Disclaimer: The people and products mentioned below are all property of they're respective owners, and I have no claim to any of them. I'm just making a bunch of silly advertisements. It's free publicity, so please don't sue. Note: Take 3 has been delayed due to length, so to tide you over... LET'S GO TO COMERCIAL! Commercial Break ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: A forest cliff. Ryoga and Mousse are chasing Ranma. The cliff gives out, and the three of them fall into the waters below. P-chan and the duck regain consciousness, just to hear some thrashing, as two hunters break through the bushes. Hunter 1: That's a nice looking duck. Hunter 2: That black piglet looks pretty good too. I bet we could make some good Cantonese style sweet-and-sour pork. Terrified the two run, leaving the still unconscious female Ranma in the muddy waters. The two crest the hill to spot a steaming kettle on a picnic blanket. Seeing this, P-chan begins to charge forward, but get tripped by Mousse. Mousse begins to fly towards the kettle, only to be knocked aside by P-chan. P-chan continues down the hill, as Mousse swoops passed him. The two continue to struggle as they reach the kettle. P-chan finally gets free and dumps the kettle on himself, only find it empty except for a few whisps of steam. Hunter 1: There they are! Hunter 2: Get them! Scene goes black. A gun shot is heard. Got Water? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: The bath house. Ryoko and Ayeka run down the halls, being chased by the monster. Announcer: Repairs to the hot springs-50,000 yen Scene: The Masaki residence. The Yukinojo crashes into leaving nothing standing but the door to the lab. Announcer: Repairs to the house-200,000 yen Scene: The fields. The Masses blast Ryoko, creating a giant craetor. Announcer: New top soil-15,000 yen. Scene: Ayeka and Ryoko fighting over Tenchi. Mihoshi tries to break up the fight. Announcer: Having three gorgeous women fighting over you...priceless. There's some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's Masterkeycard ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: The Souja. A scrawny boy is dressed up like Tenchi and facing off with Kagato. In his hands is a 20 oz. green bottle. Boy (voice over): Masaki Tenchi drinks Sprite...Masaki Tenchi drinks Sprite. (begins to grin) Masaki Tenchi drinks Sprite! The boy downs the entire bottle and prepares to attack Kagato. Kagato raises his hand and forms an energy blast. Announcer: If you want to form the Light Hawk Wings... Kagato fires the blast at the boy, who raises his hands to form the Light Hawk Wings. The blast smashes into him, sending up a huge cloud of dust and smoke. When the cloud resides, we see that nothing is left of the boy, save his smoldering skeleton. Announcer: You have to be Tenchi. Kagato: Who was that idiot? Announcer: If you want a refreshing drink, drink Sprite. Image is nothing. Obey your thirst. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: Streets of Kurashiki Ayeka walks down the street, her hair billowing in the wind, the light reflecting off of the shimmering purple tails. As she walks she attracts the attention of passerby's. Ranma: Woah! Check out her- Akane (smashes Ranma with her mallet): Pervert! Ranma (Groans) -hair. Makoto: Maybe she's born with it. Nanami: Maybe it's Maybeline. Cuts to a shot of a strange lab with Juraians running around. Announcer: Maybeline DNA shifts, available at any Juraian Health Center. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: A familiar looking swamp. On lillypads sit three shadowed forms. Two lizards sit in the branches of a tree to the side. Louie: I know why they fired me. Frank: Your attitude? Louie: That's not it. I'll have you know my attitude was selling more buds than any of those frogs. Frank: Give it up, Louie. Louie: I will not. This is complete injustice. Frank: Oh? And why is that? Louie: It's the Japanese! Frank: What? Louie: I'm serious. It's the Japanese. They're taking over everything. They've bought out Budweiser, and they fired me, because I represent the common American. And they replaced me with...with... A spot light shines on each of the three forms as they call out. Frog 1: Buuud... Ryo-ouki: ...Miya... Frog 3: ...errr. Louie: You see? She can't even get her lines right. Frank: Neither could you. Louie: I will not take this lying down. I will fight this. Frank: Do you think I can get her to autograph this cell? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: An airport. A man in a business suit, with a large, white, circular head, a long nose, two big blue eyes, and a tilted hat stands before the plane, hugging a beautiful young woman, and a kid with a similar head. Jack: I wasn't satisfied with having the best burger in America. Shows the plane flying over the ocean. Jack: I had to have the best burger in the world. So I set my sights on the Orient. To learn of their ways. Shows Jack, not wearing his tie or jacket, lying on the floor. Ranma stands over him in a fighting stance. Jack (groaning as he gets up): Best two out of three? Shows Jack and Ryoko standing inside the Ryo-ouki Jack: To learn of their hobbies Ryoko: Let's go Ryo-ouki. Jack: Can I try? Shows a beat up Jack, a beat up Ryoko, and a very beat up Ryo-ouki, sitting next to a large craeter. Jack: Sorry. Shows the Jack knealing in front of a spring at the Jusenkyo. Jack: To learn of their history Tour Guide: Sir! What are you doing? Scrolls around to reveal that Jack is holding a fishing pole. Jack: I was thinking along the lines of a Cantanese-style Fish Sandwich. Shows Jack kneeling at a table with Sasami Jack: To learn of their quisine. Jack pokes around at the food Jack: You really eat this stuff. Sasami: Yup Jack (fiddling with chopsticks): How do you use these things. Goes to a behind view of Jack getting off a plane with his son and wife in front of him. Jack: Has it changed me? Scrolls around to reveal Jack with Anime-style eyes. Jack: Well, maybe a little. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: Masaki residence. Sasami is sitting around looking very bored Announcer: Hey, Sasami. What's wrong? Sasami: I'm bored. Announcer: Maybe you need a Log! Kamidake and Azaka appear next to her. Sasami: Yay! Announcer: All Juraian's love Log. Slinky music starts playing. Singing Kids: Who fights fair, attack in pairs, get's knocked into the Shoja's wall They'll watch your back, but suck at attack, they're logs, logs, logs. They're logs, They're logs, They're thick, They're heavy, They're wood. They're logs, They're logs, They do exactly what they should. Announcer: So order your log today. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: A midievil looking villiage. The M&M's Red, Yellow, and Orange are sitting at a restaurant, looking at menu's. Yellow: Guys, I'm a bit nervous. Red: C'mon. We're on vacation. Relax. Orange get's a terrified look on his face, and starts stuttering Orange: It's...it's... Yellow: I just don't think this was a very good place to come. Red: Oh quite worrying. Orange: It's...It's... Red: Spit it out! Orange: It's Gourry Gabriev! Red: What? Gourry: Mmmmm! All: Aughhhhhh! Gourry proceeds to chase the M&Ms through the town, and out into the desert. Gourry races by three small sand dunes. The three M&M's burst out of the dunes. Red: Whew! We lost him. Orange: We should get out of this desert. Red: Relax. We're M&M's. You know, melt in your mouth, never in your hand. Lina (suddenly towering over them): Oh yeah? We'll see about that. Red: Oh no! It's Lina Inverse! Lina: Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond the blood that flows. Buried within the stream of time is where your power grows. Red: Oh my god! Oh my God! Lina: I pledge myself to conquer, All the foes who stand, Before the mighty gift bestowed, In my unworthy hand. The M&M's start frantically digging into the ground, seeking cover. Lina: Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed by the power that you and I possess...DRAGON SLAVE! Giant explosion. When the smoke dies down, all that's left is a large craeter and three puddles: one red, one yellow, and one orange. Announcer: M&M's. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand. Lina: What? Announcer: Okay! Sometimes in your hand too! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: Black and white. Ryoko and Ayeka are standing in front of a white backdrop, wearing sexy street clothes. Ryoko and Ayeka (Solemnly): He was my destiny since I was born. RYoko: Yeah? Well I was born first, so he's MY destiny! Ayeka: Who would want to be destiny to an old hag like you? Ryoko: Hey, who you calling an old hag, you spoiled princess Ayeka: You, you disgusting demon! Ryoko: That's it! The two begin fighting. A stray energy bolt hits the camera and it goes out. Announcer (whisper): Obsession, by Tenchi Klien. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: Streets of a Japanese city. 7Up guy: I'm down here in Japan trying out my great new slogan. Make 7Up yours. (Points to shirt) Make 7. (turns around) Up yours. Ryouga comes walking down the street. 