Voyages of the Winner Queen #4 (Formerly known as "Adventures in MSTing".) A MST of Tsunami Takes Over by Timothy Turner and Mark Rothlisberger To e-mail Tim, mail to juraijin@email.com. To e-mail Mark, mail to JediMax7@aol.com __________________________________________________________________ Tenchi characters copyright AIC/Pioneer. MST3K copyright Best Brains, Inc. Gundam Wing, Outlaw Star, Cowboy Bebop and their characters are copyright Sunrise / TV Asahi. Anything else copyrighted is credited to the original creators (so we won't have a free supply of prison shower room enemas or great fines we can't afford for copyright violations). __________________________________________________________________ On with the show... __________________________________________________________________ The crew of the Winner Queen are: Timothy Turner: The insane one... Mark Rothlisberger: The serious one... Gene Starwind: The one who's just...there And introducing a mystery crew member...find out who in today's MST! __________________________________________________________________ We have ourselves a theme song to go with the MST now. Voyages of the Winner Queen Theme sung to the MST3K theme of later seasons such as Season 10 original theme. Original theme copyrighted Best Brains, Inc. Some original lyrics have been incorporated and are not ours. Some lyrics are small modifications of the original lyrics and are not ours. We do not own the theme song and are not making money off these MSTS. REPEAT: WE DO NOT OWN THIS THEME SONG! WE ARE NOT MAKING MONEY OFF THESE MSTS! WE ARE HOPELESSLY OBSESSED WITH MST3K AND ARE DOING THIS TO FULFILL OUR PATHETIC LIVES! THERE! (chorus sings) In the anime dimension, Somewhere in outer space. A group of losers who said too much Are stuck at Quatre's place. Mr. Winner has made himself a pledge, After he was pushed beyond the edge. The Gundam pilot laughs in glee And carries out a plan of insanity!! (Quatre: I'll break you!!!) Quatre: (singing) I'll send them cheesy fanfics, The worst I can find! La-la-la! They'll have to sit and watch them all, 'cause I'm the type of man that's unkind! La-la-la! (chorus sings) They'll travel around the galaxy and see all kinds of peeps La-la-la! They'll fight to keep their sanity, and this time it's for keeps! LOSER ROLL-CALL: TIM! Tim: It's mayhem time! MELFINA! Melfina: Hi, viewers! MARK! Mark: Great...here we go! GEEEEEEEENE! Gene: Let's goooooooo! (chorus sings) If you wondering how you can watch somehing you can read, La-la-la! remember you can use your mind, so let it take the lead, for Voyages of the Winner Queen. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7... _______________________________________ We see now what a typical day aboard the Winner Queen will be like. Tim keeps trying to get to Aisha so he can ask her out. Gene does his best to not say anything about Quatre in fear of increasing his sentence on board the Winner Queen. So that leaves Mark with the task of greeting the viewers. Mark: Hey! Mark here on board the Winner Queen, and I just want to show you... ::He is interrupted by a loud crash in the room. The room shakes.:: Gene: What the hell was that?! ::Tim looks all bruised up and cut:: Aisha: I warned him about what would happen if he tried to ask me out! Tim: ::Delirious from the beating:: No, mommy....I don't want to go to school today...::Faints:: Mark: Uh...Aisha...whenever he gets like that, just a simple mallet on head will do. Let me demonstrate. ::Mallets Tim on the head.:: Tim: ::All recovered:: Thanks, Mark. I needed that. Aisha: Neat trick. Tim: Just do that every hour or so and I'll be fine. Mark: ::To viewers:: Like I was saying before I was interrupted by the loser...he already displayed what I wanted to show you... a typical day on board the Winner Queen. Thanks for that display, Tim. It was perfect. Tim: No problem. ::The panel lights up and says "Call".:: Gene: Let's see what our evil captor has in store for us today. Tim: Whatever he does, I hope he doesn't send us anything like the last one. I must've thrown up every day since. Mark: Amen to that. ::Mark presses the button to activate the screen and Quatre's evil face could be seen in the static.:: Quatre: Ah...good day to you, my captive friends. I have some news for you all today. Tim: Don't tell me...you're going to let us go and pretend this whole MST thing didn't happen, right? Quatre: Let me think about that...NO! Tim: DAMMIT!!! Gilliam: According to my sensors, we're about to come upon another ship. Quatre: Correctamundo!!! It's the Bebop. It seems I have a bounty on my head and I may need to bribe Spike and Jet to leave me alone. Mark: Why do you have a bounty on you? Quatre: Uhh...I kinda stole the materials to build this ship. Mark: I see. Gene: How much is the bounty? Quatre: Since you can't do anything about it...why not tell you? 10,000,000 woolong. Tim: ::Whispers to everyone else:: If we could turn Quatre in, we'd be rich and we would be able to get home. ::Mark and Gene nod in approval:: Quatre: While we're waiting for them to dock, I have a fic for you to watch. It's called "Tsunami Takes Over", by Friend of Key! ::Lights flash and alarms going off:: Mark: Oh, man, we got 'Bad Fanfic Alert'...great...here we go. 7...6...5...4...3...2...1... _______________________________________________________ ::The MSTers sit down.:: >Tsunami Takes Over: Tim: YES! A BABE INVASION! Gene: Even I'M not obsessed with women that much. >A Hentai Fanfic by "Friend of Key" >It was all Mihoshi's fault. Mark: What ISN'T Mihoshi's fault? >When the plumbing in the bathhouse for the males of the Masaki >household started acting up, Gene: Oh, boy. Heads up guys. I think we men are about to be insulted for our bathroom habits. >a few basic questions were asked. Tim: Who left the toilet seat up? Mark: Who pissed on the toilet and didn't wipe it off? Gene: Guys, you're going at it the wrong way. It's more like "Who clogged the pipes with toilet paper?. It's about plumbing. Tim and Mark: Ooooohhhhhhh. Tim: Who...uhhhhhh, guys? There's no disclaimer on this fic. Mark: Heeeeeyyyy. You're right. And who didn't flush? Gene: We can solve that little problem. ::Gene takes out a cellphone that Quatre's minions didn't get and dials Pioneer.:: ::Phone rings. Someone