authors of the fics we're MSTing). Note: Any "insults" aimed at the authors of the fics are for entertainment purposes only. __________________________________________________________________ On with the show... __________________________________________________________________ The crew of the Winner Queen are: Timothy Turner: The Aisha Clanclan freak... Mark Rothlisberger: The serious one... Gene Starwind: The one that sleeps till afternoon... Spike Spiegel: The smooth-talking one. __________________________________________________________________ Voyages of the Winner Queen Theme sung to the MST3K theme of later seasons such as Season 10 original theme. Original theme copyrighted Best Brains, Inc. Some original lyrics have been incorporated and are not ours. Some lyrics are small modifications of the original lyrics and are not ours. We do not own the theme song and are not making money off these MSTS. REPEAT: WE DO NOT OWN THIS THEME SONG! WE ARE NOT MAKING MONEY OFF THESE MSTS! WE ARE HOPELESSLY OBSESSED WITH MST3K AND ARE DOING THIS TO FULFILL OUR PATHETIC LIVES! THERE! (chorus sings) In the anime dimension, Somewhere in outer space. A group of losers who said too much Are stuck at Quatre's place. Mr. Winner has made himself a pledge, After he was pushed beyond the edge. The Gundam pilot laughs in glee And carries out his plan of insanity!! (Quatre: I'll break you!!!) Quatre: (singing) I'll send them cheesy fanfics, The worst I can find! La-la-la! They'll have to sit and watch them all, 'cause I'm unkind! La-la-la! (chorus sings) They'll travel around the galaxy and see all kinds of peeps La-la-la! They'll fight to keep their sanity, and this time it's for keeps! LOSER ROLL-CALL: TIM! Tim: It's mayhem time! SPIKE! Spike: Let's jam! MARK! Mark: Great...here we go! GEEEEEEEENE! Gene: Let's goooooooo! (chorus sings) If you wondering how you can watch something that you read, La-la-la! remember you can use your mind, so let it take the lead, for Voyages of the Winner Queen. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7... _______________________________________ ::Tim appears in the main living area.:: Tim: Hi guys and gals. Just...::The room shifts.:: WHOA! ::The camera now switches to the outside of the Winner Queen. The ship does a barrel roll and returns to a normal position.:: Jim (on loudspeakers): Sorry! Just getting the hang of piloting the ship! Tim: Try not to make me lose my lunch in the process! ::Mark appears.:: Mark: Hey, Tim. Ready for another day of hell? Tim: Why not? ::The panel lights up and says "Call." Quatre appears on the 100" big screen:: Quatre: Hello, every... HEY! Where are Spike and Gene? Mark: Probably still in their quarters. Quatre: No matter. ::Pushes a button.:: ::We see Spike in his quarters trying to make a radio to call Earth. Quatre's minions rush in and bust the radio.:: Spike: I was just trying to make a toaster oven! ::We now see Gene asleep in his quarters. Quatre's minions bust in and throw hot water on Gene (not until after they try 10 straight minutes of hitting him with their guns).:: Gene: All right! I'm up! I'm up! ::The other two head to the main living area.:: Quatre: Good. Nice to see everyone got a restful night's sleep. Gene: Not me. Quatre: Too bad. Today's lovely number is called "Ryoko's Pet Part 1" And no going to sleep while watching it, Gene! ::Alarms go off and lights flash. The panel reads it's usual "Bad Fanfic Alert" 7...6...5...4...3...2...1... _______________________________________ Gene: What's Quatre going to do if I go to sleep anyways? >Disclaimer: Pioneer owns these characters. I'm just using >them to get a laugh! Spike: That's an arrestable offense. >Author's note: OVA! Tim: Geez! And I thought my sex ed teacher was bad enough while talking about the female reproductive cells. Sheesh! =-=-=-=-= Mark: Wow! The author's using bamboo to frame the fic! >Tenchi Muyo!: Food Fight! Mark: Tenchi Muyo - The School Cafeteria Days >Brian Burke >Tenchii@hotmail.com Gene: Hey! He misspelled Tenchi! Oh, that's just his email. =-=-=-=-= Tim: Love what you did with the eloquently carved table leg. >It's been a peaceful summer day at the Masaki home. Mark: Are we watching a soap opera type Tenchi fic? >Considering how rare they are, Spike: This kind of fic with peace gets boring really quickly. >the various occupants take full advantage of it. Gene: (as Tenchi) This is a perfect opportunity to count my belly button lint collection! Mark: Or make a toejam sandwich! >On such a day, Sasami steps outside with a small paper bag in her >hand. Tim: (as Sasami) That accident invlolving Ryo-Ohki and the blender wasn't pretty. Whoops! The bag is starting to leak blood and body parts! Gene: (as Sasami) I'll bring my own barf bag for the flight. >"Whatcha up to, Sasami?" Ryoko asks from the tree above. Mark: (imitating that infamous beer commercial) WHAZZUUUUUP!?!?!?! >"Oh, hi Ryoko! I was just going to feed the Spike: Dragon. Gene: Giant tarantula! >birds." Spike and Gene: Oh... >"Feed them what?" Gene: (as Sasami) These here six-pack rings and styrofoam pieces. I'll try to make them drink and bathe in used motor oil in a little while. >Opening the bag, Sasami pulls out a portion of the contents. "I'm >just going to put out Mark: A severed head... >some bread crumbs." She then proceeds to sprinkle the handful on Tim: Hey, wait a minute! That says "rat poison" on the bag! ::Reaches up to the screen and points at the bag.:: >the ground. After emptying the bag on the