Disclaimer: We don't own the characters in this MST. Well, most of them, anyway. Tenchi Muyo and El Hazard are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC. Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is the property of Best Brains Productions. "Tenchi Muyo in Life," is the property of HLok, who has given us his permission to use his fic in this MST. Thanks, HLok. Cavis Darktower and Davner are the property of Thomas "009" Doscher. Two Guys, Two Girls, and a Bugrom Warlord MST "Tenchi Muyo In Life." (Scene opens with a man in a black trench coat onboard the satellite, Deep Six-Nine. The man is facing a viewscreen with Washu's face on it.) CAVIS: So let me see if I got this straight... (Looks around the satellite. He is a tall, blonde man in a black trench coat.) All I have to do is stay up here for six hours with my favorite anibabe of all time without making a move on her, and I win, right? WASHU: (On the screen in front of Cavis.) That's right! But don't worry, you won't be totally alone up there. (Presses a few buttons on her computer. Suddenly a portal opens up and Davner, a dark-haired man in gray trenchcoat, falls from the ceiling and lands in front of Cavis.) DAVNER: (From the ground.) Thanks....Washu....I think. WASHU: Don't mention it. CAVIS: Dav? DAVNER: (Gets up and dusts himself off.) Even'n, Cav. CAVIS: What the hell are you doing here?! DAVNER: I'm in the same boat you are, Cav. You're here to prove you love Meg by holding out against Ryoko. Ayeka, apparently, heard about this and decided it was a good idea. (Rolls his eyes.) So if *I* can hold out against my favorite anibabe, she'll date me. CAVIS: That's....great....I think... DAVNER: (Shrugs) Best deal so far. She says I must prove I can, and I quote, "Curb my *marital impulses.* Unquote. (Cavis gives him a look.) Well, come on, Cav, that's about as racy as Ayeka gets. CAVIS: Heh. WASHU: (Is speaking with Ryoko off camera.) Yup, that's the deal. RYOKO: So, all I have to do is pretend I like this guy for six hours and hit on him until he makes a move, then Ayeka will *give me* Tenchi? WASHU: (Nods.) RYOKO: Where do I sign up?! WASHU: You just did. (Presses a button on her holotop and Ryoko disappears, reappearing on the satellite next to Cavis and Davner.) RYOKO: (Glomps Davner) Hey, sweetie pie!! DAVNER: (Points to Cavis.) You're looking for him, darl'n. RYOKO: Oh....(Glomps Cavis.) Hey, sweetie pie!! WASHU: Now for you, Davner.... DAVNER: (Grins.) Do your worst! WASHU: (Grins back) If you insist... (Presses a few buttons on her holotop. In a flash of light, Afura Mann from El Hazard appears.) AFURA: What the hell.... DAVNER: (Tenses. He begins taking deep breaths.) Eyes on the prize, eyes on the prize.... AFURA: Um...excuse me, who are you people? CAVIS: (Explains the situation to Afura while Davner searches the Satellite for a cold shower.) AFURA: (Folds arms over her chest.) You have got to be kidding me. CAVIS: (Shakes his head.) Nope, sorry. AFURA: (Begins rubbing her temples.) This is a bad dream...it's *just* a bad dream... WASHU: And, now, just to make it all that much more special.....JINNAI!!! AFURA: GOD IN HEAVEN, NO!!! JINNAI: (Appears in a ball of light.) What the hell is this!? (Clenches fists.) Ooooooh!!! Makoto Mizuhara is behind all this!!! I just know it!!! AFURA: (Growls.) You know, not *everything* is about MAKOTO MIZUHARA!!!! JINNAI: (Crosses arms over his chest.) Well, well, if it isn't the wind harpy.... AFURA: (Raises arm and wind blasts Jinnai into a far wall. She takes a breath and turns to Cav.) Okay, this is only for six hours right? Then they send me home? CAVIS: Right. AFURA: Fine, whatever. Now what do we do? DAVNER: (can be heard from down the hall) Must....resist.. ... temptation! AFURA: Um...is he going to be okay? WASHU: I guess that's up to you. Anyway, as long as you're up there, we've got some entertainment for you. JINNAI: Hmmmm....With a space station like this, I could bombard Roshtaria from above... AFURA: (Sighs in frustration.) RYOKO: What kind of entertainment, Mom? WASHU: Simple, Ryoko. We'll send you fics. RYOKO: (Smiles) Great! Whatcha got? Aiken Muyo? Ryoko's Love? WASHU: Mihoshi! What fic are we sending? MIHOSHI: (Appears on screen holding a fic.) One of *my* personal favorites........Tenchi Muyo in Life!!! RYOKO: (Smiles) No, really, which fic? MIHOSHI: (Blinks) Um....that one. CAVIS: (Looks up at the sky.) Son of a bitch! I *knew* it! RYOKO: (Stops smiling.) Okay, *Mom*, I've changed my mind. Get me down from here. WASHU: Sorry, Ryoko. Too late for that. Now get in the theatre. RYOKO: Make us! WASHU: (frowns and presses a button on her holotop. Suddenly, tentacles bearing spinning saw blades emerge from the walls. They move towards the group threateningly.) RYOKO: (Sweatdrops.) Well, I guess it's off to the theatre! Come on, sweetie! (Grabs Cavis and walks into the theatre.) HLok hlok@hotmail.com TENCHI MUYO IN LIFE PART I (Cavis and Co. take seats in the theatre. Left to right in seating order is Ryoko, Cavis, Afura, Davner, and Jinnai.) For the first part it about a new character name Commander Henrii Lok is sent to earth for a vacation not knowing his real mission which is to marry Mihoshi to take over the GP when Mihoshi's grandfather if he passes away. Your mission....if you choose to accept it.... Hums "Mission Impossible" theme. He meets Tenchi and the gang. