Damn Lemons. Tenchi entered Maxim's room, just curious at what the beer guzzling, Ex-Bounty Hunter was doing. He saw that Maxim was on the internet. " What's up Maxim? " he asked. Maxim looked at him. " Just at one of those Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction sites. Some guy named Gensamo or something. I'm in the Lemons section. " replied Maxim. Tenchi walked up and looked at the screen. " Geezus Christ! There are 150 Lemon Sex stories involving Me and Sasami. God, what's with these people? Sasami isn't like that. " groaned Tenchi. Maxim clicked to another screen. " This is really fuckin' weak! No stories about me! Why won't Phaw410653 make any lemons about me fucking Ryoko or Kiyone. That I'll gladly read. But no! Every story is as lame as the rest. Now, I know that the " Adjusting To Maxim " story wasn't a real gem either, but why do you get to have all the fun with the girls? " asked Maxim. Tenchi looked surprised, " Think I like being in these Boogie Nights rip-offs? These cocks even have me fuckin' my dad! That's sick! They just don't know that I haven't had much contact with women till Ryoko and the others showed-up. So I'm just really god damned nervous. " Growled Tenchi. Just then Dark Mike entered Maxim's room. " Who the hell are you? " asked Tenchi. Dark Mike replied, " I'm one of PHAW's guys. Tenchi, you wouldn't know what to do with a girl if she landed on your face. You loser! " Tenchi took this very personally. " Yeah I would! Just read the lemons on these sites! " Tenchi replied. Dark Mike looked at the screen. " Hmph, these are just Fucked-up stories done by fucked-up and disturbed perverts. Don't go around thinking yer Dirk Diggler just cause some SEX-CRAZED otaku has a hard on when he thinks up this shit about you. Anyways, Maxim's right! He should be put into one of those there lemons, cause it just isn't fair that in those stories, Tenchi gets all the pussy. Share some pussy Tenchi. You selfish bitch! " said Dark Mike. " Yeah! Let me have sex with the girls sometimes, you little snobby bitch! You're lucky I don't kick yer ass right now! I've got backed-up semen that's about to make my head expode! " snapped Maxim. Silence..... you can hear the sound of a cricket in the background. " I don't wanna let you in on more than you'd like to know about me, but it's just crazy, and I'm talking Jar-Jar Binks crazy. Damn Jar-Jar, I'd gladly go out of retirement, if my target was Jar-Jar Fuckin' Binks! That bastard ruined an awesome movie! It had the best effects, (Next to Matrix), that I've ever seen. But no! They gotta pull a Return of the Jedi on us and show this LSD nigthmare called Jar-Jar Binks. Someone should just kill him! " Screamed Maxim. Silence.... Tenchi grabbed the mouse and scrolled through all the lemons. " Christ! They have me and Sasami fuckin' everywhere! My room, the Carrot Patch, Washuu's lab. God! Why won't they have me screwin' Ayeka, Ryoko, Mihoshi or Kiyone? If they're going to do a porn story with me in it, at least have me making love to someone MY age! " said Tenchi. Maxim looked at Tenchi, " What about Washuu?, he said, Or Tsunami? I'd like to see one with Tsunami! That'd be original. Even Nagi the Female Bounty Hunter! But no! They just get hard I guess reading porn stories involving under-age girls like Sasami. " Tenchi's face paled and his eyes widened, " My god!, he gasped, They even have me fucking Ryo-ohki! " Maxim ran to the bathroom and puking sounds could be heard. Dark Mike looks grossed-out beyond his imagination. " Gensao has a fucked-up site. This is just... just GROSS!! Fuckin' a cabbit? A CABBIT!!! That's... that's just not right. Sasami getting fucked I can handle. She's human, but animal sex? Eck! I can't get the image out of my mind! " screamed Dark Mike. Tenchi scrolled some more " Here's one with Ryoko! This should be good! " announced Tenchi. Minutes later... " That fic sucked! There was no sex! No good stuff! What kind of lemon is this? This is an insult! Ryoko and I only talked perverted! We didn't get down to the good stuff till the end and that wasn't even good! It was like PG-13 sex! " screamed Tenchi. Maxim came back from the bathroom. " Was it good? " he asked. Tenchi showed him the fan fic. Minutes Later.. " That totally, full frontally SUCKED!! I could've gotten more aroused from a Disney flick than this story! If they call it a lemon, then it should have: 1. Really good situations and places where the two are fuckin'. 2. Good interesting story. Need to keep people's interest. 3. Really good description of the sex happening. 4. Sex Talk! " You're right Maxim! The only good ones are the ones with Sasami and it's really hard for me to picture myself having sex with a ten-year old girl. Ryoko I can picture, Ayeka too. But not this shit! " agreed Tenchi. Dark Mike interupted, " This conversation has gone from being angry at Tenchi for made-up Porn stories, Jar-Jar Binks, and now insulting Fan Fic Lemon Writers. Maxim: Before we close I'd like to leave a message to you Lemon Writers, Think about the lemon you're going to type. You need good ideas and inspiration, watch adult videos for good ideas if you can't think up any. Try to include some really good sex scenes with Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washuu, or anyone else besides Sasami. Tenchi: My message is try to stay in character with us characters. I don't all of a sudden know how to make love like an expert. It's me Tenchi, think about the characters you're going to type about. Try to keep that in mind. Dark Mike: Also, try to use more better phrases like " He rubbed her breasts ". Try to use more of a vocabulary while making these. I've read Lemon stories that had no sex in them! That's not a lemon! That's called Regular Fiction. Sasami isn't the hottest character in the show. Okay, she has her own little spin-off based on a bland character in the Time and Space series and is a Sailor Moon rip-off. But let's just remember that Tenchi has a wide, and I mean wide selection of girls to choose from. Make the reasons for fuckin'that certain girl more intelligent or more realistic. Okay? PHAW410653: My message is simple. Make better lemon stories. 70% of the Lemons section has these little annoying things called Limes. Try to do better on the sex stories. Oh and Down at the Carrot Patch was disgusting. It has good wording, and helped make a good image of what was going on in my mind. But Tenchi was fucking a small girl, who probably doesn't know anything about sex or male private parts. Also, I've read alot of Lemons, many are disappointing. There are lemons in that section that should be called Limes. Okay? Okay! Tenchi belongs to Pioneer and other respectable Japanese companies. I don't claim any ownership of any of the Tenchi characters. Just Maxim and Dark Mike since I created them. Hope you enjoyed the story. The word " Fuck" was said 13 or 14 times in this entire story. Also, I like Sasami too, but I don't dream of having sex with her or see her having sex with other characters. That's just disturbing to me.