ground, she heads back >inside the house. Spike: Hehe...wait until the Alka-Seltzer takes effect. >) >Moments later, several birds of different species land and eat >away at the birdy smorgasborg. Gene: Are we in Sweden all of a sudden? >Ryoko is watching this from her position in the tree. Tim: (as Ryoko) I shall have my revenge! I'll poop on THEIR heads this time! >"Bread crumbs, huh?" Smiling, she takes off into the distance. Gene: Never to be seen again. Thank you! =-=-=-=-= Mark: Thanks for the pillar from the Parthenon. Spike: Maybe the camera didn't get all of the city skyline. The buildings are cut off from the top downward. >An hour later. Spike: The fic was dragging on... >Sasami is washing dishes when she looks curiously into the >afternoon sky. Although seeing birds fly around is nothing new, >watching them Gene: Shoot lasers. >do loops certainly is. "What in the world?" Sasami >puts down the dish and walks outside. Ryo-Ohki follows, curious. >As she stands outside, she just watches the birds do tricks in >mid-air. Then, she sees a small object fly from the nearby tree. Tim: Look out! The air show's going to end in disaster! >Looking to the source, "Ryoko? What are you doing?" Gene: Trying to hit two birds with one stone, hehe... >"Oh, hi Sasami! I'm just feeding the birds." >"With what?" Tim: With this shotgun. But they're exploding everytime I shoot at them! Gene: Feces...Uh, I mean, brownies! >Ryoko tosses one of the projectiles down to Sasami. "I figured >they'd like these better." Mark: Wow. Ryoko's feeding them artillery shells from the fireworks shop! Spike: I don't think their mouths are big enough for a cannonball. >Looking at it, "a donut ball?" Mark: What did you expect? South Park's Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls? >Ryo-Ohki's ears perch upwards at the thought. "Meow!" Tim: (as Ryo-Ohki's thought voice) I hope they're made out of carrots! >She then takes to the air after the sweet treats. "Meow! Meow!" >she says, trying to grab at one of them. ::All laugh.:: Tim: This sounds like a children's book! >Ayeka walks out of the house. "What is going on out here?" Mark: Quick! Hide the porn and booze! Spike: (as Aeka) Quit having fun without me! >Ryoko hears her rival and sends a donut ball towards her, but only >grazes the top of her hair. The bird that followed, however, did >not miss. All: OUCH! Gene: Hey, guys. What is the last thing that goes through a bird's mind when it hits Aeka's face? Tim: What, Gene? Gene: Its butt! Spike: Real cute. Tim: Oh, yeah. A modification of the bug and windshield joke. That's real quick thinking, Gene. >Laughing hysterically, "there's no reason to eat crow yet, >princess!" Mark: Crow is on our lunch menu! The donut balls are for breakfast! >Rubbing her face, Ayeka Mark: Makes the injuries worse and gets an infection. >walks into the house for her own projectiles. Picking up a >few vegetables, Gene: A gatling gun, and a nuclear warhead... >she uses her power to shoot them at her enemy. "Take that!" Spike: Uh. Shouldn't she get out of the house? Tim: (as Aeka) Take that, house! Mark: ::Makes crashing noises.:: >Ryoko uses her gem power to slow and redirect the carrot portion, >sending them to Ryo-Ohki. "Now, let's see what you can really do!" Spike: (as Ryoko) Go guided carrots! Kill Ryo-Ohki! >Seeing the carrot fly at her, Gene: She shit herself. >"MEOW!" Her eyes glued to the veggie, she takes off after it. Spike: (as kindergarten teacher) And what did Ryo-Ohki do next, class? ^_^ Tim: (as child) She eated the cawwot? >Power diving, Gene: Swan diving, and the backflip. Mark: So Ryo-Ohki competes in Olympic diving? >she turns up just as she misses Ayeka, sending the princess to >her rear. >Walking out, Tenchi sees an interesting sight. Spike: It was a wild, wild orgie! >The birds are doing stunts in the air, and Ryo-Ohki is chasing >a flying carrot. Tim: Pigs can fly, and hell freezes over... Gene: I bet the birds in real life would be like, "You shitmuffins! Let me have my damn food!" >"What's going on out here?" Mark: That's what I'm thinking. >Ryoko gently tosses down a treat. "Hello, Tenchi. I'm just >having a little fun with the birds." All: AUUUGH! Mark: Beastiality! That's disgusting! ::Makes muffled vomiting noises but does not actually vomit..:: >Walking out of the house, Washu has her usual calm look to her. >"It figures." Tim: (as Washu) My daughter shouldn't have snooped through my gag pictures of me doing nasty stuff in my Science Academy days. Ah, the game of Truth or Dare...added to a little alcohol. >"That's enough, Ryoko," Sasami says. "They don't like to be >teased this long." Spike: Where would she get a book saying how long birds don't like getting teased? >"Oh, alright." She lets her donut balls get eaten by the birds, >and Ryo-Ohki gets her carrot. Gene: And they lived happily ever after. >Finally, she sends out a shower of rolled up sweets into the >woods, sending the birds away. Gene: (as Ryoko) Go forth, my feathered army of darkness! >"It makes sense that you'd do this, Ryoko," Washu states. Tim: (as Washu) It makes sense that would do such a specific and unexplained event that no one could have guessed from the beginning of this fic! >Ryoko looks down at them, smiling, "and why is that?" she asks, >juggling a few more spherical pastries. Mark: ::Imitating circus music.:: >"Mrm mrm," is heard next to Ryoko. Looking over, she sees Ryo- >Ohki Tim: Cool! Ryo-Ohki turns into a car, too! >eating Ryoko's ammunition. Mark: Hey! Don't