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DISCALMER: I do not own all the characters like Tenchi, Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, and so on in this fanfic, or anything that is own by AIC and Pioneer. Well except for Commander Henrii Lok. I do not want a lawsuit because I just can’t afford to pay that much money. If anyone wants to use Commander Henrii Lok please e-mail me. Okay, we sat through the disclaimer! Can we go now!? Intro to New Character: Commander Henrii Lok Retrieving data from Washu’s computer……………………………. Complete. Oooh, look. Medical records.....joy. Oh boy another new character. And look it's an SI one to boot. Twenty bucks says he's annoying beyond the point of toleration half-way into the fic. Um... Cavis, you do realize *we're* SI characters right? (sweatdrops) Oh yeah. Stats: SEX: MALE Prove it. Ouch... PHYSICAL AGE: 17 BLOOD: A+ BIRTHDAY: JUNE 22 HEIGHT: 183 CM COLOR EYES: DARK BROWN COLOR HAIR: DARK BROWN SUPERPOWER (S): YES Hey, Cav, what superpowers appear on *your* medical records? The ability to tolerate you. That was low. NUMBERS OF SPERM: UNKNOWN Probably more than Tenchi atleast. Am I sensing hostility here? You betcha. I thought you were finally getting some out of him though after Tenchi Forever? That's "TV Ryoko." I'm "OVA Ryoko." Big difference. (sighs) Well atleast Jinnai is getting some from Diva finally. The only reason for that is so we can repopulate the Bugrom Empire! So you're saying that you're not interested in sleeping with Diva for her looks. Well... um... of course not! (sigh) What is it the people who don't want any get some and the ones who want it don't? I feel for ya. Is it true you've never had any in five thousand years? WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!?!?! I mean.. (blushing) of course it isn't true. (snickers) LIKES: SCIENCE, BLOWING THINGS UP, LIFE, and SMART WOMEN like me (hehe) So he likes smart women just like you Davner. (Staring at Afura) Yeah..... Wow took all of how long for him to break? Ayeka's going to have his head when we get back. (Realizing he's been caught) I have no idea what you're talking about. Am I not being told about something here? Just watch the screen. DISLIKES: DUMB PEOPLE, BLOND GIRLS, and ANY DRUGS So that means he'll never drink! Oh my god is that humanly possible?!?! Only with very wierd people, Ryoko. PERSONLITY: KIND, CAN BE MEAN, LOVEABLE, HIGH MORALS, HAPPY, RESPECT TO ANYONE WEAKNESS: GIRLS; BECOMES CARELESS TENCHI MUYO IN LIFE It's a beautiful morning in the Masaki home. It is always a beautiful morning at the Masaki home. It always will be too. They will never start the day off with rain, snow, or other such weather conditions. We may later on have such things happen, but never at the start of the day. And that was your daily weather forecast from Ryoko Habuki. (applaud) Tenchi woke up from his bed and felt something wrong. He looked all over his room and found out Ryoko wasn’t there to wake him up. Now this guy honestly just doesn't know me. Do you realize what it would take to stop me from being there to wake up Tenchi? An attack by Kagato? Your period? A really bad hangover? Makoto Mizuhara? Actually... I can't think of anything except if he was in bed with me at the time. Oh... (dissapointed looks) Wow he thought Ryoko has finally learned to leave me in peace. (nearly in tears) Tenchi you don't hate me that much do you? (puts his arm on Ryoko) There there Ryoko, I'm sure this author just has him out of character. (glomps Cav) Oh you're such a sweetheart! (sighs) He just *so* walked into that one. As Tenchi got out of bed and got dress he opened the door and all of a sudden Ryoko jumped onto Tenchi. “Oh Tenchi I’m so sorry I didn’t wake you up today!” “Errrrr that’s ok Ryoko.” “I must woke up to late because I had this wonderful dream about you and me and we were doing something…special,” Ryoko saying with and flirty smile. Hey, Ryoko. What did you mean by "special?" Making it on the floor like two wolves in heat. .........................'kay. (Turns to Cavis.) We can try it sometime if you like, big boy. (Sweatdrops.) This is gonna be harder than I thought. “Errrrrr ummm.” Tenchi said with a big sweat rolling down from his head. “Get off of Lord Tenchi you sickening monster!” Ayeka cried. “I see the that Miss. Biotch is awake,” said Ryoko. "Biotch?" When did this become gangsta rap? That would certainly explain the baggy pants in Shin Tenchi. “Who are you calling a…a bi.. you distasteful devil monster!” said Ayeka and little wooden blocks surround Ryoko. LEGOS!!! “Why don’t you guys just settle it outside?” said Tenchi in a calm voice. “NO!” Both of the battle ready girls said to Tenchi and a huge explosion blew up the side of the house. “Why me?” said Tenchi Why not? NO NEED FOR A COMMANDER Up in the GP Headquarters deep inside the Headquarters was the Head of the GP (Mihoshi’s Grandfather) was reading a manga. Twenty bucks says it's hentai. The perv... All of a sudden the doors flung open and a man in a shiny blue, gold, black and red armor walked up to the Head of the GP. Jeez! Now I know what color a hangover is. Add in some pea soup green and some cancerous urine yellow and you got it right on the money. (Nods.) Thank you, Crayola! With armor such as that... Yeah, yeah. We know. You could take over El Hazard. (Laughs annoyingly.) “Excuse me Commissioner but I finished my mission, Sir! I would like to get another assignment, Sir!” said the man. (Salutes.) YES SIR! NO SIR! SPANK ME LIKE A BAD PUPPY, SIR! Kiss ass... Shocked, Mihoshi’s grandfather hid the manga from