Kanashii no Imi (The Significance of Grief) by Leaf-chan (leaf_chan@excite.com) Standard disclaimers apply: this is a lemon, and I'm not responsible if you get busted for reading it. None of the characters herein belong to me, either, so don't come after my ass. This document is best viewed under Wordpad, 640x480. It's also a darkfic, so be warned for lots of angst and other neat stuff. [-----] It was not a normal day in the Tenchi Masaki household. First off, Ryoko had *not* tried to latch onto Tenchi when he came downstairs (late, if I may add) for breakfast. Aeka was also strangely absent from the household; in fact, she hadn't *been* anywhere in the house for at least a day or two. Ryo-ohki was sitting on the couch, asleep; Mihoshi and Kiyone were in space on an assignment. Washu was probably the most normal thing going on that day. She was in her lab as always, fiddling and diddling with this and that. Lights flickered, photons burst, people died, and stuff happened as she experimented with her latest invention, something that she termed the "Reality Distortion Transportation Thingamabob". Hours and hours passed as she worked.... and all the while, the reader was left in total boredom. After she finally finished, she sat back, a small smirk of satisfaction on her rather-puerile face. "Heh," she cackled. "*This* will prove me to be the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe (TM)! Now, my pretty... I will destr- erm, get to work!" Washu reached over, and flicked the ubiquitous Activation Switch that's always marked and conspicuous on such devices. Nothing happened. "Agh, damn it!" Washu muttered, and delivered a sound Boot to the CPU (TM) on the side panel of the device. With an almost-human groan of annoyance, the machine sputtered and puttered to life. A control panel lit up, the readout blank. Washu grinned in triumph and began to program in some obscure coordinates into the panel. [-----] Jeff sighed in annoyance as he backed away from his keyboard yet again. His dad, being his usual capricious self, had decided at *that particular moment* to pick up the damn phone, thus cutting off the connection to his ISP, and thereby ruining the incredibly intense RP that he had been in only mere seconds ago. In all actuality, it was a few minutes short of midnight, and the chat hall on IRC was quite dead. Occasional non-sequiter comments came from those who were still actually in the hall. Jeff himself had been downloading porn from some obscure site linked from the Anipike, hoping to hell that his dad wouldn't notice. Of course, *that* idea's gone, he thought as he stumbled to his feet in order to sternly reprimand ("Uh, dad... could you please not do that?") his father on Internet etiquette. Per usual, his dad was the one to reprimand him before striding stridently back into his room. Jeff, sighing, returned to his room in disappointment. At least he'll be asleep now, he thought. That way, I get lots of time to masturbate. Mmmm, Pfil... Jeff's visions of fairy fetish heaven were cut short as he blinked out of existence in this universe in inimitable Revenge! style. [-----] "AGH! What the hell is this thing!" Jeff opened his eyes, half-expecting to be dead and in hell ("Okay, Satan, I'll mop the floor, just quit poking me with that trident"). Instead, he was in a subspace pocket inside a spare dimension that happened to pass for the laboratory of this Universe's Greatest Scientific Genius (TM). "Uh... hello... who are you..." he muttered quietly. Damn, there goes my erection. Washu, meanwhile, was still blinking at the lump of flesh and fat that had materialized in the middle of her lab. She hadn't expected to pull something *this* bizzare; for one, he was *way* too chubby... and his hair, despite being somewhat-longish, simply didn't look cool at all. "Who the hell are you?" she spoke in the ubiquitous language of anime universes, Japanese. Jeff blinked, then suddenly realized a few things all at once: 1) He was in a really complicated-looking lab when he had been in his room about three seconds ago; 2) the girl standing in front of him was speaking Japanese; 3) she had *HUGE* eyes; and 4) she was staring at his...... He quickly tucked it back in and zipped up his pants. "Eh... heh.... sorry." Washu looked, and said something. Even with Jeff's rather-limited vocabulary, he still recognized the words "chan" and "diiku" anywhere. "Look," Jeff said, hoping to hell that she hadn't seen *too* much. "I don't know what you're saying, and I was about to... well, hell, since you saw it, I was about to enjoy myself. Now what the hell-" Washu raised a hand up to silence him, and touched a few buttons on her portable laptop. A few seconds later, she began speaking English. "I believe that this is what you would call a 'plot contrivance'," she said rather seriously. "Uhm... yeah." Jeff abruptly realized that either he was speaking Japanese, or that everyone in the place suddenly understoof English. Contrivance, indeed. "Anyways... I brought you here with my invention, the Reality Distortion Transportation Thingamabob," Washu continued. "Great name." "Ain't it?" she said with a wide grin. "At any rate, here you are, and so I've got a coupla questions to ask you." "Uh..." Jeff quickly remembered what had happened in the Tenchi Muyo videos he'd borrowed from his friends. "What... *kind* of questions?" Washu's grin grew wider. "Judging by what I saw when you got here, they'd be the kind of questions you'd like!" ".... right." Jeff sighed. "Alright, come on... since I'm here, I might as well make an idiot of myself." The genius blinked. "Um, right. Now, if you'll just stay still..." As she spoke, she pushed a few more buttons on the laptop, and the requisite tentacle-demon-like machine popped up from under Jeff and promptly tied him up. Jeff himself just sat there, looking