eat Ryoko's armor piercing ammo! >"Part cat," Ryoko says, "part rabbit." Looking closer, "all pig." Gene: Huh-huh. Hey guys, what do you get when you cross a cat and a rabbit? Tim: Stop...That's enough. >"Meow..." she whines, dropping her ears. Tim: Awwwww, Ryo-Ohki's depressed about something. Mark: When, oh, when will Ryo-Ohki find true love? >Ryoko takes a donut ball, "well, Ayeka? Would you like a treat?" Gene: (as Ryoko in a playful voice) Aeka want treat? ^_^ Roll over! Play dead! Good bitch! Spike: That one was cold, Gene... >Ryo-Ohki jumps down with one of the bags, knowing what's coming. Spike: (as Ryo-Ohki's thought voice) I bet they taste good with carrots! >"Hey! Give those back!" Gene: (as Ryoko) Those are my breast implants! Mark: (as Ryoko) Those are covered with a "special" powder! >Ayeka moves into the cabbit's path, taking the bag, "thank you, >Ryo-Ohki." Tim: (as Aeka) Yes! Now I can finally get high! All: WHOO-HOO! >"Meow?" Gene: Meow? Me worry? >"You wouldn't dare." Mark: You wouldn't dare get fat! Gene: The biggest dare of all: Kiss Tenchi on the lips! Others: Thanks a lot, Gene! >Ayeka just smiles as she sends five donut balls at Ryoko, courtesy >of her Jurai power. "Have a ball!" Spike: Ha? Ha? Ha?. That was so...funny? >Deflecting the treats, Ryoko takes a few more in her hand. Tim: (as Ryoko) Eat this! (returns to normal) Ha? Ha? >She then launches them at Ayeka, who shields herself. >"Food Fight!" Sasami yells. Mark: Great...Here we go! >After a few minutes, every donut ball has been impacted, Tim: And the Earth is in ruin... >whether on the ground, or on someone. Gene: Or on the ground...or...some...thing. >Ayeka seems to have taken the most, for she is covered in crumbs. >Ryoko on the other hand, only has a few squashed pastries on her >body. Spike: Never fly by your own power when it's the peak of pastry season. You'll only get the same effect as driving in the peak of bug season: bugs on the windshield. Well, pastry guts on your clothes. Mark: (as Ryoko) Damn! It's going to take forever to get these pastry guts off my clothes! >Ryo-Ohki walks up to the sitting Ayeka, and takes a halfway >squashed ball off her kimono. Eating it, she just relaxes >and meows contently. Tim: Like, Meow, man! Totally funkadelic! Whoa! The walls are growing faces! >Sasami walks out from behind the tree, crumb free. "Is the war >over?" Spike: (as Sasami) Is the war on treat crumbs over? I'm proud I was treat crumb free! Gene: Partnership for a Treat Crumb-Free America...and Japan. >Tenchi walks out of the house, crumb free as well. "It seems so." >"Well, Ryoko," Washu says, "did you enjoy yourself?" A second >later, a donut ball gets mashed into her. Spike: Donut implants! >"I guess so." Tim: I guess she enjoyed herself on some kind of urge that was never explained in this fic. > :::-!end!-::: Mark: Look at that beautiful craftsmanship. I've never seen a wood carving with the word "end" inscribed on it. It's beautiful. Especially the "end" part. > -Can anyone guess what I'm munching on? All: HELL, NO! O_O;; Mark: Guess what I'm munching on and have nightmares for life! Quatre: And now for the feature presentation! >Tenchi and all associated characters are the property of Pioneer and >some other company Tim: Ummm, AIC? How easy is that to forget? >Send E-Mail to thtadthtshldntbe@home.com Mark: Send mail to a bunch of consonants and a couple of vowels at home.com! >my name is Matthew Marino ::All wave:: All: HI! >And no I am not 15 Spike: Sure you aren't... >I am much older though I would love to be stuck to Ryoko. Spike: Wouldn't we all? >Setting-OVA continuity plus Kiyune (she's hot, 2nd best after Ryoko). Mark: Oh, great. Another one who doesn't know how to spell Kiyone's name properly. >After the confrontation with Kagato Tim: And before the confrontation with the Lint Ball people. Spike: Been eating bleach again, Tim? Tim: Uh, no! --------------------------------------------------------------- Gene: Look out! Machine gun fire! Oh, wait, just lines. >RYOKO'S NEW PET part 1- Is He House Broken? Tim: Awwww, Ryoko gets a puppy! >The skies of San Diego were filled with fire as Tsunami, manifest Spike: With a bunch of ticks and lice. >with all 10 lighthawk wings destroyed enemy battleship after >battleship. Hundreds of smaller (than Tsunami at least) ships >darted around and were destroyed. Tim: Darn mosquitoes. >This blazing glory would have been a spectacular sight for the people of >San Diego but none of them seemed to notice it. Mark: Because they were dead maybe? >On the ground Tenchi and his companions battled valiantly to keep the >invading Soruylian forces Gene: Our heroes fought valiantly against some unknown force that hadn't even been introduced! >from gaining a foothold on the earth. Washu was busy at the >controls of a mysterious machine ( as usual). Tim (a-la-original MST3K cast): Look! Washu has a com-pu-ter! Wow! >"Tenchi you must finish them off quickly. Spike: The fajitas will go bad if you don't finish them off quickly! >My psychonulifier won't keep these people from noticing for much >longer. There is just too much energy spilling about." Mark: I spilled my Energy Big Gulp! > power. Gene: Men are covert slaves of women. Didn't you know that, Tenchi? >I knew we should have made grandfather come. > "Ok Little Washu. I'll >see what I ca..." All of a sudden the fighting seemed to stop. Tim (as a Soruylian or whatever): Fighting is pointless! We quit! Spike (as one, too): That's our cue for the