The story arc Needful Things and all its sequels belong to 
a series called The Odd Man Out.  All current parts can be found 
at http://members.tripod.com/ballisticsausage/index.html




	Needful Things chapter two: Desperate Measures.

	A Tenchi Muyo TV series lemon comedy by Ragun P. Moody.  
	Email the author at kichigai@tds.net with any comments.
	All characters and situations copyright their creators, 
Hiroki Hayashi and Masaki Kajishima, and AiC and Pioneer and are 
used without permission.  This is a nonprofit work only.





	"He doesn't have any other girlfriends."

	"No, that time I followed him all day, he barely said 
'hello' to any other girls."

	"Despite your opinion, he's not an alpha male.  He's just 
not the man's man type."

	"More like a woman's man."

	"Yes, that certainly seems obvious.  What is it about him 
that attracts...  Ah, yes.  I remember now."

	"I thought you might.  Even Kiyone an' Mihoshi are 
attracted to Tenchi."

	"Yeah, and having to compete with your own sister hardly 
makes the chase fun."  *sigh*

	"I've seen the looks Sasami gives him when she thinks none 
of us are watching.  I love her to death, but when it comes down 
to it..."  The unspoken threat hung in the air.

	"Yes, well, she's too young to worry about.  Tenchi is a 
true gentleman, and he treats Sasami like his own sister."

	"True.  Unless, you don't think... ?"

	"Never!  I would know if Tenchi had any feelings like that 
towards my sister.  There was that time in the bath, you know."

	"I know, I know, I just can't help but be suspicious.  Love 
makes us funny.  _Why_, just tell me why he won't respond to my 
advances?  And no cracks about him not wanting someone like me.  
Let's be serious, here."

	"The thought hadn't crossed my mind.  Really."

	"Un, hunh."

	"Maybe he is only attracted to earth girls?"

	"In case you hadn't noticed, we both look like earth girls.  
Better, even.  And you dress enough like these simpering little 
housewives that I find it hard to believe he could tell the 
difference."

	"So that thought is out.  And we've both played hard to 
get.  If anything he was relieved."

	"That was nasty.  One of your worst ideas yet."

	"Like your 'space slut from hell' tactic was doing any 
better."

	"Well, that's it, I guess."

	"What?"

	"He must be gay."

	"It would explain much...  But let's not be hasty here.  
Surely there is some explanation, some way we can win Tenchi's 
love."

	"How?  We've already went through the book four times!  
It's three in the morning, I'm tired, you look like hell, and 
we're still no closer to our goal!"

	"I don't know about _you_, but I refuse to give up.  I will 
go through this book again and again, and if I still don't find 
the answer, I will look elsewhere!"

	*sigh*  "Never say that a princess has more dedication than 
a pirate.  Gimme that thing."


				****************


	Kiyone awoke to her alarm clock far, far too early in the 
morning.  She shifted slowly, stiff and sore from her night in 
the chair.  One questing hand grabbed the clock off the floor and 
brought it to her bleary eyes.  She read the time, groaned, and 
switched the alarm off before dropping it to the floor and 
closing her eyes again.  It would take her a few minutes to 
marshal the strength necessary to simply move, much less make it 
through the day.

	Less than a minute later, her hand once again flicked the 
switch, turning the alarm clock off.

	One eye popped open.  The alarm was still going.  

	"Oh, no..." she groaned, identifying the buzz this time.  
"Not now, not this."  She covered her head with her pillow and 
turned.

	Finally, a sense of urgency spurred her on, and she rose to 
get ready.  

	"Mihoshi!  We've got to get to work!" she yelled, banging 
on the door.

	"In a minute!" came the cheerful reply.  "I'm almost 
finished!"

	"Damn it, Mihoshi!" Kiyone growled.  "Quit spanking your 
cabbit and get out here!  We're going to be late!"

	Kiyone would curse the day Mihoshi got that damned thing. 

	Often.


				****************


	"Alright.  What do we know about Tenchi's mother?" Ryoko 
asked, leaning her head back against the edge of the luxurious 
furo Washu had created for the women of the house. 

	They had both fallen asleep at the table where they had sat 
at the entire previous night, and now they were cleaning up after 
they had finally awoken around lunchtime.

	Ayeka held up one finger.  "Well, for one, she's no longer 
with us.  She died when he was very young."

	"Yeah," she said, nodding.

	"Two," Ayeka continued, "He's very fond of his memories of 
her, and misses her dearly."

	Ryoko nodded again.

	"Three, she took care of her family first and even helped 
at the shrine.  She was an excellent cook and kept the house 
spotless."

	"Old news there," Ryoko replied.

	"Four, she liked to do housework in the nude."

	Ryoko started to nod, then sat up spluttering.  "Do 
_what_?"

	Ayeka glanced over at her in surprise.  "What, you mean you 
didn't see that photo album Mr. Masaki had in his hentai manga 
collection?  Only he knows why he put it there, but there it was.  
I flipped through to see what it was, and there, in an eight by 
ten on the first page, nicely bordered I might add, he apparently 
liked it, was a picture of Tenchi's mom posing with the vacuum in 
the living room, and Tenchi was riding on it, also naked."

	"Tenchi?!  Naked?" Ryoko asked excitedly, skipping straight 
to the important bits.

	"Oh, do calm down," Ayeka said peevishly.  "He was only 
about two at the time."

	Ryoko was visibly disappointed.  "Oh, well, why didn't you 
say so in the first place?"

	Ayeka sighed.  

	"Anyway," Ryoko began, "We've got a lead here!  The book 
talks about odepial complexes getting started early, and we've 
got photo evidence that Tenchi watched his mom run around nude 
when he was young.  Maybe, after her death, he subconsciously 
searched for another mother, or someone who acted like his own, 
and isn't showing any interest in either of us because neither of 
us is anything like his mother!"

	Ayeka raised one eyebrow dubiously, but Ryoko continued 
speaking.