rather amused and bemused. "Nyehehehe... maybe *you* can give me that sample I've been looking for..." Washu muttered as she typed furiously on the keyboard. "Uh, right... I thought you wanted that sample from *Tenchi*, not me..." Washu blinked. "How'd you know about Tenchi? Who are you?" Her eyes narrowed and she began to regard Jeff with a suspicious gaze. "Long story. Can we leave it at that?" Washu reached over and flicked the machine onto idle for the time being. She regarded Jeff with a serious look. "... y'know, I don't think that's a good idea... I want to know who you are right *now*." "I don't think I can explain that myself," Jeff mumbled as he looked nervously around the room. Lights, machines, and weird bubbling stuff... nope, nothing to help him. Washu pushed a button, and the machine abruptly dropped out of sight, dumping Jeff unceremoniously to the ground. "You come in here and you already know who Tenchi is... I know there's something you're not telling me here, and I wanna know what it is." Jeff sighed. "Okay, I'll try to explain, but you're probably not gonna understand it anyways, and even if you do understand it, it'll come off sounding like a really lame excuse." "What? You think that the *Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe* won't be able to figure this out? HA!" Washu posed proudly, and settled back down in her bench a few seconds later. "So spill it already." "Hm, all right... let's see... I'm from a universe where you are products of imagination... basically, you exist only in a graphic and text medium, and serve no other purpose than to amuse us. Basically, your lives have no meaning." Washu blinked. "*You* *don't* *exist*," Jeff reiterated slowly. Washu blinked again, then began to smile in that decidingly disturbed fashion. "Nice try there... but not good enough." "Of course... I didn't expect it to work," Jeff sighed. "Well, I guess I'm gonna die now." "No, no, hold on..." Washu interrupted. "As weird as you are... I find you really interesting. I think I'm gonna keep you around- as a specimen!" Her eyes glinted dangerously, and she began to push a few more keys on the laptop. "Hey, wait a minute... what're you gonna do? Just keep me around until I die?!" Jeff exclaimed, suddenly *very* worried. "Sounds about right. Heh... you know me pretty well... maybe you're actually telling the truth." "I *am* telling the truth, damn it." "I'm still gonna lock you up." Jeff managed to conceal his look of abject terror. "Well, if you're gonna do that... can I at least get to say hi to the others? You know... Ryoko, Aeka, S-Sasami, and Ryo-ohki...? Oh yeah, and Tenchi too." Washu paused again, and for a second Jeff thought that she was simply going to kill him then and there. She then whirled on him, expression intent. "You're either really powerful or *really* stupid," she said. "And you don't feel powerful at all. I ran a scan on you and it showed nothing... so I'm assuming you really *are* telling the truth here with this 'we don't exist' stuff." "I'm glad you think so," Jeff mumbled, somewhat relieved. "However," Washu continued, "if I *do* catch you doing something, I'm sure you know what we are all capable of." Jeff nods. "Right. I won't do anything. Trust me." "This time, I will," Washu acknowledged. "But *just* this once. And only because I'm feeling generous." Jeff smiled, managing to not make it look like a smirk with great effort. "Thanks, Little Washu." Washu looked back at him with a measure of mild surprise. "Somehow, I saw that one coming." "Um... can I go now?" Jeff gestured meekly towards the "door" of the lab, which was sitting by itself, jambless, in the middle of space. "All right, but I'm keeping an eye out, Jeff. Remember that." "Thanks," he said, and quickly ducked out of the lab. After he left, Washu paused in her work for a few moments, staring at a beaker in dumb amazement. "I really don't believe this," she muttered. [-----] Walking out of the lab was a big mistake. During the course of time that he and Washu were having their merry little chat, the dynamics of the Masaki residence had suddenly decided to return to normal for a while. Thus, when Jeff walked out, he nearly got his head sliced off by a blade of orange energy. Being the epitome of people with lackluster reflexes, Jeff just stood there as he watch the blade hum by a bare centimeter from his chin. The realization didn't set in until a few seconds later, when he ducked quickly- and ended up sprawling over the couch, nearly squashing Ryo-ohki. The cabbit leapt aside, yowling and meowing in protest. Jeff, unaccustomed to such a lifeform back on his version of Earth, popped right up from where he was about to sit with a loud yelp of astonishment. He rammed face-first into Aeka's backside, sending the older Princess of Jurai flying back onto the floor with a surprised squawk. Ryoko, meanwhile, had noticed that someone was actually foolish enough to interfere in her argumant; and so, for once, she relented, letting the orange energy-saber fade into her hand. "Who's this guy?" she said, peering over at the currently-frozen-in-place Jeff. As for Jeff himself, he was bending over Aeka carefully, hoping to hell that he didn't a shock from those Juraian wood-cylinder-things right up the ass. "Princess? Are you okay?" "I- hey, who *are* you?" she muttered, rising up from the ground. "That's what I'm wonderin'," Ryoko said. "Uh... heh," Jeff mumbled, smiling nervously. "Y'see... Washu was fooling around with some invention of hers... and she kinda brought... me... here." Ryoko and Aeka regarded him oddly. "You look really... strange," Aeka remarked. "Your eyes are quite... um, small." "Don't remind me." "Look, if you're just gonna barge in on us like that, whoever you are-" Ryoko began. "Jeff," Jeff mumbled. "The name's Jeff." "-Jeff," Ryoko