picks up.:: Secretary: Hello, Pioneer. How may I help you? Gene: Yes. I'd like to report that there is no disclaimer on this fic called "Tsunami Takes Over", by Friend of Key. Secretary: Thank you for your care and patronage for Pioneer Entertainment. The author is so going to hell for this. ::Gene hangs up the phone.:: Gene: And now for something completely different: the arrest of Friend of Key! (Remember, this is all in good fun and no insult is intended to the author. People make mistakes...and we bet Friend of Key will correct this mistake.) ::Immeditately after the call. The secretary briefs the police on arresting Friend of Key.:: Secretary: LISTEN UP! We have a lemon author who didn't even put down a general disclaimer. MOVE OUT! All officers: YES, MA'AM! ::The camera now goes to the home of Friend of Key. It is a beautiful and sunny day and the birds are chirping, the sky is clear. Nothing can go wrong!:: Freind of Key: ::Sipping lemonade on a hammock on a patio deck.:: Aaaaahhhh, not disclaiming characters in a fic is the life. Look at all the money I've made off them. ::Sirens can be heard in the distance.:: Friend of Key: What's that? ::The cops pull up in the yard.:: Cop: Come out with your hands up! You're under arrest! Friend of Key: But HOW!?!?!?! ::The cops bust in and pass up the author's other illegal operations; they pass up a crack house, a porn warehouse, a nuclear missile silo, a cable pirating network, a prostitute motel, and iilegal aliens. The cops arrest Friend of Key.:: Cop: You're coming downtown! Friend of Key: NOOOOOO!!!!!! ::The author goes downtown to correct his mistakes before some action is taken.:: >When it came time for Kiyone to tell what she knew, she simply rolled >her eyes and said, Tim: (as Kiyone) I quit. >"You don't want to know." Mark: Thank my lucky stars... I really don't want to know. >Mihoshi was worried. It was almost time for her bi-annual performance >review by the Galaxy Police. Tim: Let's hope the GP reviwers aren't on some kind of drug; because if Mihoshi stays in, I'm going to kill myself. >As it came closer, her anxiety turned into a mild paranoia. Gene: Mihoshi then took out a knife and started to mutilate herself in order to keep the voices in her head happy. >She was relaxing on the grass outside the bathhouse annex All: WAY TO GO, MIHOSHI! SMOKING A JOINT! WHOO-HOO! >when she thought she heard voices. Mark: (as Mihoshi) Yes, Your Darkness!! Satan will show me the path to world domination!!!!! Tim: (as Mihoshi) What? You want me to dismember my friends? Yes! Gene: (as Mihoshi) This shit is TIGHT! >Convinced that she'd heard the Galaxy Police through a hidden radio >transmitter installed to keep tabs on her and Kiyone, Mark: No more nasty cop action, PLEASE!. It's like a small nightmare ending, such as the previous fic. >she started poking around under the house's foundation. Several >plumbing mishaps later, Tim: The nuclear reactor overheated and exploded. Mark: The septic system cut loose and it SMELLED! >she realized that what she probably heard was Yosho and Nobuyuki >taking a bath. All: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! OUT OF THE DEPTHS WE CRY UNTO YOU, O LORD! >She went on about her business, leaving the destroyed plumbing to >be found the next day. Gene: Wouldn't the entire bath had fallen apart on them if it were Mihoshi's doing? >The immediate problem was: Tim: Mihoshi. >what do the men use for a bathhouse? Mark: (as Kiyone) "You don't want to know." >Washu had built a special luxury onsen for the females only, a lush >area with tropical ferns and warm-running waterfalls. They'd had it >all to themselves Gene: Guys...we're in lesbian hentai lemon heaven... All: ::Mellow.:: Aaaaahhhhhh... >-until now. All: HELL YEAH! SCORE ONE FOR THE GUYS! >In the end, Mark: There can be only one... ::The MSTers get up and leave.:: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7... ________________________________________________ ::The MSTers are in the theatre lobby getting some snacks.:: Mark: Uh...Gene? You called that Pioneer operator on a cell phone. Correct? Gene: Yep...never leave home with out it. Tim: ::Smacks Gene in the head:: You idiot!!! We could use that to get out of here. Gene: Oh yeah!!! I never thought of that! ::Mark and Tim fall over anime style:: ::Gene dials some numbers on the cell phone and listens for the operator:: Gene: ::Talking to operator:: Yes...I need to get the police and the mental institution please? ::Suddenly one of Quatre's minions appears and shoots the cell phone with a glock:: Minion: No cell phones in the theatre; or this ship for that matter. Mark: Who made this rule up? Minion: Quatre... ::The MSTers have a dumbfounded look on their faces:: Minion: And the Board of Theatres. The boss told me to tell you to get your asses back in the theatre. All MSTers: Great. 7...6...5...4...3...2...1... ________________________________________________ >they decided on a low-tech expedient: a wooden sign hanging on the >front door of the onsen, Tim: I bet it says "You must be 18 or older to enter this onsen". Gene: No way. I bet it warns any men with heart problems to stay out or die from seeing all the naked babes! Especially Yosho! >with otoko painted on one side and onna on the other. Tim and Gene: Oh... >On this day, the sign read "otoko" as Tenchi sat in the warm waters, >his only covering a small hand-towel over his All, chanting: Not going to scream again...we've spent this nickel a dozen times before. AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! We did... But hopefully it'll be the last time in a while... >eyes. All: Phew. >He heard the sliding door that led into the onsen. It had to be >either his father or his grandfather. Mark: Here we go... >There were no other males on the place, Gene: Is that a fact we don't know? >and he couldn't imagine anyone deliberately ignoring the system they'd >just started. Tim: You'd be surprised Mr. Author, sir... >"Big brother Tenchi." Mark: We knew it, Nobuyuki fathered an illegitimate child! >Tenchi quickly grabbed the towel from over his eyes and jammed it into his >crotch. Gene: That has to hurt! The way he did that looked painful! >He turned and saw Sasami, the young Juraian princess, wearing a bath-towel that >was practically