	"So in order for us to really attract his attention, we 
need to project a strong motherly attitude.  Make sure he eats 
his vegetables, doesn't run with sissors, cleans his room-"

	"And I suppose you're going to start cooking, too?  After 
what happened last time?  I'm sure he'll really make the 
connection between you and his mother then.  I'm sure his mother 
regularly set the kitchen on fire."

	"Umm...  I'll help Sasami.  Besides, there's always 
housework."

	Ayeka laughed.  "You're going to vacuum in the nude?"

	She nodded.  "Sure, why not?"

	Ayeka laughed again, and held up her hand.  "Well, for 
one," she said, ticking off a finger, "it would be very 
improper."  She ticked off another finger.  "Two, it would be 
awfully shocking to everyone else.  Including, I might add, his 
father and grandfather.  And lastly, you'd just embarrass him."

	Ryoko looked away, rethinking her plans.  "Well, I'd just 
be sort of naked."

	"Sort of naked?" she repeated questioningly.  "How can 
you just be sort of naked?"   

	"I'd wear, you know, _some_ clothes.  Just a few.  Maybe a 
cut down maid outfit."

	"Hah!" she laughed, pointed an accusing finger at the 
pirate.  "The last time you were in a maid's uniform you did 
nothing but sleep.  I doubt this time would be any different."

	"Hmmph.  I guess you're planning on overseeing every little 
thing I do to make sure it conforms to whatever ideas you have of 
cleanliness, oh Princess?" Ryoko retorted.

	Ayeka turned her nose up.  "Well, at least this way we'll 
actually get some help out of you around the house, even if it 
takes watching you prance around half-naked to do it.  I, on the 
other hand, will try a more conservative approach."

	"Like?" her rival asked.

	"I," replied the princess, pointing to herself, "will dress 
much as his mother did when she wasn't posing for a family 
portrait and be as attentive as only a mother, or a wife, can."

	"Deal," Ryoko replied.  "Between the two of us we should be 
able to nail this.  I'll be the naughty mommy and you can be the 
proper mommy."  She held out her hand to seal the deal.

	"Good," Ayeka said, accepting the hand.  "One of us is 
bound to succeed."

	Of course, each of them was certain that she would be the 
one.
	

				****************


	The next night, they reconvened over the book to scratch 
off yet another possible explaination.

	"That's not it."

	"Nope.  Not it."

	They sat in silence, stareing at nothing in particular as 
they considered their various failures.

	It hadn't been a success.  It hadn't been a disaster, which 
was rather more to be expected, but it hadn't been a success.  It 
hadn't really been anything at all.

	They had given it two nights and a morning, all the time 
Tenchi had been there, and had shown remarkable restraint.  Ayeka 
was both busy around the house and completely attentative, yet 
had avoided being clingy.  Ryoko, too, had been busy with 
housework, yet took the time to subtly bend over and display 
various portions of her anatomy in Tenchi's general direction, 
all without being blatant about it.

	Tenchi hadn't even noticed, other than to compliment Sasami 
for another wonderful meal.  He hadn't even seemed to notice that 
they had helped out more than usual, and the second night he had 
pleaded exhaustion and gone to bed early.  

	Thus they ended up sitting around the table with the guide 
to men between them, unopened.

	"You know..." Ryoko began, then stopped.

	"No, what?" Ayeka asked, looking at her rival.	

	"It's almost like he's taking us for granted," she 
finished.

	"Yes," Ayeka replied, frowning.

	They sat in silence for a few more moments, thinking dire 
thoughts about men who didn't pay enough attention to the women 
in their lives.

	"Things are getting desperate.  There's only one short step 
between being treated like furniture and being completely 
forgotten."

	"So what are we to do?" Ayeka said suddenly.  "We're 
losing.  Tenchi isn't interested.  I don't know why, but he's not 
interested!"  She hit the book with one fist, a rare display of 
anger not directed at her rival.  Even Ryoko seemed surprised.  

	"Well, what if he is?" she ventured.

	Ayeka turned on her.  "Is what?" she asked testily.

	"Is gay."

	Ayeka's mouth opened, then closed with a snap.  "I...  
Don't know.  I suppose, at this point, that we must consider it a 
very real possibility.  What do you propose?"

	The pirate's face crinkled up, almost as if she had bit 
into something sour.  "I'm not sure."

	"Oh."  Ayeka picked up the book and started flipping 
through it randomly.

	"I do have an idea, though."

	Ayeka stopped paging through the book, although she didn't 
turn to look at Ryoko.

	Ryoko leaned forward, dropping her voice to a whisper.  "I 
saw it on television the other day.  This guy was trying to get 
this other guy to do something he didn't want to do, so he gave 
him a hypnotic suggestion."  

	This time Ayeka did turn around, with an expression of 
skepticism and incredulity on her face.  "Hypnosis?  Do you even 
realise how silly that sounds?  And besides, just how do you 
think you'd get him to sit still for it?"

	Ryoko shook her head.  "Not hypnosis, exactly.  We don't 
want him acting like a monkey or anything," she jabbed with a 
sudden grin, referring to a popular party trick among mixed 
species.  

	As it was usually aimed at Juraians, Ayeka bristled in 
indignation.

	Ryoko hastened to explain further.  "It was something he 
did while the other guy was asleep.  He made a recording of 
himself whispering what he wanted the other guy to do over and 
over again, then put it it a playback device and hid it under the 
other guy's bed.  It played all night without him knowing.  It's 
supposed to be true, you can even learn things in your sleep that 
way."

	"Either way, it's still a stupid idea," Ayeka said frankly.  
"Let me ask you this; on the TV, did it work?"

	Ryoko looked down at tapped her two index fingers together 
awkwardly.  "Sort of not exactly," she admitted finally.

	Ayeka threw up her hands and turned away.  "Well, there you 
go."

	"But it wasn't because it was a bad plan," she protested.  
"He got the tapes mixed up and the one that was actually in the 
playback machine was pop music.  But it's still a valid idea!  
The guy later won first place in a kareoke contest!  As long as 
we don't make a mistake like that we'll be fine."

	Ayeka sniffed, clearly disbelieving.

	"Look," she said, clearly exasperated.  "If you can come up 
with a better idea I'll be glad to hear it."