continued, "then you can at least stay the hell away from me and Aeka." Jeff sighed. "I really didn't want to barge *in*, y'know. Your mom's kinda unpredictable when she decides to yank people from other dimensions." "Don't remind me," Ryoko said sourly. "Please, make yourself at home here," Aeka said charmingly. At least it's not some girl that would distract Tenchi from loving me, she thought. Unless he's gay. Which would not be good at all. "Sasami should be in the kitchen, so if you're hungry you can go ask her." Jeff's expression remained stoic, but his mind began to slowly drift out of focus. "Sasami? Your little sister?" he said, feeling something inside of him depart. "Yes, she... how did you know that?" He smiled wryly. "It's kinda a long story... go ask Washu whenever she comes out from her lab." "That could take *days*," Ryoko muttered. Jeff shrugged, and quickly ducked into the kitchen. "What a strange little man," Aeka murmured, sitting back down on the couch. "Little? Hardly. The guy looks like you after a food binge," Ryoko said, smiling. "Whaaaaat did you say?!" "I said-" "Oh, *you*! Argh...!!" The pyrotechnics started up once again. [-----] The kitchen. The kitchen. That's where she was. Jeff peeked in across the doorframe... and sure enough, there she was... the younger Princess of Jurai, Sasami. She was wearing that adorable pink apron with a giant carrot across the front again. And ponytails. Gotta love the long hair. She walked back and forth quickly, touching this up, turning the heat down just a bit on the soup, and finally topped it off with a decisive wipe-down of the countertop. Sasami. She took a moment to sit back, sighing to herself, a content smile on her freckled face. Jeff walked in that moment, smiling a bit himself. "Hi," he said, waving hesitantly. Sasami blinked. "Who're you?" she said. Jeff gritted his teeth. Okay, so maybe the voice was still as abrasive as ever, he thought. Nothing can be done about that. At least I could've been sucked into the dubbed version of this reality, but nooooo.... I gotta get dragged into the subtitled version. Sheesh. "I'm Jeff," he said. "Little Washu brought me here with one of her inventions, so I guess I'll be staying for a while." "Oh... great! I'm Sasami!" She bowed her head slightly in traditional pose. I know. "Hi," Jeff repeated, smiling like an idiot now. "Anyways, whatcha cooking?" The classic Adam Christopher Leigh line, he thought. At least *I* like Mihoshi- the OAV version, anyways, since the TV version was a complete putz and she- "Nothing special," Sasami replied, getting up and smoothing out the front of her apron. "Just some soup, and rice, and... oh, you know, the usual stuff." "Right... so, when's dinner? I'm kinda hungry..." For more than just food. "It'll be in an hour or so. Are you going to eat with us?" "I... guess so, if that's okay." "Oh, sure!" Sasami beamed at him brightly. "I'll be happy to cook for you. And I hope big sister and Ryoko won't mind, either. Say, have you met Tenchi yet?" I have, actually. "Nope," he said. "But I'll see him at dinner, right?" Sasami nodded. "Yup. He's letting us all live here. It's very nice of him." Jeff smiled uneasily- he was losing it, quickly- and began to back away towards the door. "Anyways, I've got something to do right now, Sasami... so I'll see you at dinner, then... right?" "Right! Nice to meet you, Jeff!" She turned back to her cooking, and Jeff would have survived unscathed, had not the following occurred. As she reached over for a ladle, she accidentally knocked a measuring cup over. "Oh, no," she said, and bent over to reach it. Through the wonderful powers of the deities above who decided that Jeff was to not live a peaceful existence, he just happened to have a perfect view... as her apron and shirt billowed downwards, allowing for a darkened but definitely clear view of her braless, immature chest. Jeff's eyes widened... his gaze shot towards her bottom, which was rounded and sticking out in that pert way... then towards his pants... and he quickly left, bolting away. I saw it, he thought. Like a kid who sees his first issue of Penthouse... it brought about an unimaginable thrill, a rush of sensation... and an incredibly painful erection. Jeff quickly ducked into the backyard, hoping to find a secluded niche around. There were none, of course; none that he could see, so he dashed back indoors (Aeka and Ryoko were just staring at him by this point), and into the bathroom. He couldn't go out again. Not after what he'd seen. It was his fantasy, his dream... and he could not allow himself to go through with it because to do so would mean the ending of someone else's dream. He'd have to resolve this on his own... as he had many times before. He could already feel himself stiffening, in anticipation of the event. Jeff sat on the toilet seat, noting how small the damn thing was, trembling. Pictures were one thing. Seeing it in reality- well, *relative* reality- was completely different. It was as if he was altered anew... the dream flared back up to life again, demanding to be sated. He unzipped his pants, and tugged out his old friend, the one who had been the source of satisfaction from his fantasies so many times before. Sasami, he thought again, and wrapped his fingers around his penis. He began to rub up and down slowly, savoring the sensation, replaying the image that he had just seen not two minutes ago over and over in his mind. The bending over. The droop of the shirt and apron. The small, nearly-nonexistant breasts that were tipped with tiny nipples. Move gaze over. Her rear end, not nearly as curvacious as that of Ryoko's, or maybe even Aeka's, but a feast for the eyes nonetheless. Jeff began stroking slightly faster now, his entire being centered between the going-ons between his legs. Unrequited love. Unbridled