view. (Reads the manga's title) Girls of Penthouse, Cheerleader edition. “Well, well, well its Commander Lok of the Elite GP. So you finished your assignment already, “ said the Commissioner. (Imitates Lok.) Yes, Sir! The toilets are clean and shiny, and your dry cleaning is in your car, Sir! “Yes sir, I have completed all the objective of my missions, sir!” said Commander Lok. So, what you're saying is that one objective had several missions, but several missions only had one objective? I'm confused. Well, what she's trying to say is that one mission had one objective. I mean that two missions had three objectives. I mean... Oh the hell with it! What she said! “I receive many complaints about you from our elite group. You are not letting them have a chance to do anything. They rot on in their quarters all day, “ said the Commissioner. Yeah, their hind quarters. “Sorry sir! I feel I can do it by myself, Sir!” said Commander Lok. Remember, there's a great big "I" in "TIEM." “You know what you need a long break from fighting a lot of crime,” said the Commissioner. Mihoshi’s grandfather sat there thinking where can Commander Lok go. All of a sudden he got a great idea and should send Commander Lok to the backwash planet, earth. Since Mihoshi is there they might fall in love and Commander Lok can take over when he is long gone. You know, the Galaxy Police being a monarchy and all... Only in anime could someone come up with a plan this stupid. “Are you there sir?” Said Commander Lok. (immitating the Marhsall) No I've gone off to my happy place. Wow! Jinnai managed to participate in this without bringing up taking over El Hazard or Makoto Mizuhara! Way to go Jinnai! “Yes I’m still here, I have a great idea where you can take your break on the planet earth. Where we found you. Also watch my little Mihoshi ok. Don’t you think it’s a great idea.” “Errr yes sir it’s a great idea, Sir!” Said Commander Lok (Imitates Lok.) Anything for a raise, Sir. “You can find my granddaughter there on the planet earth, and here is a picture of her.” Commander Lok stared in disgust at the picture because he had seen her before and knew that she is a walking curse. Ok hold it one minute there buster! This is the OVA universe you're dealing with, not the TV universe! Mihoshi actually manaages to be very useful to the group a lot of the time believe it or not. (Whole cast looks at Ryoko in shock.) (whispering to Davner) Is it my imagination or did Ryoko just stick up for Mihoshi? (whispering back) I... I think so. (whispering to both) I think the fic's starting to get to her. He also hated blond girls it’s just made him sick. What!? Who in their right mind hates blondes!? I do. You hate everyone. “I want you to pack up and leave headquarters for your vacation to the planet earth and you can live with Mihoshi if you want to.” With a smile on the Commissioner face. (Imitates the Marshal.) Sleep with her, if you like! I don't mind! “I understand, sir..” said Commander Lok as he exited the office. “Excellent,” (Imitates Mr. Burns) Smithers! Bring me the head of Negishi! said Mihoshi’s grandfather thought soon enough they would get married and I might be a great grandfather. He picks up his manga and continues to read it. (immitates Marshall) Hmm the pages are beginning to stick together. (smacks Davner in the back of the head) Ok we're leaving the bounds of tasteful hentai humor here. Back to the Masaki house Sasami was cooking in the kitchen and Washu came up to her and to see what was she doing. “Hello Sasami,” said Washu. “Hi there,” said Sasami happy tone. “Are you cooking up a storm Sasami?” (Imitates Sasami.) Human flesh... “No just carrots for Ryo-Ohki.” “Miya, Miya!” cried Ryo-Ohki. The translation of that is "Nice coverup Sasami. They might've discovered our secret narcotics business." I seriously doubt that. Are you saying you doubt my word? (whispers to Afura) I think she's got him right here. (whispers back) I bet thirty Jurai you're wrong. Deal. Yep I'm saying that. D'oh! “Ok Ryo-Ohki it will done soon,” giggled Sasami. (Imitates Sasami) Into the pot you go, Ryo-Ohki! Washu sighed and left to see where did everybody go. She went into the living room and saw Mihoshi watching her favorite TV show. Who here wants to bet it was the McLaughlin Group? (There are no takers.) She also knew that Nobyuki was out working on a project and Yosho was probably in the shine. Washu went outside and found Ayeka and Ryoko fighting as usual for Tenchi’s love. Mud wrestling? We can only hope. (Turns to Cavis and grins.) So you like it dirty huh? She thought to herself that she is very lonely and she knows that she couldn’t flirt with Tenchi because Ryoko would be so mad at her. (Begins turning colors> Is that so, *MOM*!!?? So you have your eyes on him too, huh!? When I get back, you are *so* dead! Cut her some slack. She just said she wasn't going to do anything. "Mad" doesn't begin to describe it! She went to the living room to watch TV with Mihoshi and later Ayeka and Ryoko joined them. In the afternoon Tenchi was at the Osen resting from the hard labor of farming. All of a sudden he heard a loud boom. He thought to himself it might be Ayeka and Ryoko again. Ok so far this guy has managed to hit every stereotype of every character. Aeka and I are always fighting, Mihoshi is being stereotyped as the dumbest creature on the planet, and Sasami has already had a cooking scene. Keep this up and you know what you have? Shin Tenchi? Right! NO NEED FOR CRUSHES (Looks over and sees Davner beginning to put his arm around Afura. He throws a Butterfinger and hits Davner square in the forehead.) BAD DAVNER! BAD! Ow! Damn! Okay, okay! (Turns to Cavis) You, know, that's not a bad idea. Let's share some popcorn, ne? Er... At the crash site where Commander Lok’s aircraft was he started at his computer angrily and said “This ever happened to me before!” “Oh well it was your fault that you judged it incorrectly Commander.” Said his computer. Must be Y2K. (Imitates Lok.) Goddam Windows 98! Commander Lok pushed some buttons on his watch and got into his armor. He got out of his ship and started to find where Mihoshi lives. As he walked though the woods he thought to himself that he was once born here and later was taken away from earth to train as an Elite GP Commander. He reached at a house that had strong patterns that Mihoshi was there. Strong patterns? Like what? A bright blue neon sign that says, "Mihoshi's Place!"? He knocked on the door. “Who is it,” said Sasami in a curious voice. “I’m looking for the owner of this house.” Said the Commander. “Hold one second please.” (Hums elevator musice) Said Sasami as she raced to find Tenchi. She found Tenchi outside of his room drying his hair. “Tenchi, there is someone at the door looking for you” said Sasami. “Ok Sasami,” said Tenchi as he walked to the door and opened it. Tenchi mouth dropped when he saw a man about a bit taller than him in a shiny red, gold, black, and blue armor. “I’m Commander Lok of the Elite Force of the GP and who are you?” “I’mmmm Tenchi Masaki.” (Imitates Tenchi.) Officer, I swear! It's not even *my* car! “Hello Kimchi,” said Commander Lok “No it’s Tenchi.” Yeah. Kimchi is a clay pot filled with pickled cabbage and buried in the soft soil of Korea for storage. (The rest of the cast looks at him strangely.) I saw it on MASH once... “Oh ok, Tenchi. Do you mind if I take off my helmet?” “No problem Commander,” said Tenchi “Don’t call me Commander call me Henrii, I’m on vacation right now.” (Imitates Lok) This is my casual armor. As Henrii took off his helmet and his dark hair moved like the wind. Hey, Afura. You're a wind priestess. Does wind move like that? (Laughs out loud.) Only when it breaks. Henrii looked inside and saw four girls watching TV and saw Mihoshi. Henrii sighed and thought to himself that he all the hard work he had done he came here to baby-sit Mihoshi Change your name to "Kiyone"... and said to Tenchi “Do you mind if I come in Tenchi?” asked Henrii “Sure come in,” with a smile on his face. So let me see if I have this straight. A strange man with no references shows up at the front door wearing strange armor, and they just *assume* he's harmless? YES! This armor must have the ability to disguise the true intentions of the wearer and make those who look at it incrdibly naive! (Begins laughing.) (Turns to Jinnai.) Okay, seriously. Shut up. I mean it. (continues to laugh) THIS WEAPON WILL BE MINE!!! (Laughs some more.) (Quickly reaches out, grabs Jinnai by the head, and slams it into the back of Jinnai's chair, rendering him unconscious. Davner turns to the others, who are now facing him.) What?! Like *you* wouldn't have done the same thing if *you* were sitting here! (No one argues.) As Henrii enters the living room none of the girls did not know he was there because their eyes were stuck onto the TV. And Sasami entered the living room to tell everyone that dinner was ready but before she could say that dinner is ready she saw Henrii and thought that she had another crush on someone. (Sighs) And here comes the Sasami lemon portion of the fic. WHAT!? HE'D BETTER NOT EVEN *THINK* OF LAYING A FINGER ON SASAMI CHAN!!!! Henrii turned his head and smiled at Sasami, which made Sasami blushed into an apple red. “Dinner is ready,” said Sasami in a quite voice. “That’s nice Sasami right after this show,” said Ayeka with her eyes still glued to the TV. (Imitates Ayeka) We're watching Baywatch! “Hello there,” said Henrii “Umm… what is your name?” said Sasami in a quite voice with her face blushed. “My name is Commander Henrii Lok of the Elite Force of the GP and what’s your name you pretty little girl?” said Henrii in a calm voice. “My name is is is is oh yeah Sasami and those girls over there is Ayeka the purple long hair who is my sister, Washu the greatest scientist in the galaxy with the red hair, IN THE UNIVERSE!!!! Ryoko with blue and greenish hair and Mihoshi with the blond hair,” said Sasami “Hi,” said the girls watching TV. “Who is the greatest scientist here, Sasami,” said Henrii. Weren't you paying attention!? (Looks over at Cavis and slowly moves her hand into his lap. Cavis jumps. Ryoko grins at him.) “That would be Washu the one over there with the red hair.” “Oh ok she doesn’t seem to be the greatest scientist in the galaxy.” Now he's done it. (Leans forward in his seat, rubbing his hands together in delight.) There are few spectacles in life more entertaining than watching Little Washu kick the shit out of a man! Washu heard that and run up right into Henrii and looked up right into Henrii face. “What did you say!” cried out Washu. “I said that you don’t look like the greatest scientist in the galaxy,” replied Henrii. “Why is that huh, are just hiding your feelings because I’m cute,” replied Washu. “No, because you are a little girl. I have read many books from the Great Washu and seen her pictures and you look too young than what I saw.” (Imitate Lok and holds his hands out in