pointless sex to begin! Let's get out of here! >Ryoko teleported in beside her mother and Tenchi. Even in the middle >of battle she was as horny as ever. Gene: I can see Ryoko having sex in the middle of a battle. Can you? Tim: Maybe she was stripteasing in battle and the bad guys stopped to peek. >She draped herself across Tenchi's back Spike (as Martha Stewart): And now we look at our lovely Ryoko Drape Collection! It suits all of Tenchi's backs well and comes in all kinds of colors! >as she roared, Tim: GGRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! Mark: MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Gene: BAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Spike: HOOOOOOOOOONNNNKKKKKK!!!!!!! >"What the hell do you think has happened my Tenchi?" Tim (as Tenchi): Mommy! >"You're lucky I turned off my lighthawk wings Ryoko or you would get >jabbed with something you really wouldn't want to get jabbed with." All: EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! >All three of them Mark: Beat Tenchi and left him for dead for making a sexual statement. Spike: Tenchi beat himself up? Mark: Yeah! Tenchi is so dumb he wouldn't know if he beat himself! ::Pauses:: That didn't sound right. >laughed Spike: I don't see how they would laugh at such a nasty joke. Ugh! >at Tenchi's counter quip. Tenchi had begun to counter the girls overt >passes with a wry sense of humor. Gene: The side of Tenchi we ::yawn:: never see. >Washu thought it was a sign of maturity or at least a sign that he >was Tim: Asking for a death wish. >almost done with puberty. She still wondered how Gene: Tenchi could be acting out of character. >a teenage boy stuck in the midst of a nest of intergalactic >experienced beautiful women, all of whom were at least ten >years older than him, had been able to keep his pants zipped. Gene: Experiment away Washu... Spike: But don't tell us your findings, okay? We really don't want to know. >She had long ago concluded Spike: WHAT DID I JUST SAY!?!?!?!!? Tim: Break time! ::Everyone gets up and leaves.:: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7... _______________________________________ Tim: What do you think of this fic so far? Mark: Ummm, pointless? Gene: ::YAWN!:: Spike: Tired, Gene? Gene: Nah. Nothing I can't handle. Tim: You sure? You look real tired. Gene: I'm sure. ::YAWN.:: Spike: Okay. Mark: Well, back on to the subject. This fic sucks ass. Tim: That's pretty down to the point. Spike: And super cruel. ::Jim appears on a screen.:: Jim: Hey, guys. Just letting you know I'm about to test the sub-ether drives. Spike: Okay. Tim: Where did the others disappear to, Gene? Gene: The others from the Outlaw Star? They're down the hall. There are extra rooms besides ours. I guess Quatre really prepeared for a situation like this. ::Alarms go off and lights flash.:: Tim: Bad fanfic alert! 7...6...5...4...3...2...1... _______________________________________ >it was something in his Juraiin nature. Kind of how Sasami could be >several hundred years old and still a child. Washu knew that Ryoko, >Kiyune, and Mihoshi wouldn't have minded sharing Tenchi's affections. >Ayeka might have complained but Ayeka complains about everything. Gene: So that means she complained. >The brief sense of peace evaporated Spike: Never leave your brief sense of peace in direct sunlight, kiddies! >as Washu discovered exactly what had happened. Spike: This fic happened! >All of the remaining battle ships had combined their energy and >mass into a giant ship. Tim (as Washu): Oh, shit! We're doomed! Gene (as big ship): Hi! I'm one of the biggest-ass ships you've ever seen! Prepare to die! Mark (as Tenchi): And I die a virgin, too! Great! Spike (as Ryoko): If you don't want to die that way, Tenchi, then jab me with that thing you mentioned earlier! >It had just manifested into the physical realm. Apparently these >Soruylian's could manipulate matter and energy at a fundamental >level. Tim: And that means WHAT to us? >Or at least as fundamental a level as everyone except for Washu and >Tsunami understood it. Tim: Tsunami and Washu must be retards... Spike: Everyone else must have graduated top level at the Galaxy Science Academy then. >This giant ship seemed impressive but it was Mark: Made out cheap materials. >still only half the size of Tsunami's 10 lighthawk wings. A massive >blast of energy was launched towards the Suruylian's last ship. Tim: ::Ducks:: Whoa! Hello! Who's shooting?! Gene: A little warning, please! >It was almost obliterated. Almost however did not mean everything. >Washu quickly realized where it was going to fall. She sighed with >relief. Spike: Good thing it's going to fall on that hospital. Gene: And there's a hydrogen processing plant right next to it. >The gang had used one of Washu's psycho prods (as in Psychic cattle >prod but for people) Mark: Wow. I didn't know you could buy a psychic cattle prod! Spike: I see people use one all the time. They psycially manipulate cattle so they will attack people. >to herd away the local bystanders. Gene: Okay you lazy people. Off to the corral! Tim: At San Diego Local Bystander farm we've got all kinds of people for sale. There's the skinny geek. Mark: And the very strange freaks. Some of them come with assorted accessories! >The remaining mass seemed destined to hit that Taco bell. Tim: They're going destroy that Taco Bell! Those monsters! Gene: Not the Gorditas!! Noooo!!!! > snack. Oh well ... What the fuck> Mark: Did that sentence make sense to any of