desire. Stroke. Harder. He began to picture her in her mind, under his control, crying for help- -except, he didn't *want* that, did he? He wanted something more. He wanted her to love him for it. He began pushing harder with his fingers, his breath coming in ragged gasps now. The one thought that first pervaded his mind began making itself heard as it repeated over and over in his head. He wanted to fuck her. He wanted to fuck her. He wanted to fuck her- He wanted to love her. Her small breasts. The rosy nipples. Her rounded butt. Her small breasts. The rosy nipples. Her rounded butt. Her small breasts. The rosy nipples. Her rounded butt. Her sm- "Jeff? Are you in there?" Aeka's voice came drifting from across the door, snapping him back into a harsh state of reality. Jeff, however, could only give an incoherent groan as he climaxed, sending semen all over his hand. He quickly unrolled a few generous sheets of toilet paper and managed to wipe his hand off, then flushed the toilet quickly, sending the paper down with it. Jeff walked back out, looking around. "Are you all right? You sounded very... um... pained in there," Aeka said as he walked out. "Oh, no... no... I'm fine," Jeff hastily mumbled. "I just- had constipation, or something. Wouldn't come out, you know?" He tossed her a nervous smile. "... yes, I understand," Aeka muttered. "Now, please... it's almost time for dinner. Sasami's cooking something wonderful for us, you know... it's--" Jeff stopped listening to her at that point and drifted off into thought. Yeah, I know. Something wonderful. [-----] Dinner passed by with a barrage of questions for Jeff: the usual entourage of "how are you", "where are you from", "how can you speak Japanese so well", and the ubiquitous "did you have problems finding the bathroom". Jeff managed to paste a somewhat-bland smile on his face as he politely answered the questions, munching on his food quietly. His attention was really focused on one thing: the paragon of innocent beauty before him, Princess Sasami. Jeff watched every single nuance of her actions: the way she chewed her food delicately (sixteen times, fourteen times, seventeen times, a drink of water, a sip of miso soup, fourteen times, eighteen times) and the bulge in her throat as she swallowed the masticated mass. Yes. Swallow. He didn't know how long he'd be able to control himself; he didn't know that he even had to, until that moment in time when he had watched his own semen-covered hand in mild horror. After a few moments, he had gently placed one finger in his mouth experimentally, tasting the flatness of his own ejaculate. This sweetness stems from Sasami, he had thought. I gorge myself upon it. Now, as she sat before him, he couldn't help but wonder... how would he do this? And what were the repercussions going to be? Of course, he didn't expect to get out of this alive... if he was even alive anymore. Raping a little girl who had connections to the greatest scientific genius in the universe, a notorious space pirate, and a royal princess of a powerful empire was a damned stupid idea. Still... there was that feeling, that *throb* that he couldn't shake. Somewhere in him, he wanted to feast himself on her, physically, mentally, until his lust was satisfied. It wasn't a lust he could fully explain... hell, he knew it was stupid, and yet he was going through with it-- Wait. *Was* he going to go through with it? His mind didn't give him a response. There was only a matter of time before his body would dictate his fate. "Hey, what's the matter with you?" Ryoko called out from her bowl of udon noodles. "See somethin' you like?" "Uh... sorry," Jeff mumbled hastily, burying his own face in a pile of California rolls. It wouldn't do at all, really, to have his plans discovered before he even brought them into actions. Was he really going to do this?! Yes. No. No. You can't. Yes. Of course not. You do this, and you violate every ideal that you claim to uphold... being a lover of children, a defender of innocence and youth... Lover.... What a joke. It was all a mask, really. Beneath that mask lay the same thing that had been Humbert's undoing... an unsatiable, burning lust for something that was forbidden and taboo, something that was unspeakably beautiful in a way that no one else could understand. No one understood him. They hated him, for his desire that he wanted everyone and no one to know about. He would tease them with it, and pretend to flaunt it.. only to withdraw at the last moment and reerect his face of seeming-indifference. There were those who went beneath that face.. but even then, they didn't not reach behind further to see the ugly truth that even Jeff himself hated to admit. He wanted to fuck Sasami. But it would have to wait. Jeff finished up his dinner, then quietly let Aeka and Yosho guide him to his room. The princess looked at him oddly for a few brief moments; the elderly Juraian remained impasse. Nevertheless, Jeff thanked them both for their hospitality and curled up on his futon, sweating, his heart pounding. He knew that there was no way he would sleep tonight, not with this opportunity in his grasp. He remained there for the better part of the night; so did his erection. The mere thought of actual, real action did wonders for it. There were a few moments when he caressed himself to make the pain ease away, but it only served to excite him even more. He glanced over at the clock. It was 1:13. As he stared, the three clicked, and turned into a four. Now or never. Do or die. The first, the second. Jeff quietly got up from the futon, and made his way over to the door, sliding it aside easily. The hallway was totally dark and quiet... aside from the chirping of the crickets and the heat, which was almost palpible. Tiptoeing, he padded down the hall and gently situated himself in front