front of him.) And she has knockers out to here.... “Oh yeah well..” Washu changes into her adult form. HELL YEAH!!! “Err umm err heee umm hmm ahh?” said Henrii Washu’s placed her hand on his cheeks and said “No need to talk gibberish,” said Washu moving closer. “Oh ok Mrs. Washu,” just after he said that a loud slap echoed in the room. He's not very bright, is he? (Shakes their heads.) Washu changes back to her 12-year-old form said to Henrii. “Never ever call me Mrs. Washu or anything like that just call me Little Washu or else!” screamed Washu. “Ouch that hurt,” Henrii replied. (Imitates a five year old.) I have an owie! Tenchi came up to Henrii and said “So Henrii why are you here?” “Well Tenchi I was given orders to watch Mihoshi and stay here.” “Ok then but we don’t have any more rooms in this house. Wait I have idea you can use the guest futon to sleep on. You can sleep in my room.” Come on lines that never made it... (Turns to Afura.) Hey! Watch it! “That’s nice.” “Why don’t you join us for dinner.’ “Ok,” said Henrii Everybody sat down at the table. Tenchi sat between Ayeka and Ryoko as usual. Yosho arrived and sat at the head of the table. Henrii sat between Sasami and Washu and Mihoshi sat at the end of the table. “So you are our newest guest to our house,” said Yosho. “Yes my name is Commander Henrii Lok of the Elite Forces of the GP but you can call me Henrii, sir” “I know you I seen you around in headquarters before,” said Mihoshi happily. (Imitates Mihoshi) You're that guy everyone says is so full of himself! “I have seen you around too and heard many "interesting stories" about your missions,” replied Henrii. (Moans and begins to come around.) Wha....wha... (Leans over and whispers to him.) Damndest thing I ever saw. Makoto Mizuhara just jumped out of nowhere and clocked you! Said something about taking over El Hazard. I KNEW IT! THAT LITTLE BASTARD!! “So Henrii why don’t you tell us how you became a Elite Force for the GP,” said Yosho “Ok where do I begin. Well first I’m 17 years old and single. And desperate... And arrogant... And egotistical... And ugly... And I've got this rash... I don’t know my past exactly but I just remember what they told me when I asked them long time ago. Mihoshi’s grandfather needed a group of people that would win wars and battles against super villains in the galaxy. "Super Villains," Must be a technical term. (Nods) Like, "Bad Guy," or "Sexual Predator." (Rest of cast looks at him. Davner looks from side to side.) What!? Huh?! What!? He chose the top creature or person to join in the group. I was told that I was born here on earth but I have no idea where. I was taken away from my family when I was about one to start my training. The only training he'd be doing at that age is potty training. Didn't Kagato start your training.... (Cavis whaps Davner with the mallet.) (whispering to Davner) Are you some sort of idiot?! She's senstitive on the "K" subject. (whispering back) Why would she be senstitive about K`thardin? (shakes head in disgust) Nevermind. I became the top student and right now I rank 2000 of the best scientist in the galaxy. I made many of my classmates jealous because I better then them. (Imitates Lok.) But I don't rub it in. My first mission when I was to arrest Kagto but that failed because he was able to trick me into a trap. Now that's just wrong. Kagato never would've wasted time trapping the Galaxy Police. You know Ryoko, with your knowledge of taking on an entire empire by yourself you could be a great asset in my plan to take over Roshtaria. And what exactly makes you think I'd ever work for you? Well... um... I could talk this Tenchi guy into actually marrying you. And you actually believe I'm going to fall for that? Ryoko dear, you're talking to the guy who's convinced he's the rightful ruler of everything he sees and blames Makoto Mizuhara for everything from El Nino to country music. Alright you air tramp are you trying to say something about me?! (Afura blasts Jinnai into the wall.) Thanks. Don't mention it. I able to escape but lost some of my teammates. (Imitates Lok.) Perhaps I shouldn't have run away with the only ship.... After a few years I was reached the top and almost near to Mihoshi’s grandfather rank,” said Henrii in a quick way. Oh I'm sure in a universe where people can live to be over ten thousand years old it just takes a few years to reach around the rank of Marhshall. He must've had.... If you finish that thought, you're going to be visiting the wall again. *silence* “I’m 17 too,” said Tenchi. (Imitates Tenchi.) I'm in the school band. “Hey that’s very interesting,” replied Henrii “Oh, how is my grandfather doing, Henrii!” asked Mihoshi. (immitating Henrii) Well he has this serious gas problem, and a lot of people are beginning to say he smells funny. “Well the last time I saw I’m he was reading a manga but he is doing good.” “So you are an elite force of the GP?” asked Ayeka Isn't *anyone* paying attention!? “Correct Princess Ayeka,” said Henrii “I never heard of the Elite Force of the GP and how come I wasn’t informed about it.. Wait a second how do you know I’m a Princess!” cried Ayeka “Well I can read people’s minds if I wanted to and I know that you are a princess because you are on this Juri bill,” said Henrii. As he punch some buttons on his watch, and his whole armor disappear and Henrii was in his white T-shirt and a blue shiny shorts. BICYCLE SHORTS!! AHHHHH!! (Cast throws their hands in front of their eyes to