a sarong, Gene: How could a bath towel be a thong? Tim: That's a real word, Gene! Gene: Is not! Tim: Is too! Gene: We'll bet on it! Tim: Fine! We'll ask Gilliam before Quatre seals off access! Gene: The loser has to clean the Winner Queen for two months! Tim: You're on! ::They shake hands to it.:: Wait, we're already losers, but you know what I mean! >covering her from armpits to toes. She circled the pond, then >got in just opposite Tenchi. >"Sasami, isn't the sign out there?" >"Yes, Tenchi, but there's something I really need to ask you." Mark: (as Sasami) I can't read...Can you read it for me? >"Is something wrong?" Gene: (as Sasami) Yeah, the upcoming sexual situation that we're probably about to be in... >"Well, it's Ryoko and Aeka. They're fighting again." Tim: I don't see what's so great about Tenchi. I'm more man than Tenchi is when it comes down to babes. Mark: Yeah. I mean, look at them. They're fighting over nothing. It's a sad world we live in today. >"That's no surprise." Mark: No argument here. >"But they're always fighting, Tim: We've BEEN by that point already! So let's get on with our lives! >and most of the time it's about you. Gene: DUH! ::Tim pretends to pick his nose and makes buck teeth; then Tim bangs his head against the wall and says "DUH!".:: Mark: The other .0000000000000000000000000001% of the time it's about food that'll make them fat. >Tenchi, why don't you just pick Gene: (as Sasami) Just pick your nose, Tenchi! You're not in public! >one of them as your girlfriend and get Tim: (as Sasami) Some pussy! Finally! Be a man and grow some balls, Tenchi! >it over with?" All: Amen. >"Think about it, Sasami. Mark: (as Tenchi) Think about what you can do with a lifetime supply of toilet paper! >If I said Ryoko was my girlfriend, would that stop Aeka? All: No... >Or the other way around; do you think Ryoko would leave Aeka and me in >peace?" All: No...! >"If you put it that way, I guess not. Is that all; is that the only >reason you haven't chosen?" Gene: (as Tenchi) Ummm. Let's see. Other reasons for me not choosing? I'm queer, I'm stupid, and I hate myself... Tim: (as Sasami) You suck Tenchi. I'll find some other pent-up teenage boy to have statuatory rape, uh, I mean, sex with... >Sasami looked very earnest as she asked this; almost upset. Mark: Boo-hoo. We're crying that Sasami may not lose her virginity before she hits puberty. >He took a quick look around to be sure that nobody else was listening. Gene: Pedophile... >"I'll tell you a secret, Sasami; Mark: (as Tenchi) I'm STUPID! Tim: Mark...that's no secret. >I made up my mind a long time ago. >And what I decided is, Mark: (as Tenchi) I want beef instead of pork... >I don't want either one to be my girlfriend." Gene: (as Tenchi) That's why that inflatable doll is in my room. >Sasami's wide, pink eyes did the impossible and opened even wider >when he said that. "But why? Gene: Why, oh why, did I have to get the midnight cleanup duty? >I mean, I can understand you don't like Ryoko; she's a loudmouthed >destructive space pirate. All: HEY!!!!!! >But what's wrong with Aeka?" Mark: (as Tenchi) That incest thing. But I think my animal instincts are overriding... >"First you've got to promise me that what I'm saying never gets said >to anyone else. Agreed?" Tim: Tenchi knows the Bush's Baked Beans recipie. >Sasami nodded. "I know Aeka's your sister and everything, Gene: Does this author think we're retards or something? Mark: Apparently. Otherwise the author wouldn't be telling us these direly important facts we can't live without. >and she can Tim: Slice and dice! But that's not all! Order Aeka now and recieve two salt and pepper shakers in the forms of Azaka and Kamidake! >be polite and helpful around the house, and I guess she is pretty. Tim: "Guessing" that Aeka is "pretty" is an understatement. SHE IS HOT! But not as hot as Aisha Clanclan!. Mark: Quit pushing the envelope... >But sometimes, the way she acts, she still wants everyone to know she's >a princess. Tim: She rolls over and plays dead, even fetches the newspaper. She's dying of neglect... >Maybe I'm just not used to her; Gene: (as Tenchi) ... or girls. I don't know... ::The MSTers get up and leave.:: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7... ________________________________________________ ::Meanwhile back on the Bebop:: Jet: Our bounty target is...Quatre Raberba Winner. He's wanted for stealing the materials to build that repulsive piece of shit he calls a ship when his family fortune ran dry. Spike: What are they offering on this guy...or girl...whatever? I get confused with his Japanese voice. Jet: 10,000,000. That's not even counting all those people he calls his minions. Spike: This is going to be the easiest bounty we ever snagged. ::Spike heads for the door and stepped on board the Winner Queen and Rasheed is waiting for him:: Rasheed: Welcome Mr. Spiegel. Master Quatre is waiting for you. ::Both Rasheed and Spike walk to Quatre's office. Quatre is sitting in a pricey leather chair.:: Quatre: Welcome to my ship. I trust-- Spike: Lovely name choice. Quatre: ::Eye twitches in anger.:: Thank you for that lovely comment. Now, what do you want?! Spike: 10,000,000 woolong. If you come with me I can show you the secret. Quatre: No thanks. I'd rather have you come over and show me personal lessons. And take your time. YOU'LL BE HERE PERMANENTLY! RASHEED! Rasheed: Yes, Master Quatre? Quatre: Personally escort Mr. Spiegel to his new home! ::Rasheed pulls out an M-16 automatic rifle and points it at Spike.:: Spike: Don't you bad guys ever learn? ::Moves smoothly and kicks the rifle out of Rasheed's hands.:: ::Rasheed pulls out a tazer and shocks Spike off guard.:: Spike: CRAP! ::All of Spike's weapons are removed and is escorted to the living area after being able to move. Quatre personally follows.:: Gene: Look who has joined the club... Tim: Spike Spiegel. How did you insult Quatre and get sentenced here? Spike: I didn't. I-- Quatre: First he wants me as a bounty; then he insults my beautiful ship!!!! Mark: With a name like that, you know it has to be Quatre! Quatre: That's eternity added to your sentence! Mark: That's aleady been added to our sentence. Quatre: Never mind! Get back in there! ::Jet is on board the Bebop wondering why it's taking Spike