	"Err...  Um..."

	"Well, there you go," Ryoko said in a snide parody of 
Ayeka's earlier words.   "He's asleep now, so let's give it a 
shot."

	"Well, alright.  It can't hurt to try," Ayeka admitted.
		

				****************


	"How come I have to do it?"
	
	"Because," Ayeka replied in a whisper.  "It's your crazy 
idea, so you go."

	Ryoko grumbled a few moments, glancing around where they 
stood just outside Tenchi's bedroom door.  Then she shrugged and 
floated up a few inches off the ground before teleporting through 
the door.

	After all, 'Ryoko is nice, Ayeka is a bitch,' could be 
whispered into his ear just as well as anything else.

	Soundlessly, with practiced ease, Ryoko floated up to cover 
over Tenchi's bed, pausing to admire the way he curled up beneath 
the covers.

	Tenchi had indeed been very tired, and he now slept like a 
log.

	Actually, neither Azaka nor Kamidake slept, so perhaps that 
is a bad analogy.  Suffice to say, Tenchi slept like someone who 
was very tired, because he was.

	Ryoko leaned down putting her lips only inches away from 
his ear, and whispered, "Don't be gay, Tenchi.  Don't be gay."

	Tenchi stirred uneasily, and Ryoko was afraid he was going 
to wake up, but he simply rolled over, forcing her to use his 
other ear.  

	"Don't be gay...  Don't be gay..." she whispered, over and 
over again, until even Tenchi was beguiled by the soothing rhythm 
and started mumbling along in his sleep.

	"...be gay...  ...be gay..."

	Only not quite.

	"No!" Ryoko hissed, her voice rising as she wondered how 
she was going to explain this one.  "Don't be gay!"

	"...be gay..."

	"Don't be gay, Tenchi!  Don't!" Ryoko insisted.

	"Don't...  Don't..." 

	Ryoko wiped sweat from her forehead, relieved that he 
finally got the idea.

	"Don't, Tenchi, be gay..." he mumbled.

	"Well, damn."  Now was was she going to do?  Ah, an idea.  

	"You like girls...  you like girls...

	"...like girls...  ...like girls..."

	(Yes!) Ryoko exulted inwardly.  Now, time for a little 
gratuitous self plugging.  "Yes, you like girls...  You like 
Ryoko...  You like Ryoko..."

	Tenchi, as was his wont, got it mixed up.  Again.  "Don't 
like girls...  Ryoko, be gay..."

	Ryoko tore at her hair in frustration.  She just HAD to get 
greedy.  "Tenchi likes girls...  Tenchi likes girls..."  

	A few hundred repititions later, he obediently mumbled 
along, "Tenchi like girls...  Tenchi like girls..."

	Ah, well.  Close enough.  Ryoko teleported away.

	It was a good thing subliminal sleep messages don't work, 
or Tenchi might have been _really_ confused.

	
	Outside, Ayeka looked up from where she was nodding off 
against the wall as Ryoko touched down onto the floor with a soft 
thump.  "Did it work?" she asked, concern written on her face.

	"I dunno," Ryoko said, and shrugged.  "I don't know how to 
tell, either.

	Ayeka thoughtfully tapped her lip with a finger.  "Well, I 
do have an idea there..."

		
				****************


	Early in the morning, right on time, Tenchi woke to his 
alarm clock, lurched out of bed, and stumbled out the door and 
down the hall on his way to the bathroom.

	As he walked, he noticed Ryoko and Ayeka standing naked 
inside a room off the hall, the door standing wide open.

	"Good morning, Tenchi!" they chorused in harmony.

	"Good morning," he mumbled, not slowing down in the 
slightest.  

	A few moments later, the sound of the bathroom door opening 
and closing reached their ears.

	Ayeka punched Ryoko in the arm.  "It'll work just like on 
TV she says.  What could go wrong she says."

	Ryoko glared back and rubbed her arm.

	Their heads whipped back around to the door as they heard a 
door slam back in its frame and the sound of rapidly running 
footsteps.

	Tenchi screeched to a stop in the doorway, breathing 
heavily and looking inside the room at them.  He stared for about 
five seconds, then punched himself in the head.  He staggered 
back a few steps, apparently having overdone it a bit, then 
recovered and looked again. 

	Yep, still there, still naked, still with 'I love you, 
Tenchi!' written across each of their stomachs.

	He blinked.  "I am NOT dreaming."

	"No, you're not," Ayeka agreed, shifting uncomfortably.

	"Care to join us?" Ryoko offered, one eyebrow arched 
suggestively.

	And oddly enough, both of them had their eyes fixed on his 
boxer shorts, which stood out so proudly as they tended to do in 
the morning.

	THEN his nose started bleeding, THEN he got embarrassed, 
and THEN he ran for the bathroom.

	Ryoko punched Ayeka in the arm.  "Toldya it would work."

	Ayeka nodded and rubbed her arm.  "He did get a woody from 
looking at us, I must admit."  Here, the use of the term 'woody' 
was a direct translation of the Juraian slang term for an 
erection.  With a culture as tree-oriented as theirs, all of 
their slang, especially sexual slang, were tree references. 

	Ryoko turned and looked at Ayeka.

	Ayeka looked at Ryoko.

	And they both broke out into an impromptu dance number, 
naked, in the bedroom.


				****************	


	Later that day, while Tenchi was at school, Nobuyuki was at 
work, Sasami was reading a manga outside, and Ayeka and Ryoko 
were arguing at the table over an open book, a door under the 
stairs opened silently, and out stepped the cutest, and the 
greatest, scientific mind in the universe. 
 
	It was housed in a child-like body with long, bright red 
hair, a body that was currently munching absentmindedly on some 
Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a box she carried around with her.

	Of _course_ she could see why they were so great.  She 
wasn't called the greatest scientific genius in the universe for 
nothing.  

	"Hello!  Is anyone home?" called Washu, discarding the now 
empty box in a wastebasket as she wandered the house in search of 
companionship.  

	Arguing voices drew her attention as she neared the living 
room, and she quickly walked that way.

