The Unknown DJ's Lemon Lampoon: Can't Get it down!
By The Unknown DJ

"A new problem hits the Masaki household. One so
horrifying, so devastating, and so utterly stupid,
that I had to write this fic. For all of you lemon
writers, I give you a fic that will shock you all."

-DJ Chan

        We first see our hero in his home, sound asleep. He
is deep in dream, a rather saucy dream that is. He
dreams of his dream woman, a girl of pure beauty. Her
(the rest of this dream sequence is censored, cuz I am
to lazy to try and make some dude in another time zone
horny. The dream itself doesn't even have a vital
role, so who really cares what is going through
Tenchi's mind? Please, don't even think of answering
that). Suddenly, his alarm clock goes odd, scarring
Tenchi halfway out of his mind.
        He sits up in his bed, blinks a couple of times, and
sees that it was just his stupid clock ringing. It is
time to get up, but what he doesn't notice is that a
part of him is already up. As he crawls out of his
bed, he notices a bulge in his underwear. Oh no, he is
still standing very tall! Quick, he thinks, before
Ryoko enters unannounced I must get rid of it! He
tries his hardest to shift his mind, but it is
useless. He still can't stop thinking of his dream
woman.
        "Ohayo!" yells Ryoko, as she enters his room. Tenchi
jumps on his bed, not thinking at all. He feels it
bend and a quick pain shoots through him. "What's the
matter?" asks Ryoko.
        "Uh, nothing," answers Tenchi, still feeling the
pain.
        "Gee, it looks like you are in serious pain though."
Ryoko stands for a while, watching Tenchi. Tenchi
knows if he doesn't move soon, the damn thing is going
to either snap, or change color. With no other option,
he turns on his back. Ryoko looks at him and then
notices the bulge in his pants. He calmly awaits her
reaction, hoping it will be ok. "Oh my god!" screams
Ryoko.
        "Oh, I am sorry Ryoko. I was, uh, just, uh..."
        "THAT'S THE SMALLEST ONE I'VE EVER SEEN!" Suddenly,
the space pirate loses her cool and bursts into a
hyena like laughter. She falls on the floor and laughs
uncontrollably, while Tenchi tries to regain his
dignity. "What do you mean...? What are you...?" But
it is useless. Ryoko continues laughing as Tenchi
breaks for the door.
As he walks down the hall, he bumps into Aeka,
knocking Tenchi to the floor. "Oh, sorry Lord Tenchi."
As she looks down at him, she notices the bulge. "Hmm,
nice cock, Lord Tenchi." Tenchi feels a bit of
disgust. Aeka is supposed to be the mature and
innocent one, so why isn't she disgusted at me, he
wonders. "Excuse me, Miss Aeka?"
"Oh, I said that you have a nice cock." Tenchi,
figuring that he has misjudged the princess, decides
to ask a question that has recently struck his mind.
"Is it too small?"
"Why no Lord Tenchi! In fact it is a bigger then
Grandfather's was at your age." Tenchi begins to feel
a little pale. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, me and Yosho use to show each other our, "special
parts", all the time when we were kids."
        "You can't be serious!"
        "Why? My therapist said it was normal. But my
therapist's on the other hand..." Tenchi gets up and
runs away from Aeka. First, he gets stuck with a
boner. Then, Ryoko laughs at his size and Aeka
discusses his grandpa's thing. What was next?
        As he heads for the bath, he bumps into Sasami. "Why
sorry, Tenchi. I was just..." Sasami looks down and
notices the bulge. Her eyes blaze red and she feels
anger flush through her head. "OH! That's great! I
suppose you wanna $#@%^ me now!"
        "What are you talking about?" asks Tenchi, trying to
recover from the sudden attack from the cutest member
of the family.
        "You men are all the same! You think you are so
*&^%&* cool! You come in here with your dick in the
air and expect me to do you! My god, I am not even 10!
You are all the same!" As Sasami raves on, Tenchi runs
to the men's bath.
        He enters and sees his father and grandfather already
in the bath. As he takes his clothes off, Yosho and
Nobuyuki notice the one-eyed monster and both begin to
sweat. Tenchi looks down and then remembers his
problem. "Oh, uh, well, uh..."
        "My god, Tenchi!" yells Nobuyuki, "What are you
doing? I thought I told you to peep on the women! Oh
god, how long have been watching us?"
        "But, Dad, I..."
        "No! Achika is spinning in her grave!"
        "Grandfather, can..." Without even letting Tenchi
finish, Yosho shakes his head. "Tenchi, I am
displeased. You are the weirdest kid I know. The
biggest upset to the Jurai family ever."
        "But, I wasn't watching you guys!"
        "I know. I was taking about your pubic hairs. How
many times have I told you not to shave them!" Tenchi
feels a river of sweat pour down his head. "But, I
don't shave my pubic hairs!" Yosho face faults and
then gets out of the bath. He grabs a towel and walks
to the exit. "You are a disgrace Tenchi! 17 and not
even into the first stage of puberty!" Yosho leaves
disgusted and is followed by Nobuyuki. "Well, at least
I didn't look at my sister's, "special part"!" yells
Tenchi, but is answered with a cold silence.

        After the bath, Tenchi still carries a stiff one with
him. He walks towards his room. Washu stops him and
says, "Hey, Tenchi! Have you seen my red sock?" Tenchi
turns and looks at her, but she doesn't seem to notice
the thing. "No, Miss Washu."
        "Well, ok, bye now!" Tenchi finally reaches his room
and lies on his bed. A small man walks in through the
door. "Hi, Malice," says Tenchi.
        "Hey, Tenchi. You still got your dong sticking out?"
        "Yeah, why is the Unknown DJ forcing me to experience
all this?"
        "Probably for some cheap laughs, bad puns, and other
crap. Sorry, but I got to go." As Malice heads to the
door, Tenchi yells, "Wait! Malice!" The short man
turns around. "Yes?"
        "I got a really important question to ask you."
        "Shoot."
        "Is my dick really small?" Malice turns to the door
and shakes his head in sickness. As he leaves the
house, Tenchi follows him, trying to get an answer.
"Come on, Malice. Please tell me!

ENDZ