so long to get back.:: Jet: I knew Spike would go and get himself killed someday. Oh, well. ::Flies away.:: Spike: NO! COME BACK JET! ::Pounds the window as he is walking toward the theater.:: 7...6...5...4...3...2...1... ________________________________________________ ::The MSTers sit down.:: ::Seating from left to right: Spike, Mark, Tim, and Gene.:: >I'm sure you are." Spike: Did I miss something? Mark: Yes. But don't mind it. >Sasami stood up and crossed over Spike: Into the afterlife. The end. >until she sat down next to Tenchi. "Then what do you want?" Mark: (as Sasami) I want a horsie, a bike, chocolate, and a Nintendo 64! Gene: (imitating a Miss America winner) I want nothing but peace for my fellow man. And I want war to go away! And I want all the little puppies, kitties, and bunnies in the whole wide world! Tee-hee-hee! >Tenchi leaned back against the edge of the pool. "You know my >mom died when I was very young. Spike: ::Rolls his eyes.:: Said the redundant line-saying boy... >For a long time after that, I kept asking my father or grandpa if I >could have a little brother or sister. Tim: But unfortunately men can't copulate and have children so that fell through...with nasty results. >I was too young to know any better, Mark: Look at you now... >and my dad didn't want to explain about babies and sex and stuff >until I was older. Gene: With the way that Nobuyuki acts, that's questionable. Mark: Probably handed condoms to his son at age 6, but Tenchi thought they were balloons. >Of course, when I got older, he'd forgotten. I had to pretty much >figure it out on my own. Gene: (as Tenchi) I touched myself a whole lot! >"I never thought about a girlfriend before you all arrived. I was too >busy with ::All as Tenchi.:: Spike: Being a girl-hating jerk. Tim: My toenail clipping collection. Mark: Arson! Gene: Torturing small animals and wetting the bed... >schoolwork, or at the shrine, or with grandpa's lessons-which I see >now were his training me for the House of Jurai. Mark: (as Tenchi) But I'm too incompetent to rule...That's just me... >But when you all came here, I decided I'd rather be with you than >any of the others." Tim: Have any of you seen Tsunami yet? Spike: No. Tim: The title was a sham, then... Gene: WE WANT FUKANZEN! Now THAT is a lemon with no young Sasami sex scenes! Tim: Melfina would be very unhappy if she learned of your other lifesytle. Mark: Just shut up and let's butcher the rest of this fic. >"With ME?" Again, Sammy's eyes grew wider than usual. Mark: Sasami has pink dinner plates glued to her face for some reason. They've only gotten bigger without stopping in this fic. Spike: If those eyes get any wider they'll fall out of their sockets. >Tenchi nodded. "You were like the little sister I never had and >always wanted. The others kept telling me to make a choice. Gene: Which is it, Tenchi? Mayonaise or mustard?! Tim: White or wheat!?!?!?! >You just wanted to be my friend. And I think that's why I >like you best of all." Gene: (as Tenchi) You're a good little whore, uh, surrogate sister! ^_^ >Sasami's smiling face was as bright as a freckled sunrise. Spike: Have any of you guys seen a freckled sunrise before? Mark: No. I read that staring at the sunrise would permanently damage your eyes. Tim: I have! I looked at the sun one morning and then everything went white and bright! And then the sun told me to stop staring at its freckles or I would be one sorry man! The sun flipped me off and made frightening gestures at me such as sharp teeth and red eyes after that! ::All others get sweatdrops.:: Gene: What kind of stuff have you been getting into? Tim: Uhhhhhhh. I ate bleach and tried to kill myself that morning. Does that help? Gene: Uuuuuuhhh, sure. Whatever. O_O;; All others: O_O;; >Tenchi had barely finished the sentence when Sasami jumped up, >hugging her body tightly to his. "I'm so happy!" she said. Mark: Here we go! >Her knees landed in Tenchi's lap. Spike: Man, don't you just hate it how Sasami's knees just get up, fly away, and light on Tenchi's lap like that? >They were a little too close to his cock for comfort, so he >gingerly took hold of Sasami's hips, trying to move her away. Tim: That's right, Tenchi. Fight your dirty-ass little mind... Mark: This fic's gonna end decently after all! >At least, that was the original idea. Mark: Damn. >He hadn't ever touched any girl this intimately in his life, and >it started his cock stirring itself under the small towel in his >lap. Spike: This is turning into a child molester case... Others: We know... >He definitely didn't Spike: Use his brain. >want Sasami to see it, but he didn't want to push her away, >either. All: YEAH, RIGHT!!!!!! >He slid his hands slowly over her towel-covered hips, his >fingers inching toward Sasami's ass-cheeks. Spike: Does anyone know what the reward for Tenchi is? >This was when reality started getting strange for Tenchi. Tim: The grass is starting to kick in! Mark: Nothing like a drug hallucination while molesting your relatives! >It was as if the onsen was dissolving into the air around it, >becoming indistinct and unreal. Gene: Unreal!? I love that game! >Sasami seemed to change as well; he found he wasn't holding >a little girl anymore. Tim: Is this the Tsunami part we've all been waiting for!? >The woman in his arms pulled back, so that he could see her. Mark: With Tenchi's luck it'll be... >"Mother?" All: SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL!! NOT THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!! >It was not Sasami wearing the towel now; it was Achika, his >mother, dead for a decade but Spike: Disco is back! >somehow alive before him. Gene: DUH! Tenchi wouldn't even exist if his mother hadn't existed before him! Next time try looking over your syntax and context, Key's Friend or whoever you are (please...)