	Inside, Ryoko and Ayeka sat on opposite sides of a low 
table, sitting on the edge of their seats as they leaned forward 
to argue some specific point.

	"Hiya!" Washu chirped brightly.  "What are you two doing?"

	They jumped, startled.  

	"Oh, Washu...chan!" Ayeka began, nearly forgetting but 
rallying in the middle to avoid annoying her housemate.  "How 
have you been?"

	Washu smiled happily and plopped down beside her.  "Good, 
good, and I'm glad to see you haven't forgotten me."

	"Amazing isn't it?" Ryoko commented, giving her a sideways 
look.  "But we had a betting pool going, I had my money on 'blew 
up in experiment gone wrong.'"

	Washu frowned.  "And you, Ayeka?"

	"'Accidentally transported to another galaxy,'" admitted 
the princess shamefacedly.

	"Hmph.  Like a genius like be could be done in by something 
so simple.  So, what has been going on around here?"  She leaned 
forward to see the book better.

	"Umm, we had a little get together, but your door was 
locked and we couldn't get you," Ayeka replied.

	"That was to keep the bubble-head out," she replied, 
picking up the book and flipping through it rapidly.

	"Sasami is outside, I think, Tenchi has gone to school, 
and-"

	"You two are trying to seduce him, but you're not having 
any success."

	"Bingo," replied Ryoko.

	"A simple deduction.  What all have you tried?"

	"Everything but getting him drunk or using an aphrodisiac."  
Ayeka sighed.  

	"And that was only because we didn't want to resort to 
chemicals.  That's not love," Ryoko explained.

	"It's starting to look better, though."

	Ryoko nodded.

	"Let me get this straight," Washu began.  "You're going 
through all these different methods, trying to win Tenchi's 
love?"

	They nodded.  

	"It would help if we knew what personality type he was." 
Ayeka supplied.  "Then we would know what tactic to use."

	Washu threw down the book and up her hands.  "Great Seldon!  
You haven't figured it out yet?  Ah!  I'm going to find Sasami, 
and maybe some intelligent conversation."  She stood to leave.

	"Wait!" Ayeka said, grabbing at her shirt.

	"You mean you know the secret?" Ryoko asked, leaning 
forward eagerly.

	Washu nodded disdainfully.  "Of course.  I've _known_ it."

	"Tell us!  Please!"

	She shook her head.  "I'll be back in a few hours to see if 
you've got it.  I'll give you a hint: It's not in the book."


				****************


	True to her word, several hours later she returned to find 
them in much the same positions.  Happy, fed a nice, fresh meal, 
and her loneliness assuaged for a while, Washu once again settled 
down a little ways away from the two girls.

	"Well?" she asked smugly.  "Figured it out yet?"

	They wordlessly shook their heads.

	"I thought not."  She sighed.  "Fools.  Great, ignorant, 
_blind_, lovesick fools."

	They started to get indignant.  

	"Look, not everyone can be a great scientific genius like 
you!" Ryoko protested angrily.

	"Yeah!" Ayeka seconded.

	Washu preened under the appellation, then turned to them 
seriously.  "Still, anyone could have figured it out by now.  But 
since you're determined to act like little schoolgirls, I'll tell 
you."

	"Yes?" they asked, leaning forward in anticipation.

	"He already loves you.  _Both_ of you."  She carefully 
omitted the rest of the list.  Best not to confuse the two any 
more than they already were.

	They hit the floor.

	"What?!  He loves me?  And her?" they both said, turning to 
point at each other.

	"Yep.  You've both been so busy trying to win him before 
the other that you simply haven't noticed.  Well, I have.  I've 
been around, I've seen the looks he gives you.  And I do mean 
both of you."  Washu ran her hand through her hair, thinking of 
her experiment in progress.

	"But why hasn't he said something?"

	"Yeah, why not?  He's got to know I'm in love with him," 
Ryoko added.

	Washu shrugged.  "He's probably seen you fighting each 
other so much he's scared to, especially if it seems he likes one 
of you more than the other.  Oh, and in case you're wondering, I 
found his personality type in that book you two seemed to have so 
much faith in.  It's under 'weenie'.  You probably skipped it 
over because 'the man you love couldn't be a weenie!'."

	"How can you be so sure he loves us?" Ryoko challenged.  
"You spend all your time in your lab, you can't be everywhere."

	Washu shrugged.  "Ask him if you don't believe me.  I mean 
it, go right up to him and ask.  I want the money from the 
betting pool if I'm right.  Until then, I've been away from my 
experiment too long."  She left them still staring in shock.


	Weenie- as described by 'Secrets of Seduction volume one.'    

	Weenie- Any of many personality types that have absolutely 
no spine, at least with the opposite sex.  These are frequently 
the hardest to figure out, as they manifest in so many different 
ways.  

	The most common is the 'recluse', a type characterized by 
their seclusion and complete lack of social skills.  This 
translates to shyness and avoidance of conversation, which can be 
very frustrating when trying to start one.

	Another common type is the 'weak-willed.'  This sub-group 
is truly pathetic, bowing to anyone at any time, male or female.  
Some few are actually normal when among members of their 
own species, but around women will fold under the slightest hint 
of disapproval.  (See Mother complexes.)

	Somewhat rarer are the 'manly-weenies', completely 
confident, boastful, aggressive to the extreme around men, and 
always avoiding the issue with women.  These may even try to make 
up for their lack of confidence with the opposite sex by 
womanizing, or even abusing those who do not do their bidding.  
USE EXTREME CAUTION.

	Lastly, there are those who do not seem to fit any mold.  
They can be brave, calm, nervous, frightened, suave, almost any 
type in the book, but will not make the move in any relationship.  
These are hard to spot, but may actually be the most common.  
Only extreme dedication can break through to them, and most women 
give up at what they perceive as disinterest or possible 
homosexuality.  