of the door he knew would lead to her room--after all, he'd watched the series countless times, and there was simply a feeling in his (mind) heart that told him where it was. Where it was.. Where was he? He stayed there for the better part of fifteen minutes, millimetering the door open so slowly that it might as well not even have been moving. The sight did not manifest itself like Camelot emerging from the mists of time. In fact, the room was totally dark, and Jeff couldn't see a thing; he'd have to be extra-careful so as to not wake anybody up. Finally, he silently, silently arched one foot over the threshold, being infinitely careful not to stub his toe against the bottom railing and hurt himself and start cursing which would wake everyone up and they would ask him what he was doing-- Creeeeeak. Of all the bloody things, the floorboard just *had* to be-- It didn't matter. Nothing mattered, anymore. He'd crossed the threshold, in more ways than one; beyond a physical concept, it was a blatant metaphor for what he was about to attempt (not attempt, he *will* succeed and die for it or die trying--either way it was a lose/lose situation... except he wouldn't have lost, will he? He would've gotten what he was searching for his whole life, and in such he had won the battle. What a fucking trite way to look at it). There was no turning back now. Yes, there was. He'd been lying to himself again. But he wouldn't do it, would he? One way to look at it was his strength: it took fortitude to do something this wrong... and it took weakness for him not being able to hold out against what he himself could not control and looked upon as a curse of his existence. Yin and yang, two sides of a coin. Life. Death. There would only be death in this consummation. On both sides. Of the coin. He made his way closer, closer, ever closer. His heartbeat was racing, the noise pumping in his ears like a rhythmic, muffled hammer pounding on a piece of pus-filled flesh. He reached out. He sought. He gently lifted the cover back, unaware of all else.... "Hi Jeff." She was awake, and had been looking at him. What to do.. what to do?! Sasami giggled. "You couldn't sleep, huh? What are you doing--" "Shhhh," he shushed gently, looking around. Aeka wasn't around--apparently the older Princess had decided that Sasami, being eight-hundred and eight years old, was old enough to sleep by herself. How convenient. For him. "Uh... Sasami...?" "Huh?" "Can we play a game? Right now?" This wasn't right, the exploitation of such an innocent and untainted mind... "I'm *sleeping*, Jeff," Sasami chided gently, and turned around. This would NOT DO. He felt anger rise in him, and that was what conquered him--the horrible anger, which he had sworn never to allow come up ever again, rising within him almost as fast as his penis had. Without thinking, his hands shot out. One caught her by the cheek in a vicious slap that would leave a bruise in the morning. (if she is still there by then) The other clamped over her mouth. The little girl struggled, and that's when Jeff maneuvered himself onto her body, crushing her with his obscene weight. "I want to *play*," he whispered hoarsely, and gently licked the tip of her nose. The girl elicited another scream that was muffled by his mouth, and that's when Jeff pressed his hand at her throat, cutting off her air supply. Within a half a minute she was motionless and limp in his arms. Almost giggling madly to himself, Jeff picked her up easily in his arms-- love gave him strength--and made his way back out, with nowhere near the care he took to get in. He stepped back on the creaky floorboard again. He stepped on it multiple times. When nothing happened ("They probably think that it's Ryoko sneaking around again," Jeff thought), he made his way out of the house, unobstructed. STOP THIS! his mind blared at him. ST-- Shut up. She's mine now. All, all, mine. Her body... her soul... mine. But not her love. YES, her love. I'll *make* her love me. Poor thing... don't you know that love can never be forced? Fuck off. I've got my piece coming to me. The sensible side faded, and Jeff threw himself over the fence and onto the not-so-green side. [-----] Darkness. He laid her out gently, gently, like a lover (she *was* a lover), onto the dewy grass. Carefully, he began to remove her sparse clothing, which was already matted with the wet. The light pink pajama pants came off first. He took a brief moment to look longingly at her crotch, hidden by her white panties, then continued to unbutton each and every button on her top. When all was done, Jeff parted the sides like water, revealing pure, warm and unblemished flesh underneath. Nipples--barely formed, no different from that of a young boy's, and yet so ultimately different... the faint ridges of her collarbone standing out slightly below where he had applied pressure to knock her unconscious... her little bellybutton, a nice, neat indentation in the otherwise-smooth curve of her flat stomach. Jeff ripped the pajamas and flung them aside savagely, not caring where the hell they landed. It wouldn't matter, in an hour... or two... or three... however long it took for him to quell the thirst. Slowly, he bent down, and looked at the hidden prize: she was wearing white panties, as most girls did in these types of situations. White panties, with a little blue ribbon on the elastic strap of the underwear. He smiled gently, and moved back up towards Sasami's chest, flicking the tip of his tongue over her budding nipple, tasting the essence of her, what he had longed for ever since he came to his sense (ever since he went insane, depending on how one looked at it) three years ago. It didn't taste like much... but his mind wanted it to, and believed it to. To him, it wasn't just the physical taste of her skin, but the idea and concept of what