! >This wasn't the schoolgirl Achika frozen in time Spike: Frozen Achika... Keeps her fresh for whenever you need her! >in Nobuyuki's home movies, either. This was Achika as Tenchi >vaguely remembered her: older, mature, but still heartbreakingly >beautiful. Spike: The author needs to be locked up and-- Gene: Already taken care of that! >She looked lovingly at her son for a few seconds, then Tim: Realized the horrible mistake she was making. >loosened the towel, so that it fell away, revealing her body. Mark: Is the incest thing ruining this scene for you guys? >Tenchi's attention was immediately drawn to her breasts; they were swollen to a larger than usual size. Tim: Great. First we see a perfectly good anime babe naked, then it's around her son, then we see HENTAI PIC SIZED BREASTS that are better used as flotation devices at sea! >A glaze of milk shone on the nipples, already erect and rubbery. Spike: Got milk...from erect and rubbery nipples? >Without taking her eyes off of her son, Achika brought one hand >up under a breast, lifting it, presenting it to Tenchi. Tim: (as Achika) Here, have a Jello mold. >"Drink, Tenchi," she said softly; "suck, my darling boy." Gene: (as Tenchi) But mother, I already suck at everything. >Tenchi couldn't have questioned the reality of the situation >even if he wanted to. Spike: What an idiot. This guy needs to free his mind. >He leaned forward, taking the thumb-sized nipple into his mouth, All: AUUUUGH! >and happily began drinking from it. All, cringing: AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! >The sweet warm milk flowed over his tongue and down his throat. But >the more he drank, the Mark: Higher his chances of vomiting on someone went up. >fuzzier his memories became. Any concept of who he was, where he >was, Spike: Why he was sucking his mother's nipples... >slowly faded away. Mark: Tenchi is going to have one nasty hangover after this one. Tim: The cops have records and videos of him going down the street and preaching the end of the world and throwing up on pretty women and stuff. Aeka is always bailing him out. >The woman who held him in her arms seemed to sense when Tenchi's conscious >mind faded away altogether. As he mechanically kept sucking, Mark: Dude, Tenchi even sucks in his sleep. Spike: Tenchi is the master of suck. Gene: Tenchi autosuck device on. We're bringing her in for a big suck to the Fan Appeal Airport. >she placed one of his hands on the other breast. He immediately began >to massage the breast and manipulate the nipple. She was also busy. >Taking his uncircumcised cock, All: AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! Gene: That is something we do not want to see! >she slowly, gently began working the foreskin over the sensitive head, Gene: ::Turns green.:: >exposing it, then pulling back. This soon brought Tenchi to full >erection. He opened his eyes again. >His mother had disappeared. Gene: Hallelujah! >There was something vaguely familiar about the naked woman who now >knelt before him. Before he could think, she stepped out of the >pool. Tim: Before the audience could think, the woman had somehow moved back 20 feet. Spike: Teleportation! Cool! >"It is time," she said, laying down on the floor and spreading her legs. >"Mount me; enter me now." Mark: So this woman is part horse or something? Is there a Mrs. Ed we didn't know about? Gene: And is she part building, too? Why does she want Tenchi to enter her? >He was no longer Tenchi Masaki. All ego, all consciousness of his life >had somehow drained away. Mark: This woman must be getting Tenchi drunk in order to get some fucking in. >What remained was the male urge itself, and the drive to join with the >female. Spike: It was a pretty long drive so they had to take a stretch break every 3 hours. >Foreplay wasn't even a factor, since he wasn't trying to seduce or >pleasure his partner. Gene: And where would the fun be in that? >His only purpose was to blast his seed into her vital womb. Gene: At the pressure proposed here I don't think the woman would survive. >He knelt between her spread legs, guiding his cockhead straight toward >the inviting gash between the woman's thighs, already dewy with >anticipation. As he drove in Mark: He ordered a burger combo meal and pulled up to the window. >with one thrust, she breathed in with a hissing sound. Tim: Tsunami's leaking air. Mark: How do you know it's Tsunami? Tim: Look at the screen! The author is just trying to make us think it's someone else. I don't think any other anime character in Tenchi Muyo looks like that. Spike: Unless it's Misaki. >He pumped, in and out, again and again, Gene: But the water well had run dry. >while the mysterious woman rested her hands on his ass, not even >making an attempt to guide him. >He drove himself in and out of her until he shot his first load into her. Spike: Then Tenchi dumped her and screwed the next girl he saw fit. Tim: Then this girl, narrowed down to Misaki or Tsunami, had a baby and called Tenchi up for child support. Gene: Then a legal battle ensued... The babe won and got all of Tenchi's money, his house, and his car. Mark: Tenchi then killed himself. The end. >That didn't end things, Mark: Damn. >though; his youth and virility kept him hard, and he resumed his pumping, >mindless as an animal in rut. Tim: So, if Tenchi has become an animal, does he do something flashy to attract mates? Spike: Don't ask, don't tell. >The woman, however, was very conscious, Gene: Poor woman. Tim: That woman will probably kill herself after she realizes the awful mistake she is making. >shifting her pelvis from side to side as Tenchi continued his thrusts, >bringing herself to orgasm just before Tenchi shot his second load. ::Gene takes out a notepad and starts to scribble on it.:: Spike: What's with the notepad? Gene: Just taking notes on all these sexual techniques. In the event I hit third base with Melfina. Tim: I want to hit third base with Aisha Clanclan. ;.; ::Sniffle.:: Gene: If you can tame her she's all yours. I want her off my ship. Tim: YAHOO!! >She must have known it was coming, Spike: The apocalypse was at hand! >for she massaged Tenchi's ass-cheeks, Mark: And that was good? Gene: Hell if I know. >reaching down to gather their mingled juices and spread them in Tenchi's >crack. Just as soon as she felt Tenchi begin to spurt again within her, >she jammed two fingers up Tenchi's ass. Spike: Whoever wrote this fic must have watched Road Trip. Mark: This is one sick tenchnique. >This had the effect of intensifying his orgasm, Gene: The benefits don't look too bad. Though I frown at the method used. >and of keeping him hard afterwards. Tenchi redoubled his humping, >helped along this time by the woman. She was as hungry