	With all weenies, it depends on the woman.  Some will 
respond well to non-threatening actions, but this makes for a 
very slow, if a quietly passionate, relationship.  Others must 
be led hand and foot, ideal for dominant women.  If a situation 
can be found where the weenie is forced to rely only on himself 
with others at stake, most weenies will finally come into their 
own.  (See Reluctant heroes.)  Unfortunately, situations like 
these are incredibly hard to come by or arrange.  It is suggested 
that when dealing with weenies, be direct.  Don't let him beat 
around the bush.


	"Oh," Ryoko said.

	"Well then," Ayeka added.

	Something occurred to Ryoko, and she immediately started 
flipping through the book until she came upon something she had 
noted in passing.  With a quiet 'Ah hah,' she jabbed her finger 
at it and passed the book over to Ayeka.

	The princess accepted it, then violently pushed it away, 
blushing bright red.  "A threesome!" she exclaimed indignantly.  
"Ryoko, you pervert!"

	Ryoko knocked her on the forehead with one knuckle.  "Knock 
it off and read what it says, idiot!"

	Ayeka reluctantly did as she was bade, absobing all the 
available information about men and their favorite sexual fantasy 
(according to a survey of 5616 men), which involved themselves 
and two women.  At the end of it, she frowned.

	"A possible explaination, no?" Ryoko ventured.

	Ayeka slammed the book closed.  "He's holding out because 
he wants us both, that little..."

	Ryoko shook her head.  "While I don't doubt that he wants 
us both, especially now that Washu has-"

	A distant yell of "-CHAN!" reached their ears.

	"...Chan has confirmed it, do you honestly think Tenchi is 
the type of man to do something like that?" she finished, looking 
at her rival expectantly.

	Ayeka sighed.  "No, no, of course not.  But still, why 
hasn't he made a move?  Some indication?"

	"He does seem rather reluctant to make the first move, or 
indeed any move," the pirate agreed, taking the book back and 
turning it back to the page on weenies.

	Ayeka took the book back and reread the entry where Ryoko 
left her finger.  "Ideal for dominant women...  Ah hah..."

	"Bingo," Ryoko said smugly, pleased that she had figured it 
out before the true Juraian.

	"In retrospect, it's so obvious, arg!  What were we 
thinking?" Ayeka exclaimed agitatedly, slapping a hand over her 
face.

	Ryoko shrugged.  "We're so used to dealing with those of 
other cultures and adapting to their ways-"

	"That we never stopped to consider that Tenchi might be 
just like a man from our own," Ayeka finished for her.  "Patient, 
non-confrontational, and never, ever in the lead in a 
relationship, just like a Juraian male."

	"And so what this situtation calls for is the exact same 
approach that we would use on Jurai or one of the older 
colonies," Ryoko explained.  "We don't entice him, he entices us.  
Of course, that step is long over with, so now all we have to do 
is tie him up and ravish him."

	"Ryoko!  You're a genius!" Ayeka cried.  "I'm so happy I 
could kiss you!  I'm not, of course, but I could!"  She frowned.  
"Wait a minute.  What's this 'we' business?"

	Ryoko gave her a patented smirk.  "You might want to 
reconsider on that kiss, 'cause you better get used to the idea.  
We.  As in, I and you."

	"You and I," Ayeka corrected absentmindedly.

	"That's what I said, yes," Ryoko replied.  "I gave you your 
chance last time, and you turned it down.  No more, girlie.  Me 
first."

	"Wait, wait, wait a minute," she protested, holding up a 
hand.  "We still haven't finished the 'we' discussion."

	Ryoko raised an eyebrow.  "What 'we' discussion?  Tenchi 
loves us both, right?  Washu-chan, the greatest genius in the 
universe, said so, right?  Are you willing to risk it all on a, 
well, no, double wouldn't be right in this case, single or 
nothing gamble that he loves you more than me?  With stakes this 
high?"

	The princess shook her head without hesitation.  "When you 
put it that way..."

	"Damn straight, neither am I," the pirate replied honestly.  
"Look, we're both responsible adult women in the prime of our 
lives, we can tolerate each other's presence, barely, and there's 
this gorgeous hunk of a man right here who happens to want us 
both.  If sacking him means pushing your lard ass out the way 
when you wander over into the wrong territory, well then, grab 
some rope sister, because we're going plundering."

	Ayeka remained silent through this, at one point leaning 
back into her chair and closing her eyes.

	Ryoko, having finished, waited for a response.  And it had 
better be a yes, because Ayeka had the power to screw everything 
up, and Ryoko was dammned if she was going to spend yet another 
lonely night dreaming of Tenchi.

	"Do we even have any rope?" Ayeka asked, opening her eyes.

	This was not one of the several posible responses Ryoko had 
envisioned, and she wasn't sure what it meant.  "What?"

	"I said, 'Do we have any rope?'" she repeated.  "Chains 
would be better, more traditional, but rope will do.  On second 
thought, forget the rope.  There are two of us, one can hold him 
down and the other can climb his tree."

	It took Ryoko a minute to decipher that.  "Is that a 
'Yes,'" she hazarded.

	"We can ambush him today, as soon as he gets off the bus.  
There's a clump of bushes just off the path, and a soft patch of 
ground a little way beyond that that would be ideal for a 
preliminary ravishing."  Ayeka's expression betrayed no humor, it 
appeared she was all business.

	Ryoko gaped, not having expected the level of enthusiasm 
Ayeka was showing.  She fumbled for the words, eventually asking, 
"What happened to your old attitude, Princess?  'My mind and body 
are pure, make love to me!'"

	"It has changed with the times," Ayeka replied levelly.  
"Now it's 'My mind is filled with lascivious thoughts and my body 
aches for your touch, take me now, Tenchi!'"

	Ryoko waited for the heat in her face and ears to go away 
before replying.  "That was very quick."

	"I thought so, too," Ayeka agreed.  "What can I say, I had 
you for a role-model."

	She shook her head in astonishment.  "Really, I'm quite 
surprised at you.  I had no idea you were this hard up."