he was doing to her, something forbidden, fruits taste sweet. He continued to circle the small, pink areola, and gave a barely-audible snort of contempt as her tiny nipples began to harden. They were so different and yet not, he thought. The naivete of youth and the sensuality of maturity shattering that naivete, that glass window, into a thousand shards which melt away into sweet nothings in a lover's ear... Jeff ran his hands gently over her, then decided better of it. He wasn't worthy to touch her bare body with his hands; she would be soiled beyond all in a few minutes, and further defilation wasn't what he wanted of her. He wanted... he wanted... .. *her*. Lifting one of her arms up, he began to lick the fold of her armpit, marvelling at the soft, round curve of her body. It was then that Sasami began to come to, moaning gently. "Wha..." she began, and opened her mouth to scream. Jeff quickly moved his face upwards and pressed his mouth against hers in a kiss. Her eyes widened, and she reached around with one arm and struck him on the side of the head feebly. Jeff pulled back, smiling. "Don't do that, Sasami," he said. "I just want to play with you, forever..." "I'm s-scared," she said, trying to draw back. Jeff quickly spread his legs apart and planted one knee on each of her arms, ignoring her cry of pain. "Don't be," he said, moving his penis closer to the tip of her nose. "It'll be okay." "What a-are you doing to m-m-me?" she whispered, starting to shiver from the cold. "I-I'm sorry..." Jeff eased his weight so as to not smother her, and grabbed her head with his hands, forcing her face directly towards his crotch. "It's not your fault," he muttered, guiding his penis into her mouth. "It's mine. All mine. My fault, Sasami. I never want to hurt you, because I love you." Sasami's reply was muffled as she began to struggle, choking on his penis. Jeff allowed her to draw back so she could regain her breath, then gently but firmly guided her mouth towards his crotch once more. "I want you to pretend like you're sucking on a lollipop," he said, dreading the words even as he said them. "Nothing else, okay? Can you do that for me?" She nodded. Jeff felt the tickle of her hair against his crotch, and looked down; she was crying, her cheeks wet with tears. A sudden impulse in his mind told him that it was still possible to stop, still possible to halt his insanity... but when she began to caress his penis with her mouth, everything melted away from his brain in a wash of bliss. It was the moment he had been waiting for and had finally acheived, his lifelong fantasy... and with it came a wash of guilt and self-hatred so tangible that he nearly began crying himself. What was he doing to her? And himself? He didn't moan or groan at all; he never did when he masturbated, and he wasn't going to start now. Jeff had always thought that the groaning was a purely-theatrical bit, especially for the females. His proof was right here, laying on the ground, pinned beneath his own grotesque weight. There was no other sound aside from the faint wet smacking of the little girl's lips closing and squeezing over his penis, and the whisper of the wind as it blew past the two of them, making them both aware of their nakedness. He felt it well up in him, a wave of familiar pleasure gathering in his abdomen. He told himself to pull out, that there was no need to further sully her. He told himself again, and as the wave welled up higher and higher, there wasn't any other thought in mind except to keep going and her sucking became faster and harder-- Jeff climaxed inside her mouth. She recoiled, gagged, and broke away from his penis, coughing on the strands of semen in her throat. Jeff wasted no time, and was clamping her mouth shut with his hand as soon as he had recovered from the last wave of pleasure that washed over him. "Swallow it," he whispered in her ear. "Please." He gave her ear a brief lick and nip on the lobe, then continued to hold her mouth shut until he saw the small bulge in her throat dip down. Satisfied, he released her chin and bent close, kissing her mouth, drinking in her taste, enjoying the moment far too much. Moving downwards, Jeff began to trace the tip of his tongue over her shivering body; whether she was shivering in coldness or pleasure (that was all-but-impossible, and if she really was, he'd never forgive himself) was difficult to tell. Slowly, he licked the tip of her left nipple, sucking on the stiffened nub with his cracked, dry lips. He opened his mouth a little more, and took the areola into his mouth, the sucking sounds being the only noise in the area now. Sasami, meanwhile, didn't even move; her attempts at resistance had all but vanished when he had come in her mouth, and now she was just sitting here, a piece of meat for him to pillage, rape, and ravish. He couldn't tolerate the thought, and abruptly broke off his oral caressing, raising one hand. The girl didn't move at all. Her eyes were almost vacant now, staring at a single blade of grass that was resting above her left arm. "Sasami...?" he murmured, his own voice disgustingly heavy with gentleness. It was as if he actually cared...! "Wha.." was all the girl said in response. Jeff drew his hand back and slapped her sharply across the face. She didn't respond at all. Wincing and yet smirking at the same time, he did it again. This time, the girl seemed to moan and look up at him, her cheeks a faint flush of red from his slaps. "Don't die on me," he whispered, gently pushing a lock of blue hair out from her eyes. "I want you to live..." "... what are you talking about? Don't hurt me anymore... please... I want Aeka, and Ryoko..." /Aeka. Ryoko. Jealous... possessive little *bitches*... she's *mine*! Her body... her mind... and most of all, that elusive target, her soul.../ And yet he knew that