block out the image.) He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Juri bill. “Here you go Tenchi look at Ayeka’s picture on this Juri bill,” said Henrii Ryoko look over Tenchi’s shoulder and laugh like a mad man. Ayeka started to get upset and started to turn red as lava. “Ah ha ha ha ha you look like a frog that was been beaten by a stick!” Ryoko laughing, “Why you flat monster you dare laugh at me!” Ayeka with a vein popping out of her forehead. FLAT?!?!?! (undoes top and sticks out breasts) Ok sister these are in the D area alright! You're just barely breaking into the Bs! (faints) Maybe she's refering to Tenchi Forever Ryoko? (shudders) Don't remind me of that. (buttons up top again) (gets up off floor) I think I just saw heaven. But when Meg finds out, you'll see hell... “Who are you calling flat you paved road!” replied Ryoko, “How dare you!” said Ayeka “There they go again,” everybody said except Henrii. As another wall was blown off from their battle. Everybody was on their backs except for Yosho who took a slip of tea and got up and left for the shine. Henrii opened his eyes felt something soft on his hand. He turned around and saw that his right hand was on Washu’s chest. Washu stared at him with her green eyes angrily. Okay, now I'm torn. On one hand, this guy's a jerk. On the other hand, he just felt up Washu. Now that's got to be worth *some* respect. No. Henrii immediately got up and said “I’m so sorry Little Washu, so sorry,” “Would you quit squeezing me,” Washu replied. PEDO!! “Oh yes sorry I’m very sorry. It won’t happen again I promise,” said Henrii blushed from that comment. “Look what you did Ryoko you hurt Tenchi!” cried Ayeka as she ran to aid Tenchi. DID NOT!!! “I wasn’t the person who summoned those little toothpicks,” replied Ryoko. You tell her!! Henrii got up and helps Sasami and Mihoshi up and said to Sasami “Your sister Ayeka is in love with Tenchi, right?” “Yeah did you read her mind or something Henrii?” “No just the way she acts around Tenchi.” Tenchi got up and looked around the house the damage that the girls made. “Just great, another wall the repair,” said Tenchi. “Are you ok Lord Tenchi?” asked Ayeka. “I’m fine Ayeka, is Ryoko ok too,” said Tenchi. “I’m ok Tenchi dear,” as Ryoko pushed away Ayeka, grab Tenchi’s arm and smiled at him. “Hey what do you think you are doing you hard-featured demon,” cried out Ayeka. "Hard featured?" A year of practice and that's the best she can do? NO NEED FOR SUPERPOWERS All of a sudden they disappeared. Everybody looked around to see what happened and saw that Henrii was in full armor and his fingers where pointing to the place where Ayeka and Ryoko were. Oh my God....he atomized them.... YES!! I... (Turns to Jinnai.) Go ahead. Finish it. I *dare* you! Er....nevermind. Tenchi came up to him and said. “What did do to them Henrii!” Said Tenchi. Henrii places his hand down and punched some buttons on his watch and his armor was removed from him. “Well Tenchi, I moved them outside to fight,” replied Henrii. All of a sudden a big splash was heard and everyone went to see what happened. Sasami opened the door and everybody saw Ayeka and Ryoko in the lake. “How did you do that Henrii?” asked Sasami. (Imitates Sasami.) I want to atomize people too! “Well it’s my battle armor it has special powers. When I’m in my battle armor I can fly, teleport or teleport objects, go through walls, and cloak.” “What is cloak? Henrii,” asked Sasami. “Well Sasami I can disappear and you won’t able to see me but I will still be there.” “Oh hehehe,” smiled Sasami. “Hey Henrii you have superpowers?” said Mihoshi. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, PEOPLE!!!! PAY ATTENTION!!!!! (Ryoko stands up in annoyed rage.) (Stand up and try to calm her down.) Come on Ryoko! Settle down. PAY ATTENTION, DAMMIT!!! PAY ATTENTION!!! “Only four superpower. One is my ability to make people talk whatever I say, I can read people’s minds if I wanted to, move objects, and my intelligence,” said Henrii as he turned to Washu and found out that she was giving him the cold shoulder. (Imitates Alec Guiness.) Use the force, Lok... “Oh but what’s with teleportation and flying?” Tenchi said. “That’s my improvement on my battle armor. I already told this to Sasami. And if anyone in this fic ever bothered to pay attention to anything, we wouldn't have to repeat it EVERY FIFTEEN SECONDS!!! That’s why so many of my teammates are jealous of me.” Answered Henrii. As Ayeka and Ryoko got out of the lake and they stared at each other with anger. “Look what you did Ryoko you got me all wet!” screamed Ayeka. Did not! “It wasn’t me, honest!” replied Ryoko. “You are lying to me you monster!” said Ayeka AM NOT!! (She glomps Cavis.) You see?! You see how mean they are to me!? Oh....hold me! (Begins shaking.) Please...let...me...go. “Just shut up you up tight princess!’ answered Ryoko “You are so lame!” said Ayeka "Lame?!" The author ran out of good insults *this fast*?! “I’m not as lame as you are!” said Ryoko Ooooh....Good comeback. (Turns to Afura angrily.) Shut it! “Oh yeah!” said Ayeka “Yeah!” Ryoko. Yeah?! Yeah! Yeah?! Yeah! They both grab their wet shoulders and started to wrestle and both of them fell into the lake. Everybody had a big sweat coming from their heads. “Oh dear, they fell in the water again,” said Mihoshi. “Follow me Henrii I will show you where will you sleep tonight,” said Tenchi (Imitates Tenchi.) *My* room. (Hums porno music.) Hey! Leave Tenchi alone! It's not like that at all! You *hope so* anyway.... No! It can't be! Tenchi can't be....gay... Oh, puh-lease! It's so obvious! (Blasts Jinnai into the far wall.) Tenchi and Henrii went back inside and Mihoshi, Washu, and Sasami was watching Ayeka and Ryoko wrestling in the lake. “Oh no,” said Washu as she covered Sasmi’s eyes. Finally! Some les action! (Blasts Davner into a wall.) “I think we should get them out before they get cold,” said Mihoshi. Tenchi and Henrii were in Tenchi’s room. Tenchi saw him all his CDs, movies tapes, and mangas he owned. “You seem to be a regular teenaged boy on earth,” said Henrii As opposed to the abnormal jerk we all know him to be. “No not actually because a regular teenaged boy because I’m the heir to Juri throne.” (Sits back down in his chair.) Take that, Elite GP Commander boy! “You sounded sad, why is that.” (Immitating Tenchi) Because I can't get it up enough to sleep with Ryoko. I'm sorry Ryoko, but that just isn't in character for Tenchi. I gotta go with Davner on this one. (starts tracing a finger over Cavis's chest) I know you're man enough for it though aren't you Cavis? (whispering to Afura) I give him about another minute or so until he breaks. (whispering back to Davner) I'd say thirty seconds. As Henrii was browsing though the mangas (immitating Henrii) Now where's that Pikachu and Misty hentai comic I put over here. With such a comic I could disgust all of Roshtaria into submitting to me! Oh no! I think he's actually found something that might allow him to conquer El Hazard this time too! (laughs annoyingly) “I like it here. I don’t want that many responsibility as the King of Juri.” (immitates Tenchi with a Tarzan voice.) Me Tenchi! You Ryoko! Go bed now! (imitates Ryoko) Oh Tenchi! Much brave! Ravish Ryoko now! (imitates Davner) Me Davner! You Afura! Ravish Davner now! (blasts Davner into the wall) “Oh, you seem to have fun like real fun. Like playing games or talking to Ayeka or Ryoko. Most of my time I spent my 17 years creating something in a lab or blowing something up.” In many cases both at the same time! “Henrii you will sleep on the floor tonight ok.” “Its fine with me.” (immitates Tenchi) And you won't get back into the bed with me again until you learn to stop snoring! “I will get the guest futon,” just as Tenchi was to open his door Mihoshi and Sasami was holding the guest futon. “Thank you Mihoshi and Sasami you saved a lot of time for me.” “Here you go,” both of them said just before Tenchi took the futon and closed the door. (Imitates Tenchi.) He's mine! You can't have him! Tenchi unfolded the futon and placed it on the floor. “Here you go Henrii,” said Tenchi “Boy I’m tired I’m going to bed early,” yawned Henrii. “Same here too, boy what a day huh Henrii” said Tenchi. (as Jerry Springer) And what did we learn today folks? That everyone in the Masaki household can't seem to pay attention to anything? That you should just say no to self insertion? That there are many possible methods of conquering El Hazard that I haven't considered yet? That Jinnai has a completely one track mind? “Yep,” said Henrii Henrii jumps into the futon and feel asleep. Tenchi went to up to his wall and closed the lights and jumped into his bed and covered himself with his blanket. (immitates Tenchi) Oh man I forgot to clean the sheets after last night! And we know who gave him those wet dreams. *snickers* Aeka? (blasts Davner into the wall again) End of Part I HOORAY!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My first fanfic. You don't say.... Hope you guys who read it like it, there are more to come. I believe he's already up to chapter ten. Oh my god are you saying there is going to be over ten chapters of this stuff? 'Fraid so. I have a sudden new appreciation of Miz and Shayla right now... Any comments, questions, or corrections please sent an e-mail to hlok@hotmail.com (Begins writing the address on their palms.) thank you. (Cavis, Davner, and Afura are standing together in the main room. Davner and Afura are sitting at the table, while Cavis is pacing back and forth). So what's the deal here anyways? I have no idea. Washu just called and talked to Ryoko privately, then told me to get the rest of us to wait up here. So where the hell is Jinnai? Most likely scouting the place looking for some useful thing in his "glorious quest to defeat the evil Makoto Mizuhara and conquer all that is rightfully his." Alright kiddies I'm going to tell you what this is all about now. Well it's about time. You see... I installed a little device onto the satelite up there as punishment to fan fic authors who create extremely annoying characters. (gulp) Don't worry I actually like you two... somewhat. Anyways, Ryoko should have our first victim right now. Why don't you head down the left corridor and meet her there. (The group follows Washu's instructions, and enters a room where Ryoko is standing with a man tied up.) Why you doing this to Henrii? Just shut up would ya! (looking at Henrii) What the hell is he doing here? Why don't you tell us all "mom." What's he doing here. It's simple little Ryoko. I have devised a hideously evil fate for Henrii here and his like. Behold! (Washu presses a key on her astral keyboard and a curtain drops in the room on the station revealing...) (Look of horror in her face) No! That's too cruel! (Same look at Ryoko) It... it... can't be. (Same... ok just everyone had looks of horror got it people?) That's hideous... that's insidious... It's beyond all