	"Did you know that Juraian royalty are forbidden to 
masturbate?" Ayeka asked conversationaly.  "Supposedly, the 
incredible repression of our urges makes us more driven, more 
powerful, able to dominate the masses.  In reality, it gives us 
an incredible drive to get married, fast, and early, to whomever 
we can, which I suppose is just as useful for political purposes.  
By and large, it simply means that members of the Juraian royal 
family fornicate with each other and commoners on a regular 
basis, forgoing the love found in marrige for a cheap release and 
dramatically increasing the number of bastard royalty.  

	Of course, as the crown princess, I am also forbidden from 
such base activities until such time as I find a husband.  Alas, 
I am discriminating, nay, picky, and I despaired of ever finding 
a suitable mate.  Oh, there are ways, to be sure.  Fantasy is a 
good example of bending the rules.  And then I met Tenchi.  I was 
content to wait at first, but you know, it seems to get harder 
and harder every day.  So, in explaination, yes, Ryoko, this 
princess is horny, and I'd appreciate it if you'd CUT ME SOME 
SLACK and help me plan an ambush," Ayeka finished, gently shaking 
Ryoko to better emphasise her point.

	Ryoko was taken aback, and indeed slightly rattled.  (To 
think...  No way.)  She shuddered at the thought.  It was a 
wonder Ayeka wasn't a violent psychopathic genocidal murderer or 
something by now.  Come to think of it, it _would_ explain a lot.  
"Um, Ayeka, we do have to ask first.  Just to make sure he does 
love me.  Us, love us."

	"Fine."  An unholy light burned in her eyes, and the air 
ionised and crackled.  "First we ask, THEN we ravish."

	Judging from her tone and posture, Ryoko wasn't real sure 
that Ayeka would accept 'no' for an answer. 


				****************


	Mihoshi fidgeted nervously, only one thing on her mind as 
she finally arrived home from work.  "Umm, I'll be in the 
bedroom, Kiyone.  Okay?"

	Kiyone sighed.  "Whatever, just keep it down."

	"Thanks, Kiyone!"  Mihoshi's head bobbed happily as she 
disappeared into the other room.

	Nearly as fast, Kiyone dove for her chair, quickly reaching 
behind it and grabbing a Walkman and jamming the headphones over 
her ears.  Almost as fast she hit the play button and turned the 
volume up to max, drowning out the real world in a harsh wail of 
an electric guitar pushed to its physical and technical limits.

	Somewhere on the other side of a very thin wall, another 
electric buzz pushed to its limits could be heard, but not 
through the distortion in Kiyone's ears.

	Now all she had to do was kill time, just an hour or so.

	Two, three tops.

	Nodding her head along with music she didn't really enjoy, 
Kiyone picked up a paper she'd gotten earlier that week from the 
table and sat down in her chair.

	"Ah, let's see what's in the paper."

	*rustle* 

	"Wow, that outfit is cute."

	*rustle*

	"A housewife's solution to speed up shopping, that sounds 
useful."

	Several minutes later, another rustle could be heard, but 
not by Kiyone.

	"Etiquette on the subway, do's and don'ts.  I'd better 
take notes, this could be important in earth culture."  
Dutifully, she read the article, rereading to make sure she 
understood, and jotted down careful notes on a stray piece of 
paper.

	*rustle*

	"Terrorists flood a shopping mall with poisonous gas."  She 
sighed.  "I wish I had some poisonous gas..."

	*rustle*

	"Business section.  Maybe I'll pick up a few tips on making 
money.  Let's see, invest your interest accruement now, save tax 
trouble later.  That does sounds helpful."  A note of quiet 
desperation entered her voice.

	*rustle*

	"Ah, looks like Sony stocks jumped another six points," she 
continued to read, not really understanding.  She nodded as if 
she'd just made a particularly profound statement, or perhaps 
she'd just been nodding to the music.

	The harsh screech of an electric guitar with heavy reverb 
and distortion ground to a halt.  Just as quickly, a distant hum 
filtered in through the foam padding covering her ears.

	Calmly, she stroked the volume control, turning it all the 
way up.  It was already all the way up.  "Now, now, don't panic," 
she said out loud, setting the newspaper to the side.  "Cleansing 
breaths, cleansing breaths...  I probably bumped the button and 
all I have to do is hit play."  She looked.  Nope, the play 
button was firmly engaged, and the pause button hadn't been 
touched.  Her heart thudded in her ears.  Franticly, she shook 
the tape player, banging it against the side of her chair in the 
desperate hope that it was only jammed.

	Sadly, it was not to be.  

	"Oh, no," she said to herself.  The batteries had ran down.  
They just _had_ to run down in the one thing preserving her 
sanity and not that bubble headed blonde's sextoy.

	Mihoshi chose that moment to make an undulating, whiny 
sound as the buzzing jumped up a notch.

	That was it.  Kiyone could take no more.  Calmly, 
deliberately, she set down the Walkman and stood up.  Her eye 
twitched sporadically in unison with the soft moans that filtered 
through the thin wall.  The hard buzzing slowly frayed her nerves 
as she stalked to the door separating the two.


				****************	


	Tenchi turned and waved as he got off the bus, a last 
goodbye to the people he rode with.  

	Ayeka and Ryoko stood staring expectantly at him when he 
turned back around.

	"Whaa!" he yelled, startled.  "Don't do that!"

	They apologized contritely, then gestured for him to walk 
between them.

	"Ah, Tenchi..." Ayeka began, then hesitated.  Old habits 
die hard, and she was still used to acting like a silly 
schoolgirl around Tenchi.  She'd also had a few hours to calm 
down, and the fight with Ryoko over being dumped in a freezing 
secition of the furo, not to mention the cold water itself, did 
wonders to calm her down.

	"We were wondering..." Ryoko added.

	"Yes, we have been pondering this question for some time 
now," Ayeka continued.

	"Weeks."

	"Months."

	He started to grow nervous.  "Yes?  What is it?"

	"Well," Ryoko said, "as you no doubt know, we think of you 
in..."

	"Affectionate terms," Ayeka supplied helpfully.

	"Ah, yes, _affectionate_ terms, thank you, Ayeka."

	(Oh, hell,) he thought, switching his bag from one hand to 
the other. (They're getting along and being far too serious.  I 
hope no one died.)