you at all? Tim: No. Spike: Same here. Gene: Ditto. >There was someone in the Taco Bell. Tim: A great twist in plot! >Who had been assigned to clear that section... MIHOSHI! oh no. There >was only one woman for the job. Gene: This is a job for Exhibitionist Woman!!!! >"Ryoko quick. there's a kid in that Taco Bell. Mihoshi must have missed >him." As callous as Ryoko could be, Spike: She lived on the bottom of a big toe. >ever since she had been freed from Kagato's control she Mark: Partied! >had become selfless to a fault when it came to protecting others. Through >her special link Washu Tim: Don't cheat the phone company! Call collect! >knew that was because of all the lives she had been forced to take. >Washu heart almost broke whenever she went into her daughter's mind >and felt her guilt. Mark: And what other nasty secrets can we find in Ryoko's mind? Hehe. >Ryoko teleported immediately to the boy's side. >"Uh hello ma'am, what would you like today. Tim: I'd like an apocalypse with a double decker taco, please. >We have a three burrito lunch special. Mark: Good for you, kid. But you seem to have an emergency! >For someone as good looking as you I'll throw in free french fries if >you give me a kiss." Spike: This guy's desperate. >Not having been exposed to American pop culture before Ryoko >smiled at the boy's attempt to hit on her. She was unaware that >15 year old guys will hit on anything that moves. All: They DO?? > < oh what the hell, I'll get free french fries. > Gene: Before that ship crashes on me anyways. >Ryoko grabbed him All: EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!! >by the shirt and pulled him over the counter with one hand. With her other >hand she finished packing her order. Mark: And I'll empty the cash drawer while I'm at it. >The boy seemed to be in a state of shock. Spike (as boy): I've seen porno on the internet but I'm not ready for this level yet!!!! Mommy!!!! >He actually tried to resist kissing Ryoko. Tim: Someone is following the the lifestyle of Tenchi a little too closely. >Unfortunately for him Ryoko could bench press a space shuttle. >And Ryoko was a very experienced woman. Gene: IS she? >After a few seconds of squirming he gave in to a little tongue. Ryoko >smiled inwardly at the glazed look coming over his eyes. < Now if only >Tenchi were this easy. > After a few minutes she let some of her >power flow into the kiss. Tim: I'm in line next! Mark: I thought you liked Aisha. Tim: Shut up! >The kid started to fall asleep ( by her will of course) > < very pleasant dreams thought Ryoko. He's actually a pretty good kisser. And > human lips tasted so good. Gene: I love human lips with some ketchup... Mark: I like mine with some picante salsa. Spike: The best thing to have them with is some cheese dip. Others: Amen! > She would always have a food memory of her french fry boy.> Mark: Is it me or is Ryoko thinking out small parts of the fic to herself? Others: The latter... >She threw him over her shoulder and patted him on the ass. Gene: Note to self. Trick Melfina into patting me on the ass. >Now to get out of her and eat my burrito's before Mihoshi sees them. Mark: I'm quitting while I'm ahead and not saying anything about the spelling. >Ryoko was out of time. Tim: Pencils down, class! >She threw up an energy shield. Spike: No vomit jokes, anyone...Please >She hoped it would be enough to protect her french fry boy. She of >course could survive it easily. Gene: KABOOM!!!!! Spike: French fry boy's dead!!! ::Pretends to cry.:: ::Others pretend to cry.:: >Washu on the other hand rarely left anything to chance. And that >only occurred when she couldn't factor out Mihoshi. She poured >energy down the link between her and Ryoko. Spike (as Ryoko): Hey! Stop pouring energy down the link! It takes unleaded only!! >She was trying to dissipate the energy into subspace. Just then, >"Hey Little Washu do you mind if I put my hat here? It's messing >up my hair and I have a big date tonight." Spike: Mihoshi on a date? This IS fan FICTION. > Oh no Mihoshi, no!!!> Mark: That sounds like the Mihoshi we love. >Mihoshi placed her hat on the disruption switch on the Psycho >nullifier control panel. Spike: I have a question. Why would there be such a switch on such a complex machine? Gene: Yeah! Is it a universal standard? >For the briefest of seconds the colossal energies of the crashing >space ship, Washu's subspace transference and a psychic wormhole >interacted on Ryoko and her french fry boy. then it all ended >in a colossal explosion. Gene: KABOOM! >"Mihoshi, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU. DO NOT TOUCH MY EQUIPMENT!!!!!" Tim: There goes my appetite. Gene: YAWN! I'm going to sleep. ::Dozes off.:: >"Now wait a minute Washu," Mihoshi raised her hands submissively >as she backed away. Mark: This is just like Dirty Cops. ::An electric sound comes from the ceiling.:: Gene: ::Gets shocked:: OOOOWWWWWW!!! Quatre (on speakers): Oh, yes. A reminder to all of you. Don't go to sleep. I watch your every move and will shock you with the tazers on the theater ceiling every time you try something. >She had seen that look before. Usually Ryoko had it just before >she kicked someone's ass. Mihoshi thought her ass was just fine Spike: Sure is. Got to agree with you on that one. >the way it is ( and so did every guy who ever looked at it ). Gene: You've got a good sense of taste, Spike. >"I don't know what kind of girl you think I am butI don't touch >other people's equipment until after the