7Up guy: Hey, man. Make 7up yours. Ryouga (angrily): What? 7up guy: Make 7up yours, man. Ryouga (takes out his umbrella) : You insult me? How dare you! You have no idea of the pain and torment I've endured. 7up guy: Hey, I'm just saying. Make 7up yours. Ryouga (summons battle ki): Laugh at me, will you! Shi Chi Hakoden! Ryouga unleashes his deadly attack hurtling the 7up guy over the houses. Ayeka sees him crash and rushes over. Ayeka: Are you alright? 7Up guy (in suprisingly good conditions): Uh yeah. Hey baby, make 7Up yours. Ayeka: I beg your pardon. 7Up guy: I said, make 7up yours, baby. Ayeka: Grr! (straight arms the 7Up guy, sending him crashing into a lamppost) How dare you insult royalty. Azaka! Kamizake! Azaka and Kamizake: Yes ma'am? Ayeka: I command you put that scoundrel to death! Azaka and Kamizake: Yes ma'am. 7Up guy gets up just in time to dodge a laser blast, and runs down the street with the two following. Azaka and Kamizake: Here we come! Here we come! 7Up guy manages to lose them. He turns around to see Vegita. Vegita: What's going on? 7Up guy: I don't know. I was just selling my slogan. You know. Make 7Up yours Vegita: What? Final Flash! Sometime later, the 7Up guy lands in front of Makoto and Ifurita. Makoto: Are you alright? 7Up guy (very dazed): Make 7Up yours! Ifurita: How dare you insult my precious Makoto! Makoto: Now, calm down Ifurita. Ifurita (levels her power key staff) I will never allow this. Ifurita fires her dark energy blast, incinerating the 7Up guy. Screen cuts to the 7Up logo. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: Restaurant. Ranma and Akane are eating. Shampoo smashes through the wall and chases Ranma about, destroying the place. Announcer: Repairs to the restaurant...20,000 yen Scene: Furikan High School. Ranma dodges Kuno's bokken which crashes through the wall. He then leaps off the tree right before Kuno slices it in half. Announcer: New plaster... 1,000 yen. New tree...15,000 yen Scene: Dr. Tofu's office. Dr. Tofu is aplying bone cracking moves to Ranma's spin and limbs. Announcer: Chiropracticy...12,000 yen Scene: Ranma and Akane standing in front of eachother. The sun set's behind them. Ranma is looking deep into Akane's eyes. Announcer: Having Akane not mad at you... Akane (creams Ranma with her hammer): Pervert! Announcer: ...impossible. There are some things even money can't buy. For everything else, there's master-key card. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: A Japanese High School track. 7up Guy: I'm always thinking of new ways to get people to drink refreshing 7up, even here in Japan. So I thought, why not bring it to where they need it the most. (Steps aside to reveal a 7Up Vending machine on the middle of the track. A crowd of girls come running down the bend. Akane: (veering to the side to avoid the machine) Hey! Watch it! (crashes into Shampoo) Shampoo: Ug! Akane clumsy! Girls continue to trip and crash trying to go around the vending machine without being trampled. As Hitome approaches the machine she slows to a stop, gasping in surprise. A beam of light shoots from the heavens, and Van, riding atop the Escaflowne, comes down, crushing the machine underneath it's massive weight. Hitmoe jumps on top and the two soar off through the glowing light. 7Up Guy: Hey! Can we get another machine out here? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: A press conference. Goku walks up to the podium Goku: I am going to say this one more time. My name is Goku. Not to be confused with Geiko, which can save you up to 15% on car insurance. So plaese, stop calling me. It makes it a lot harder to sneak out. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: A Japanese High School. Ranma and Ryoga are fighting. Ryoga taps a rock outcropping, which lights up and explodes. Announcer: Bakusei Tenketsu. Rocks fly at Ranma who's fist rappidly lashes out catching all the rocks. Announcer: Kachuu Tenshin Amaguri Ken Ranma and Ryoga charge up their battle aura's. Ranma engulfs himself in blue energy and launches it at Ryoga. Announcer: Roko Takabisha Ryoga engulfs himself in green energy and launches it at Ranma. Announcer: Chi Chi Hokoten A scrawny boy dressed like Tenchi, and holding a green bottle leaps at them, but gets caught by both explosion of the two energy bolts. He is sent hurtling up into the air, before crashing to the ground with a sickening crack. Announcer: The painful realization that a soft drink can't make you a better warrior. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Note: Hope you liked it. Keep checking back, because I will update it, whenver I come up with more.