	"We were sort of wondering..."

	"If maybe, you know, you felt...  Ah, we want to know if-"

	"Do you love us?  Either of us?" Ryoko finally asked 
bluntly.

	Tenchi's mouth froze and his brain locked up.  "Ah?"  They 
all stopped in the middle of the path.

	"Do you love us?" she repeated, quicker this time.  
"Because if you don't, I'll... I'll...  I don't know what I'll 
do."

	"Tenchi, we love you.  Very, very much, but I have to know, 
do you love us back?"  Ayeka's expression was pleading.  "It 
hurts, it's tearing me up inside.  I have to know, my love."

	Tenchi's mouth worked like a fish trying to breath air.  No 
sounds emerged.

	"Tell us Tenchi, _please_," Ryoko begged.  "I can take it 
if you don't, but I've got to know."

	Still, he couldn't speak.

	"Tenchi, I'm only going to ask, no," Ayeka corrected, "I'm 
_telling_ you, right now, tell us if you love us or not."

	"yes"  It was a tiny sound, almost a squeak, but it had 
enormous impact.

	"Oh, Tenchi!" they both sobbed, grabbing him into a tight 
hug that barely interfered with each other at all.  They both 
showered him with kisses, tears running down both of their 
faces.

	He awkwardly hugged them back, wondering just what he'd 
gotten himself into.

	"Tenchi," Ayeka choked out.  "You don't know how long I've 
wanted to hear those words."

	"Yes, I love you," he said, louder this time.  "I love you 
both, but I just couldn't tell you...  I was afraid, I guess."  
Words came more easily to him, as, fortunately, did his breath.  
They both had slacked off on the hug and leaned back to look at 
him.  His gaze traveled from one to the other and back.

	Ryoko rubbed her head against the side of his chest, 
nuzzling him contentedly.  It wasn't as good as an 'I love you 
only.', but she wasn't complaining.  No, not at all.  Not yet, 
anyway.

	Ayeka kissed him firmly on the lips, breaking contact as 
Ryoko moved in for her turn.  

	Tenchi blushed furiously, liking the sensation but fumbling 
and inept in execution.

	"Tenchi, Tenchi, it has been so lonely, wanting you but 
you've been so distant... You like playing hard to get, don't 
you?"  Ryoko grinned.

	"Umm, I was just so confused..." he trailed off, not really 
knowing what to say.

	"I know, Tenchi, my one and only love.  But we couldn't 
take it any longer.  I've been in love with you from the moment 
we shared a walk together, and you've always been so sweet and 
kind, you took us in and made us feel like family.  I can never 
repay you for everything you have done."  She put a finger to his 
lips as he started to protest.  "No, let me finish.  You are 
everything I've ever wanted and more.  Love is a rare thing for a 
princess to find, and I've got to be the luckiest one in the 
universe."

	He blushed more and stammered into silence.

	"And me the luckiest pirate," Ryoko added.  "Tenchi, you're 
brave, strong, selfless, all the things I'd like to be, but can't 
live up to.  And," she smiled at him, giving him a quick peck on 
the nose, "You're cute, too."

	"Handsome."

	"Manly."

	"Desirable."

	"Definitely sexy."

	"Tenchi, do you find me attractive?" Ayeka asked, unable to 
stand it any longer.

	"Yes!" he squeaked, blush even brighter now.  

	"How about me?" Ryoko asked, pressing her breasts into his 
side.  She brought one of his hands up and ran it over her 
cleavage, even as Ayeka started doing the same.  "Well?  Do I 
excite you?  I hope so.  As Ayeka would put it, do I make your 
tree grow when I offer myself to you?"

	"Y-yes!  Both of you, yes!" he exclaimed, eyes wide.  A 
thin trickle of blood came from his nose at the memory of some of 
those instances.

	They both stepped back and put their hands on their hips.  
"Well then, why have you never done anything?"

	"Yes, I would give myself freely, and gladly, but you never 
asked," Ayeka pouted.

	His eyebrows were raised to the fullest, and his breathing 
came in shorter and shorter gasps.  "I-I-I..."

	They both frowned at him seriously and exchanged a look.

	"Now that we've got everything straightened out," Ayeka 
began.

	"I certainly hope you don't expect us to wait for your 
touch as long as we've waited for your love.  Us girls have our 
needs, too."

	Adrenaline pumped, his heart pounded, and his vision 
narrowed.  "Touch...?"

	Ryoko jerked open her top, exposing her breasts.  "I'm 
yours, Tenchi."

	"Umm, me, too," Ayeka agreed, looking around first.  "'I 
want your bod, un hunh, uh hunh,'" she quoted from a dim memory.  
Tenchi would probably understand an Earth term better than 'I 
want to climb your tree and swing through the branches,' 
accompanied by a few 'ook' 'ook' noises, which was the Juraian 
equivilent.

	Ryoko whacked her on the back of the head.  "Quit fooling 
around!"

	Tenchi took advantage of the distraction to bolt like a 
frightened cabbit.

	"Aww, now look what you've done," Ryoko complained 
bitterly.

	"He certainly does like to run," Ayeka said, nodding and 
rubbing the back of her head.

	"Or maybe," Ryoko said thoughtfully, "he just likes to be 
chased.  And I bet he'll enjoy being caught!"  She took off 
running after him.  "Last one to catch him has to go second!"

	"What the, HEY!" Ayeka protested as Ryoko disappeared in a 
teleport.  


				****************


	Mihoshi lay on her back, writhing luxuriously against the 
sheets as she let the magic apparatus perform its miracles.  
Sweat glistened on her nude form, highlighting her full breasts 
and taught stomach as she ran her hands up to pinch and tease her 
nipples.  

	Faint light from the lamps outside filtered in through the 
drawn blinds, casting flickering shadows on the wall as the 
blinds stirred slightly. Shapeless voids moved sensuously before 
Mihoshi's slitted eyes, causing vaguely obscene images to form in 
her pleasure fogged mind.