third date. And I don't >think Mark: This fic makes any sense. >we have gone out even once yet." Tim: Given the fact that Mihoshi's intellegence is questionable, we can't be sure of the actual number of times. >Washu couldn't be angry with Mihoshi for very long. Not especially >since she could sense that Ryoko and her, Washu giggled when she >thought about what Ryoko called him, her french fry boy were ok. Gene: Ten years later Washu''s gonna pull out the album and embarass Ryoko in front of her boyfriend. >she finally broke a smile. Spike: Look at that! She broke a perfectly good smile! Mark: We just can't have nice things! >"So you're not going to vaporized her Washu, excuse me Little Washu." >Kiyune blurted out. Spike: Kiyone should have thought about what she was going to say. >She had something of a look of disappointment on her face. Ever >since she had shown up on this dirt ball backwater planet All: HEY! Earth is our homeworld! Take that back! >she had been trying to get Tim: A sexy guy like me! WHOO-HOO! >reassigned. Tim: Shit! >On the deepest level she thought of Mihoshi as the littlest sister >you love beyond belief Spike: On the next episode of Beyond Belief: Loving Mihoshi! >but can't stand being around. She felt sorry for whatever guy Mihoshi >ever married. Gene: You know, people should feel sorry for any man that gets married. >Just then Ryoko teleported in with a guy over her left shoulder >and the remains of a Taco Bell lunch special in her right hand. Tim (as french fry boy): *Whimper* Sorry I puked up my lunch in your right hand. *whimper*. >Mihoshi sniffed the air. Mark: (as a nature documentary narrator) Now here the Mihoshi is sniffing out its prey. >"Oo. Tacos and french fries. Mark: (continuing impression) The Mihoshi has picked up its prey's scent and is moving in for the kill! >Can I have some Ryoko." Ryoko threw Mihoshi the last burrito. >"What about some french fries, Ryoko. I want some fries." Gene: Shut up, you little whining, fry wanting sissy! >She was starting to pout. Spike: Go to America! They have plenty of food to eat up there! >"Can't have any of those. Spike: You bad girl, you. >He only gives up french fries if he gets french kissed. Tim: Does he? Do any of you guys know if Aisha wants french fries? I'll go and be a fry boy. Spike: ::Mallets Tim.:: >I got some." Tim: DID she? >Ryoko held up her prize. Mark: A dead rat! Spike: The biggest booger in the world! Gene: A hair clog from the shower drain! Tim: A dried piece of bolonga! >"OOO," Mihoshi and Kiyune at once. Both had fallen in love with >Earth fast foods since they had landed here. And salty All: EEEEWWWWW!!!!! Mark: The distance they go to get something to eat. >french fries were the best. Both stepped up behind Ryoko and made >a few tentative kisses towards the young man draped over >Ryoko's shoulder. Gene: This fic should be called "Kinky Cops." Tim: Don't mention anything about cops again. Ever... >He was however in a deep sleep. " I know how we can wake him up," >Mihoshi looked at Kiyune. Mark: Sleeping Handsome... Nah. Umm, Sleeping Ugly, maybe? >"Yeah lay him on the ground Ryoko. He'll like this." Ayeka who >had just walked over face faulted with Tenchi and Ryoko. >Apparently only Washu understood what they really meant. Spike (as boy): Oh, boy.. Oh, mommy! >"They don't mean that you idiots. They're cops not rapists. Mark: I beg to differ. Tim and Gene: DON'T START!!!!!!! >They mean to Spike: Oil him up and get a free year's supply of food out of him. >use CPR. You know mouth to mouth resuscitation." Gene: Just as fun though. >A collective sigh. Tim: An incomplete sentence. >"Well mom open the portal. We have to get home. I want to take a >bath. Soruylian's are icky after they have exploded. All: EEEEWWWWWWW! Mark: There is no dignity in fan fic writing, is there? >He can't give any more fries out now. Spike: George won't play anymore! I hug him and squeeze him but he don't move no more!!! >I put him asleep." She laid him down and folded her leather jacket >beneath his head. Spike: Where the hell did Ryoko get a leather jacket? Gene: Ryoko goes biker punk. >"Sleep well french fry boy" Washu opened the portal. The gang headed through >the portal. Ryoko headed through last. She always was the straggler. Mark: (as old lady) Lazy young Ryoko! In my day I wouldn't goof off and drag a french fry boy through a portal last. >About four and a half feet out on the other side she got stuck. She started >to pull harder. Finally she gave a yank. Spike: She tore the french fry boy in half. ::The MSTers get up and leave.:: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7... _______________________________________ ::As soon as the MSTers leave the theater the ship jumps to sub-ether.:: All: AUGH! ::They get thrown to the back of the lobby.:: Jim: Our first stopover will be the hot spring planet Tenrei. Gene: Why that place? Jim: Quatre says he wants to take it easy a minute. And he says if we're good subjects he'll let us take a break there, too. Tim: Cool! Gene: NO IT'S NOT! I've been in enough trouble there! Spike: I've been working too long. I need one. ::Quatre appears on screen.:: Quatre: Be glad I'm being this kind to you. You won't get any real relaxation after that. Now get back in there! ::Alarms go off and lights flash.:: All: Bad fanfic alert! 