for release Tim: Not going anywhere for a while? Grab a "Release." >as he was, her eyes rolled back in her head Tim: (imitating woman's voice) All that men want is sex! Spike: (as South Park's Satan) Is that all you think of is sex, Sadam? Gene: (as Sadam voice) I love you. >as she bounced her hips up off of the floor to meet his hammering >downstrokes. She grabbed Tenchi's ass with one hand, and pulled >at her nipple with the other, and bit her tongue to keep from >screaming as they both flew over the edge of a shattering orgasm, >one that left them to weak to do anything but lie in each other's arms. ::Gene is frantically scribbling on the pad.:: Tim: Slow down! You're gonna burn the pad up from all that lead friction1 >Time passed, but neither could tell how much. Although the fog in >Tenchi's head slowly started to lift after his third orgasm, All: DAAAAAAAAAMN!!! >things still felt very weird. Mark: (imitating Doctor Evil) Don't worry, mama, things won't get weird. Spike: (As Doctor Evil) Try the Hot Pockets. They're breathtaking! >For one thing, he now realized, he was lying on top of a naked woman. Spike: And it wasn't such a bad thing. Excepting it was a relative. >Her legs were wrapped around him, gripping his buttocks and holding >him immovable inside her. Inside? Yes; his shaft was no longer Gene: Functional. >at maximum hardness, Mark: (imitating Scotty) It can't take much more captain! I don't have the power! Dropping from maximum hardness! >but it was not yet soft either. Tim: The cookie batter wasn't ready. >It was being gently massaged, kept inflated by the rippling >muscles of her inner walls. >Her? Who is this woman he apparently just had sex with...and if he >just had sex with her, why didn't he remember any of it? Gene: One word: hangover. >You'd think that one's first time would be memorable... Spike: But not exactly a Kodak moment. ::Thinks.:: Maybe. Mark: But think of what would happen if Aeka or Ryoko found that pic. Spike: Tenchi would get his ass kicked. Which he deserves. >There was something familiar about her face, whoever she was. >It took him a while to place it, Tim: (as Tenchi) Where should I put this woman's face? Hmm, by the fireplace? No. The living room? No. The den? No. I know! I'll put it in my room! >but--she looked like Sasami. No, she didn't; Mark: She looked like shit. No, she didn't. >there were no freckles on this face, Tim: NO! NOT THE SUN AGAIN! I SAID I'D LEAVE YOU ALONE! >which was fuller, more mature. He felt the rising and falling of Mark: Many empires... >her breasts against his chest; definitely more mature. Spike: ::Sigh.:: I feel like this person thinks we're stupid bitches or something. Tim: Your point? >She wore her hair completely down and parted down the middle; >Sasami kept her ponytails no matter what. Gene: Okay. Stop comparing apples and oranges and tell us WHO THE HELL SHE IS! >And, instead of that triangular marking on Sasami's forehead, Spike: This particular woman had the mark of the beast! Tim: Heads up! Succubus! >this woman had two dots... Mark: Women have two nipples, like everyone else. Gene: ON THEIR FOREHEAD!?!?!? Mark: Oh, good observation. >"Thank you, Lord Tenchi." Tim: For the dinner of deep fried pork and beer. Gene: And I'd like to thank the academy. >It wasn't Sasami's voice; it too was mature, and melodious. Spike: JESUS! Tenchi just had sex with Christina Aguilera! Oh, wait, her voice isn't melodious. Sorry. >She seemed to sing to him even when she was only speaking. Mark: Tenchi and Sex - The Musical. >Although his mind was racing with questions, it Tim: Crashed on the track while racing the Questionaire 500. >was all he could do to speak a single coherent sentence: "How >do you know me?" Gene: How do you know that thinking can make you able to speak? >"I am Tsunami, of the House of Tim: Tidal Waves Mark: Pancakes, International to be exact. >Jurai. I usually don't do this sort of thing, but Spike: (as Tsunami) I do parties, too! >circumstances required it." >"What circumstances?" Gene: The stupid ones that don't make sense. >"The House of Jurai will be in need of a great defender in the >future, many of your years from now. In order for that defender >to be born, I had to borrow you and Sasami's body." Gene: See? >"Borrow Sasami? Where is she?" Tim: (as Tsunami) Oh, no! I left her at the mall's food court! Mark: (as Tsunami) I left the body out back, man! Spike: (as Tsunami) It's not in the condition it was in when you gave it to me, hehe... >"Asleep inside me, just as I sleep inside her. Gene: (as Sasami, talking to Tsunami) You ungrateful bitch! I give you food, clothing, and a body over your head to sleep in! Who do you think you are? >She remains a virgin, and will remember nothing of what just >happened, because it did not happen to her--in a manner of >speaking." Spike: (as Tsunami) Haha! There was this one time I erased her memories after I made her eat shit and drink piss! >"I don't understand." Mark: I hear you. We're with you, Tenchi. >"Think about it, Lord Tenchi. Mark: Haven't we been at this "Think about it" speech before? >My level of the power of Jurai is such that I can live in several >places at one time: within Sasami, within the Tree of Light, and Tim: In an apartment in Jersey. >within the flagship of our defense fleet. In the same way, I can >live in several times at once, including that which you call the >future." >That made sense, Mark: It did? >in an illogical sort of logic. Gene: What about a logical sort of illogic, huh? Don't leave that one out!!!!!!! >Before he could ask anything else, though, Tsunami closed her eyes >and sighed happily. "It's Gene: Over! Thank you! >begun." Gene: SHIT! >She loosened the grip of her legs and nudged Tenchi; he rolled off, >his still-half-hard cock sliding wetly out of her. ::All hear a slurping sound.:: All: AUGH! That nasty slurping sound! Tim: ::Covering ears.:: Tenchi's out of it so he doesn't have to listen to or watch it! >"The future hero of the House of Jurai is taking shape within me." Tim: Great. This is going to end up like Species. Spike: Yep, a baby's gonna pop out any minute now and turn into an alien. >"You mean...you mean you're gonna have my son?!" >Tsunami smiled with just a touch of playfulness. "Did I say that >the hero of Jurai