Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo is the property of AIC/Pioneer Adagio I think of Jurai. It is my duty as first princess to always remember Jurai and to dedicate my life to the empire. I love Jurai. I hate Jurai. I think of Jurai and feel great pride. I think of Jurai and recall my greatest pain. While looking through some old boxes I found an unexpected treasure. It appeared that Nobuyuki was not the only collector in the house. Yosho had a large collection of old phonograph records. I started to look through them until one caught my eye. I don't know what about it drew my attention, but when my hand touched it, it just seemed the most natural thing to take it. "Barber's Adagio for Strings" I had to play it. As I slid the record out of its cover a note fell out as well. Yosho's handwriting was immediately recognizable to me even though it looked as if his hand had been shaking as he wrote it. On this day (the ink was smeared), Masaki Achika died. That sentence pains me more than any other wound possibly could. I must remain strong outwardly for Tenchi and Nobuyuki's sake, but inwardly I am screaming like an enraged warrior and a helpless child all at once. I felt like no one could understand my loss until I heard this piece. Listening to this I know that even though my grief is inconsolable, I am not alone. I started the recording and in my mind I was back on Jurai, just after Ryoko's attack. I stood looking at the destruction, staring in disbelief. I remember that even though people were screaming and running through the streets trying to put out the fires and save what lives they could, my world went silent. After that day I was no longer a child, too much had changed. I had seen death and knew it to be a pair of merciless green eyes. It was not until much later that I uncovered the true identity of those eyes. I had seen the 'invincible' Juraian army, that I had been told my entire life was the ultimate force in existence, helpless before a single enemy. I had lost my brother, my love, Yosho. It was too much. I refused to have that taken from me. My world had been ripped apart and I refused to give this last part of my naiveté. I do not resent the fact that when I return my life will be Jurai's and not my own. I am mortified and angry beyond words that I may have to do so alone. I went to Ryoko's cave and I realized how familiar it was, so cold, so lonely. I have been there thousands of times though I have only visited the cave near the Masaki shrine once. Alone. The word is hollow and intimidating, but the reality is far worse. I fear loneliness more than pain, more than death, more than love. Yes, I fear love. I try to tell myself that it is not true, that I love Sasami, that I understand the deep bond between us. I also know that is not the point. We are sisters and are connected through links of family, background, and all the other things you could name that we shared. That was why it seemed so safe to love Yosho. Husband yes, but also brother, so I had no reason to fear. My love could not be unrequited because he was genetically obligated to love me. How naive I was. Tension built as the piece moved towards its climax. The anger and betrayal was apparent in the melody that was both simple and complex. I was angered and betrayed. I took my sister and searched for seven hundred years to right the wrong I believed I had been dealt. I took Tenchi captive, and acted with bitter cruelty toward Ryoko. Through their actions I know that they have forgiven me but that does not make it right. As the song ends just as it began I realize that the pain will always be there. It is a part of my life and I would be unrecognizable without it. Without that pain I would not be worthy to rule Jurai. Of heaven and earth I was forged by that most hurtful fire, loss. Author's notes: I'd like to thank Jaf for prereading this and encouraging me. I wrote this in hopes of coming to have a better understanding of Ayeka's character. I also managed to work in one of my favorite pieces of music. C&C is welcomed