7...6...5...4...3...2...1... _______________________________________ Spike: Wakie, wakie, french fry boy. >"OOOOOWWWW, Mother fucker, what the fuck ... OWWWWWW" Mark: Good morning to you, too. >Someone was screaming in pain Tim: Duh. >and writhing on the floor. Mark: Torn in half as Spike mentioned earlier. >The portal had closed. Everyone turned to look and said, Gene: French fry boy didn't die? >"Oh shit" at the same time. It was the french fry boy. He seemed to be >unhurt but was in pain. Mark: And bleeding to death. >"What's wrong with him?" Tenchi asked. " And more importantly why is he here." Tim: Our Taco Bell boy is dying and don't ask me why he's here. Ryoko was the one who brought him along. Spike: Ryoko must want french fries real bad. >Strangely it was Ryoko who answered, "He is in pain from being squeezed >throughthe closing dimensional portal. It only hurt though, nothing is >broken." Spike: (as french fry boy) Whatever! It crushed my manhood! >Washu looked at her daughter, "How do you know that?" Tim: The script says so. >"I'm not sure. I can feel what he is feeling. And boy is he in pain. I >mean if I were a feeble human I would be on the ground writhing as well." Gene: I mean, if I were a little 15 year old loser, I would have a heart attack if I was surrounded by sexy women, too. >Ryoko walked over to sit on the couch. As she did, when she tried to go more >than five feet away, the young man started to drag along behind her. Mark: Hey! They're not married yet! Ryoko's draggin him along already! >Tenchi caught a lamp as it tipped over. Spike: Washu caught her Boogie Bass before it fell. >"Gee that's strange. I feel a pull whenever I try to move away from him. >It's like I have an anchor or something. Gene: If it bothers you that bad, stop wearing that anchor necklace! >But it is really light." Gene: Try my Oreck 8 pound vaccum for 30 days or return it with no charge! >Washu was not the supreme scientific genius in all existence for nothing, >In a few moments she had come to a hypothesis as to what had occurred. She >stared angrily at Mihoshi but only briefly. Tim: Mihoshi, you little trickster. >Everyone saw her however, "Motherrr. What did you do now. Is this one of >your stupid experiments?" Mark: Oh, the the one where Mihoshi totally messes up the link between Ryoko and Washu? >Just then the young man came aware and sat up by Ryoko's feet. Tim: Thus the title, "Ryoko's Pet" >He seemed perplexed. >"Where the hell, Um excuse me. Where am.. Oh fuck it. Where the fuck am I. Spike: I thought he was going to give up on the question. >Hey wait a minute I'm not speaking English. Tim: Pray tell. What language are you speaking in right now? Mark: This one is dubbed. Take a close look at it. >I don't know any other languages. science majors don't have to take any. Mark: They certainly don't have to take grammar classes either. >Washu's interest came alive, " Are you in college young man. What science." >"I'm a junior at UCLA. I'm studying physics. I want to go to Berkeley for >grad work. Um with all due respect, miss?" >"Little Washu" >"Ok Little Washu . where am I." >"You are at the Masaki shrine in Okoyama Japan." Yosho's voice carried in >from the kitchen Tim: French fry boy didn't ask you, lumpy! >as he walked into the living room. "Do we have another guest then." He was >looking straight at Washu. Gene: (as Yosho) Great, another mouth to feed. There goes my retirement. >"Um yes sort of. It's not like he could leave. Unless Ryoko wanted to then >he would have to go with her. Spike: Yes! That boy would be so lucky if she took a shower. >He's not strong enough to make her go anywhere and then if he wanted to stay >and she didn't then he would have to go with her. Gene: Technically he's her toy, now. >Unless of course she changed her..." >"WASHU!!! STOP!!!" Everyone yelled at once. Mark: Hold the phone. What was that all about? Spike: What does she have to change? Tim: Maybe it's like Gren on your show and a sex change... Spike: NASTY! Don't ever mention that name again! >.< >She knew that it was time for an explanation. Gene: Good idea. >She knew that the only one who might understand was Yosho and maybe the >new kid. He said he was a Physics student. Although earth science was >goobley gook. >"I can't be in Japan. I was working at Taco Bell in San Diego less than >ten minutes ago." Tim: (as fry boy)Please send me back! I love my job at Taco Bell! I can't live without it!!!! I'll lose my health and retiremant benefits!!! >He looked at his watch for confirmation. "How can I possibly have gotten >to Japan in less than ten minutes." Spike: He walked really fast. Gene: Nah, he took the bus. >He looked at Washu for an explanation. She wondered how she became the >group spokesperson. Tim: (as Washu) Damn it! Do I have to do everything around here?! Mark: (as Tenchi) No. I do the job of being the wuss. So all the jobs aren't yours. > Mark: What about what the author said earlier? Didn't he say everyone knew everything except Washu and Tsunami? >She gathered her supreme scientific dignity and put on an air of >authority. Tim: (as Washu) Damn, I'm good... >For some reason everyone started to giggle. Gene: Okay. Who farted? Spike: Hee hee. Mark: Haha! Tim: Whee-hee! Spike: Hoho! Gene: Bwa-hah! >Except for the french fry boy. She was starting to like him already. Mark: This is the lemon party, right? >"Ok french fr... What's your name?" >"Santo Donato Jr, but everyone calls me Sonny." Tim: And I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs... >"Ok Sonny and everyone. You came here in a wormhole. Can you accept >that?" Gene: DUH? =B >"After everything else I guess I could." >"Good then