would be a male, Lord Tenchi? Mark: Uh, you can sense the baby now, so...we're thinking you know a lot more than you're putting on. >Don't jump Gene: Off a cliff! It's dangerous! >to conclusions. Besides, that battle remains to be fought, in a >faraway time and place, one which you will probably never see. Gene: (as Tsunami) You're not invited to the battle. ::Makes a raspberry.:: >You probably will never meet the child I bear." Tim: That sucks. >"But it's gonna feel really strange, knowing that I Mark: (as Tenchi) Had two fingers jammed up my ass while fucking you. >have a kid growing up somewhere in the universe." >"But you won't know it. I must erase your memory of this encounter. >Otherwise, Spike: You'll tell your friends at school. >it will affect so many of your choices from now on." Tim: Even so many LITTLE decisions will be affected, too? Gene: (as Tenchi) Hmmmmm? Do I want vanilla or chocolate? ARGH! I can't make up my mind because I had a child! >"Then why did you do this to me?" Mark: You deserved it. NOT! >"You must understand, Lord Tenchi. In your world, sex between >family members is regarded as a sin and denounced under the >name of incest. Spike: Whatever. The definition of incest is SEX WITH FAMILY MEMBERS! >But in the House of Jurai, such liaisons are many and honorable, >and are done to preserve and amplify Jurai power. Tim: But what about the deformed fetuses and stuff? >You were given a great amount of that power through your mother, >Lady Achika. And your grandfather Lord Yosho has trained you >well, so that your power is at its highest potential. Gene: (as Tsunami) And you used a Bowflex to unlock your greatest potential. >The other Lords of Jurai who could have sired this hero are >either unavailable or unsuitable." Spike: I seriously doubt it. >At the mention of his mother, Tenchi's gaze drifted down toward Tsunami's >breasts. Mark: (as Tenchi) I can't believe I sucked those... >He could tell that she had nursed at least one child, Mark: You can? Spike: They look like that because Tenchi just sucked the nipple he's looking at. Tim: I don't know how the author expects us to know that you can tell if a woman has nursed a child or not. >and a mental image of a nine-year-old Sasami sucking on those >nipples leapt into his mind. Gene: Thanks for the colorful imagery! >He quickly tried to 0hake it loose, and looked back at Tsunami's face. >"Is that why we did this? My Jurai power?" All: DUH!!!! >Tsunami blushed slightly, which made her look even more like Sasami. >"There were other reasons as well. Sex for me, Gene: Sex for you, sex for everyone! >as a Juraian, is practical; the transmission and growth of Jurai >power should be my only concern. But I can't change the fact that >I am also a woman and Princess Sasami's guardian. Spike: As Sasami's guardian, she's not making a good role model. Gene: Sasami walks in on Tsunami screwing every other Jurai nobleman at least once a week when she needs a drink of water. >Because I live in the future as well as the present, I know that >you will have sex with Sasami one day." Mark: That's good to know. >Tenchi gave a violent start; if Tsunami noticed (and it would have >been hard to miss) she gave no sign. Mark: Do you think the average person would understand that last sentence? >"You can understand my concern as her guardian, can't you? All: No. >I wanted to make sure that her future partner would be both >considerate Tim: Too bad she never found one, huh? >and fulfilling. Gene: That one, too. >So our sex was partly to create the future hero of Jurai, and >partly to be sure that Sasami would be making the right choice." Mark: Then we have no future, gentlemen. >The blush deepened. "And partly because you turned out to be good; >very, very good. So I was a little selfish, and stayed with you a >little longer than I should have, just for my own pleasure. No harm >done, though." Mark: (as Tsunami) Huh-huh. My bad! >Tenchi looked down again at Tsunami's breasts, not bashfully now but >openly. Spike: Tenchi's just gonna attack them now. And SUCK on them. Mark: (as Tenchi) Tsunami! Turn into my mother again so I can suck down that milk laced with hallucinogens again! >Under the circumstances, bashfulness seemed rather silly. He >stroked one nipple--not sensuously, but just curious as to the >feel. "Tsunami, I can't seem to remember what happened, but I >saw my mother--" >"That was me, I'm afraid. Mark: (as Tsunami) Huh-huh. My bad again! >I didn't want to just appear to you in my own skin, and to ask you >for sex as Sasami would probably have scared you right out of the >room. By appearing as Lady Achika, I Tim: (as Tsunami) Wanted to see if you were as dirty as I suspected you were. >didn't want to deceive you, but only put you at ease with the >situation." Gene: Nice plan. >She laid a hand lightly on Tenchi's forehead. Things started to >swim again, and Tsunami started to fade. >"Neither you nor Sasami will remember this, but there will be >just a faint suggestion at the back of your minds. Spike: Yep. It'll be nothing but a bad dream in their daily lives. >Where that suggestion leads you will be your concern. But now I >can let you get on with your lives, without worrying about Sasami..." >At this, she leaned down and took Tenchi's dick in her mouth, Mark: Guys? Isn't Tsunami supposed to be fading? >licking up their combined juices, sucking it to half-hardness. Spike: Yuuuuuuum. >"Because you turned out to be a truly superior cocksman." Gene: HEY! THAT'S MY TITLE!!!!!!!! >The last thing Tenchi remembered was Tsunami winking at him... *** Mark: LOOK OUT! NINJA STARS! Tim: You know, I'd rather give this fic a rating of minus infinite stars. >Tenchi's head snapped All: HOORAY! >forward, All: AWWWWWWWWWWW, MAN! >the towel on his forehead falling into the pond. Had he just >dozed off while he was talking to Sasami? Had he been dreaming? >He vaguely remembered...something...nothing. Spike: Something for nothing. >He'd lost whatever it was. Mark: His virginity...Hehe >He looked at Sasami, sitting next to him. She just looked happily >up at him, as if nothing was amiss. >There was a crash from the changing room. >"I can't believe you're just barging in like that, Ryoko!" All: BARGE IN! BARGE IN! >"Look, Princess, Yosho's at the temple and