was also a lie, like everything else. "Shut UP!" he bellowed, before managing to regain control of himself. Not yet. He hadn't done *it* yet, and there was no reason to draw attention to himself before he did *it*. After *it*, the whole world could implode, and nothing would matter anymore. /Getting repetitive, aren't you? Shut up and fuck her./ Wrenching her body down onto the grass once more, he quickly caressed his penis until it grew hard again, marvelling at the total lack of recovery time. It usually did take five to ten minutes before he could get it up... but even he understood the urgency of the situation, and five to ten minutes was time he could not afford. Jeff looked at her vagina once more. It was so small, barely anything noteworthy: just a small crevice in the midst of a triangle of flesh... and yet, his mind attached so much desire and lust onto that one area. The story, the passion, the epitome of his own pathetic life, embodied in a small, seemingly insignificant private area of a little girl's body. How utterly shallow. How utterly worthless. He had affixed his entire life onto this-- --no, that was a lie. He had created so many things for himself... his multiple talents, his social life, or lack of one, and his friends... and it was all worth nothing. Nothing at all, really... because the moment was all he had wanted. And after the moment was over, concluding in a burst of white, sticky liquid into the crotch of his taboo fantasy, he would kill himself. Because life as a hypocritical existence was not worth living. Sasami was trembling with cold now; anyone could see that she wasn't the least bit aroused, at least not voluntarily. Gently, gently, and yet in a totally uncompromising and forceful fashion, he rolled over onto the grass and on his back, then lifted the girl to a sitting position, feeling the weight of her on his stomach. There was another silence.... a heavier one than the constant aura of muteness that had pervaded the area previously. "It's time." The girl whimpered in fright, before Jeff grabbed her by both arms, and, with a strength fueled by anxiety and unrequited (even now, in his supposed- throes of agony, there was a simple beauty that was missing, a beauty that could only be found in love... a love that he would never have) love. There was no sound as he lowered her crotch onto his. There was another whimper, this one of pain, from the girl as he entered her. "It hurts..." "I know, dear... I'll be gentle." Liar. Once the initial dryness had passed, Jeff found his task easier. She was tight, so very tight... and there was an ineffable joy as he rolled onto his side, still pumping his hips in frenzied action, holding his body close to hers, holding her body close to his. Thrust. Love. Thrust. Hate. Thrust. Lust. Thrust. Desire. Thrust. Hate. Hate. Hate. Liar. Moaning in agony and a small measure of enjoyment (he didn't believe this, and wouldn't), Sasami rolled under Jeff, and was nearly smothered before he rolled back over. She wasn't getting into it, at all: he had to force her, despite his promise to be gentle, and force her to move with him, so that he could get that sweet, lugubrious friction that pleasured him so much. Move. Movement. Aahh-- "Sasami, I'm so sorry..." he said, moving faster now, feeling another wave of pleasure rolling from within his abdomen. "Good bye." "I--hate... you..." she managed to groan out, before screaming--yes, absolutely *screaming* in climax, an unrighteous orgasm that shattered everything she knew, leaving her drained, depressed, and limp. Jeff, who was near-oblivious from pleasure now, groaned himself, and bucked his hips one last time, sending his semen flowing up her, *into* her. There was no chance that she would actually get pregnant, of course... and it didn't matter. Their child was already born. Jeff lay there, feeling the night air wash over his sweating body, freezing him. He pulled out of her, looking at his limp penis in numb surprise. The girl was lying there, half-conscious, mostly in shock from the pain, still shivering from cold. He lied down on the grass, feeling the cold pangs of creeping realization gripping his very soul. He'd done it. Now, he had to pay. He couldn't stay with pictures.... and movies, could he? Frantic nights of masturbation, searching over the Internet, typing in "kiddie porn" in the search field in hopes of finding.. *it*... and nothing sated him. He was a monster, growing and feeding on this, and he did nothing to stop it. Under the guise that he could control himself and that he was fine, he continued to stare at them in public. Sometimes they looked back, usually suspiciously. Other times they smiled, and managed to carry on a conversation before being dragged away by their parents. Heh, idiots. Little girls were beautiful. They weren't like anything else in the world. They had a certain charm, innocence, and naivety about them that simply wasn't there in anything else. Sure, little boys were cute... but they were brash, crude, ugly. It was a Lewis Carroll type of mindset, really, but one that he was proud to have. Yeah. One he constantly made references to in real life during conversations, in hopes that someone would notice and slap him for his disgusting weakness. One that he was both ashamed and proud of. Such a thing was not allowed in society... and yet, he had never cared much for society, so why should that matter to him? They were beautiful: their minds... their personalities, and-- --their bodies. It was the ugly, irrevocable fact. Their bodies. In the beauty of love, it was the single marring factor that prevented him from becoming what he said he was and instead turning into what others believed him to be. He made so many claims to the opposite... loving them for their mind, not their body, like they were women instead of girls (ah, but they *were* women, in his ideals... then again, his ideals didn't mean anything at all), and such. It all amounted to nothing. Nothing anymore. He didn't care. His life was a bunch of contradictions and lies. He constantly claimed one thing, and did the opposite. He would have to stand for it now. He knew what he had to do... he had to say one thing, and do it all the way, or fully sully his own words. If he hated their minds... if he loved only their bodies... .. then... Jeff got up slowly, shaking the dizziness from his head. His first sexual experience... who would have thought that it would be like this? He picked up Sasami in his arms--not too gently, this time, because he was no longer deluding himself under his false ideals--and began walking. He only loved their bodies. They were a piece of flesh. He made his way over to the flowing river in a few minutes, and looked at the murky water, contemplating. Thinking in silence. The girl was out cold now, having finally succumbed to the effects of hypothermia. He touched her hand, and slowly wrapped his fingers around her little palm, feeling the utter coldness of it. It was as if all the heat had disappeared after he had come in her, the hot, stinking ejaculate absorbing the heat rather than giving it. Jeff felt a sudden tightening up in his face, and he began to cry. "Oh, SHIT!" he shrieked, looking at Sasami's face. "SHIIIT!!" The girl didn't respond. He never expected her to, ever again. Kneeling down, Jeff took Sasami by the hair, and pressed her face underwater. For the first seven seconds, nothing happened. Then, there was a sudden, violent jerking of limbs and a desperate flail to surface. He grimly bit his lower lip and continued holding her face under, using his other hand to restrain her from surfacing too much. The struggling continued for another minute, as Jeff stared mutely at Sasami's bare back, watching as his tears splashed onto her pale flesh. Then the struggling became weaker... and finally ceased. Sobbing now, Jeff pulled her up from the water. Her eyes, which were once shining and bright with life, were now dull and clouded. Her face was tinged a faint blue. Jeff slowly pressed his cheek against hers, feeling the icy coldness on his own warmth, and stood up. Sasami's head promptly lolled over to the side, and water, dark as the surrounding night, spilled out from her mouth in an unwilling trickle. It's over now. Jeff slowly turned around, wiped his tears, and began smirking. "Heh." He never did have emotions to start out with. [-----] "Sasami? Sasami! Wake up!" Aeka's voice was stern, and very worried. This was the first time Sasami had missed cooking breakfast, an event that had thrown the entire morning into chaos. Noboyuki, expecting breakfast, had gotten up to see that he was alone. He promptly went back to sleep. Then Ryoko had popped into the kitchen via the adjoining wall, expecting the savory aroma of Sasami's cooking to fill her nostrils. Nothing there. By the time Aeka got up, everyone else was extremely worried; where was Sasami? Ryoko immediately snarled, and lunged towards Jeff's room-- --and there he was, sleeping like a big fat baby. "Jeff?" Ryoko muttered, looking around the room oddly. Sasami wasn't one to play hide-and-seek when she should be cooking, but this was an odd situation, so anything was possible. Jeff, meanwhile, looked up from his futon. "Oh, Ryoko. What?" "You... haven't seen Sasami around, have you?" she asked slowly, eyeing him warily. "Actually, yeah. She couldn't sleep last night, so the two of us went swimming, and..." Jeff didn't know why he was saying this. He had a penchant for telling the truth when he should be lying... then again, he was doing both in this case. Ryoko's stunned silence quickly became narrow suspicion. "I don't believe you," she said. "You better tell me where the hell she is right *now*, Jeff, before I decide to get a bit... nasty." "Sure," Jeff said amiably, and got up from his futon. Ryoko then noticed that Jeff was completely naked, and that the triangle of his crotch was spattered with tiny flecks of dried blood. She had him in a chokehold in an instant, her expression one of murderous intent. "What did you *do* to her!" she bellowed, an orange blade of energy appearing in one hand. Jeff smiled casually and looked down at his imminent death with no fear whatsoever. "If you kill me it'll take you longer to find her," he said. Ryoko paused, then set him down, letting the energy blade remain. "Take me there. All of us. Me, Washu, Aeka. *NOW*." He nodded, then ambled off to the kitchen where they were all gathered. "C'mon," he said, waving. "I got something to show you." Aeka and Washu looked towards Ryoko, and the anger in her face spoke for itself. The three began to move outside, following Jeff. He took them straight to the river, where Sasami's stiff corpse was laying there, her face fixed in a permanent expression of pain and misunderstanding. He smiled at them, then fell to the ground onto his back, giggling. Washu was the only one who looked complacent, although the faint tingle of energy in the air was an ominous sign. Aeka stared at the body of her dead sister in utter shock, unable to speak, her hands at her mouth. Ryoko, on the other hand, didn't go for such theatrics, and instead teleported above Jeff, her expression bordering on insane hatred now. "Wait a second," Washu said quickly, and before Ryoko could do anything, she was imprisoned in a clear bubble of force next to Aeka. The scientist turned to Jeff, her face disturbed but calm. "Why did you do it?" she said. "That's what I want to know, and I'm going to get that out of you before you die." Jeff smiled, still giggling. "Why?" he said. "Well... let me tell you a little about myself, Washu..." [-----] Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com.