accept the rest on my authority. After all I am the supreme >scientific genius in the universe." Mark: (as Sonny) A 12-year old looking person? Okay! Spike: (as Washu) Jumping off a cliff is good for your health. Mark: (as Sonny) Okay. ::Imitates falling and splatting noises.:: >Sonny's eyes perked up at that. He seemed more impressed than the others >at hearing her title. Gene: And this is Aeka, the Greatest Incest Promoter in the Universe. Spike: And this is Nobuyuki, the Greatest Voyeur in the Universe. >He was really growing on her. Mark: I wouldn't want anyone growing on my ass, though. >After summing up the events of the battle so Yosho would understand, Ryoko grew >more and more upset as Washu went on. "Then I wasn't sure that Ryoko and Sonny >here could survive the blast, so I used some of my pow.. err technology to try >to shunt the energy into subspace. Just as I did this Mihoshi put her hat on the >Psycho nullifier and hit the disruption switch. Wam Bam thank you ma'am and now >Ryoko and the french fry boy are linked physically and psychically on some unknown >level." All: :B Huh? >This seemed to reunite Kiyune's and Mihoshi's desire for french fries. Gene: Dersires for french fries of Mihoshi and Kiyone unite! Become one ultimate desire for those crispy potatoes! >"You hold his head still and I'll start kissing. Tenchi always seems to get >away when we try to kiss him and I really want some fries." Mihoshi spoke to >Kiyune as she straddled Sonny. Tim: ::Points to self.:: Stunt double! Sonny, please leave the set! >Kiyune knelt behind Sonny as he squirmed under Mihoshi. Kiyune held his >head between two hands and Mihoshi started making out with him. Normally >a 15 year old guy in such a predicament would say what the hell Gene: Exactly what I did. Way to go, kid! >but being molested by alien chicks in front of an audience was not exactly the >way Sonny wanted to lose his virginity. Spike: This sitcom is filmed before a live studio audience. >Besides for some reason they seemed to want french fries before they would stop, >not that he really wanted them to stop but he did not want to do it with everyone >standing there and watching. Tim: There's Nobuyuki with his camera. ::Points.:: >He tried to get them off of him but it only took seconds to realize that >both of them had super strength or something or maybe all horny chicks had >super strength, Gene: The latter. >he didn't exactly know. This was as close to a horny chick as he had ever >gotten. Then they decided on a different course of action. >"This doesn't seem to be working Kiyune." Gene: Get the whip! >"You know Ryoko. Maybe she did a little more than kissing to get those >fries. Are you game Mihoshi? I'm feeling really pumped after that battle. >I need to work up an appetite for those fries." Mihoshi said yes with her >eyes. Spike: Stop delaying and get to the naked girls!!!! >"Now don't let him up, Mihoshi, remember Tenchi. These earth boys are >slippery." Tim: And that doesn't even count the grease in their hair. >They pushed him all the way down flat on his back. Mihoshi still atop him >with her hands now on his shoulders. Kiyune started to undo his clothing. All: ALL RIGHT!!!! ALL RIGHT!!!!! GO SONNY!!!! WHOO-HOO!!!!! ::The film begins to break.:: All (plus Quatre): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! >"I guess it wasn't such a good idea rewiring the house into the 100 >gigawatt range. I'm sorry Sonny." Gene: Did we miss some kind of electric bondage or something?? Tim: That would have killed Sonny... >Sasami, "Is the fish ok?" All: O_O;; ??? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- Spike: Incoming!! Oh, that's just lines. >End of Ryoko's New Pet Part 1 - Is He House Broken? Gene: Let's get out of here! ::All MSTers leave the theater.:: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7... _______________________________________ Tim: Whew. That one's over. Spike: Good thing we're about to arive at Tenrei. I need a relaxing hot bath. Gene: Whatever you do don't intrude at the women's bath! Tim: Okay. We won't! Gene: That goes double for you Tim! Aisha will show no mercy! Mark: Anyways this whole thing is over with. We can take it easy until next time. Spike: I heard you on that one. I guess the stress all comes off after we watch those terrible fics. Mark: Get used to it. It's all there is to do. Watching fics all day. ::Quatre appears on screen.:: Quatre: Hey, guys. I just wanted to let you know that my new masterpiece is complete! Spike: And what is that? Quatre: My Ultra Anime Character Dimension Extractor! All: Huh?! Quatre: It pulls a random anime character out of the anime universe. But it uses so much power I can only use it every once in a while. It almost has enough power to extract one character already! Gene: Can't wait for you to use it. Quatre: I am excited, too. You will all see it in action soon! Jim (on speaker): Ten minutes until proximity of Tenrei's solar system!! Tim: It looks like we're out of time. Until next show, see you!. __________________________________________________________________ Next time: Trouble on Tenrei! Hot springs turn into battlefields! Watch the blood rain next time on "Voyages of the Winner Queen"! And will Quatre's Ultra Anime Character Dimension Extractor work? Note: This MST was cut short because of the daunting amount of time taken to complete it. Hopefully the original story won't be cut short next time. __________________________________________________________________