	She slid one long tanned calf up her other leg, drawing 
them together to feel the warm, twitching, humming mass press 
against the inside of her thighs.  Then she brought her hands 
down, running them along her hips and over, following the line 
where her legs joined her body to run lightly through her damp 
curly hair.
	
	Suddenly the door was ripped from its sliding tracks, 
causing Mihoshi to bolt upright, eyes wide and her hands still at 
her crotch, the pressure of her arms at her sides making her 
breasts stand out even more.  Her startled gasp held equal parts 
surprise and pleasure as her shift in position caused the futon 
to press strongly against the back of the vibrator, forcing it to 
greater depths.  Desperately, she stabbed at the switch with one 
finger, bringing heavy silence to the room.

	Kiyone stood in the doorway, breathing heavily.  Her hands 
were pressed against the sides of the frame and her legs were 
close together at the bottom, giving her a slightly crazed look 
with the way her head sagged forward.  The glow from the other 
room gave her a heavenly backlight, but to Mihoshi she looked far 
more demonic.  Wood creaked in protest from the force she exerted 
to keep her arms straight in such a small opening.

	"Mihoshi..." she growled, a guttural, primalistic sound 
that cut through the air like a knife.

	The word partner wandered through Mihoshi's mind in search 
of something to connect with.  All she could say was, "Oh, 
yes..." almost questioningly at first, but drawing it out into a 
sibilant hiss.

	"Mihoshi..." Kiyone repeated, louder and firmer, yet the 
rest of the thought could not, would not follow.

	The word dominant wandered through Mihoshi's mind in search 
of something to connect with.  She looked at Kiyone, then down at 
herself, then, giving her partner a heavy-lidded gaze and pursing 
her mouth cutely, she slowly ran her hands up her stomach to 
tweak her already hard nipples to bright red ripeness.  As close 
to climax as Mihoshi was, she could only imagine one reason for 
her friend to interrupt her private time.  Giving Kiyone what 
could only be described as an innocently hopeful smile, she 
cupped and thrust her breasts forward in offering.

	Kiyone's hands tightened around the doorframe, the creak of 
tortured wood causing Mihoshi's breath to quicken.  Deliberately, 
Kiyone stopped the outward show of emotion, bringing every muscle 
under her conscious control.  Taking a deep, calming breath, she 
cleared her throat.  "Actions," she said in a barely controlled 
voice, "speak louder than words."  She lowered her hands and 
stalked forward into the room, hands balled into fists at her 
sides.

	Mihoshi squeezed her breasts, kneading them softly as her 
partner approached.  Little moans of anticipation escaped her 
lips, and one hand started trembling as she released it and used 
it for support as she leaned back, drawing her knees up closer 
and keeping them pressed together.

	Kiyone stopped at the foot of the futon, staring down at 
the blonde with a smoldering gaze.  She leaned forward and set 
one knee on the futon, taking her weight and crawling forward on 
her hands, leaving one foot on the floor.  Her dark hair was 
severely frizzed, sticking out around her head and forming a halo 
in the light from behind her.

	Mihoshi leaned farther back, using her other hand for 
support as well.  Her breath now came in short, shuddering gasps, 
and her eyes never left the woman coming for her.

	Kiyone stopped before her hands reached Mihoshi's feet, 
leaving her stretched and taut, one leg trailing off the foot of 
the futon.  Her eyes bore into Mihoshi intensely, brooking no 
disobedience.

	Mihoshi rubbed her knees together in small circular 
motions, then, at Kiyone's wordless command, spread them far 
apart, leaving herself open and vulnerable.  Her hands twisted 
and gripped tightly at the sheets.

	The rumble of an oncoming train started shaking the cheap 
apartment.

	Kiyone's eyes dropped from Mihoshi's, never losing their 
focus as they traveled down to the vee of blonde hair and the 
round purplish knob protruding from between tender pink lips.  
She shifted her balance to one arm and raised the other, 
disregarding all notions of being subtle as she reached directly 
toward her goal.

	Mihoshi squeaked as Kiyone's startlingly cold hands brushed 
her loins, getting a good solid grip on the molded plastic.  
"Nyuhaaa," she voiced, biting her lip.  Every muscle in her body 
tensed to the fullest as Kiyone withdrew the long, semi-flexible 
shaft.  Her gasp of relief mixed in with Kiyone's quiet 'ah'.

	The rumbling got progressively louder.

	Kiyone raised back onto her knees, bringing her other leg 
forward to better bear her weight.  From her lofty vantage point, 
she looked down on Mihoshi's trembling form with an unreadable 
expression.  Quirkily, she examined the complicated little device 
in her hands, even turning it on several times in quick 
succession to watch the expansion rings travel up its glistening 
length and hear the accompanying buzz.

	Mihoshi watched apprehensively, fearing what strange things 
her partner would do to her, yet needing them at the same time.

	Kiyone continued to ignore her, toying with the twisting 
vibrator.  Then, before Mihoshi could do or say anything else, 
she hurled it through the blinds and glass of the window with all 
of her hate-fueled strength.

	*CRASH*

	Mihoshi stared in complete disbelief at the ragged, sextoy-
shaped hole in the brittle plastic blind, the roar of a passing 
train echoing the pounding in her ears.

	"Ahhh...  I feel _so_ much better now," Kiyone said, back 
to her old self.  Rather awkwardly ignoring Mihoshi's spread-
eagled form and the sticky moisture on her hands, she got off the 
futon and left the room without another word.

	Mihoshi stared mutely at the last hole her favorite toy 
would go through, then down at her own aching body.  A stuttered 
"B-but..." died on her lips as she watched Kiyone carefully prop 
the door up behind her and wedge it closed, leaving her alone in 
the dark.

	An anguished wail split the night.


	

	Mihoshi: WTF was that?!  No, I don't care what happens next 
chapter!  I need something NOW!

	Ryoko: Too bad for her, but the next chapter focuses on 
Tenchi and I.  

	Ayeka: Hey!

	Ryoko: Oh, don't worry.  There's a little surprise in there 
for you, too.  (heh heh heh...)  So be sure and read the final 
chapter of Needful Things, Pirate Games.  

	Tenchi: It's pure lemon.