Nobuyuki's gone to the >office. So, by process of elimination..." Tim: You mean by a process of premeditated decsion. >"How can you be such a brazen slut?!" >"How can YOU be such an uptight little priss?!" >Tenchi panicked. They were going to bring their battle into the >onsen any second now. Why did they have to be in the changing >room, where his clothes were? Gene: They're gonna trap him and have a threesome with him. Tim: Jurai men can marry two women! Why don't they just marry him off to them and get it over with? Spike: The pedophile wants Sasami. Let him molest her and me capture his ass. >All he had to cover himself with were two small towels...and >he just realized that the one in his lap was covering an erection! >Where had that come from? Mark: Ask us where boogers and babies come from while your're at it. And all that other stuff we DON'T KNOW! >And how was he going to get out of this? >"Big brother Tenchi," Sasami said in a soft voice. >He turned to her. She had stood up in the pool, and taken off the >large towel she was wrapped in. Gene: Great. Child prostitution! Spike: Tsunami's bad job as a guardian begins to show. >She held it out with one outstretched arm, her naked child's body in >profile and her head turned away. Gene: I know it's too late to ask this question, but does this fic strike any of you as plain sick? Mark: I bet several people reading this are getting aroused at this. >"We'd better trade towels. Tim: Good idea. >The little ones are fine for me." >Tenchi turned his own back on Sasami, then handed her the two small >towels while taking the large one. On an impulse, Mark: Oh, gross. Here we go. Sasami's about to get sexually assaulted by Tenchi. >they both turned their heads toward each other. Their eyes locked >for a few seconds; then, at the same moment, they let their eyes >drift down to look at the other's body. Tim: Tenchi's erection got even worse. All others: AUGH!!!!! >They both quickly looked away, again at the same moment, blushing >violently. Tenchi wrapped the large towel around his waist while >Sasami used the smaller towels to cover her hips and her nipples. >As she did so, one corner of her mouth went up in a small smile. Gene: She's being turned on by it! YUCK! >Ryoko and Aeka were still arguing in the changing room when the >door to the onsen burst open. Mark: Hey. It's that Matrix exploding elevator door scene! >Tenchi ran in, grabbed his clothes, said "Sorry girls can't talk >now!" and ran out, all without breaking stride. >They turned back to the onsen. Sasami was standing there, a wide >smile on her face. Tim: (as Sasami) I left a big surprise in the onsen water! >The older girls' eyes narrowed. They looked at Sasami, then at >each other, then back at Sasami again. Her smile had grown a >little wider. Spike: (as Ryoko) Tenchi's made up his mind. Let's fuck each other, Aeka. Gene: (as Aeka) Okay. I've always had feelings for you anyway. ::The MSTers walk out of the theater.:: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7... _______________________________________ ::Gene and Tim are arguing over the word "sarong".:: Gene: The author misspelled thong! Tim: Gilliam! Get over here! Gilliam: Yes, Timothy? Tim: Tim is just fine. I need you to give me the definition of the word "sarong". Gilliam: Certainly. Sarong - a loose towel worn by men or women. Gene: NOOO!!!!!!! Tim: You're on cleaning duty for two months. Gene: Sorry. But as the people in the fic do, I'll break the new system of rules that has been established. Tim: Crap. ::The panel lights up and says "Call.":: Quatre: So, how did you like my latest assault on your minds? Mark: It sucked pretty bad. But that's okay. Quatre: Good. I was hoping that would be the effect. Gene: Take your best shot! Quatre: In due time, my friend, In due time... Spike: I'm gonna lock you up once I get out of here. Quatre: Try me. Mark: YEAH! What he said! Quatre: Okay, guys. I need someone who can navigate and manually fly the ship. Despite Gene's excellent piloting skills I'm afraid he'll sabotage the ship. Gene: ::Brightly, with eyes lit up.:: Won't you reconsider? Quatre: Ummm...what do you think I'm going to say? Gene: No? Quatre: Yes. Gene: Figured that. ::Jim walks in with the other crew members of the Outlaw Star.:: Quatre: ::Looks at Jim.:: Perfect! Jim: What? Quatre: You're my new navigator and manual pilot. Jim: Great...I guess. Quatre: Now I need a janitor. ::Looks at Tim and Gene.:: ::Tim and Gene are sweating bullets.:: Rasheed: The recovery was successful, Master Quatre. Quatre: Great! Since you two haven't been TOO bad, I've decided to keep you on the active theater role. Tim and Gene: Phew... ::Rasheed pulls in Duo, who is handcuffed and pulled by a chain attached to hadcuffs.:: Duo: Hey, guys. I'm back! Tim and Mark: Oh, no! Duo: Though it was a nasty trick you pulled on me, I forgive you. ::Cheesy music begins to play.:: Tim and Mark: Duo, we forgive you for getting us into this mess. Duo: You do? That's wonderful! ::The music cuts off as if a record was stopped by lifting the needle.:: Tim: What the hell are we doing? Mark: I don't know. But the point is we forgive him. Tim: Let me ask you one question, Duo. Did you ever star in a yaoi fic? Be truthful. Duo: No. I just drank Sucke and hated myself. Tim: ::Scratching chin.:: Okay. I believe you. Mark? Mark: Sure. I believe and forgive him. Duo: Cool. Mark: Welcome back to the Winner Queen. Duo: ::Laughing.:: The Winner Queen? HAHA! THAT'S FUNNY! Quatre: Isn't it wonderful that you have made up? Meet Duo Maxwell, my new janitor! Duo: ::Frustrated.:: FUCK ME! ::Tim switches his attention to Aisha.:: Tim: AISHA! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! Aisha: Not again! Tim: Let me stalk you! Mark: Aisha! Remember your training! ::Aisha powers up and pulls out a HUGE mallet. She then calmly swings the mallet, knocking Tim in the head. Blood gushes out Tim's nostrils and teeth fly everywhere.:: Tim: LA-DEE-DAH-DEE-DOO-DEE-DA! ::Faints.:: Aisha: With that finished...::Kicks Tim in the stomach.:: Tim: LAAAAAAAAAAAAA-poopy... Spike: Till next time... See you, space cowboys and cowgirls... ____________________________________________________ Next episode: The Winner Queen leaves Earth orbit and begins its long adventures in space...