descriptions of cruelty... (Cackles evilly) It is brilliant! It's Haruna's tree! (A vague soft sound comes from the tree) Love me... feel bad for me... don't you feel bad for me... (Cavis and Davner run out of the room screaming) (Watches as the two males run for their lives) Well... I don't quite blame them. Wish me run with guys too. So Washu, you're planning... Exactly, Afura! I'm planning for you girls to send our friend Henrii here to visit the ol' tree whore for the crime of being extremely annoying beyond belief! I no annoying! Would shove it! Oh hi Henrii! Would you tell me if you have super powers? Henrii have super powers! Oh this isn't starting again. (Ryoko grabs Henrii and throws him into the tree.) So what exactly will she... (Afura looks into the tree) Whew it didn't take her long to get started with that one. (Ryoko and Afura leave the room as the sounds of Henrii's... agony... can be heard coming out of the tree.) (Cavis and Ryoko are standing in the now lit theatre alone.) What?! Ain't I pretty enough? No, of course not! You're my favorite anibabe of all time! So what is it?! Huh?! If I were *really* your favorite, you'd kiss me! It's not that simple! (Dejected) Fine. How about a hug then, huh? Sure. (Leans over and hugs Ryoko. Suddenly, Ryoko grabs him and kisses him. She holds a camera out at arm's length, points it at them, and takes a picture.) (Breaks away from Cavis and holds up the camera.) Well, that should do it! Thanks! YOU TRICKED ME!! (Nods.) Well, I guess Washu will start sending us back soon. I'm sure Afura will appreciate that. (Sighs in defeat.) Where *is* Afura anyway? (Blinks) Oh God! Where's Davner!? (Standing with Davner on the command deck.) Um...Davner... I'm flattered. Really, I am, but don't you.... Come now, Afura. Are you telling me you don't feel the spark? Er....well.... I know what it's been like for you. (Moves closer and slowly embraces her.) Isolated from the others by your genius. No one to talk to, to have an intelligent conversation with. No one to treat you like the beautiful woman you are. Um...That is....(Turns red in embarassment.) Every beautiful woman should be kissed at least once.... (He leans down and kisses her. Suddenly, Ayeka's face appears on the viewscreen.) Oh, Davner! I'm so proud of you to.......(Sees Davner and Afura.) AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Breaks away from a flustered Afura.) AYEKA!! It's...uh.. not what you think!! Oh really?! You mean to say you weren't just ramming your tongue down that wind hussie's throat!!?? HEY!! Well....okay....*That* part may be what you think.... I can't believe you!! Fine!! You can stay up there forever for all I care! I hope the two of you are happy up there!! (Begins pressing buttons on her terminal in Washu's lab.) Ayeka.....Sweetie......Darl'n......Buttercup.....What are you doing? (From off camera) STOP HER QUICK!!! (Satellite lurches to one side as Washu and Mihoshi grab Ayeka and try to stop her. Davner and Afura fall to the floor.) (Enters the command deck with Ryoko and Jinnai in tow.) Davner! Don't you dare tell me you screwed this up for me!! Cav, I can explain! (Alarm claxons sound all over the satellite.) Save it! We've got bigger problems! (Cast cries out as the satellite lurches again.) (Grabs Davner by the front of his jacket.) DON'T JUST STAND THERE! DO SOMETHING! *REASON* WITH HER! (Calmly removes Cavis' hands from his jacket.) If this was OAV Ayeka, I'd say that reason might work. But this is *TV* Ayeka we're dealing with, and there's no negotiating with TV Ayeka. (Satellite lurches again.) Two hours later... Well, the bad news is that the computer is fried. We can't bring any of you back. WHAT?! But the good news is that we can still send you fics! So you won't be bored. .....yea.... No, you see, this can't happen! I have things to do! Books to read! (Pushes Afura aside and glares at Washu.) Hey! What about me!? I have a date with Tenchi! You promised remember!? Actually Ryoko...you see...I forgot to specify. Ayeka said TV Ryoko could have Tenchi. WHAT?! But she already gave TV Ryoko *TV Tenchi*! Mmm hmmm. Better luck next time, Ryoko. *MOM*, when I get my hands on you, it's gonna take you half the month to die! Smooth, Ryoko. Give her an incentive to leave us here, why don't ya? STUFF IT, DAVNER!! Okay! That's enough. Look, we've got one escape pod to send one person back. We have to decide who gets it. ME!! (Tugs on Cavis' sleeve and points out the window.) Is that it? (Looks out the window and sees the escape pod hurtling towards Earth.) WHAT?! Who!? (Jinnai's face appears on another screen.) (Laughs.) YES! ONCE AGAIN, LORD GOD JINNAI PREVAILS! (Holds up a copy of "Tenchi Muyo in Life.") I NOW HAVE THE MEANS TO CONQUER ALL OF EL HAZARD. (Laughs.) Um...Cav....are we screwed yet? (Nods.) I guess we'll just have to stay up here until Washu can get us down. NO!! Good news for you, Davner. Ayeka says she'll take you back if you can keep your hands off Afura until I get you down. (Eyes go wide.) But that could take months! (Grins) Hehe. (Breaks down crying.) And so another man is crushed by the Ayeka juggernaut. So now what do we do? I guess we stay up here. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, here comes your next fic! (Begins weeping uncontrollably.) GET US DOWN!!!!! End Notes: We had so much fun writing this, we intend to write more. Until then, send any C&C to: Cav cav@wpi.edu and Thomas "009" Doscher doscher009@hotmail.com Thanks for reading.